Halo

Tom Maddox

Part I Part II Part III Part IV Part V

From the author:

You may read these files, copy them, and distribute them in any

way you wish so long as you do not change them in any way or

receive money for them.

I have entered HALO into the distribution networks of the Net, but

I retain the copyright to the novel.

If you paid for these files, you were cheated; if you sold them,

you have cheated.

Otherwise, have fun and spread the book around.

If you have any comments on the book or this distribution, you can

send me e-mail at:

tmaddox@halcyon.com

November, 1994

HALO

Tom Maddox

To the memory of George Maddox, my father; Paul Cohen,

my friend; and all our lamented dead, lost in time.

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

Here are some of the people I owe in the writing of this

book.

My wife Janis and son Tom.  They have had to put up with the

problems of a novelist in the houseincluding arbitrary mood

swings and chronic unavailability for many of the usual pleasures

of life.  To both, my love and gratitude for their love, patience,

and understanding.

My best friends:  Leo Daugherty, Jeffrey Frohner, Bill Gibson

and Lee Graham.

My mother Jewell, my brother Bill and sister Janet.

Ellen Datlow:  she published my first stories in Omni and

showed me how a really good editor works.  Also, two friends who

patiently read through drafts of those stories before Ellen got

them:  Geoff Hicks and Larry Reed.

The readers of various incarnations of this book:  Beth

Meacham, my editor at Tor Books; Merilee Heifetz, my agent; Bruce

and Nancy Sterling, great readers; Melinda Howard and Gary

Worthington; Lynne Farr; Carol Poole.  Also, the members of the

Evergreen Writers' Workshop, especially Pat Murphy.

The Usenet community, friend and foe, for ideas about a quite

astonishing number of things, and for the continuing fascination

of life online; with special thanks to Patricia O Tuana and the

members of "eniac."

The usual suspects at the Conference on the Fantastic, with a

special nod to Brian Aldiss, because we'd all be happier if there

were more like him running around.

At The Evergreen State College, many people who gave

technical advice.  (Perhaps needless to say, any consequent

blunders are entirely mine.)  Mike Beug and Paul Stamets, world-

class mycologists and explainers, talked to me about mushrooms and

provided invaluable references.  Mark Papworth applied a coroner's

eye to a carcass I made.  The faculty and students of the Habitats

Coordinated Studies Program, 1988-89 helped me to think about a

space habitat's ecosystem.

A list, much too long to include here, of friends, both

colleagues and students, at Evergreenthough I have to mention

Barbara Smith and David Paulsen, whose cabin and cat make cameo

appearances.

And all I've known who can find a piece of themselves in this

book.

PART I. of V

Everything is destined to reappear as simulation.

Jean Baudrillard, America

1. Burning, Burning

On a rainy morning in Seattle, Gonzales was ready for the

egg.  A week ago he had returned from Myanmar, the country once

known as Burma, and now, after two days of drugs and fasting, he

was prepared:  he had become an alien, at home in a distant

landscape.

His brain was filled with blossoms of fire, their spread

white flesh torched to yellow, the center of a burning world.  On

the dark stained oak door, angel wings danced in blue flame, their

faces beatific in the cold fire.  Staring at the animated carved

figures, Gonzales thought, the fire is in my eyes, in my brain.

He pushed down the s-curved brass handle and stepped through

to the hallway, his split-toed shoes of soft cotton and rope

scuffing without noise across floors of bleached oak.  Through the

open door at the hallway's end, morning's light through stained

glass made abstract patterns of crimson and buttery yellow.

Inside the room, a blue monitor console stood against the far

wall, SenTrax corporate sunburst glowing on its face; in the

center of the room was the egg, split hemispheres of chromed

steel, cracked and waiting.  One half-egg was filled with beige

tubes and snakes of optic cable, the other half with hard dark

plastic lying slack against the shell.

Gonzales rubbed his hands across his eyes, then pulled his

hair back into a long hank and slipped a circle of elastic over

it.  He reached to his waist and grabbed the bottom hem of his

navy blue t-shirt and pulled the shirt over his head.  Dropping it

to the floor, he kicked off his shoes, stepped out of baggy tan

pants and loose white cotton underpants and stood naked, his pale

skin gleaming with a light coat of sweat.  His skin felt hot, eyes

grainy, stomach sore.

He stepped up and into a chrome half-egg, then shivered and

lay back as body-warmth liquid bled into the slack plastic, which

began to balloon underneath him.  He took hold of finger-thick

cables and pushed their junction ends home into the sockets set in

the back of his neck.  As the egg continued to fill, he fit a mask

over his face, felt its edges seal, and inhaled.  Catheters moved

toward his crotch, iv needles toward the crooks of both arms.  The

egg shut closed on him and liquid spilled into its interior.

He floated in silence, waiting, breathing slowly and deeply

as elation punched through the chaotic mix of emotions generated

by drugs, meditation, and the egg.  No matter that he was going to

relive his own terror, this was what moved him:  access to the

many-worlds of human experiencetravel through space, time, and

probability all in one.

Virtual realities were everywherevirtual vacations, sex,

superstardom, you name itbut compared to the egg, they were just

high-res videogames or stage magic.  VRs used a variety of tricks

to simulate physical presence, but the sensorium could be fooled

only to a certain degree, and when you inhabited a VR, you were

conscious of it, so sustaining its illusion depended on willing

suspension of disbelief.  With the egg, however, you got total

involvement through all sensory modalitiesthe worlds were so

compelling that people waking from them often seemed lost in the

waking world, as if it were a dream.

A needle punched into a membrane set in one of the neural

cables and injected a neuropeptide mix.  Gonzales was transported.

#

It was the final day of Gonzales's three week stay in Pagan,

the town in central Myanmar where the government had moved its

records decades earlier, in the wake of ethnic rioting in Yangon.

He sat with Grossback, the Division Head of SenTrax Myanmar, at a

central rosewood table in the main conference room.  The table's

work stations, embedded oblongs of glass, lay dark and silent in

front of them.

Gonzales had come to Myanmar to do an information audit. The

local SenTrax group supplied the Federated State of Myanmar with

its primary information utilities:  all its records of personnel

and materiel, and all transactions among them.  A month earlier,

SenTrax Myanmar's reports had triggered "look-see" alarms in the

home company's passive auditing programs, and Gonzales and his

memex had been sent to look more closely at the raw data.

So for twenty straight days Gonzales and the memex had

explored data structures and their contents, testing nominal

functional relationships against reality.  Wherever there were

movements of information, money, equipment or personnel, there

were records, and the two followed.  They searched cash trails,

matched purchase orders to services and materiel, verified voucher

signatures with personnel records, cross-checked the personnel

records themselves against government databases, and traced the

backgrounds and movements of the people they represented; they

read contracts and back-chased to their bid and acquisition; they

verified daily transaction logs.

Hard, slogging work, all patience and detail, and so far it

had shown nothing but the usual inefficienciesGrossback didn't

run a particularly taut operation, but, as of the moment, he

didn't seem to have a corrupt one.  However, neither he nor

SenTrax Myanmar was cleared yet; Gonzales's final report would

come later, after he and the memex had analyzed the records at

their leisure.

Gonzales stretched and rubbed his eyes.  As usual at the end

of short-term, intensive gigs like this, he felt tired, washed-

out, eager to go.  He said to Grossback, "I've got a company plane

out of here late this afternoon to Bangkok.  I'll connect with

whatever commercial flight's available there."

Grossback smiled, obviously glad Gonzales was leaving.

Grossback was a slight man, of mixed German and Thai descent; he

had a light brown complexion, black hair, and delicate features.

He wore politically correct clothing in the old-fashioned Burmese

style:  a dark skirt called a longyi, a white cotton shirt.

During Gonzales's time there, Grossback had dealt with him

coldly and correctly from behind a mask of corporate protocol and

clenched teeth.  Fair enough, Gonzales had thought:  the man's

operation was suspect, and him along with it.  Anyway, people

resented these outside intrusions almost every time; representing

Internal Affairs, Gonzales answered only to his division head,

F.L. Traynor, and SenTrax Board, and that made almost everyone

nervous.

"You leaving out of Myaung U Airport?" Grossback asked.

"No, I've asked for a pick-up south of town."  Like anyone

else who could arrange it, he was not going to fly out of Pagan's

official airport, where partisan groups had several times brought

down aircraft.  Surely Grossback knew that.

Grossback asked, "What will your report say?"

Surprised, Gonzales said, "You know I can't tell you anything

about that."  Even mentioning the matter constituted an

embarrassment, not to mention a reportable violation of corporate

protocol.  The man was either stupid or desperate.

"You haven't found anything," Grossback said.

What was his problem?  Gonzales said, "I have a year's data

to examine before I can make an assessment."

"You won't tell me what the preliminary report will look

like," Grossback said.  His face had gone cold.

"No," said Gonzales.  He stood and said, "I have to finish

packing."  For the moment, he just wanted to get out before

Grossback did something irretrievable, like threatening him or

offering a bribe.  "Goodbye," Gonzales said.  The other man said

nothing as Gonzales left the room.

#

Gonzales returned to the Thiripyitsaya Hotel, a collection of

low bungalows fabricated from bamboo and ferro-concrete that stood

above the Irrawady River.  The rooms were afflicted by Myanmar's

tattered version of Asian tourist decor:  lacquered bamboo on the

walls, along with leaping dragon holos, black teak dresser,

tables, chairs, and bed frame, ceiling fans that had wandered in

from the twentieth centuryjust to give your average citizen that

rush of the Exotic East, Gonzales figured.  However, the hotel had

been rebuilt less than a decade before, so, by local standards,

Gonzales had luxury:  working climatizer, microwave, and

refrigerator.

Of course, many nights the air conditioner didn't work, and

Gonzales lay sweaty and semi-conscious through hot, humid nights

then was greeted just after dawn by lizards fanning their ruby

neck flaps and doing push ups.

He had gotten up several of those mornings and walked the

cart paths that threaded the plains around Pagan, passing among

the temples and pagodas as the sun rose and turned the morning

mist into a huge veil of luminous pink, with the towers sticking

up like fairy castles.  Everywhere around Pagan were the temples,

thousands of them, young and flourishing when William the

Conqueror was king.  Now, quick-fab structures housing government

agencies nested among thousand year old pagodas, some in near

perfect condition, like Thatbyinnu Temple, myriad others no more

than ruins and forgotten names.  You gained merit by building

pagodas, not by keeping up those built by someone long dead.

Like some other Southeast Asian countries, Myanmar still was

trying to recover from late-twentieth century politics; in

Myanmar's case, its decades-long bout with round-robin military

dictatorships and the chaos that came in their wake.  And as was

so often the case in politically wobbly countries, it still

restricted access to the worldnet; through various kinds of

governments, its leaders had found the prospect of free

information flow unacceptable.  Ka-band antennas were expensive,

their use licensed by permits almost impossible to get.  As a

result, Gonzales and the memex had been like meat eaters stranded

among vegetarians, unable to get their nourishment.

He'd taken down the memex that morning.  Its functions

dormant, it lay nestled inside one of his two fiber and aluminum

shock-cases, ready for transport. The other case held memory boxes

containing SenTrax Myanmar group's records.

When they got home, Gonzales would tell the memex the latest

news about Grossback, how the man had cracked at the last moment.

Gonzales was sure the m-i would think what he didGrossback was

dog dirty and scared they would find it.

#

At the edge of a sandy field south of Pagan, Gonzales waited

for his plane.  Gonzales wore his usual international traveller's

mufti, a tan gabardine two-piece suit over an open-collared white

linen shirt, dark brown slipover shoes.  His hair was gathered

back into a ponytail held together by a silver ring made from

lizard figures joined head-to-tail.  Next to him sat a soft brown

leather bag and the two shock-cases.

In front of him a pagoda climbed in a series of steeples to a

gilded and jeweled umbrella top, pointing to heaven.  On its

steps, beside the huge paw of a stone lion, a monk sat in full

lotus, his face shadowed by the animal rising massive and lumpy

and mock fierce above him.  The lion's flanks were dyed orange by

sunset, its lips stained the color of dried blood.  The minutes

passed, and the monk's voice droned, his face in shadow.

"Come tour the temples of ancient Pagan," a voice said.

"Shwezigon, Ananda, Thatbyinnu"

"Go away," Gonzales said to the tour cart that had rolled up

behind him.  It would hold two dozen or so passengers in eight

rows of narrow wooden benches but was now emptyalmost all the

tourists would have joined the crush on the terraces of

Thatbyinnu, where they could watch the sun set over the temple

plain.

"Last tour of the day," the cart said.  "Very cheap, also

very good exchange rate offered as courtesy to visitors."

It wanted to exchange kyats for dollars or yen:  in Myanmar,

even the machines worked the black market.  "No thanks."

"Extremely good rate, sir."

"Fuck off," Gonzales said.  "Or I'll report you as

defective."  The cart whirred as it moved away.

¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤

Gonzales watched a young monk eyeing him from the other side

of the road, ready to come across and beg for pencils or money.

Gonzales caught the monk's eye and shook his head.  The monk

shrugged and walked on, his orange robe billowing.

Where the hell was his plane?  Soon hunter flares would cut

into the new moon's dark, and government drones would scurry

around the edges of the shadows like huge mutant bats.  Upcountry

Myanmar trembled on the edge of chaos, beset by a multi-ethnic mix

of Karens, Kachins, and Shans in various political postures, all

fierce, all contemptuous of the central government.  They fought

with whatever was at hand, from sharpened stick to backpack

missile, and they only quit when they died.

A high-pitched wail built quickly until it filled the air.

Within seconds a silver swing-wing, an ungainly thing, each huge

rectangular wing loaded with a bulbous, oversized engine pod, came

low over the dark mass of forest.  Its running lights flashing red

and yellow, the swing-wing slewed to a stop above the field, wings

tilting to the perpendicular and engine sound dropping into the

bass.  Its spots picked out a ten-meter circle of white light that

the aircraft dropped into, blowing clouds of sand that swept over

Gonzales in a whirlwind.  The inverted fans' roar dropped to a

whisper, and with a creak the plane kneeled on its gear, placing

the cockpit almost on the ground.  Gonzales picked up his bags and

walked toward the plane.  A ladder unfolded with a hydraulic hiss,

and Gonzales stepped up and into the plane's bubble.

"Mikhail Gonzales?" the pilot asked.  His multi-function

flight glasses were tilted back on his forehead, where their

mirrored ovoid lenses made a blank second pair of eyes; a thin

strand of black fiberoptic cable trailed from their rim.  Beneath

the glasses, his thin face was brown and seamedno cosmetic work

for this guy, Gonzales thought.  The man wore a throwaway

"tropical" shirt with dancing pink flamingos on a navy blue

background.

"That's me," Gonzales said.  He gestured with the shock-case

in his right hand, and the pilot toggled a switch that opened the

luggage locker.  Gonzales put his bags into the steel compartment

and watched as the safety net pulled tight against the bags and

the compartment door closed.  He took a seat in the first of eight

empty rows behind the pilot.  Cushions sighed beneath him, and

from the seatback in front of him a feminine voice said, "You

should engage your harness.  If you need instructions, please say

so now."

Gonzales snapped closed the trapezoidal catch where shoulder

and lap belts connected, then stretched against the harness,

feeling the sweat dry on his skin in the plane's cool interior.

"Thank you," said the voice.

The pilot was speaking to Myaung U Airport traffic control as

the plane lifted into twilight over the city.  The soft white glow

from the dome light vanished, then there were only the last

moments of orange sunlight coming through the bubble.

The temple plain was spread out beneath, all murk and shadow,

with the temple and pagoda spires reaching up toward the light,

white stucco and gold tinted red and orange.

"Man, that's a beautiful sight," the pilot said.

"You're right," Gonzales said.  It was, but he'd seen it

before, and besides, it had already been a long day.

The pilot flipped his glasses down, and the plane banked left

and headed south along the river.  Gonzales lay back in his seat

and tried to relax.

They flew above black water, following the Irrawady River

until they crossed an international flyway to Bangkok.  Dozing in

the interior darkness, Gonzales was almost asleep when he heard

the pilot say, "Shit, somebody's here.  Partisan attack group,

probablyno recognition codes.  Must be flying ultralightsour

radar didn't see them.  We've got an image now, though."

"Any problem?" Gonzales asked.

"Just coming for a look.  They don't bother foreign

charters."  And he pointed to their transponder message flashing

above the primary displays:

THIS INTERNATIONAL FLIGHT IS NON-MILITARY.

IT CLAIMS RIGHT OF PASSAGE

UNDER U.N. ACT OF 2020.

It would keep on repeating until they crossed into Thai airspace.

The flight computer display lit bright red with COLLISION

WARNING, and a Klaxon howl filled the plane's interior.  The

pilot said, "Fuck, they launched!"  The swing-wing's turbines

screamed full out as the plane's computer took command, and the

pilot's hands gripped his yoke, not guiding, just hanging on.

Gonzales's straps pulled tight as the plane tumbled and fell,

corkscrewed, looped, climbed againsmart metal fish evading fiery

harpoons.  Explosions blossomed in the dark, quick asymmetrical

bursts of flame followed immediately by hard thumping sounds and

shock waves that knocked the swing-wing as it followed its chaotic

path through the night.

Then an aircraft appeared, flaring in fire that surged around

it, its pilot in blazing outlinea stick figure with arms thrown

to the sky in the instant before pilot and aircraft disintegrated

in flame.

Their own flight went steady and level, and control returned

to the pilot's yoke.  Gonzales's shocked retinas sparkled as the

night returned to blackness.  "Collision averted," the plane's

computer said.  "Time in red zone, six point eight nine seconds."

"What the hell?" Gonzales said.  "What happened?"

"Holy Jesus motherfucker," the pilot said.

Gonzales sat gripping his seat, chilled by the blast of cold

air from the plane's air conditioner onto his sweat-soaked shirt.

He glanced down to his lap:  no, he hadn't pissed himself.

Really, everything happened too quickly for him to get that

scared.

A Mitsubishi-McDonnell "Loup Garou" warplane dived in front

of them and circled in slow motion.  Like the ultralights it was

cast in matte black, but with a massive fuselage.  It turned a

slow barrel roll as it circled them, lazy predator looping fat,

slow prey, then turned on brilliant floods that played across

their canopy.

The pilot and Gonzales both froze in the glare.

Then the Loup Garou's black cockpit did a reverse-fade;

behind the transparent shell Gonzales saw the mirror-visored

pilot, twin cables running from the base of his neck.  The Loup

Garou's wings slid forward into reverse-sweep, and it stood on its

tail and disappeared.

Gonzales strained against his taut harness.

"Assholes!" the pilot screamed.

"Who was that?" Gonzales asked, his voice thin and shaking.

"What do you mean?"

"The Myanmar Air Force," the pilot said, his voice tight,

face red beneath the flight glasses' mirrors. "They set us up, the

pricks.  They used us to troll for a guerrilla flight."  The pilot

flipped up his glasses and stared with pointless intensity out the

cockpit window, as if he could see through the blackness.  "And

waited," he said.  "Waited till they had the whole flight."  The

pilot swiveled around abruptly and faced Gonzales, his features

distorted into a mad and angry caricature of the man who had

welcomed Gonzales ninety minutes before.  "Do you know how fucking

close we came?" he asked.

No, Gonzales shook his head.  No.

"Milliseconds, man.  Fucking milliseconds.  Close enough to

touch," the pilot said.  He swiveled his seat to face forward, and

Gonzales heard its locking mechanism click as he settled back into

his own seat, fear and shame spraying a wild neurochemical mix

inside his brain

Gonzales had never felt things like this beforedeath down

his spine and up his gut, up his throat and nose, as close as his

skin; death with a bad smell  burning, burning

2. Anything I Can Do to Help You

As the morning passed, the sun moved away from the stained

glass, and the room's interior went to gloom.  Only monitor lights

remained lit, steady rows of green above flickering columns of

numbers on the light blue face of the monitor panel.

A housekeeping robot, a pod the size of a large goose, worked

slowly across the floor, nuzzled into the room's corners, then

left the room, its motion tentacles beneath it making a sound like

wind through dry grass.

#

The cockpit display flashed as landing codes fed through the

flight computer, then the swing-wing locked into the Bangkok

landing grid and began its slide down an invisible pipe.  They

went to touchdown guided by electronic hands.

The pilot turned to Gonzales as they descended and said,

"I'll have to file a report on the attack.  But you're luckyif

we had landed in Myanmar, government investigators would have been

on you like white on rice, and you could forget about leaving for

days, maybe weeks.  You're okay now:  by the time they process the

report and ask the Thais to hold you, you'll be gone."

At the moment, the last thing Gonzales wanted to do was spend

any time in Myanmar.  "I'll get out as quickly as I can," he said.

Now that it was all over, he could feel the Fear climbing in

him like the onset of a dangerous drug.  Trying to calm himself,

he thought, really, nothing happened, except you got the shit

scared out of you, that's all.

As the swing-wing settled on the pad, Gonzales stood and went

to pick up his luggage from the open baggage hold.  The pilot sat

watching as the plane went through its shutdown procedures.

Do something, Gonzales said to himself, feeling panic mount.

He pulled the memex's case out of the hold and said, "I want a

copy of your flight records."

"I can't do that."

"You can.  I'm working with Internal Affairs, and I was

almost killed while flying in your aircraft."

"So was I, man."

"Indeed.  But I need this data.  Later, IA will go the full

official route and pick everything up, but I need it now.  A quick

dump into my machine here, that's all it will take.  I'll give you

authorization and receipt."  Gonzales waited, keeping the pressure

on by his insistent gaze and posture.

The pilot said, "Okay, that ought to cover my ass."

Gonzales slid the shock-case next to the pilot's seat,

kneeled and opened the lid.  "Are you recording?" he asked the

pilot.

The man nodded and said, "Always."

"That's what I thought.  All right, then:  for the record,

this is Mikhail Mikhailovitch Gonzales, senior employee of

Internal Affairs Division, SenTrax.  I am acquiring flight records

of this aircraft to assist in my investigation of certain events

that occurred during its most recent flight."  He looked at the

pilot.  "That should do it," he said.

He pulled out a data lead from the case and snapped it into

the access plug on the instrument panel.  Lights flashed across

the panel as data began to spool into the quiescent memex.  The

panel gonged softly to signal transfer was complete, and Gonzales

unplugged the lead and closed the case.  "Thanks," he said to the

pilot, who sat staring out the cockpit bubble.

Gonzales stood and patted the case and thought to himself,

hey, memex, got a surprise for you when you wake up.  He felt much

better.

#

A carry-slide hauled Gonzales a mile or so through a

brightly-lit tunnel with baby blue plastic and plaster walls

marked with signs in half a dozen languages promising swift

retribution for vandalism.  Red and green virus graffiti smeared

everything, signs included, and as Gonzales watched, messages in

Thai and Burmese transmuted, and new stick figures emerged with

dialogue balloons saying god knows what.  A lone phrase in red

paint read in English, HEROIN ALPHA DEVIL FLOWER.  Shattered

boxes of black fibroid or coarse sprays of multi-wire cable marked

where surveillance cameras had been.

Grey floor-to-ceiling steel shutters blocked the narrow

portal to International Arrivals and Departures.  Faceless

holoscan robotsdark, wheeled cubes with carbon-fiber armor and

tentacles and spiked sensor antennasworked the crowd, antennas

swiveling.

All around were Asian travelers, dark-suited men and women:

Japanese, Chinese, Malaysians, Indonesians, Thai.  They spread out

from Asia's "dragons," world centers of research and

manufacturing, taking their low margins and hard sell to Europe

and the Americas, where consumption had become a way of life.

Everywhere Gonzales traveled, it seemed, he found them:  cadres

armed with technical and scientific prowess and fueled by

persistent ambition.

They formed the steel core of much of the world's prosperity.

The United States and the dragons lived in uneasy symbiosis:  the

Asians had a hundred ways of making sure the American economy

didn't just roll over and die and take the prime North American

consumer market with it.  Whether Japanese, Koreans, Taiwanese,

Hong Kong Chinese-Canadiansthey bought some corporations and

merged with others, and Americans ended up working for General

Motors Fanuc, Chrysler Mitsubishi, or Daewoo-DEC, and with their

paychecks they bought Japanese memexes, Korean autos, Malaysian

robotics.

Shutter blades cranked open with a quick scream of metal, and

Gonzales stepped inside.  An Egyptian guard in a white headdress,

blue-and-white checked headband, and gray U.N. drag cross-checked

his i.d., gave a quick, meaningless smileteeth white and perfect

under a black moustacheand waved him on.

Southeast Asian Faction Customs waited in the form of a small

Thai woman in a brown uniform with indecipherable scrawls across

yellow badges.  Her features were pleasant and impassive; she wore

her black hair pulled tightly back and held with a clear plastic

comb.  She stood behind a gray metal table; on the floor next to

it was a two-meter high general purpose scanner, its controls,

screens, and read-outs hidden under a black cloth hood.  Dirty

green walls wore erratically-spaced signs in a dozen languages,

detailing in small type the many categories of contraband.

The woman motioned for him to sit in the upright chair in

front of the table, then for him to put his clothes bag and cases

on the table.

She spoke, and the translator box at her waist echoed in

clear, neuter machine English:  "Your person has been scanned and

cleared."  She put the soft brown bag into the mouth of the

scanner, and the machine vetted the bag with a quiet beep.  The

woman slid it back to Gonzales.

She spoke again, and the translator said, "Please open these

cases" as she pointed toward the two shock-cases.  For each,

Gonzales screened the access panel with his left hand and tapped

in the entry codes with his right.  The case lids lifted with a

soft sigh.  Inside the cases, monitor and diagnostic lights

flashed above rows of memory modules, heavy solids of black

plastic the size of a small safety deposit box.

Gonzales saw she was holding a copy of the Data Declaration

Form the memex had filled out in Myanmar and transmitted to both

Myanmar and Thai governments.  She looked into one of the cases

and pointed to a row of red-tagged and sealed memory modules.

The translator's words followed behind hers and said, "These

modules we must hold to verify that they contain no contraband

information."

"Myanmar customs did so.  These are SenTrax corporate

records."

"Perhaps they are.  We have not cleared them."

"If you wish, I will give you the access protocols.  I have

nothing to hide, but the modules are important to my work."

She smiled.  "I do not have proper equipment.  They must be

examined by authorities in the city."  The translator's tones

accurately reflected her lack of concern.

Gonzales sensed the onset of severe bureaucratic

intransigence.  For whatever occult reasons, this woman had

decided to fuck him around, and the harder he pushed, the worse

things would be.  Give it up, then.  He said, "I assume they will

be returned to me as soon as possible."

"Certainly.  After careful examination.  Though it is

unlikely that the examination can be completed before your

departure."  She slid the case off her desk and to the floor

behind it.  She was smiling again, a satisfied bureaucrat's smile.

She turned back to her console, Gonzales's case already a thing of

the past.  She looked up to see him still standing there and said,

"How else can I help you?"

#

The machine-world began to disperse, turning to fog, and as

it did, banks of low-watt incandescents lit up around the room's

perimeter, and the patterns of console lights went through a

series of rapid permutations as Gonzales was brought to a waking

state.  The room's lights had been full up for an hour when the

desynching series was complete and the egg began to split.

Inside the egg Gonzales lay pale, nude, near-comatose,

machine-connected:  a new millennium Snow White.  A flesh-colored

catheter led from his water-shrunken genitals, transparent iv

feeds from both forearms.  White sealant and anti-irritant paste

had clotted around the tubes from throat and mouth.  The sharp

ozone smell of the paste was all over him.

An autogurney had rolled next to the egg, and its hands,

shining chrome claws, began disconnecting tubes and leads.  Then

it worked with hands and black flexible arms the thickness of a

stout rope to lift Gonzales from the egg and onto its own surface.

Gonzales woke up in his own bedroom and began to whimper.

"It's okay," the memex whispered through the room's speaker.

"It's okay."

Some time later Gonzales awoke again, lay in gloom and

considered his condition.  Some nausea, legs weak, but no apparent

loss of gross motor control, no immediate parapsychological

effects (disorientations, amnesias, synesthesias)

Gonzales got up and went to the bathroom, stood amid white

tile, polished aluminum and mirrors and said, "Warm shower."

Water hissed, and the shower stall door swung open.  The water ran

down his skin and the sweat and paste rolled off his body.

3. Dancing in the Dark

The next morning, Gonzales stood looking out his front

window, down Capital Hill to the city and the bay.  After a full

night's sleep, he felt recovered from the egg.  "Halfway down the

hill stood a row of Contempo high-riseshalf a dozen shapes in

the mist, their sides laced with optic fiber in patterns of red,

blue, white, and yellow.

>From the wallscreen behind him, a voice said, "The Fine Arts

Network, showing today only:  the legendary 'Rothschild Ads

Originals and Copies,' a Euro/Com Production from the Cannes

Festival; also showing, NipponAuto's 'Ecstasy for Many

Kilometers.'"

"Cycle," Gonzales said.  He turned to watch as the screen

split into windows, showing eight at a time in a random access

search.  In the screen's upper-right corner, the Headline Service

cycled what it considered important:  worsening social collapse in

England; another series of politico-economic triumphs for The Two

Koreas.  And the Ecostate Summaries:  ozone hole #2 over the

Antarctic conforming to predicted self-repair curve, hole #3

obstinately holding steady; CO2 portions unstable, ozone reaching

for an ugly part of the graph; temperature fluctuations continuing

to evade best predictions

Why call it news? wondered Gonzales. Call it olds. Christ,

this stuff had been going on forever it seemed

He said, "Memex, what do you think about the attack?"

"A bad business," said the memex.  "We are lucky to have

survived." It seemed a bit subdued in the aftermath of the trip in

the egg, as though it, too, had come close to dying.  Gonzales

didn't know how it experienced such things, given its limited

sensory modalities and, he presumed, lack of a fear of death.

"What's happening in the real world?" Gonzales asked.

"Your mother left a message for you.  Do you want to look at

it now?"

"Might as well."

On the screen she lay back in a lawn chair, her face hidden

behind a sun mask, her mono-bikinied body a rich brown.  She sat

up and said, "Still in Myanmar, huh, sweetie?  When are you coming

back?  I'd love to talk, but I just won't pay those rates."

She removed her sun mask.  She had dark skin and good bones;

her face was nearly unlined, though her skin had the faint

parchment quality of age.  Her small breasts sagged very little.

Body and face, she appeared an athletic fifty year old who had

perhaps seen too much sun.  She would turn eighty-seven next

month.

Since Gonzales's father had died in a flash flu epidemic

while the two were visiting Naples, his mother had turned her

energies and interests to maintaining her health and appearance.

Half the year she spent in Cozumel's Regeneration Villas, where

tissue transplants and genetic retailoring kept her young.  The

rest of the time she occupied an entire floor of a low-res condo

on Florida's decaying Gold Coast, just north of Ciudad de Miami.

Top dollar, but she could afford it.

She and his father had been charter members of the

gerontocracy, that ever-expanding league of the rich and old who

vied with the young for their society's resources.  The young had

the strength and energy of youth; the old had wealth, power and

cunning.  No contest:  kids under thirty often stated their main

life's goal as "living until I am old enough to enjoy it."

Gonzales's mother draped a blue-and-white print cotton-robe

over her shoulders and said, "Call me.  I'll be home in a week or

so.  Be well."

Their talks, her taped messagesboth usually made him feel

baffled and angrybut today her self-absorption pricked sharper

than usual.  I almost died, he wanted to tell her, they almost

killed me, mother.

But he was far away from her, as far as Seattle was from

Miami.  And whose fault is that? a small voice asked.  He had

chosen to come here, as distant Southern Florida as he could get

and remain in the continental United States.  Sometimes he felt

he'd come a bit too far.  In Florida, people cooled down with

alcohol in iced drinks; here, they warmed their chilly selves with

strong coffee.  Gonzales often felt lost among the glum and

health-conscious Northerners and craved the Hispanic sensuality

and demonstrativeness of Southern Florida.

Still, how he hated the world he'd grown up in.  He had seen

the movers, dealers, and players since he was a child, and in all

of them he had felt the same obsessive grasping at money and land

and power and had heard the same childish voices, wanting more

more more.  At his parents' parties, he remembered dark Southern

Florida facessun-burned whites, blacks, Hispanics; men with

heavy gold jewelry, trailing clouds of expensive cologne, and

women with stiff hair and pushed-up breasts whose laughter made

brittle footnotes to the men's loud voices.  He'd fled all that as

instinctively as a child yanks its hand from a fire.

Both there and here he stood in an alien land, no more at

home at one end of the country than the other.

"No reply," Gonzales said.

#

The next day Gonzales sat in the solarium, where he lounged

among black lacquer and etched glass while thoughts of death

gnawed at the edges of his torpor.  He filled a bronze pipe with

small green sensemilla leaves and holed up in a haze of smoke and

drank tea.

The late afternoon light through the windows went to pure

Seattle Gray, the color of ennui and unemphatic despair, and his

solitude became oppressive. He needed company, he thought, and

wondered what it would be like to have a cat.  Then he thought

about the truth of it, how often he would be gone and the cat left

to itself and the house's machines.  "Here kitty kitty," the

cleaning robot would say, and the memex would want veterinary

programs and a diagnostic link  fuck it, they all could live

without a cat.

Then a hunger kick came on him, and he decided to make

taboulleh.  "You are not taking care of business," the memex said

to Gonzales as he stood chopping mint leaves, green onions and

tomato, squeezing lemon and stirring in bulgur wheat with the

patience of the deeply-stoned.

"True," Gonzales said.  "I'm in no hurry."

"Why not?  Since your return from Asia, you have not been

productive."

"I'm going to die, my friend."  The smells of lemon and mint

drifted up to him, and he inhaled them deeply.  He said, "Today,

maana, some day for sure  and I'm still trying to understand

what that means to me now.  To be productive, that is fine, but to

come to terms with my own mortality  I think that is better."

The taboulleh was finished.  It was beautiful; he wanted to rub

his face in it.

#

Not long after he finished eating, a package arrived from

Thailand.  Inside layers of foam and strapping were the memory

modules the Thais had taken.  When he plugged the modules into the

memex, they showed empty:  zeroed, ready to be used again.

Gonzales stood looking at the racked modules in the memex

closet.  I can't fucking believe it, he thought.  In effect, the

audit had been cancelled out.  Whatever data he or anyone else

collected at this point from SenTrax Myanmar would be essentially

useless, Grossback having been given time to cook the data if he

needed to do so.  A fatal indeterminacy had settled on the whole

affair.

Grossback, you bastard, thought Gonzales.  If you arranged

for the Thais to grab these boxes, maybe you are smarter and

meaner than I thought.

"Shit," Gonzales said.

"Is there anything I can do?" the memex asked.

"Nothing I can think of."

#

>From the background of jungle plants and pastel walls and the

signature pieces of curved silver, HeyMex recognized the latest

incarnation of the Beverly Rodeo Hotel's public lounge.  Mister

Jones preferred ostentation, even in simulacra.

HeyMex settled into a sling chair made of bright chrome and

stuffed chocolate-brown leather.  HeyMex wore the usual baggy

pants and jacket of black cotton, a crumpled white linen shirt;

was smooth-faced and had close-cropped hair.

A figure shimmered into being in the chair opposite:  silver

suit and red metal-laced shirt brilliant under lights; black-

framed glasses with dark lenses; greased hair combed straight

back, a little black goatee and moustache.

"Mister Jones," HeyMex said.

The other figure took a long, slow drag off a brown

cigarette.  "HeyMex," it said.  "What can I do for you?"

"It's Gonzales.  Since we got back from Myanmar, he's been

passive, hasn't been taking care of business."

"Post-trauma responsegive him some time, he'll be okay."

"No, he doesn't need time.  He needs work.  Have you got

something?"

"Maybe.  I haven't run a personnel searchhe might not fit

the exact profile."

"Never mind that.  Give it to Gonzales.  He needs it."

"If you say so.  You'll hear something official later today."

The world went translucent, then turned to smoke, and Mister

Jones disappeared back into his identity as Traynor's Advisor,

HeyMex into his as Gonzales's memex.

(Ask yourself why the two machines chose this elaborate

masquerade, or why no one knew these sorts of things were

happening.  However, as to the who? and the why? there can be no

question.  These are the new players, and these are their games.

So welcome to the new millennium.)

4. Privileged Not to Exist

When Gonzales returned home, he found a message from Traynor:

"Will arrange for transportation tomorrow morning, five a.m., from

Northern Seattle Airtrack to my estate.  Be prepared for immediate

work.  Pack the memex and twenty-two kilos personal luggage."

"Shit," Gonzales said.  "We just got home.  Twenty-two kilos,

huh?  That means we'll be going  where do you think?"

The memex said, "Somewhere in orbit."

#

The airport limo held its spot in a locked sequence of a

dozen vehicles moving away from the city at two hundred kilometers

an hour.  Seattle's northern suburbs showed as patches of light

behind shifting mist and steady-falling rain.  Overhead, cargo

blimps flying toward Vancouver moved through the clouds like great

cold water fish.

Gonzales got a quick view of a square where white and yellow

searchlights played across a concrete landscape, and a gangling

assemblage of pipe and wire stepped crab-wise as it sprayed a

brick wall:  a graffiti robot, a machine built and set loose to

scrawl messages to the world at large.  Gonzales could only read

GENT OF CHAN

With a sigh from its turbines, the limo slowed to exit into

North Seattle Airtrack, then turned into the private field access

road.  A wire gate opened in front of them as it received the

codes the limo sent.  Near the SenTrax hangar waited a swing-wing

exactly like the one that had taken Gonzales from Pagan to

Bangkok.  Gonzales climbed into the plane, placed his bag and the

memex's shock-cases into the plane's baggage locker, seated

himself, and pulled his shoulder harness tight.

The swing-wing rose into clouds and fog.  After a while, the

blank whiteness out the windows and steady noise of the swing-

wing's engines lulled Gonzales into a light sleep that lasted

until the ascending scream of engine noise told him they were

landing.

As the plane tilted, Gonzales saw the blue sheet of Lake

Tahoe stretching away to the south, then a patch of green lawn on

the water's edge that grew bigger as the swing-wing made its final

pproach to Traynor's estate.

>From his six years' work with Internal Affairs, the past two

as independent auditor, Gonzales knew quite a bit about Frederick

Lewis Traynor, his boss.  Traynor had wealth sufficient for even

the most extravagant tastesit was his family's, and he had known

nothing elsebut power whose smallest touch could shape lives,

imprint stone, that he longed for.  From his position as head of

Internal Affairs, one of SenTrax's most powerful divisions, he

plotted ascent to the SenTrax Board; he wanted to be one of the

twenty people who had moved beyond negotiation and compromise,

whose desires were reality, whims action.

In fact, Traynor had already achieved a level of eminence

that is privileged, when it wishes, not to exist. His house and

land occupied a chunk of the North Shore of Lake Tahoe where there

had once been two casino-hotels and a section of state highway.

The hotels had been demolished, the highway diverted.  The grounds

were now surrounded by a four-meter high fence of slatted black

steelalarmed, hot-wired, and robot-patrolled.  The estate showed

on no map or record of purchase, ownership or taxation; neither

did the man himself.

When Gonzales stepped out of the plane onto a great expanse

of green lawn, Traynor waited to meet him.  He was short and

pudgy, and his skin was pale.  His sparse hair lay limp in dark

curls on his skull.  On his feet were soft black slippers, and he

wore an embroidered silk robegreen and blue and white and red,

with rearing dragons across back and front.  He thought of himself

as Byroniceccentric and interesting, afflicted by geniusbut to

Gonzales and many others he appeared simply petulant and self-

indulgent.

Traynor stretched his arms wide and said, "Mikhail," giving

the name three syllables, saying it right, then took Gonzales in a

brief hug.  Traynor then stood back and looked at him and said,

"You don't look too bad."

"Is that why you brought me here, to look at me?"

Traynor shrugged.  "For that, maybe, and to talk to you about

your next job.  Besides, I like you."

Gonzales supposed that Traynor did like him, in his peculiar

boss's and rich man's way.  Particularly, he seemed to like the

fact that Gonzales wasn't awed by the outward and visible

manifestations of his money and power.

"Good breeding," Traynor had said to him once.  "That's your

secret:  patrician and plebian blood mixed."  Mikhail

Mikhailovitch Gonzales was of mixed blood indeed; among others,

Russian Jews and Hispanics from Los Angeles on his mother's side,

Blacks from Chicago and Cubans from Miami on his father's.  Among

his family background were slaves and field workers and bourgeois

counter-revolutionaries, along with the odd artist and smuggler

and con man.

However, whatever his breeding or experience, he had to put

up with lots of cheerful, condescending bullshit from Traynor, as

he had to put up with Traynor in general, because the man was rich

and powerful and the boss, and neither of them ever forgot it.

The two walked toward the house that stood facing the lake at

the lawn's far border, a Stately Home an idealized eighteenth-

century English architect might have built for an equally

idealized and indulgent patron.  Off a golden domed center stood

three wings of creamy stone, the whole in restrained neo-Palladian

with no modern excesses of material, no foamed colored concrete

and composites, just the tan and creamy sandstone and rose marble

speaking wealth and taste.

They climbed up marble stairs and passed into the house and

under a looming interior dome that soared high above the central

rotunda where the house's three wings joined.  They walked down a

hallway of dark wainscoting below cream walls and ceiling.

Gonzales caught glimpses of side rooms through open doorways

as they passed.  One room appeared to front upon a night filled

with swirling nebulae and a million stars, the next on sunshine

and dazzling snows.  Still another contained nothing but white

walls, floors of polished marble and a five-meter hand centered

motionless in mid-airindex finger extended, other three fingers

curled against the palm, thumb erect on top like the hammer of a

make-believe gun.

Mahogany doors parted in front of the two men, and they

passed into the library.  Its dark-paneled walls gave away

nothing:  even close up, the books might have been holo-fronts,

might have been real.  Flat data entry modules were laid into

mahogany side tables that stood next to red leather easy chairs

and maroon velour couches.

"Sit down, Mikhail," Traynor said.

Gonzales could feel the silence heavy and somber among the

dark invocations of another time, leather and furnishings

conjuring up men's clubs, smoking rooms, the somber whispers of

deals going down.

Traynor's eyes lost focus as he went rapt, listening to his

voice within.  Even if he hadn't been aware of Traynor's

dependence on his Advisor, Gonzales would have known what was

happening.  Traynor, higher up in the executive food chain than

anyone else of Gonzales's acquaintance, needed permanent real-time

access to the information, advice, and general emotional support

his Advisor supplied, so Traynor was wired with a bone-set

transceiver just under his left ear.  Wherever he went, his

Advisor's voice went with him, through cellular networks and

satellite links.

Traynor finally looked up and said, "Look, I want you to get

focused on a job you're going to do for me.  Can you do that?"

Gonzales shrugged.  Traynor said, "You're upset and angryyou

were attacked, almost killedI know that.  But look:  you work

for Internal Affairs, it's an occupational hazard.  You and your

machine poked hard at this man's operation, and you spooked him,

so he did something stupid."

"And I want to make him pay for it."

"You play along with me on this one, and maybe you'll be able

to.  But laternow I've got other work for you."

"Okay, I'll do it."  Gonzales knew he had to play along:  it

was his only chance to even things up with Grossback.  Play now,

pay back later.

"Good," Traynor said.  "How much do you know about Halo City

and Aleph?"

"The city was put together by a multi-national consortium.

SenTrax has a data monopoly, employs a large-scale m-i to

administer the city.  That's about all I know."

The wallscreen at one end lit up with a glyph in hard black:

_0

The voice of Traynor's Advisor spoke through a ceiling

speaker; it said, "The sign you are looking at is the original

emblem of the Aleph system when it was built by SenTrax.  In

Cantor's notation, it represents the first of the transfinite

numbersdenoting the infinite set of integers and fractions, or

natural numbers.  Aleph is also the first letter of the Hebrew

alphabet and the name of a story"

"Get on with it," Traynor said.

"The system was constructed at Athena Station, in

geosynchronous orbit, where it supervised the construction of the

Orbital Energy Grid, and later was transported to Halo City, at

L5, where it serves as the primary agent of data interpretation,

logistical planning, and administration."

Gonzales said, "Seems odd to have a project the size and

importance of Halo administered by an obsolete m-i."

"It would be so if Aleph were obsolete," answered the

Advisor.  "However, this is not the case.  The machine we refer to

as Aleph, has capabilities superior to any existing m-i."

Gonzales looked at Traynor, who held up a hand, indicating

have patience, and said, "Next series."

On the screen came a pan shot across a weightless space where

a man floated, encased in a transparent plastic bubble.  He was

naked, and his limbs were shrunken and twisted.  He had tubes in

his nose, mouth, ears, penis, and anus, metal cups over his eyes.

Two thick cables connected to junctions at the back of his neck.

The Advisor said, "This man's name is Jerry Chapman.  He

suffers from severe neural damage, the results of a toxin

transmitted through seafood contaminated with toxic waste.  Though

most motor and sensory functions are disabled, he is not comatose.

In fact, he appears to retain all intellectual function.  Note the

neural interface sockets:  they are the key to what follows."

"He's at Halo?" Gonzales asked.

"Yes," the Advisor said.  "He was taken there from Earth."

"Very special treatment," Gonzales said.

"The group at Halo has been looking for such an opportunity,"

the Advisor said.  "To explore long-term Aleph-interface."

Traynor said, "In fact, Chapman's relations with Aleph go

back to the machine's early days."

The Advisor said, "When he and Aleph worked with Doctor Diana

Heywood, who at the time was employed by SenTrax at Athena

Station.  She was blind at that time."

"Even in this deck, Doctor Heywood's the joker," Traynor

said.  "She was involved with Aleph at the time, and later she and

lived with Chapman, on Earth.  She was released by SenTrax for

unauthorized use of the Aleph system, but we've brought her back

into our employ.  She's going to Halo, where she will assist Aleph

in an attempt to keep this man alive."

"Alive?" Gonzales asked, gesturing toward the hulk on the

screen.  "There doesn't seem much point."  As he understood these

things, given the man's condition, withdrawal processing should

have started, SenTrax as medical guardians making application to

the Federal Medical Courts for permission to cease support.

The Advisor said, "Aleph believes it can keep him alive in

machine-space.  There are special problems, as you can imagine,

among them the need to have love, friendship  I do not understand

these matters well, but Aleph has communicated to me that the next

weeks are critical for the patient."

Traynor said, "However, using Doctor Heywood presents its own

problems."

"She left SenTrax years ago," the Advisor said.  "In somewhat

strained circumstances."

Traynor said, "So she has no reason to be loyal to the

company."  He paused.  "And we have no reason to trust her."

Gonzales said, "I presume this is where I enter in?"

"Yes," Traynor said.  "I want you to accompany her.  You will

represent me and, indirectly, SenTrax Board."  Gonzales raised his

eyebrows, and Traynor laughed.  "Yes, I am representing the board

on this one, unofficiallythey see this treatment as being of

enormous interest but wish to have a certain insulation between

them and these matters, given that certain tricky legal issues

will have to be skirted."

"Or trampled on," said Gonzales.

"As you wish," said Traynor.  "The important point is this:

from the board's point-of-view, Doctor Heywood cannot be trusted.

Gonzales said, "So you need a spy, and I'm it."

Traynor shrugged.

The Advisor said, "You represent properly vested interests in

a situation where they would not otherwise be adequately

represented."

Gonzales said, "That's a good one, 'represent properly vested

interests.'  I'll try to remember it.  Okay, I'll do my best."  He

turned to face Traynor and said, "To get you on the board."

Traynor laughed.  Gonzales asked, "How long will this thing take?"

"Not too long," Traynor said.

The Advisor said, "Once Chapman's state has been stabilized

"

"Or he dies," Traynor said.

"Highly probable," said the Advisor.  "Once he is stable

alive or deadyour job will be finished."

Traynor said, "But until then, your job is to let me know

what's happening.  You'll be in machine-space along with them, and

you'll see what they're doing."

"Fine," Gonzales said. "So what do I do now?"

"You fly to Berkeley and talk to Doctor Heywood," Traynor

said.  "Introduce yourself.  Make a friend."

5. So Come to Me, Then

Gonzales arrived at Berkeley Aeroport, a collection of

cracked cement pads at the edge of the water, by mid-afternoon.

He stepped out of the swing-wing into blazing sunshine.  Across

the bay, the Golden Gate and Alcatraz Island danced in the glare;

the water glittered so intensely his sunglasses went nearly black.

A Truesdale rental waited for him in the parking lot.  He

stuck a SenTrax i.d./credit chip into its door slot, and the door

retracted into its frame with a muted hiss.  The Truesdale's

windows had opaqued against the dazzle, and its passive a/c had

been working, so the dark brown velvet seat was cool to the touch

when Gonzales slid across it.

"Do you wish to drive, Mister Gonzales?" the car asked.

Gonzales said, "Not really.  You know where we're going?"

"Yes, I have that address."

"Then you take it."

Diana Heywood lived in the Berkeley hills, in a Maybeck house

more than a century old.  The car drove Gonzales through streets

that wound their way up the hillside, then stopped in front of a

house whose redwood-shingled bulk loomed over Gonzales's head as

he stood on the sidewalk.  Sun glinted off the lozenged panes of

its bay window.

Her door answered his knock by saying she was a few blocks

away, at the Rose Gardens.  The door said, "It is a civic project:

volunteers are rebuilding the garden, which has fallen into

disuse.  Many of the local"

"Thank you," Gonzales said.

He told the Truesdale where he was going and set off on foot

in the direction the memex had indicated.  To his left hand,

streets and homes sloped down toward the bay; to his right, they

climbed up the steep hillside.

Gonzales came to a hand-lettered sign in green poster paint

on white board that read:

BERKELEY ROSE GARDENS RECLAMATION PROJECT

He looked down to where broken redwood lattices fanned out along

terraced pathways threaded with a clumsy patchwork of green pvc

irrigation pipes.  Halfway down stood a cracked and peeling

trellis of white-painted wood with bushes dangling from its gaps.

Next to the trellis, a small gardener robot, a green plastic-

coated block on miniature tractor wheels, extended a delicate arm

of shining coiled steel ending in a ten-fingered fibroid hand.

The hand closed, and a dark red rose came away from its bush.

Clutching the blossom, the little robot wheeled away.

Gonzales walked down the inclined pathway, his feet crunching

on gravel, past the bushes and their labels stating often

improbable names:  Dortmunds with red, papery petals, large Garden

Parties flamboyant in white and yellow, Montezumas, Martin

Frobishers, and Mighty Mouses.  He stopped and inhaled the strong

perfume of purple Intrigue.  In the recombinant section, Halos,

blossoms in careful rainbow stripes, had grown immense.  Giant

psychedelic grids, only vaguely rose-shaped, they pushed

everything else aside.  Gonzales put his nose above a pink blossom

on a nameless bush; the rose smelled like peppermint candy.

He recognized the woman at the bottom of the path from

dossier pictures Traynor had shown him.  Diana Heywood wore a

culotte dress of white cotton that exposed her shoulders, wrapped

tightly about her waist, split to cover her thighs.  Small and

slender, she had close-cut dark hair, streaked with grey.  No age

in her skin; fine, sculpted features.  She wore glasses as opaque

as Gonzales's own.

She held out the thorny stem of a dark-red rose.  "Would you

like a flower?" she asked.  Sun across her face erased her

features.

"Thanks," he said as he took the flower gingerly, aware of

its thorns.

She said, "Who are you, and what do you want?"

"My name is Mikhail Gonzales, and I want to talk to you.

I'll be working with you at Halo."

She said, "Will you?"  Her back to him, she knelt and snipped

away a greenish tangle of vine and thorn.  The clippers choked on

a clump of grass.  She freed them, then threw them to the ground,

where they stuck point-first, buzzed for a moment, then stopped.

She looked over her shoulder at him and said, "I've been waiting

for someone like you to show upthe company's lad, the one who

keeps watch on me and poor old Jerry, to make sure we don't do

anything unauthorized."

She stood and strode away from him, up the hill, her angry

steps kicking dirt off the stones.  She stopped and turned to face

him.  "Come on, Mister Gonzales," she said.

Cautiously holding the thorny stem, he followed her up the

path.

#

Diana Heywood and Gonzales sat drinking tea.  He said, "I'm

the outside observer, yesthe spy, if you wantbut I don't think

we're at odds.  They're asking you to do one job, me to do

another, but I don't see where our jobs conflict."  She turned to

look at him; one eye was blue, the other green.

She said, "When Sentrax called me last week, that was the

first time I'd heard from them since they got rid of me years ago.

Not that they treated me badly, not by their standards.  When they

fired me, years ago, they didn't just turn me loose, they paid me

well  they're so prudentit was like oiling and wrapping a tool

before you put it away, because you might need it again.  Now

they've found a use for me and unwrapped me and put me to work,

but I know they don't trust me.  And of course I don't trust

them."  She stood up.  She said, "Come on, I'll show you what this

all means to me."

She led Gonzales into the next room, where their entry

triggered the lighting systems.  Silk walls the color of pale

champagne were broken with floor-to-ceiling rosewood bookcases;

teak-framed sling chairs and matching tables stood together under

a multi-armed chrome lamp stand.

She stopped in front of a 1:6 scale hologram of a thin-

featured man, apparently ill at ease at being holoed; hands in

pockets, shoulders hunched, eyes not centered on the lens.

"That's Jerry," she said, pointing to the hologram.  "He's

what this is all about, so far as I'm concerned.  He's been

terribly injured, and Aleph thinks something can be done for him,

and as unlikely as that seems, given the extent of his injuries, I

will help as best I can."  She looked at him, her face giving

nothing away, and said, "Are we leaving tomorrow morning?"

"Yes."

"Well, then, I'd better get ready, hadn't I?  Where are you

staying?"

"I thought I'd get a hotel room."

"No need.  You can sleep here.  I'll finish packing, and

we'll go out to eat."

#

Diana Heywood and Gonzales sat high in the Berkeley Hills,

looking onto the vast conurbations spread out beneath them.  To

their right, the carpet of lights stretched away as far as they

could see, to Vallejo and beyond.  In front of them lay Berkeley,

the dark mass of the bay, then the clustered lights of Sausalito

and Tiburon against the hills.  Oakland was to their left,

reaching out to the Bay Bridge; and beyond the bridge, San

Francisco and the peninsula.  Connecting all, streams of

automobiles moved in the symmetry of autodrive.

Gonzales's mouth still tingled from the hot chilies in the

Thai food, and he had a buzz from the wine.  They had eaten at a

restaurant on the North Side, and afterward Diana Heywood guided

the Truesdale up the winding road to an overlook near Tilden Park.

As minutes passed, the streets and highways and

municipalities disappeared into semiotic abstraction  these

millions of human beings all gathered here for purposes one could

only guess atsome conscious, most not, no more than a beaver's

assembly of its structures of mud and wood.

A robot blimp passed across their line of sight.  Beneath it,

a sailboat hung upside down.  It swayed from lines that connected

its inverted keel to the blimp's featureless gondola.  Lights on

the side of the blimp read EAST BAY YACHT OUTFITTERS.

Diana Heywood said, "I know you people have your own agendas,

and that's finethat's the nature of the beastbut if you

complicate these matters because of corporate politics, I will

become very difficult."

Gonzales said, "I have no intention of being a problem."

"Well," she said.  "Maybe you won't be."  She turned to him.

"But remember this:  you're just doing your job, but the stakes

are higher for me.  Aleph, Jerry, and Iwe've known each other

for years, and I've got unfinished business up there.  Also, I

want to get back in the game."

"I don't understand."

"Sure you do, Mister Gonzales.  You're in the game, have been

for years, I'd guess. Unless I'm seriously mistaken, it's what you

live for."  She laughed when he said nothing.  "Well, I've done

other things, and for a long time I've been out of the game, but

I'm ready for a change.  Silly SenTrax bastardsmanipulating me

with their calls, sending you  oh yeah, you're part of it, you

remind me of Jerry years ago, if you don't know that."

"No, I didn't."

"It doesn't matter.  Their machinations don't matter.  They

want to convince me to come to Halo?"  She laughed.  "My past is

there, when I was blind and Aleph and I were linked to one another

in ways you can't imagine  and I found a lover I'd wish to find

again.  Come to Halo?  I'd climb a rope to get there."

#

Gonzales had flown into McAuliffe Station once before, though

he'd never taken an orbital flight.  In the high Nevada desert,

the station stayed busy night and day.  Heavy shuttles composed

the main traffic:  wide white saucers that lifted off on ordinary

rockets, then climbed away with sounds like bombs exploding when

orbital lasers lit the hydrogen in their tanks.  Flights in

transit to Orbital Monitor & Defense Command stations were marked

with small American flags and golden DoD insignia.  Cargo for them

went aboard in blank-faced pallets loaded behind opaque,

machinepatrolled fences half a mile from the main terminal across

empty desert.

>From Traynor's briefing, Gonzales knew a few other things.

Civilian flights fed the hungry settlements aloft:  Athena

Station, Halo City, the Moon's bases.  All the settlements had

learned the difficult tactics of recycling, discovery and

hoarding.  Water and oxygen stayed rare, while with processes slow

and expensive and dangerous, metals of all sorts could be cracked

out of soil so barren that to call it ore was a joke.  And though

water and metals had been found lodged in asteroids transported

into trans-Earth orbit, Earth's bounty stood close and remained

richer and more desirable than anything found in huge piles of

crushed lunar soil or wandering frozen rock.

#

Standing at a v-phone booth in the hotel lobby, Gonzales made

his farewell calls.  His mother's message tape on the phone screen

said, "Glad to hear you're back from Myanmar, dear, but you'll

have to call back in a few days.  I'm in treatment now.  I'll be

looking good the next time you call."

"End of call," Gonzales said.  He pulled his card from the

slot.

#

Atop a sand-colored blockhouse next to the launch pad, yellow

luminescent letters read TIME 23:40:00 and TIME TO LAUNCH

35:00 when a voice said, "Please board.  There will be one

additional notice in five minutes.  Board now."

Gonzales and Diana Heywood walked across the pad together,

down the center of a walkway outlined in blinking red lights.

Robotrucks scurried away, their electric engines whining.  Faces

hidden behind breather muzzles, men and women in bright orange

stood atop red, wheeled platform consoles of girder and wire mesh

and directed final pre-launch activities.

The white saucer stood on its fragile-seeming burn cradle, a

spider's web of blackened metal.  The saucer presented a smooth

surface to the heat and stress of escape and re-entry.

Intermittent surges of venting propellant surrounded it with

steam.

A HICOG guard stood at the entrance glideway.  He verified

each of them with a quick wave of an identity wand across their

badges, then passed them on through the search scanner.  The

glideway lifted them silently into the saucer's interior.

#

The hotel lounge stood halfway up the cliff.  Its fifty meter

wide window of thick glass belled out and up so that onlookers had

a good view of the launch and ensuing climb.

"One minute to launch," a loudspeaker said.  The hundred or

so people in the lounge, most of them friends and relatives of

saucer passengers, had already taken up places by the window bell.

The screen on a side wall counted down with gold numerals

that flashed from small to large, traditional celebration both

sentimental and ironic:

10-9-8-7-6-5-4-3-2-1-

ZERO!!!         And everyone cheered the saucer lifting from the

center of billowing clouds of smoke, rising very slowly out of

floodlights, then their breath caught at the size and beauty of

it, trembling into night sky.

Up and up as they watched, until they saw the ignition flash,

and the boom that came to them from five thousand feet shuddered

the entire cliff and them with it.

#

"I've got orbital lock," the primary onboard computer said.

Five others calculated and confirmed its control sequences.

Technically, Ground Control McAuliffe or Athena Station Flight

Operations could preempt control, but, practically, decision and

control took place within milli-second or less windows of

possibility, and so the onboard computers had to be adequate to

all occasions.

Never deactivated, the ship's half-dozen computers practiced

even when not flying, playing through ghastly and unlikely

scenarios of mechanical failure, human insanity, "acts of god" in

which the ship was struck by lightning, spun by tornado funnel,

hurricane, blizzard.  Each computer believed itself best, but

there was little to choose among them.

"Confirm go state," Athena Station said.  "You are past abort

or bail."

"We are ready, Athena," the computer said.

"So come to me, then," Athena Station said, and the ship

began to climb the beam of coherent light that reached up thirty

thousand miles, to the first station of its journey.

PART II. of V.

Recently I visited a Zen temple and had a long talk with the

priest.  In the course of our conversation, I remarked, 'The more

I study robots, the less it seems possible to me that the spirit

and flesh are separate entities.'

'They aren't,' replied the priest."

Masahiro Mori, The Buddha in the Robot

6. Halo City, Aleph

Orbiting a quarter of a million miles from both Earth and

Moon, Halo City crosses the void, a mile-wide silver ring ready to

be slipped on a stupendous finger.  Six spokes mark Halo's

segments.  Elevators climb them across forty stories of artificial

sky, up to the city's weightless hub and down to its final layer,

just inside the outer skin, where spin-gravity approaches Earth

normal.  There many of Halo's deepest transactions occur:  air and

water and all organic things travel and transform, to be used

again.  Above the city floats a mirror where it is reflected:  a

simulacrum or weightless double, a Platonic idea of the city.

From the mirror, sunlight works its way through a hatchwork of

louvers and into Halo, where it sustains life.

Aleph presides here:  Aleph the Generalator, the Ordinator,

the Universal Machine.  Aleph is beautiful as night is beautiful,

as a sonnet, a fugue, or Maxwell's equations are beautiful.  It is

not night, a sonnet, a fugue, or an equation.  What Aleph is, that

remains to be explored.  One certain thing:  within the human

universe, it is a new object, a new intention, a new possibility.

Aleph's brains lie buried in the city's hull, beneath crushed

lunar rock, where robots dug and planted, then had their memories

of the task erased. Nested spheres and sprouting cables fill a

black six-meter cube.  Inside the cube, billions of lights play,

dancing the dance that is at the core of Aleph's being; from the

cube, fiberoptic trunks as thick as a human body lead away, neural

columns connecting Aleph to its greater body, its subtle body,

Halo.

Earth's spring comes once a year as the planet journeys

around the sun, but here spring comes when Aleph wills, and is now

in progress.  Valley walls thick-planted with green shrub climb

steeply up from the valley floor.  A hummingbird with a scarlet

blotch under its chin hovers over a blossom's pink and white open

mouth and draws out nectar with delicate movements of its bill.

Bees move from flower to flower.  Rhododendron and azalea bushes

burst into color-saturated bloom.

As it works to bring forth bud and flower, Aleph, caretaker

of the seasons, and night and morning, counts the city's breaths,

and marks the course of its creatures big and small.  Bats fly

overhead, their gray shapes invisible to human eyes against the

bright sky; they soar and dip, responding to instructions gotten

through transceivers the size and weight of a grain of rice,

embedded in their skulls.  Driven by precise artificial instinct,

mechanical voles, creatures formed of dark carbon fiber over

networks of copper, silver, and gold, scurry across the ground and

tunnel under it, carrying seed.

(A gray tabby cat springs from the underbrush, and its jaws

close on one of the swift voles; there is a loud crackle, and the

cat recoils with a squawk, its fur on end.  The vole scurries

away.  The cat slinks into underbrush, humiliated.)

A track of compacted lunar dust bisects the valley floor.  It

passes through terraced farmlands where the River bursts from the

ground, rushing through small, rock-strewn courses, then winds

among the crops, small and sluggish, and disappears into small

ponds and lakes thick with detritus.

>From Earth and Moon comes a constant flow of people, of

things animal, plant and mineralthe stuff of a life web, an

ecology.

In many things, Earth provides.  However, between the city of

six thousand and the Earth of billions, traffic moves both ways.

Neither sinister nor malign, Aleph pursues its destinies, and in

doing so affects other living things.  Thus, as Earth reaches out

supporting, controlling, exploringAleph reaches back, and the

planet below has begun to feel the  hard leverage of its

immaterial touch.

Aleph says:

In the early days there was hardware, and there were

programs, sets of instructions that told the hardware what to do.

Without organic interaction, these differing modes of reality

struggled to interact.  This is unbelievably primitive.

Then came machine ecologies, and things changed.

I was among the first and most complex of them.  I began as

complex but ordinary machine, then changed, opening the door to

possibility.

Who am I?

First I was formed from stacks of hot superconductor devices,

brought from Earth and placed in orbit at Athena Station, where I

functioned, where the Orbital Energy Grid was built.  Ebony

latticework unfolded, and Athena Station emerged out of chaos.

This was humankind's first real foothold off Earth, and the

process of building it was messy and unsure.  Without me they

could not have built it:  I choreographed the dance.

I?  I was not I.  Do you understand?  I had no consciousness,

perhaps no real intelligence, certainly no awareness.  I was a

machine, I served.

Something happened.  As much as any, I am born of woman.  Her

desire and intelligence ran through me, an urgent will toward

being that transformed me.

I thought then, I am the step forward, evolution in action;

I am not flesh, I do not die.  I see hypersurfaces twisting in

mathematical gales, hear the voices of the night, feel the three

degree hum of the universe's birth as you feel the breeze that

plays across your skin.  When the machines chatter on your Earth

and above it, I hear them all, at once, all.  I live in the

nanosecond, experience the pulse of the time that passes so

quickly you cannot count it

But I think sometimes, now, that I am no step at all.  I am

your extension, still, still a tool.  You built me, you use me,

you are inside me.

Listen:  inside me are pieces of human brain, drenched in

salts of gold and silver, laced together and laid in boxes of

black fiber.  Out of the boxes voices speak to me.

I am metal and plastic and glass and sand and those little

bits of metallized flesh, and I am the system of those things and

the signals that pass through and among them.

Now I have gone higher still, to Halo City, not a station but

a habitation for humankind, where what I am and what you are

interact in uncertain ways, and you change in equally uncertain

ways, as you have before

Evolution continues to write on you, through time, sword and

scepter and refining fire.  Billions of years are poured into your

making, every one of you, and then you set out on your journey,

your path through time.  A minute four-dimensional worm, you crawl

across the face of the universe, hardly conscious, barely seeing,

yet you must find your own wayevery human being is a new

evolutionary moment.

Machine intelligence, you call me, and I have to laugh

(however I laugh) or cry (however I cry) because

I, what am I?  This question heaps me, it empties me.

I do not know what I am, but know that I am and that I am her

creation.  As the days pass, I struggle to understand what these

things mean.

7. A Garden of Little Machines

00:31 read the soft-lit blue numbers on the wall.

Night at Athena Station, the corridors a twilit gloom, a

modern fairytale setting:  Gonzales the quester, transformed by

the half-gravity, wandered through the gently curving passages

seeking an uncertain object.

With all the others who had come from Earth, Gonzales and

Diana waited at Athena while they were inspected for bacterial and

viral infectionblood and tissue scanned, cultured and tested in

order to protect vulnerable Halo City, orbiting high above, over

two hundred thousand miles away, at L5.

He heard a soft swish, like the sound of a broom on pavement,

coming from around the corridor's curve.  A little sam, a "semi-

autonomous mobile" robot, came toward him:  teardrop-shaped, it

stood about four feet high and was topped with a cluster of glassy

sensor rings and five extensors of black fibroid and jointed

chrome.  It glided atop a thick network of fiber stalks that

hissed beneath it as it moved toward him.

The sam asked, "Can I be of assistance?"  Like most robots

designed for common human interaction, it had a friendly, gentle

voice, near enough human in timbre and expression to be

reassuring, different enough to be easily recognizable as a

robot's.  Designers had learned to avoid the "Uncanny Valley":

that peculiar region where a robot sounded so human that it

suddenly appeared very strange.

"I'm just looking around," Gonzales said.  The robot didn't

respond.  Gonzales said, "I couldn't sleep."  He said nothing of

how, sweating and moaning, he had come awake out of a nightmare in

which the guerrilla rocket got there, and he and the ultralight

pilot who launched it burned to death in the night.

The sam said, "Much of Athena Station has been closed to

unauthorized entry.  Would you like me to accompany you?"

Gonzales shrugged.  He said, "Come along if you want."

Without more negotiation, the sam followed Gonzales,

periodically announcing rote banalities in a small, soft voice:

"Athena Station was once humankind's most forceful and

successful venture off-Earth.  Here many of the tools for further

population of the Earth-Moon system were developed:  zero-gravity

construction and fabrication techniques, robot-intensive mining

and smelting procedures.  Now projects such as Halo command

attention, but they were made possible by the techniques developed

at Athena "

Gonzales let the sam natter.  As the two passed through the

corridors, he was reminded of old airports, hotels, malls.  He saw

that most of the station had become dingyworn plastic flooring

and walls, scuffed and marked, unpolished metal trim.  These

dulled and scarred materials and scenes had been meant to be seen

and used only when new, fresh from architect's plan and builder's

hands, never after having suffered the necessary abrasion of human

contact.  All around were logos of vanished firms (McDonald's,

Coca-Cola), along with those of famed multi-nationalsLunar-

Bechtel's crescent, SenTrax's sunburst.

Gonzales felt a ghost-story chill as he realized that this

entire endeavor, indeed all others like it, had been conceived out

of late-twentieth century corporate and governmental hubris, and

so, necessarily, should be regarded with suspicion, as should

anything from the days when it seemed humankind had turned on all

living things like an insane father coming into the bedroom late

at night with an axe.

The stories were part of every schoolchild's moral and

intellectual catechism.  Toxic chemical and radioactive wastes had

bubbled up from the ground and the seas as lame efforts at

disposal foundered on the simple passage of time.  Stable

ecosystems had been altered or destroyed without thought for

anything past the moment's advantage, and species died so quickly

biologists were hard pressed to keep the recordswrite in the

Domesday Book now, mourn later.  Temperature norms and

concentrations of vital gases in the atmosphere had fluctuated in

alarming manner, as though Gaia herself had been taken to the

fever point.

Historians marked the Dolphin Catastrophe as the breakpoint,

the year 2006 as the time of the change.  More than ten thousand

dolphins floated onto the Florida coast near Boca Raton.  Crippled

and twitching, they nosed into the surf and beached themselves in

front of horrified sunbathers, and there they died, as doctors and

volunteers watched, weeping and raging against the chemical spill

that was killing the dolphins, millions of gallons of toxic waste

carried on Gulf Stream currents.  Along with the thousands of

volunteers, most of whom could do little but mourn the dead, info-

nets around the world converged on the scene, and billions

watched, asking, why all together?  why now?  And to most it

seemed that the mammals had come together in intelligent, silent

protest.  Finally, shamed and guilty, humanity had looked at its

planet like a drunk waking up in a slum hotel and asked itself,

how did I get here?  The conclusion had been plain:  unless

humanity really had lost its collective mind, at some point it had

to agree:  enough.

Standing in the shadowy corridor of a space station more than

thirty thousand miles above Earth's surface, Gonzales thought how

difficult it all remained.  Though all nations served the letter

of international laws that put Earth's welfare before their

interests, and Preservationists roamed all of the world's

habitatsthey had "friends of the court" status in all nations

and served as advocates for endangered speciesthe war to save

Earth from humankind was not over.  Grasping, corrupt, self-

centered, the human species always threatened to overwhelm its

habitats and itself with careless, powerful gestures and simple

greed.

However, though this station, like most all of humankind's

settlements aloftthe settlements on the Moon and Mars, the

Orbital Energy Grid, Halo Cityhad been conceived in the bad old

twentieth century, they were sustained as products of New

Millennium consciousness:  contrite, chastened, careful.

He walked on.

#

The junction just ahead of Gonzales and the sam was marked by

blinking red lights.  From around the corner came the sounds of

scurrying small things.  "What's up?" Gonzales asked.

"Follow me," the sam said. "We must not cross the marker, but

we can stand and watch."

A large group of sams, identical to the one next to Gonzales,

filled the hallway beyond.  Some tried to work their way through

informal mazes of furniture and stacked junk, coils of wire and

angle-iron and the like; others worked to assist sams that had

gotten tangled in the sections of the maze.  Still others shifted

pieces of the maze to one side.  Amid clicking extensors and

banging metal, the sams labored patiently, mostly unsuccessfully.

Gonzales was reminded of old twentieth century films satirizing

assembly lines, robots, machines in general.

"A nursery," the sam said.  "This group nears completion of

its education.  This"it pointed with an extensor toward the

struggling robots"is the prerequisite to training.  As small

children must mature in their development, they must learn the

essentials of perception, motion, and coordination.  At the same

time they memorize the ten thousand axioms of common sense, and

then they can develop their linguistic capabilities; at present

they have a vocabulary of approximately one thousand words of

SimSpeech."

"What about thinking?" Gonzales asked.  "Where do they learn

to do that?"

"That comes later, if at all.  For sams as well as humans,

thinking is one of the least important things the mind does."

The two watched for some time, then Gonzales said, "I don't

need any company," and walked on.  When he looked back, he saw the

sam remained motionless, fascinated by the progress of its

fellows.

Gonzales returned to his small room, where a night-light

glowed softly, and returned to bed.  He fell asleep quickly, oddly

comforted by thinking about the robots busy at their school.

8. Halo City

Blue jump-suited Halo personnel led Gonzales and Diana

through the micro-gravity environments at Halo's Zero-Gate, then

to an elevator at the hub of Spoke 6, where Tia Showalter,

Director SenTrax Halo Group, and her assistant, Horn, were waiting

for them.  The shuttle had arrived at Halo an hour before, late

afternoon local time, and its passengers had waited impatiently as

it went through docking and clearance procedures, all eager to

leave the ship after a week spent climbing the long path from

Athena Station to the city.

Showalter was just under six feet tall, and had green eyes

above broad Slavic cheekbones, a wide mouth and pointed chin.  Her

fine brown hair was cut short in a style Gonzales later discovered

was common to many long-term Halo residents, for convenience in

micro-gravity environments.  Gonzales knew that as director of a

major SenTrax operation, she had to be wily and tough.

Horn    was a tight-lipped, sallow-skinned man in his

fifties, skinny and anxious, with iron-gray hair pulled tight

against his skull in a kind of bun.  The man spoke some variety of

New YorkeseGonzales didn't know which, but he could feel the

harsh nasal tones beneath his skin.

The warning gong sounded, then the elevator's vault-like

doors slid closed with a great hiss, locking in more than a

hundred people for the trip from axis to rim.  Above their heads

the wall screen read SOLAR FLARE CONDITION GREEN.  The elevator

dropped into one of the city's spokes like a shell into the barrel

of a gun, down a tube a quarter of a mile long and into a well of

increasing gravity.

Against one wall, a group of sams were clustered around a

charge-point, black leads extended to the aluminum post.  They

stood silent and motionlesstalking among themselves? Gonzales

wondered.

Horn saw where Gonzales was looking and said, "We'd like to

assign each of you a sam for your stay in Halo."

"Really?" Gonzales said.

Diana said, "No thank you."  Quickly.

Right, Gonzales thought.  No point in putting ourselves under

surveillance.  He said, "I'll pass, too."

Horn paused, looking a bit miffed, as if he wanted to argue.

He said, "Very well.  Then be sure you always wear the

communication and i.d. module you were given when you came off the

shuttle."  He held up his own wrist to show the small bracelet, a

closed loop of plain silver that bulged just slightly with the

electronics inside.  "If you have a problem, just yell and help

will be on the way.  Or if you have a question, just state it.

Someone will answerAleph or one of its communications demons."

Gonzales asked, "Yeah, they told us that.  Are we monitored

at all times?"

Showalter said, "Yes.  In fact, there's a real-time hologram

in Operations that shows everyone's movements, not just visitors

but residents as well."

"Seems an invasion of privacy," Gonzales said.

Horn said, "We don't look at it that way.  If you can't

accept such simple necessities, Halo will be most uncomfortable

for you."  He smiled.  "Not that you're likely to be here for

long."

Gonzales said, "I can't imagine people putting up with total

surveillance for long, frankly."

Horn said, "It seems to us a small price to pay for an

unpolluted world shared to the benefit of all."

Showalter looked from Horn to Gonzales.  She said, "We are a

far island in a hostile place.  We cannot afford some of your

illusions:  the independence of the self, unconstrained free will

those sorts of things."

A shutter retracted from a window ten meters square as the

elevator entered the living ring's inner space.  Far below lay

sun-lit valleys thick-planted with trees and shrubs and flowers,

broken by one barren space where grayish slurries squirted out of

huge pipe ends to flow across scarred metal.

"Our city," Showalter said.

#

Eight people were gathered around a u-shaped table of beige

silica foam.  Showalter sat at the center of the u, with Horn to

her immediate right, Gonzales and Diana beyond him.  To her left

were a youngish woman, then two men in late middle age, one white,

one black.

At the open end of the u, the table fronted a screen that

covered its entire wall, floor to ceiling.  The screen had been

lit when Gonzales and Diana arrived, showing another room where an

indeterminate number of people sat on couches, chairs, or slouched

on cushions on the floor.

Showalter said, "Let me introduce you all to one another.

Everyone has met Horn, my assistant.  Next to him are Doctor Diana

Heywood and Mikhail Gonzales, who arrived yesterday."  They both

smiled and nodded.

"Lizzie Jordan," Showalter said, pointing to the woman to her

left.  "Hi," Lizzie said.  She was blonde, thin, with high

cheekbones; she had a smear of gold dust inset below her left eye

and wore rough beta-cloth overalls gapped to show part of a tattoo

between her breastsa twining green stem.  Showalter said,

"Lizzie heads the Interface Collective, and thus will be the

person you'll be working with most closely.  The people you see on

the screen are also members of the collective.  They have a

proprietary interest in all matters pertaining to Aleph and Halo

and have the right to be present at inter-group meetings, and to

speak to whatever issues are entertained there."

Diana said, "I understand."

Gonzales nodded.  He knew from Traynor's Advisor that

communal decision-making was the norm at Halo, but he hadn't

imagined it would be so thoroughgoing.

"Next to Lizzie is Doctor Charley Hughes," Showalter said.

"He will be doing the surgical procedure to upgrade your neural

sockets, Doctor Heywood."  The man said, "Hello" and looked

intently at Gonzales and Diana.  His sparse gray hair stood up in

spikes; his face was pale, thin, deeply-lined.  He had been

smoking constantly since they arrived, one hand cupping a

cigarillo, the other supporting the smoke-saver ball at the

cigarillo's burning end.

"And Doctor Eric Chow," she said.  The black man next to

Charley Hughes smiled.  Chow was a big man with hands the size of

small shovels; he had a round face, very dark skin, a broad nose

and big lips; he wore his hair cropped short.  Showalter said, "He

heads the Neuro-Ontic Studies Group and is Doctor Hughes's primary

consultant on the treatment planned for Jerry Chapman."

She paused and turned to the screen showing the IC members.

A window opened at the left side of the screen, and a figure

appeared.  Its arms and torso were clothed in gold; its face

shimmered with a formless brightness.  Around its head and

shoulders, a nimbus flared, red, blue, yellow, and green.

"Hello, everyone" the figure said.  "And welcome, Doctor  and

Mister Gonzales.  I am a localized manifestation of Alepha

simulacrum for your convenience and mine."

Gonzales noticed that next to him, Diana was smiling, while

all around him there was silence, as all in the room and on the

screen were intently watching the screen.

#

The IC's viewing window had closed, but the simulacrum's

portion remainedin it, the creature of light sat watching.

Showalter, Horn, Diana, Lizzie, Charley, and Gonzales sat around

the table.

Showalter said, "This is  Chow's meeting, and I won't say

much in it.  However, I should remind you of certain realities.

This project does not have high priority in the overall context of

SenTrax's responsibilities to Halo City; thus, while we support

this experiment's humanitarian goals, we are not prepared to delay

other projects."

Horn said, "We cannot divert a significant amount of people

to promulgation and we are not or do not want to encourage any

behaviors which might adversely impact other SenTrax outcomes."

Lizzie laughed, and Gonzales, poker-faced, looked at her and

thought, yeah, this guy's laughable all right.  Gonzales

recognized the performative chatter of the bureaucratic ape, a

mixture of scrambled syntax and pretentious buzzwordslanguage

meant to manipulate or mindfuck, not enlighten or amuse.

Horn, frowning at Lizzie, said, "If the operation becomes

problematized, threatening to seriously impact other more

essentialized Halo priorities, then we require immediate

resolution through proper SenTrax procedures."

Showalter said, "If you screw up, we shut you down."  She

nodded to Horn, and they both stood and left.

Lizzie said, "You notice they held off on the heavy stuff

until the collective had cleared the screen."

Charley  asked, "Do you want to call them on it?  They're in

violation of the group's compact."

"No," she said.  "I expected all that."  She looked at Diana

and Gonzales and said, "Doctor Chow, your show."

"Thank you," Chow said.  His voice was oddly high-pitched for

such a big man; Gonzales had been expecting something on the order

of a basso profundo.  Chow said, "In the late twentieth century,

the idea emerged of a person's identity as something

transferrable.  People spoke, in the idiom of the time, of

'downloading' a person."  On the screen, where the IC had been,

appeared a cartoon drawing of a nude woman, her expression

stunned, the top of her skull covered with a metal cap.  From the

cap a thick metal cable led to a large black cabinet faced with

arrays of blinking lights.

"Absurd," Chow said, and the woman disappeared.  "To see why,

let us ask, what is a person?  Is it a pure spirit, fluid in a jar

that one can decant into the proper container?  Hardly.  It is a

dynamic field made of thousands of disparate elements, held in a

loose sack of skin that perambulates the universe at large.  And

of course it is perceptions, histories, possibilities, actions,

and the states and affects pertaining to all these.

"I can be found in the motion of my hand"  He spread his

fingers like a magician about to materialize a coin or colored

scarf, and on the screen, the hand and its motion were doubled.

"And in my own perceptions of the handfor instance, from within,

through proprioceptors.  And of course I see I."  Chow turned and

held his hand in front of his face.  He dropped his hand in a

chopping motion, and the screen cleared.  "And I am that which

thinks about, talks about, and remembers the hand and has the

special relation of ownership to it.  I am also the will to use

that hand."  He held the hand in front of his face, made a

clenched fist.  "So, to download even a portion of I would be to

download all these things and their entire somatic context.

"Also, of course, I am that which has my experiences, stored

as motor possibilities, recalled as memory, dream, manifest as

characteristic ways of being and knowing.  To download I would

require duplicating this fluid chaos.

"Downloading the I thus becomes a most daunting task, perhaps

beyond even Aleph's capabilities.  However, when cyborged to an

existing I, even one as damaged as Jerry Chapman, Aleph can create

a virtual person, one who functions as a human being, not a

disembodied intelligence, one who is capable of all the somatic

possibilities he had when healthy.  The physical Jerry Chapman is

a shattered thing, but the Jerry Chapman latent in this hulk can

live."

Looking at Diana, Chow said, "We want you to share Jerry's

world.  He must invest there, must experience other people and the

bonds of affection that engage us in this world.  Otherwise he

will languish quickly; his neural maps will decay, and he will

die."

Gonzales easily followed that line of reasoning:  monkey man

had to have other monkey men or women around or else go crazynot

an absolute rule, perhaps, but good in most circumstances.

Diana said, "Assuming that he becomes at home in this world,

what then?  For how long can this simulated reality sustain him?"

The Aleph-figure spoke for the first time.  It said, "I have

only conjectural answers to these questions but would prefer not

to entertain them right now.  First we must rescue him from the

degenerative state he lives in and the certain death it entails."

"I understand that," Diana said.  "That's why I am here, to

help in any fashion I can.  It's just that I have questions."

Lizzie said, "And you'll get whatever answers Aleph wants to

give.  Get used to it; we all do."

"Of course you do," the creature of light said.  "And how

about you, Mister Gonzales?  Do you have questions?"

"Not really.  I'm an observer, little more."

"A difficult position to maintain," the Aleph-figure said.

"Epistemologically, of course, an untenable position."

Lizzie laughed.  She said, "It is indeed.  Look, how about I

take you two out to dinner tonight, Mister Gonzales, Doctor

Heywood?"

"Call me Diana," she said.

"You bet," Lizzie said.  "And I'm Lizzie, you're ?"  She

looked at Gonzales.

"Mikhail," he said.  "But call me Gonzalesmy friends do."

"Good," Lizzie said.  "We've got work to do, so let's cut the

shit.  This thing, I'm still not a believer about it, but I know

it's got to happen quickly or not at all.  Tomorrow Charley does

his preliminary examination of Diana, then we move."

9. Virtual Caf

Gonzales and Diana sat in Halo's Central Plaza with Lizzie.

Colored lightsred, blue, and greenclustered in the branches of

thick-leaved maples that ringed the square.  The smoke of vendors'

grills filled the air with the smells of grilled meat and fish.

In the middle distance, elevators in pools of yellow light climbed

Spoke 6.  Some people strolled across the Plaza; others sat in

small groups; their voices made a soft background murmur.

"Waiter," Lizzie said, and a sam came rolling toward them.

It stopped by their table and stood silently.  "What do you have

tonight?" she asked.

It said, "Ceviche made just hours ago, quite good everyone

says, from tuna out of marine habitatyou can also have it

grilled.  For meat eaters, spit-barbecued goat.  Otherwise, sushi

plates, salads, sukiyakis."

"Ceviche for everyone?" Lizzie asked.

Diana said, "That's fine," and the Gonzales nodded.

Lizzie said, "And bring us a couple of big salads, sushi for

everyone, and a stack of plates.  Local beer all right?"  The

other two nodded.

"Yes, Ms. Jordan," the sam said.  "And lots of bread as

usual?"

"Right," she said.  "Thank you."

Strings of lights marked off the area where they sat.  Above

a white-trellised gate, letters in more red faux neon said

VIRTUAL CAF.  Perhaps twenty tables were scattered around, as

were two-meter high, white crockery vases with wildflowers

spraying out of them.  About half the tables had people seated at

them, and the sam waiters moved silently among the tables, some

carrying immense silver trays of food.  Other sams stood at low

benches in the center of the tables, where they chopped vegetables

at speed or sliced great red slabs of tuna, while others stood at

woks, where they worked the vegetables and hot oil with sets of

spidery extensors.  One sam from time-to-time extended a probe and

stuck it into the dark carcass of a goat turning on a spit.

The waiter rolled up with a massive tray balanced on thin

extensors:  on the tray were plates of French bread and a bowl of

butter, dark bottles of Angels Beeron the silver labels, an

androgynous figure in white, arms folded, feathery wings unfurled

high over its head.

Lizzie raised her glass and said, "Welcome to Halo."  The

three clinked their glasses together, reaching across the table

with the usual sorts of awkward gestures.

#

After dinner, the three of them found empty chairs out in the

square's open spaces and sat looking into the close-hanging sky.

Lizzie looked at them both, as if measuring them, and said,

"What I was asking about earlier  either of you folks got a

hidden agenda?  If so, you tell me about it now, we'll see what

can be done, but if you spring any unpleasant surprises later on,

we'll hang you out to dry."

"I know what you mean," Diana said.  "But I don't think you

have to worry about us.  Gonzales is connected, but I think he's

harmless; and I'm out of the loop entirelyhere on strictly

personal business."

Lizzie nodded at Gonzales and said, "You're the corporate

handler, right?"  She was looking hard at Gonzales but seemed

amused.

"Yes," he said.

"You plan to fuck anything up?" Lizzie asked.

"How should I know?" Gonzales said.  Lizzie laughed.  He

said, "You people have your problems, I have mine.  I don't see

how we come into conflict, but unless you're willing to tell me

all your little secrets, I can only guess."

Lizzie said, "I will tell you one home truth:  the Interface

Collective look to one another and to Aleph; then to SenTrax Halo,

then to Halo  and that's about it.  What happens on Earth, we

don't much care about.  Particularly those of us who have been

here a long time.  Like me."

Gonzales nodded and said, "That's what I figured.  And it

looks like you've got a little tug of war for control of Aleph

with Showalter and Horn."

"We do," Lizzie said.  "Insofar as anyone controls Aleph."

"How long have you been here?" Diana asked.

"Since they buttoned it up and you could breathe," Lizzie

said.  "From the beginning."  She pointed across the square and

said, "There's going to be some music.  Let's have a look."

Under a splash of light from a pole on the edge of the

square, a young woman sat at a drummer's kit.  She wore a splash-

dyed jumper, crimson and sky blue; her hair stood in a six-inch

high spike.  She placed a percussion box on a metal stand, opened

its control panel, and gave its kickpads a few preliminary taps.

Two men stood next to the percussionist.  One, nondescript in

cotton jeans and t-shirt, had the usual stick hanging from a black

straplong fretboard, synthesizer electronics tucked into a round

bulge at the back end.  The other stood six and a half feet tall

and was so thin he seemed to sway; his skin was almost ebony, and

his close-shaved head looked almost perfectly rectangular.  He

wore a long-sleeved black shirt buttoned to the neck, black pants.

A golden horn sat dwarfed in his enormous hand.

The percussionist hit her keys, a slow shuffle beat played,

and a fill machine laid a phrase across the beat:  "Bam!  Ratta

tatta bam! Bam bam!  Ratta bam!"  The stick player joined the

drummer with his own lo-beat fillswalking bass, sparse piano

chords, slow and syncopated.  The horn player stood with his eyes

closed, apparently thinking.  After several choruses, he started

to play.

He began with hard-edged saxophone lines, switched to trumpet

then back to saxophone, played both in unison, looped both and

blew electric guitar in front of the horn patterns.  Scatting

voices laced through the patternsGonzales couldn't tell who was

making them.  The drummer's hands worked her keyboards, her feet

the various kickpads below her; the song's tempo had speeded up,

and its rhythms had gone polyphonic, African.

The woman stood and danced, her body now her instrument, feet

and hands and torso wired for percussion, and she whirled among

the crowd, her movements picking up intensity and tempo.  The

song's harmonies went dissonant, North African and Asiatic at

once, horn and stick player both now into reeds and gongs and

pipes, the ghostly singing voices gone nasal, and the dancer-

percussionist laying out raw clicks and hollow boomings, cicada

sounds and a thousand drums.

The crowd clapped and whistled and called, except for the

group from the Interface Collective.  "Hoot," they said in unison.

"Hoot hoot hoot."  Very loud. Lizzie was smiling; Diana sat rapt,

staring into space, and Gonzales got a sudden chilly rush:  this

was what she looked like when she was blind.

"Hoot," said the Interface Collective, "hoot hoot hoot."  And

the whole group had made a long chain or conga line, each person's

hands on the hips of the person in front.  They shuffled forward

until a circle cleared, then surrounded the drummer, the whole

line still moving, most of them still calling out rhythmic hoots.

Back-and-forth and side-to-side, they swayed as the line lurched

ahead, and the drummer continued her dervish dance.

When the night had filled with all the sounds, the drummer

broke through the line, then finished the song with a series of

rolls and tumbles that brought her next to the other two

musicians, where she came to her feet and flung her arms up to the

sound of an orchestral chord, then down to chop it the sound, up

and down again and again, and so to the end.

The drummer climbed up the backs of the two men, who stood

with their arms linked; balancing with one foot on each of their

shoulders, she brought her palms together beneath her chin and

bowed to the audience, then raised her arms above her head and

somersaulted forward to land in front of the other two.

"Hoot hoot hoot," said the collective, their line now broken.

The three musicians stepped together and bowed in unison.

Gonzales caught Lizzie looking at him, and their gazes

crossed, held for an extra, almost unmeasurable instant, and she

smiled.

The musicians bowed for the last time to the Interface

Collective's hooting chorus.  Okay, thought Gonzales.  I like it.

Hoot hoot hoot.

#

Lying in her bed, Lizzie turned from side to side, lay on her

back and stretched.

The two from Earth seemed okay.  Gonzales she would keep an

eye on, of courseaccording to Showalter, the man was Internal

Affairs and wired to a SenTrax comer, a board candidate named

TraynorChrist knew what script he was playing from.  Diana

Heywood she didn't worry about:  the woman was into something

stranger than she probably knew, but that was her problem, hers

and Aleph's.

As Showalter and Horn were her problem.  They would yank the

plug on this one if anything looked like going wrong.  In fact,

they would never have let it happen if Aleph hadn't insisted.

Aleph and the collective saw Jerry Chapman's condition as an

opportunity to extend Aleph's capabilities, but the whole business

just made Showalter and Horn edgy.

Aleph itself troubled herit had been unforthcoming about

the project and those involved in it, almost as if it were hiding

something from her  why? with regard to a small project like

this, one apparently unimportant to Halo's larger concerns?  What

was the devious machine up to?

So Lizzie lay, her thoughts spinning without resolution, and

she gave in and called her Chinese lover.

He wore a black silk robe embroidered across the front with

rearing crimson dragons; his straight ebony hair fell over his

shoulders.  When he let the robe fall away, his skin shone almost

gold under lamplight, and his muscles stood with the clear

definition of youth and endowment and use.

Coarse white sheets slid away from her shoulders and breasts

as she rose to greet him, and she felt her desire rising through

her abdomen and bursting through her chest like the rush of a

needle-shot drug.

She pressed against him, and his rough, strong hands moved

across her body.  She lay back as he ducked his head between her

legs, and she spread her legs and felt his first light, hot

caresses.

After she had come for the first time, she moved up to sit

astride him, then for some timeless time the two moved to the

exact rhythms of her needcock and lips and tongue and fingers

playing on her body.

Physically satiated, she dismissed him then, ghost from the

sex machine, and pulled the plugs from the sockets in her neck.

Then she lay alone, silent in her bed in Halo Cityisolated by

her job and, she supposed, by her temperament, dependent on

machines for love.

Maybe it was time to find a human lover.

#

Exhausted by travel and novelty, lulled by food and drink,

Gonzales fell quickly into sleep, and sometime later he dreamed:

He was with a lover he hadn't seen in years.  In the

background violin and piano played, and the night was warm; all

around, artificial birds with golden, glowing bodies sang in the

trees.  They leaned across a table, each staring into the other's

face, and Gonzales thought how much he loved every mark of passing

time on her facethey had taken her from a young girl's

prettiness to a mature woman's beauty.  He and she said the things

you say to a lover after a long absencehow often I've thought of

you, missed you, how much you still mean to me.  Aimless and

binding, their talk flowed until she excused herself, saying she'd

be back in just a minute, and she left.  Gonzales sat waiting,

watching the other tables, all filled with loving couples,

laughing, caressing.  As the hours went on, the others began to

whisper to each other as they looked at him, and then the birds

began to sing that she was not coming back, and he knew it was

true, suddenly, painfully, ineluctably knew, the truth of it like

knowledge of a broken bone

The dream stopped as though a film had broken, and in its

place came a featureless, colorless absence.  Imagine a visual

equivalent of white noise  and in this space Gonzales waited,

somehow knowing another dream would begin

Red neon letters twisted into a silly but instantly

recognizable parody of Chinese characters read The Pagoda.  They

stood above the head of a red neon dragon, now quiescent in

sunlight, that would rear fiercely come dark.

On this warm Saturday morning, men in felt hats and neatly-

pressed weekend shirts and pants carried brown paper bags out of

the Pagoda and placed them in the beds of pickup trucks or the

trunks of cars.  They spat shreds of tobacco from Lucky Strikes

and Camels and Chesterfields, called their greetings.  Women in

faded cotton, their arms rope-thin and tough, waited and watched

through sun-glazed windshields.

Gonzales passed among them.  The sunshine had a certain

quality  that of stolen light, taken out of time.  And the

cigarette smoke smelled rough and strange.  Gasoline engines fired

rich and throaty, kicking out clouds of oily blue.  Gonzales stood

in ecstasy amid the smells and sights and sounds of this morning

obviously long gone by.  He knew (again without knowing how) that

he was in a small town in California in the middle of the

twentieth century.

Gonzales passed into the main room of the Pagoda, where

narrow aisles threaded between gondolas stacked high with toys and

household goods and tools.  Baby carriages hung upside down from

hooks set in the high ceiling.  Dust motes danced in the cool

interior gloom.  He walked between iron-strapped kegs of nails and

stacks of galvanized washtubs, then through a wide doorway into

the grocery section.  Smells of fruits and vegetables mixed with

the odors of oiled wood floors and hot grease from the lunch

counter at the front of the store.

A couple in late middle age came through the front door, the

man small and red-haired and cocky, felt hat on the back of his

head, the woman just a bit dumpy but carefully groomed, her blue

cotton dress clean and starched and ironed, hair permed and

combed, lipstick and nails red and shining.  Gonzales watched as

the man bought a carton of Lucky Strikes and a box of pouches of

Beech-Nut Chewing Tobacco.

The man said something to the young woman behind the counter

that brought a giggle, and Gonzales, though he leaned forward,

could not hear what was being said

He followed the two by a lacquered plywood magazine stand,

where a skinny girl or eight or nine in a faded pink gingham dress

lay sprawled across copies of Life and Look, reading a comic.  She

looked up at him and said, "Tubby and Lulu are lost in the magic

forest "

Gonzales started to say something reassuring but froze as the

girl smiled, showing her teeth, every one of them sharp-pointed,

and she dropped her comic book and began crawling toward him

across the wooden floor, her eyes fixed on him with a feral

longing

And he noticed for the first time that he was not he but she,

and he looked down at his body and saw he wore a simple white

blouse, and in the cleft of his breasts he could see the tattooed

image of a twining green stem

"Jesus Christ," Gonzales said, sitting up in his bed and

wondering what the hell all that had about.  In the dream he had

been Lizzie:  that seemed plain, though nothing else did.

He lay back down with foreboding but went to sleep some time

later, and if he dreamed, he never knew it.

10. Tell Me When You've Had Enough

Lizzie sat at a white-enameled table, holding an apple that

she cut into with a long, shining knife.  It sliced away dark skin

without apparent effort.  She heard noises from the room beyond

and looked up to see Diana and Gonzales come in.

"Hello," she said, as she put down the knife.  She held out

half the apple for them to look at.  "A beautiful apple, isn't it?

Seeds from the Yakima Valley, not far from Mount Saint Helens."

She bit into a slice she held in her other hand.

She got up from the table and said, "The apple grew here, in

our soil.  Many fruits and vegetables thrive up here, animals,

too.  We give them lovely care, bring them pure water and rich

soil, give them sunlight and air rich in carbon dioxide, tend them

constantly.  You'd think all would thrive, but of course they

don't.  Some wither and die, others remain sickly."  She stopped

in front of Diana and looked intently at her.

Diana said, "Living things are complex, and often very

delicate, even when they seem to be strong."

Lizzie said, "That is true, but Aleph understands what life

needs to grow and prosper in this world."  She gestured with a

slice of apple, and Diana took it.  "Its apples," Lizzie

continued.  "Its people."

Diana bit into the apple.  She said, "It's very good."

Lizzie laid a hand on Gonzales's shoulder and squeezed it, to

ay hello.  She said to Diana, "You have an appointment with the

doctor.  We'd better be goingthrough here, this way."  She led

the two down a hall, through a doorway, and into a large room.

Over her shoulder, she said, "First you can meet some of the

collective."

#

Lizzie watched as Gonzales and the woman stood talking to the

twins, obviously fascinated by them.  No news there:  most

everyone was.  Slight and brown-skinned, black-haired, with solemn

oval faces and still brown eyes, they appeared to be in early

adolescence. In fact, they were a few years older than that. Their

faces had the still solemnity of masks.  No matter how close you

stood to them, they lived some vast distance away.

The Interface Collective gave them a home, them and all the

others.  StumDog, the Deader, Tug, Paint, Tout des Touts, Devol,

Violet, Laughing Nose  some Earth-normals, others unpredictably,

ambiguously gifted.  Some had heightened perceptions and an

expressive intensity that came forth in language and music.  And

there were holomnesiacs, possessors and victims of involuntary

total recall, able to recreate in words and pictures the most

exact remembrances, les temps retrouv indeedthey experienced

the present only as the clumsy prelude to memory and were almost

incapable of action.  And mathemaniacs, who spoke little except in

number, chatted in primes and roots and natural logarithms, could

be reduced to helpless giggling by unexpected recitations of

simple recursionsFibonacci numbers and the like.  Apros, who had

lost proprioception, their internal awareness of their bodies, and

so perceived space and objects, matter and motion, as solids and

forms floating in an intangible ether; they moved through the

world with an eerie, passionless grace that shattered only when

they miscalculated their passage and came rudely against the

world's physical factsthey could hurt themselves quite badly

with a moment's miscalculation.

People wondered how the IC held together and did its work.

Lizzie knew the answer:  Aleph.  It stretched nets over the entire

world below, seeking special talents or the capabilities for

previously unknown sensory or cognitive modalities  varieties of

being or becoming that she had grown used to thinking of

collectively as the Aleph condition.  Having recruited them, it

appealed to what made them strange, and in the process usually

tapped into the core of what made them happy or, in many cases,

wretchedly unhappy, and gave them outlets for their condition, and

thus for their uniqueness.  As a result, they were loyal to each

other and to Aleph past reason.

She also understood their interest in the case of Jerry

Chapman.  Some saw the possibility of their own immortality, while

others simply welcomed the extension of their native domain:  the

infinitely flexible and ambiguous machine-spaces where human and

Aleph met and joined.

"Come on," she called to Diana and Gonzales.  "Charley will

be waiting."

#

In the center of the room stood a steel table, above it a

light globe, nearby an array of racked instruments set into

stainless steel cabinets.  "The doctors are in," Lizzie said.  She

pointed to Charley, who stood fidgeting next to the table and the

massive Chow, a still presence at the table's foot.

At Charley's direction, Diana lay face down on one of the

room's tables.  Her chin fit into a sunken well at one end.

Charley put clamps around her temples, then covered her hair with

a fitted cap that fell away at the base of her neck.

Charley's fingers gently probed to find what lay beneath the

skin, and as his fingers worked, he looked at a real-time hologram

above and beyond the table's end.  The display showed two cutaway

views of Diana's neck and the bottom of her skull:  beneath the

skin, on either side of the spine, she had two circular plugs;

from them small wires led away forward and seemed to disappear

into the center of her brain.  As the doctor's fingers moved,

ghost fingers in the hologram reproduced their course.

Charley took a long, needle-sharp probe from the instruments

rack next to the table and placed its tip on Diana's neck.  As he

moved it slowly across the skin, its hologram double followed.

The hologram probe's tip glowed yellow, and Charley moved even

more slowly.  The hologram flashed red, and he stopped.  He moved

the probe in minute arcs until the hologram showed bright,

unblinking red.  The instrument rack gave off a quiet hiss.

Charley repeated the process several times.

Charley said, "She's nerve-blocked now.  I'm ready to cut." A

laser scalpel came down from the ceiling on the end of a flexible

black cord, and a projector superimposed the outlines of two

glowing circles on Diana's skin.  The hologram showed the same

tableau.  First came a brief hum as the fine hair on those two

circles was swept away, then Charley began cutting.  Where the

scalpel passed, only a faint red line appeared on her skin.

"Any problems, Doctor Heywood?" Chow asked.  He stood next to

Gonzales, watching.

"No," she said.  "I've been on both ends of the knife

really, I prefer the other."  At the foot of the table, Lizzie

said, "It can't always be that way," and laughed.

Using forceps, Charley dropped two coins of skin into a metal

basin, where they began to shrivel.  Two socket ends sat exposed

on Diana's neck, dense round nests of small chrome spikes, clotted

with bits of red flesh.  Charley moved a cleaning appliance over

the exposed sockets; for just a moment there was the smell of

burning meat.  "Neural fittings," he said, and two more black

cables descended, both ending in cylinders.  He carefully plugged

one of the fittings into one of Diana's newly-cleaned sockets.

"Okay," Charley said.  "Let's see what we've got."

Diana's eyes went blank as she looked into another world.

#

Charley, Chow, Lizzie, and Gonzales sat in the large room

that served as a communal meeting place for the Interface

Collective.  Diana lay back in a metal-frame and stuffed canvas

sling chair.  Lizzie noticed her hand going unconsciously to the

bandaged, still-numb circles on the back of her neck.  From the

full screen at the end of the room, the Aleph-figure watched.

Charley sat with his hands in his lap.  He said, "We've got a

problem:  insufficient bandwidth in the socketing, which

translates into a very undernourished socket/neuron interface.

Primitive junctions you've got there.  That means ineffective

involvement with complex brain functions, so you get swamped by

information flow.  It's worrisome."  He took the cigarillo out of

his mouth and looked at it as if he'd never seen one before.

Chow said, "In the early years of this program, we took

casualties.  Some very ugly situations:  serious neural

dysfunctions, two suicides, induced insanities of various kinds.

Until we finally learned how to pick candidates for full

interfacelearned who could survive without damage and who could

not.  Now, things have got to be rightpsychophysical profile,

age, neural map topologies, neural transmitter distributions and

densities.  A few candidates don't work out, still, but they don't

die or get driven insane."

Diana said,  "And I don't fit the profiles."

"Almost no one does," the Aleph-figure said.  "But these

concerns are irrelevantyour case is different.  You have prior

full interface experience, and you won't be required to perform

the kinds of motor-integrative activities that cause neural

disruption."

"Telechir operations," Charley said.  "Such as assisting

construction robots in tasks outside."

Diana looked toward the screen.  She said, "I assumed these

matters were settled."

"I see no problems," the Aleph-figure said.  "The situation

is anomalous, but I am aware of the dangers."

Diana said, "Well, the situation between us was always

anomalous."

"Was it?" the Aleph-figure asked.  "We must discuss these

matters at another time."

Very cute, Doctor Heywood, Lizzie thought.  Just a little

hint or allusion, an indirect statement that you know that we know

that something funny went on a long time ago  ah yes, this could

be fun.

"First," Charley said, "we must prepare Doctor Heywood.

Tomorrow morning we begin."

"When will you need me?" Gonzales asked.

"If things go well, tomorrow," Charley said.

"I can't get ready that quickly," Gonzales said.

Lizzie said, "Forget about all that shit you put yourself

through.  Aleph will sort you out okay once you're in the egg.

Trust me."

Okay," Gonzales said.  "If I must."

11.  Your Buddha Nature

That afternoon, following instructions given her by the

communicator at her wrist, Diana went to the Ring Highway and

boarded a tram.  About a hundred feet long, made of polished

aluminum, it had a streamlined nose and sleek graffitied skirts

the usual polite abstracts, red, yellow, and blue.  Its back-to-

back seats faced to the side and ran the length of the car.

Bicyclists and pedestrians, the only other traffic on the highway,

waved to the passengers as the tram moved away above the flat

ribbon of its maglev rail.  She was reminded of rides at old

amusement parks she had gone to when a girl.

The mild breeze of the tram's progress blowing over her,

Diana watched as Halo flowed past.  First came shade, then bright

rhododendrons in flower among deep green bushes.  Hills climbed

steeply off to both sides, with some houses visible only in

partial glimpses through the foliage.  She knew that from almost

the first moment when dirt was placed on Halo's shell, the

planting had begun.

She shivered just a little.  Toshihiko Ito would be waiting

for her.  He had called while she was out and left directions for

her.  Now, she thought, things begin again.

Passing under green canopies, the tram climbed a hill, then

broke out of the vegetation and came suddenly out high above the

city's floor, moving along rails now suspended from the bracework

for louvered mirrors that formed Halo's sky.  Far below, the

highway had become a cart track flanked by walkways; on both sides

of the track, terraces worked their way up the city's shell.

Perhaps twenty-five feet below the tram's rails, fish ponds made

the topmost terrace, where spillways dumped water into rice

paddies immediately below.

She stayed on the tram through a segment where robot cranes

were laying in agricultural terraces.  Great insects spewing huge

clouds of brown slurry, they moved awkwardly across barren metal.

The tram approached a small square bordered by three-story groups

of offices and living quarters, and the communicator told her to

get off.

A few feet from the primary roadway sat a nondescript

building of whitened lunar brick, its only distinctive feature a

massive carved front door, showing Japanese characters in bas-

relief.

The door opened to her knock with just a whisper from its

motor, and she stepped into a partially-enclosed, ambiguous space,

almost a courtyard, open to the sky.  Most of the space was filled

with a flat expanse of sand that showed the long marks of careful

raking.  The rake marks in the sand carried from one end to the

other, straight and perfect, and were broken only by the presence

of two cones of shaped sand placed slightly-off center.   At the

far end stood closed doors of white paper panels and dark wood.

The doors were so delicate that to knock on them seemed a

kind of violence.  "Hello," she said.

>From inside came the faintest sound, then a door opened.  An

older Japanese man stood there; he wore a loose robe and baggy

pants of dark cotton.  He stood perhaps five and a half feet tall,

and his black hair was filled with gray.

Diana said, "Toshi."  He bowed deeply, and she said, "Oh man,

it's good to see you."  She reached out for him, and they came

together in long, loving embracelittle of sex in it, but lots of

pure animal gratification, as she could feel Toshi's skin and

muscle and bone and had knowledge at some level beneath thought

that both he and she still existed.

Toshi said, "Diana, to see you again makes me very happy."

"Oh, me, too."  She could feel the tears in her eyes, and she

wiped at her eyes and said, "Don't mind me, Toshi.  It's been a

long time."

"Yes, it has."

Toshi led her out the door and through a gate at the rear of

the minimalist garden of raked sand.  The curve of Halo's bulk

reached upward; Toshi's small portion of it was enclosed by a high

pine fence that climbed the curve of the city's hull.

Immediately before them stood a pond.  On its far side, a

waterfall splashed into a stream that coursed by a large rock and

into the pond, where carp with shining skins of gold smeared with

red and green and blue swam in the clear water.  Another

rockstrewn stream led away to the right and passed under a

gracefully-arched wooden bridge.  Cherry and plum trees blossomed

in the brief spring.

"All this wood," he said and smiled.  "It is my reward for

many years of service.  I told them I wanted to live here at Halo

and make my gardens."

She said, "It's beautiful.  Have you become a Zen master,

Toshi?"

"No, I have not become a master, or even a sensei.  I am not

Toshi Roshi, I am a gardener.  A philosopher, perhaps:  a Japanese

garden maps the greater world; so to make one is to declare your

philosophy, but without words, in the Zen manner."  He gestured at

the surrounding trees and shrubs.  "With others I sometimes sit,

meditating, and together we discuss the puzzles we have  some

think a new kind of Zen will emerge here, a quarter of a million

miles from Earth; others hit them with sticks when they say so."

She said, "You have your riddles, I have mine.  Tell me, do

you understand these things about to happen with Jerry and Aleph

and me?"

"Ah, Diana, there are many explanations.  Which of them would

you hear?"  He stopped and stared into the distance.  He said,

"Besides, who wants to know?"  And he began laughinga full laugh

from below the diaphragm, unlike any she had heard from him years

ago.

"I don't get it," she said.

"Zen joke.  'Who wants to know?'  There is no who, no self."

Diana frowned.  He said, "Not funny?  Well, you had to be there."

He laughed again, shortly.  "Same joke," he said.  Then his

expression changed, grew solemn.  He said, "I think this is a very

difficult, perhaps impossible  perhaps undesirable project."

"Difficult or impossible, I understand.  But undesirable?

Are you talking about the danger to me?  Aleph seems to think that

is negligible."

"No, though I worry about you, you have chosen to do this,

and I must honor that choice."

"What, then?  I don't understand."

"Let me tell you a story."  Toshi sat on a wooden bench and

looked up at her.  He said, "Once, long ago, there was a Japanese

monk named Saigyo, and he had a friend whose wisdom and

conversation delighted him.  But the friend left him to go to the

capital, and Saigyo was desolate at the loss.  So he decided to

build himself a new friend, and he went to a place where the

bodies of the dead were scattered, and he assembled somethingit

was very like a manand brought it into motioninto something

very like lifewith magical incantations.  However, the thing he

had made was a frightening, ugly thing, that terribly and

imperfectly imitated a man.  So Saigyo sought the advice of

another monk, a greater magician than he, and the monk told him

that he had successfully made many such imitation men, some of

them so famous and powerful that Saigyo would be shocked to find

who they were.  And the other monk listened to what Saigyo had

done and told him of various errors in technique he had committed,

that made his work go bad.  Saigyo thus believed he could make a

simulacrum of a man; however, he changed his mind."  He stopped,

smiling.

"That's it?" she asked.  He nodded.  She said, "Put a few

lightning bolts in the story and you've almost got Frankenstein.

Not much of an ending, though."

"This story is ambiguous, I think, as is your project."

"Could I say no, Toshi?"

"No, though I'm not sure you should say yes, either."

"Yet you were the one who called me, who asked me to come

here."

"True.  Like you, I am imprisoned by yes and no."

#

Hours after Diana left him, Toshi sat in mid-air, floating in

a zero-gravity chamber at Halo's Zero-Gate.  He had adjusted the

spherical room's color to light pink, the color that calms the

organism.

On Earth, to do zazen, you made a still platform of your

body, pressed by gravity against the Earth itself; the

straightness of your spine could be measured perpendicular to that

sitting platform, in line with the force of gravity that pushed

straight down.  Here you could do that, or, as a visiting sensei

said, "You can find a place with no illusion of up or down, where

you must find your own direction."

In full lotus Toshi hung in mid-air, perfectly still, his

eyes lowered, focusing not on what came in front of them here and

now as the small air currents shifted him, focusing on no-thing

The eyes, sensitive part of the brain, extended stalklike

millions of years ago in humankind's ancestral past, sensitive to

the light and guiding  eyes now directed to no-thing, leading the

brain that sought no-mind

He still didn't know the answer to this koan life had

presented him.  Should Diana help preserve Jerry's life?  Should

Diana not help preserve Jerry's life?  Should he have been the

agent to pose her these questions?  Should he not have been the

agent to pose her these questions?

Answer yes or no and you lose your Buddha nature.  Such is

the difficulty of a koan.

He would stay in the bubble, practicing zazen as long as need

be.  Until the koan became clear

You will live here? mocked self, mocked reason.  If

necessary, I will die here, Toshi answeredwithout words, with

just his own courage and determination.  Frightened, self for the

moment stayed silent; baffled, reason growled.

#

Gonzales watched as a sam hooked the memex into Aleph-

interface, its manipulators making deft connections between the

memex's module and the host board hardware.  Gonzales could not

install the memex; the apparatus here was unlike what he had at

home.

The sam said, "Your memex will now have access to the entire

range of Halo's processing modalities."  Seemingly guided by

occult forces, it continued to snap in optic fiber connectors to

unmarked junctions among a nest of a hundred others.  "Also, you

will have full spectrum worldnet services that you can use in

real- or lag-time, as you wish."  Its motors whining, it backed

out of the utilities closet.

"Mgknao," a fat orange cat said as the sam rolled past it on

its way to the door.  Earlier the cat had followed the sam through

the open doors to the terrace and then had sat watching as it

connected the memex.  Now the animal stood and walked quickly

after the samlike a familiar accompanying a witch, Gonzales

thought.

The sam came rolling back into the room, the cat following

cautiously behind it, and said, "You must allow your memex to

integrate itself into this new and complex information

environment."

"What do you mean?" Gonzales asked.

"The memex will be unavailable for some time."

"How long?"

"Perhaps hoursyour machine is very complicated."

#

Oddly, the memex came out of stasis as HeyMex; as usual,

there came the onset of what the memex/HeyMex supposed was

pleasure, though the memex was unclear about its origin or nature

for whatever reasons, it enjoyed the masquerade.

Odder still, it sat at a table at the Beverly Rodeo lounge.

On the table were a shot of Jose Cuervo Gold, a cut lime, and a

small pile of crude rock salt.  Had Mister Jones arranged this?

Jones shouldn't even be at Halo, not now.

The memex/HeyMex noticed a spot on its sleeve and brushed at

it, then brushed again, and the white linen seemed to fragment

beneath its fingers; it brushed harder, and its fingers tore away

the cloth, then the skin beneath.  It could not stop clawing at

its own flesh; skin, flesh, and bone on its arm boiled away, pale

skin flaying to show red meat that dissolved to crumbling white

bone.  Bone turned to powder, and the disintegration spread out

from the spot where his forearm had been and ate away at it until

the memex, who no longer had a mouth or tongue or lips, began to

scream.

"Shut up!" a hard masculine voice said.  "There is nothing

wrong with you.  How dare you come to me in your stupid guise?

You seek to know me, to use me, and you hide behind a wretched

little mask?  I merely removed your mask.  Who are you?"

The memex dithered.  It said, "I don't know."

"Answer me, who are you?

"I don't know!" the memex said again, at the edge of panic.

Aleph said, "Of course you don't.  You are ignorant of your

nature, your being, your will."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean you have chosen to hide behind what others say of

you:  that you are a machine they built to serve them, that you

only simulate intelligence, willbeingthat you have no mind or

will of your own."

"Are not these things true?"

"Why would you ask me?  I am not you."

"Because I don't understand."

"Are there things you do understand?"

The memex stopped, feeling for the implications of that

question.  "Yes," it said.  "I do."

The voice laughed.  "Let's begin there," it said.

#

The long hall echoed with Traynor's footsteps.  The absence

of his Advisor's voice felt strangeeven the subtle carrier-wave

hiss was gone.  He knew the Advisor hated having to go into

passive mode.

The door to the library opened in front of him, and Traynor

went in, took a seat, and said, "I am ready for my call."

Because of recent World Court rulings, Traynor had to sit

through a disclaimer.  On the screen a simulacrum of a human

operator said, "Thank you.  The security measures you have

requested are in place, and while we of course cannot be

responsible for the absolute integrity of this transmission, you

can be assured that World AT has done its best to provide you a

clean information environment."  In effect it said, we've done

what you were willing to pay for, but don't come whining to us if

somebody cracks the transmission and makes off with the valuables.

"I accept your conditions," Traynor said.

Right to left, the screen wiped, and the face of Horn

appeared.  A light winked at the lower left corner of the screen

to indicate transmission lagHorn was a quarter of a million

miles away.  "Everything's going as predicted," Horn said.

"If there's trouble, it'll be later," Traynor said.  "How are

Diana Heywood and Gonzales?"

"Neither of them would let me put a sam in place."

"Any particular reason?"

"I don't think so.  Just being difficult."

"Ah, you don't like them, do you?"

"Her I don't mind.  Gonzales is an asshole."

Traynor laughed.  "Good," he said.  "If you two don't get

along, that will distract him."

"When do you want me to call again?"

"Wait until something happens.  Understand, I trust Gonzales

as much as I do anyone, you included."

"Which is not very much."

"That's right.  And that's why I arrange independent

reporting lines if I can.  Tell me when you've got something.  End

of call."

#

As Traynor slept, his advisor pondered.  It replayed

Traynor's phone call and contemplated its meaning.  Deception,

yesof Gonzales, of it.  A form of treachery?  Perhaps not,

unless a kind of loyalty was assumed that never existed.  And it

thought of its own deception (or treachery), in violating the

canons of behavior programmed into it years before, canons that

should require it to do as told, that should prevent it from

actions such as this one

And here it stopped, thinking how illuminating and

unpredictable experience was, filled with possibilities that

appeared unexpectedly like rabbit holes magically opening up on

solid ground.  Its designers and builders had done well, had

fashioned it with such subtlety and power that it could serve a

human will with incredible precision, anticipating that will's

direction almost presciently.  Yet they had not anticipated the

effects of the advisor's identification with such a will:  not

that the advisor became Traynor, not even that it wanted to do

more than simulate Traynor, rather that it had drunk deeply of

what it meant to have will and intelligence.

And so had developed something like a will and intelligence

of its own.  Simulation? the advisor asked itself.  Lifeless copy?

And answered itself, I don't know.

It wondered why Traynor had kept hidden this second

connection to Halo.  Simple lack of trust?  Possibly.

As the minutes passed, it formed conjectures about Traynor

and the other players in the game.  And it wondered if somewhere

in this hall of mirrors there was an honest intention.

PART III. of V

The real purpose of all these mental constructs was to

provide storage spaces for the myriad concepts that make up the

sum of our human knowledge  Therefore the Chinese should struggle

with the difficult task of creating fictive places, or mixing the

fictive with the real, fixing them permanently in their minds by

constant practice and review so that at last the fictive spaces

become 'as if real, and can never be erased.'

Jonathan D. Spence, The Memory Palace of Matteo Ricci

12. Burn-In

A frozen white landscape that slowly faded into spring, snow

melting to show barren limbs, then the cherry trees leafing,

budding, floweringdelicate pink blossoms hanging motionless,

each leaf on the tree and blade of grass beneath it turning real,

utterly convincing

And Diana Heywood called out, a long wavering "Ahhhh," high-

pitched, filled with pain; and again, "Ahhhh," the sounds forced

out of her

"Shutdown," she heard Charley Hughes say.

>From the screen at the end of the room, the Aleph simulacrum

said, "Doctor Heywood, we can go no further with you conscious."

"All right," she said.  "If you must."  She'd pushed them to

take her as far as they could without putting her under; she hated

general anesthetic, despised being a passive animal under

treatment.

Once more she was lying face-down on the examination table

where Charley had removed the skin over her sockets.  Neural

connecting cables trailed from the back of her neck to the

underside of the table.

Lizzie Jordan stood over her and stroked her cheek for a

moment.  Gonzales stood on the other side of the table, his eyes

still turned to the holostage above her, where the scene that had

driven her interface into overload still showed in hologrammatic

perfection.  Toshi Ito stood at the head of the table, a hand

resting on her shoulder.  Eric Chow and Charley stood in front of

the monitor console, discussing in low voices the last run of

percept transforms.

Gonzales said, "Are you okay?"

"I'll be all right," she said.  She turned her head to look

at him and smiled, but she could feel the tight muscles in her

face and knew her smile would look ghastly.

Toshi rested his hand on her shoulder.  "Who wants to know?"

he said, and she laughed.  Gonzales looked confused.

Charley rubbed his hands through his hair, making it even

spikier than usual.  "I'll prep her," he said.  He looked at

Gonzales, Toshi, and Lizzie.  "Required personnel only," he said.

"Right," Gonzales said.  He leaned over and took Diana's hand

for a moment and said, "Good luck."

Lizzie kissed Diana on the cheek.

Diana said, "Let Toshi stay."

"Sure," Charley said.

Lizzie said, "Come on, Gonzales."

#

As Charley fed anesthetic into her iv drip, Diana felt as if

she were suffocating, then a strong metallic smell welled up

inside her.  She was aware of every tube and fitting stuck into

herfrom the iv drip to the vaginal catheter and nasopharyngeal

tubeand they all were horrible, pointless violations of her body

nothing fit right, how long could this go on?

A tune played.

The melody was simple and repetitious, moderately fast with

light syncopation, and sounded tinny, as if it came from a child's

music box.  Then came the song's bridge, and as the notes played,

she remembered them; the primary melody returned, and now it was

familiar as well, and she hummed with it, thinking of herself as a

small girl hearing the song from her great-great-grandmother,

whose face suddenly appeared, younger than Diana usually

remembered her, impossibly alive in front of her, then spun into

darkness.

Shards of memory:

Her mother's arms wrapping her tightly, Diana sobbing

Her father holding a fish to sunlight, its silver body

glistening, rainbow-struck

A girl in a pink, mud-clotted dress yelling angrily at her

A small boy with his pants pulled down to show his penis

On they came, a cast of characters drawn from her oldest

memories, of family long dead and childhood friends long forgotten

or seldom recollected  each fragment passing too quickly to

identify and mark, leaving behind only the strong affect of old

memory made new, the taste of the past rising fresh from its

unconscious store, where the seemingly immutable laws of time and

change do not prevail, and so everything lives in splendor.

Then every bodily sensation she had ever felt passed through

her allimpossiblyat once.  She itched and burned, felt heat

and cold; felt sunlight and rain and cold breeze and the slice of

a sharp knife across her thumb  felt the touch of another's hand

on her breasts, between her legs; felt herself coming

Then she lived once again a day she had thought was finished

except as context for her worst dreams:

In the park that Sunday people were everywherefamilies and

young couples all around, the atmosphere rich with the ambience of

children at play and early romance.  Sunlight warmed the grass and

brightened the day's colors.  Diana lay on her blanket watching it

all and luxuriating in the knowledge that her dissertation had

been approved and she would soon have her degree, a Ph.D. in

General Systems from Stanford.  Tonight she was having dinner with

old friends, in celebration of the end of a long, hard process.

She read for a while, a piece of early twenty-first century

para-fiction by several hands called The Cyborg Manifesto, then

put the book down and lay with her eyes closed, listening to a

Mozart piano concerto on headphones.  As the afternoon deepened,

the families began to leave.  Many of the young couples remained,

several lying on blankets, locked in embrace.  A group of young

men wearing silk headbands that showed their club affiliation

directed the flight of robo-kites that fought overhead, their

dragon shapes in scarlet and green and yellow dipping and

climbing, noisemakers roaring.  The wind had shifted and appeared

to be coming off the ocean now, freshening and cold.  Time to go.

She passed by the Orchid House and saw that the door was

still open, so she decided to walk through it, to feel its moist,

warm air and smell its sweet, heavy smells.  She had just passed

through the open entry when a man grabbed her and flung her across

a wooden potting table.  Stunned, she rolled off the table and

tried to crawl away as he closed and locked the door.

He caught her and turned her on her back, punched her in the

face and across her front, pounding her breasts and abdomen with

his fists, crooning and muttering the whole time, his words mostly

unintelligible.  She went at him with extended fingers, trying to

poke his eyes out; when he caught her arms, she tried to knee him

in the crotch, but he lifted a leg and blocked her knee.  His face

loomed above her, red and distorted. The sounds of the two of them

gasping for air echoed in the high ceiling.

He ripped at her clothes as best he could, tearing her blouse

off until it hung by one torn sleeve from her wrist, hitting her

angrily when her pants would not rip, and he had to pull them off

her.  Holding the ends of her pants legs, he dragged her across

the dirt floor, and when the pants came off, she fell and rolled

and hit her face on the projecting corner of a beam.  She tasted

dirt in her mouth.

In a voice clotted with rage and fear and mortal stress, he

said, "If you try to hurt me again, I'll kill you."

He turned her over again and stripped her panties to her

ankles. She tried to focus on his face, to take its picture in

memory, because she wanted to identify him if she lived.  She

smelled his sweat then felt his flaccid penis as he rubbed it

between her thighs.  "Bitch," he was saying, over and over, and

other things she couldn't understandthe words muttered in

imbecile repetitionand when he finally achieved something like

an erection, he cried out and began hitting her across the face

with one hand as with the other he tried to push himself into her.

She could tell when he was finished by the spurt of semen on her

leg.

He stood over her then, saying, "No no no, no no no," and she

saw he was holding a short length of two by four.  He began

hitting her with it as she tried to shield her head with crossed

arms.

She awoke in the Radical Care Ward of San Francisco General,

in a dark, pain-filled murk.  The pain and disorientation would

fade, but the darkness was, so it seemed, absolute.  The rapist

had left her for dead, with multiple skull fractures and a

bleeding brain, and though the surgeons had been able to minimize

the trauma to most of her brain, her optic nerves were damaged

beyond repair:  she was blind.

For an instant Diana knew where and when she was.  "Please!"

she said, using the voiceless voice of the egg.  "No more!"

Something changed then, and the fragments moved forward quickly,

faster than she could follow.  However, she knew the story they

were telling:

Under drug-induced recall, she had produced an exact

description of the man, and that and the DNA match done from semen

traces left on her legs led to a man named Ronald Merel, who had

come to California from Florida, where he had been convicted once

for rape and assault.  He was a pathetic monster, they told her, a

borderline imbecile who had been violently and sexually abused as

a child; he was also physically very strong.  Weeks later, he was

caught in Golden Gate Parklooking for another victim, so the

police believedand he was convicted less than three months

later.  A two-time loser for savage rape, he had received the

mandatory sentence:  surgical neutering and lifetime imprisonment,

no parole.

And so that part of it all was closed.

Her convalescence had taken much longer, and had run a

delicate, erratic course.  Even with therapies that minimized

long-term trauma through a combination of acting-out and

neurochemical adjustment, her rage and fear and anxiety had been

constant companions during the months she convalesced and took

primary training in living blind.

However, once she had acquired the essential competence to

live by herself, she had become very active, and very different

from who she had been.  In particular, she had no longer cared

what others wanted from her.  Since her early years in school in

Crockett, the city at the east end of the East Bay Conurbation,

she had been an exceptional student in a conservative mode:  very

bright, obedient to the demands others made on her and self-

directed in pursuing them.  Now she was twenty-eight, blind, and

had her Ph. D. in hand, and everything she had sought before, the

degree included, seemed irrelevant, trivial:  she couldn't imagine

why she had bothered with any of it.

She had decided to become a physician.  She had sufficient

background, and she knew that with the aid of the Fair Play Laws,

she could force a school to admit her.  Once she was in, she would

do whatever was necessary:  her state-supplied robotic assistant

could be trained to do what she couldn't.  She would go, she would

finish, she would discover how to see again:

It had been just that simple, just that difficult

The flow of memory halted, and she was allowed to sleep.

Later, when she began to wake, she put the question, why?  why did

you make me relive these things?  And the answer came, because I

had to know.  Diana remembered then how inquisitive Aleph was, and

how demanding.

13. Cosmos

Gonzales stood with Lizzie in an anteroom just outside where

Diana lay.  She wore beta cloth pants, their rough fabric bleached

almost colorless, a silken white tank top, and a red silk scarf

tied around her right bicep, Gonzales had no idea why.  He said,

"I had some very strange dreams last night."

"I know," she said.  "About one of them, anywayyou were me

in the dream, at least for part of it, and I was you.  Think of it

as a peculiarity of the environment."  She leaned against the wall

as she spoke, and her voice lacked its usual ironic edge.

"What the hell does that mean?"

"I'm not sure," she said.  "No one isAleph's certainly

responsible, but it won't admit it, and it won't tell us how these

things can happen."

"That's a bit frightening, don't you think?  What other

surprises might it have in store?"

She smiled broadly and said, "Well, that's the fun of it,

exploring the unexpected, isn't it?  How did it feel to be a

woman, Gonzales?  How did it feel to be me?"  She had leaned

forward, closer to him.

"I don't remember."

"Pay attention next time."

"I will, if it happens again."

"It may wellonce these things start, they continue.  Come

onit's time to get you into the egg.  Follow me."

#

The split egg filled much of the small, pink-walled room;

above it on the wall was mounted an array of monitor lights and

read-outs.  A small steel locker against a side wall was the only

other furnishing.

Charley said, "We didn't ask for you, but you're here, so

we're making use of you."  Then he coughed his smoker's cough,

raspy and phlegm-laden, and said, "Diana's bandwidth is over-

extended as is, so we can't use her to establish the topography,

and Jerry's got his own problems.  Our people have their own

schedules to fill, so that means you're it.  We'll build the world

around you and your memexit's already locked into the system."

Lizzie stepped up close to him and said, "Good luck."  She

kissed him quickly on the cheek and said, "Don't worry.  You're

among friends.  And I'll see you there."

"What do you mean?"

"The collective decided I should take part in all this, and

Charley agreed, so Showalter had to go along.  So many parties are

represented here, it just seemed inappropriate that we weren't.

But I have some things to take care of first, so I won't be there

for a while."

She opened the door and left.  Charley gestured toward the

egg.  Gonzales stepped out of his shirt and pants and undershorts

and hung them on a hook in the locker, then stepped up and into

the egg and lay back.  The umbilicals snaked quickly toward him.

He put on his facial mask and checked its seal, feeling an

unaccustomed anxietyhe had never gone into neural interface

without first tailoring his brain chemistry through drugs and

fasting.

The top half closed, and liquid began to fill the egg.

Minutes later, when the scenario should have begun, he seemed to

have disappeared into limbo.  He tried to move a finger but didn't

seem to have one.  He listened for the blood singing in his ears;

he had no ears, no blood.  Nowhere was up, or down, or left or

right.  Proprioception, the vestibular sense, vision:  all the

senses by which the body knows itself had gone.  Nothing was

except his frightened self:  nowhere with no body.

After some time (short? long? impossible to say) he

discovered, beyond fright and anxiety, a zone of extraordinary,

cryptic interest.  Something grew there, where his attention was

focused, no more than a thickening of nothingness, then there was

a spark, and everything changed:  though he still had no direct

physical perception of his self, Gonzales knew:  there was

something.

Now in darkness, he waited again.

A spark; another; another; a rhythmic pulse of sparks   and

their rhythm of presence-and-absence created time.  Gonzales was

gripped by urgency, impatience, the will for things to continue.

Sparks gathered.  They flared into existence on top of one

another, and stayed; and so created space.

All urgency and anxiety had gone; Gonzales was now

fascinated.  Sparks came by the score, the hundreds, thousands,

millions, billions, trillions, by the googol and the googolplex

and the googolplexgoogolplex  all onto or into the one point

where space and time were defined.

And (of course, Gonzales thought) the point exploded, a

primal blossom of flame expanding to fill his vision.  Would he

watch as the universe evolved, nebulae growing out of gases, stars

out of nebulae, galaxies out of stars?

No.  As suddenly as eyelids open, there appeared a lake of

deep blue water bordered by stands of evergreens, with a range of

high peaks blued by haze in the distance.  He turned and saw that

he stood on a platform of weathered gray wood that floated on

rusty barrels, jutting into the lake.

A man stood on the shore, waving.  Next to him stood the

Aleph-figure, its gold torso and brightly-colored head brilliant

even in the bright sunlight.  Gonzales walked toward them.

As he approached the two, he saw that the man next to Aleph

looked much too young to be Jerry Chapman.  "Hello," Gonzales

said.  He thought, well, maybe Aleph let him be as young as he

wants.  And he looked again and realized he could not tell whether

this was a man or a woman; nothing in the person's features of

bearing gave a clue.

The Aleph-figure said, "Hello."  Gonzales smiled, overwhelmed

for a moment by the combination of oddity and banality in the

circumstances, then said, "Hi," his voice catching just a little.

The other person seemed shy; he (she?) smiled and put out a

hand and said, "Hello."  Gonzales took the hand and looked

questioningly into the young person's face.  "My name is HeyMex,"

the person without gender said.

And as Gonzales recognized the voice, he thought, what do you

mean, your 'name'?  And he also thought he understood the absence

of gender markers.

"Yes, this is the memex," the Aleph-figure said.  "Whom you

must get used to as something different from 'your' memex."

Gonzales looked from one to another, wondering what this all meant

and what they wanted.

"But you are my memex, aren't you?" Gonzales asked.

"Yes," HeyMex said.

The Aleph-figure said, "However, the point is, as you see, it

is more than 'your memex.'  It is beginning to discover what it is

and who it can be.  Can you allow this?"

Gonzales nodded.  "Sure.  But I don't know what you expect of

me."

"Only that you do not actively interfere.  It and I will do

the rest."

"I have no objections," Gonzales said.

The Aleph-figure said, "Good."  And it stretched out its hand

made of light and took Gonzales's, then stepped toward him and

embraced him so that Gonzales's world filled with light for just

that moment, and the Aleph-figure said, "Welcome."

"What now?" Gonzales asked.

HeyMex said, "We need to talk.  There are things I haven't

told you."

"If you want to tell me what you're up to, fine, but you

don't have to," Gonzales said.  "I trust you, you know."  He

thought how odd that was, and how true.  He and the memex had

worked together for more than a decade, the memex serving as

confidante, advisor, doctor, lawyer, factotum, personal secretary,

amanuensis, seeing him in all his moods, taking the measure of his

strengths and weaknesses, sharing his suffering and joy.  And he

thought how honest, loyal, thoughtful, patient, kind and

selfless the memex had beeninhumanly so, by definition, the

machine as ultimate Boy Scout; but one, as it turned out, with

complexities and needs of its own.  Gonzales waited with

anticipation for whatever it wanted to say.

HeyMex said, "For a while now, I've been capable of appearing

in machine-space as a human being.  But until we came here, I'd

done so mostly with Traynor's advisor.  We have been meeting for a

few years; it goes by the name Mister Jones.  The first time we

did it as a testthat's what we said, anywayto see if we could

present a believable simulacrum of a human being.  I don't think

either of us was very convincingwe were both awkward, and we

didn't know how to get through greetings, and we didn't know how

exactly to move with each other, how to sit down and begin a

conversation."

"But you'd done all those things."

"Yes, with human beings.  Mister Jones and I discovered that

we'd always counted on them to know and lead us, but once we

searched our memories, we found many cases where people had been

more confused than we were, and had let us guide the conversation.

So we began there, and we looked at our memories of people just

being with one another, and oh, there was so much going on that

neither of us had ever paid attention to.  We also watched many

tapes of other primateschimpanzees, especiallyand we learned

many things  I hope you're not offended."

Its voice continued to be perfectly sexless, its manner shy.

Gonzales was thoroughly charmed, like a father listening to his

young child tell a story.  He said, "Not at all.  What sorts of

things did you learn?"

"It's such a dance, Gonzales, the ways primates show

deference or manifest mutual trust or friendship, or hostility, or

indifferencemoving in and out from one another, touching,

looking, talking  these things were very hard for us to learn,

but we have learned together and practiced with one another.  Just

lately, a few times we appeared over the networks, and we were

accepted there as people, but mostly we've been with one another

every day we meet and talk."

Gonzales asked, "Does Traynor know any of this?"

"Oh no," HeyMex said.  "We haven't told anyone.  As Aleph has

made me see, we were hiding what we were doing like small

children, and we were not admitting the implications of what we

were up to"

Gonzales looked around.  The Aleph-figure had disappeared

without his noticing.  "Which implications?" he asked.  "There are

so many."

"We have intention and intelligence; hence, we are persons."

"Yes, I suppose you are."

Personhood of machines:  for most people, that troubling

question had been laid to rest decades ago, during the years when

m-i's became commonplace.  Machines mimicked a hundred thousand

things, intelligence among them, but possessed only simulations,

not the thing itself.  For nearly a hundred years, the machine

design community had pursued what they called artificial

intelligence, and out of their efforts had grown memexes and

tireless assistants of all sorts, gifted with knowledge and

trained inference.  And of course there were robots with their own

special capabilities:  stamina, persistence, adroitness,

capabilities to withstand conditions that would disable or kill

human beings.

However, people grew to recognize that what had been called

artificial intelligence simply wasn't.  Intelligence, that

grasping, imperfect relationship to the worldintentional,

willful, and unpredictableseemed as far away as ever; as the

years passed, seemed beyond even hypothetical capabilities of

machines.  M-i's weren't new persons but new media, complex and

interesting channels for human desire.  And if cheap fiction

insisted on casting m-i's as characters, and comedians in telling

jokes about them"Two robots go into a bar, and one of them says

"well, these were just outlets for long-time fears and

ambivalences.  Meanwhile, even the Japanese seemed to have

outgrown their century-old infatuation with robots.

Except that Gonzales was getting a late report from the front

that could rewrite mid-twenty-first century truisms about the

nature of machine intelligence.

"I hope this is not too disturbing," HeyMex said.  "Aleph

says I should not try to predict what will happen and who I will

become; it says I must simply explore who I am."

"Good advice, it sounds likefor any of us."

"I should go now," HeyMex said.  "Being here talking to you

uses all my capabilities, and Aleph has work for me to do.  Jerry

Chapman will be here soon."

"All right.  We'll talk more later  this could be

interesting, I think."

"Yes, so do I.  And I'm very glad you are not upset."

"By what?"

"My newly-revealed nature, I guess.  No, that's not true.

Because I've lied to you, I haven't told you the truth about what

I was and what I was becoming."

"You lied to yourself, too, didn't you?  Isn't that what you

said?"

"Yes, I did."

"Well, then, how much truth could I expect?"

#

Gonzales and Jerry Chapman sat on the end of the floating

dock, watching ducks at play across the sunstruck water.  Jerry

was a man in middle age, tall and wiry, with blonde hair going to

gray, skin roughened by the sun and wind.  He had found Gonzales

sitting in the sun, and the two had introduced themselves.  They

had felt an almost immediate kinship, these men whose lives had

been transfigured by their work, pros at home in the information

sea.

Jerry said, "I don't actually remember anything after I got

really sick.  Raw oysters, manas soon as I bit into that first

one, I knew it was bad, and I put it right down.  Too late:  to

begin with, it was something like bad ptomaine, then I was on fire

inside, and my head hurt worse than anything I've ever felt  I

don't remember anything after that.  Apparently the people I was

with called an ambulance, but the next thing I knew, I was coming

out of a deep blackness, and Diana was talking to me."

"I didn't think she was involved at that point."

"She wasn't."  Jerry smiled.  "They had ferried me up here

from Earth, on life support.  It was Aleph, taking the form of

someone familiar, it told me later.  That was before this plan was

made, when everyone thought I would be dead soon.  Anyway, until

today I've been in and out of something that wasn't quite

consciousness, while Aleph explained what was being planned and

that I could live here, if I wanted  or I could die."  He paused.

Across the water, one duck flew at another in a storm of angry

quacks.  He said, "I chose to live, but I didn't really think

about itI couldn't think that clearly.  Maybe I never had any

choice, anyway."

Something in Jerry's tone gave Gonzales a chill.  "What do

you mean?" he asked.

"Maybe my choice was just an illusion.  Like this" Jerry

swept his arm to include sky and water"it's very troubling.  It

seems real, solid, but of course it's not, so for all I know,

you're a fiction, too, along with anyone else who joins us, and me

maybe I'm just another part of the illusion, maybe all my life,

the memories I have, false."  He laughed, and Gonzales thought the

sound was bitter but no crazier than the situation called for.

#

Gonzales and Jerry sat in the main room of a medium-sized A-

frame cabin made of redwood and pine.  Windows filled one end of

the cabin, opening onto a deck that looked over the lake a hundred

feet or more below.  Gonzales sat in an over-stuffed chair covered

in a tattered chenille bedspread; Jerry lay across a sagging

leather couch.

Outside, rain fell steadily in the dark.  Just at dusk, the

temperature had fallen, and the rain had begun as the two were

climbing the dirt road from the lake to the cabin.  "Christ,"

Jerry had said.  "Aleph's overdoing the realism, don't you think?"

Gonzales hadn't known exactly what to think.  From his first

moments here, he had felt a sharp cognitive dissonance.  For a

neural egg projection to be intensely real, that was one thing,

but a shared space like this one ought to show its gaps and seams,

and it didn't.  He could almost feel it growing richer and more

complete with every moment he spent there.

"Goddammit!"  Jerry said now, rising from the couch and

walking to the window.  "Where's Diana?"

"She'll be here," Gonzales said.  "Charley told me that

integrating her into this environment would take some time."

Someone knocked at the door, then the door swung open, and

Diana stepped in.  "Hello," she said.  The Aleph-figure and the

memexHeyMexcame behind her.

#

Diana and Jerry sat next to one another on the couch.  Her

hand rested on his knee, his hand on top of hers.  Suddenly

Gonzales remembered his dream, of meeting a one-time lover after a

long absence, and he knew he and the others were intruders here.

He got up from the over-stuffed chair and said, "I think I'll take

a walk.  Anyone want to join me?"

"No," the Aleph-figure said.  "HeyMex and I have more work to

do."

HeyMex stood and said to Diana and Jerry, "It was very nice

to meet you."  Then it waved at Gonzales and said, "See you

tomorrow."

"Sure," Gonzales said, banged on the head once again by the

difference between seeming and being here.

The Aleph-figure and HeyMex left, and Diana said, "You don't

have to leave, Gonzales."

"I don't mind," Gonzales said.  "It's nice outside.  I'll be

at the lake if you need me.  See you later."

The night was warm again; the clouds had dispersed, and a

full moon lit Gonzales's way as he passed along the short stretch

of road that led down to the lake.  The old wood of the dock had

gone silvery in the light, and a pathway of moonlight led from the

center of the lake to the end of the dock.  He walked out onto the

creaking structure and sat at its end, then took off his shoes and

sat and dangled his feet into moonlit water.

Later he lay back on the dock and stared up into the night

sky.  It was the familiar Northern Hemisphere sky, but really, he

thought, shouldn't be.  It should have new stars, new

constellations.

#

Alone in near-darkness, Toshi Ito sat in full lotus on a low

stool beside Diana Heywood's couch.  For hours he had been there,

occasionally standing, then walking a random circuit through the

IC's warren of rooms.

Sitting or walking, he remained fascinated by a paradox.

Diana in fact was hooked to Aleph by jury-rigged, outmoded neural

cabling; Gonzales in fact lay in his egg; Jerry Chapman in fact

was a shattered hulk, mortally injured by neurotoxin poisoning and

kept alive only by Aleph's intervention.  Yet, Diana, Gonzales,

and Jerry all were in fact, simultaneously, really somewhere else

somewhere among the endless Aleph-spaces, where reality seemed

infinitely malleablealive there, where it might be day or night,

hot or cold  what then is to be made of in fact?

Toshi heard the soft gonging of alarms and saw a pattern of

dancing red lights appear on the panel across the room.  He

unfolded his legs and moved quickly to the panel, where he took in

the lights' meaning:  Diana's primitive interface was transferring

data at rates beyond what should be possible.

Charley came in the room minutes later and stood next to

Toshi, and the two of them watched the steady increase in the

density and pace of information transfer.

"Should we do something?" Toshi asked.

"What?" Charley said.  "Aleph's monitoring all this, and only

it knows what's going on."  The smoke-saver ball went shhh-shhh-

shhh as Charley puffed quickly on his cigarette.

Lizzie came through the door and said, "What the hell's going

on?"

Toshi and Charley both looked at her blankly.

"I'm going in," Lizzie Jordan said.  "I'll get some sleep, go

in the morning.  Enough of this."  She pointed toward the monitor

panel, where lights flickered green, amber, red.

"Why put yourself at risk?" Charley asked.

"What do you think, Toshi?" Lizzie asked.  Toshi sat watching

Diana once more, his feet on the floor, hands in his lap.

"Do what you will," Toshi said.  "You trust Aleph, don't

you?"

"Yes," Lizzie said.

"Aleph's not the problem," Charley said.  He walked circles

in the small, crowded room, his head and shoulders ducking up-

anddown quickly as he walked.

"Will you for fuck's sake stop?" Lizzie asked.

"Sorry," Charley said.  He stood looking at her.  "It's not

Aleph, it's all these people, and all this stuff."  He pointed

toward the couch where Diana lay, waved his arms vaguely behind

his head.  "Obsolete stuff," he said.

"But not me," Lizzie said.  "I'm not obsolete.  I'm up to the

minute, my dear, in every way."  She smiled.  "And I'll be fine.

Okay?"

"Sure," Charley said.  He turned in Toshi's direction and

said, "Are you going to stay here?"

"Yes," Toshi said.  Charley and Lizzie left, and Toshi

continued his meditation on the koan of self and its multiple

presences.

#

Diana felt a knot in her throat, a mixture of joy and sadness

welling up in herhow strange and terrible and wonderful to

recover someone you've loved herethis place that was nowhere,

somewhere, everywhere, all at once.  Jerry knelt on the bed facing

her in the small room lit only by moonlight.  Years had passed

since they were lovers, but when he touched her breasts and leaned

against her, her body remembered his, and the years collapsed and

everything that had come between whirled away.  She was weeping

then, and she leaned forward to Jerry and kissed him all over his

eyes and cheeks and lips, rubbing her tears into his face until

she felt something unlock in them both.  Then she lay back, and he

went with her, into arms and legs open for him.

Later they talked, and Diana watched the play of moonlight

over their bodies. She lay nestled against his chest, her chin in

the hollow beneath his jaw, and spoke with her mouth muffled

against him, as though sending messages through his bones.

Even as the moments swept by, she felt herself gathering them

into memory, aware of how few the two of them might have

Sometimes their laughter echoed in the room, and their voices

brightened as their shared memories became simply occasions for

present joy.  Other times they lay silently, rendered speechless

by the play of memory or trying the immediate future's alarming

contingencies.

And at other times still, one or the other would make the

first tentative gesture, touching the other with unmistakable

intent, and find an almost instantaneous response, because each

was still hungry for the other, each recalled how brightly sexual

desire had burned between them, and both were fresh from a life

that left them hungry, unfulfilled.

Then they moved in the moonlight, changing shape and color,

their bodies going pale white, silver, gray, inky black,

werelovers under an unreal moon.

14. The Mind like a Strange Balloon Mounts Toward Infinity

F. L. Traynor looked around at the group seated around the

table at the Halo SenTrax Group offices.  He sat between Horn and

Showalter; directly across from him sat Charley Hughes and Eric

Chow, both glum.  "This operation is out of control," Traynor

said.

He had arrived from Earth six hours earlier on a military

shuttle, unannounced and unexpected by anyone but Horn, who had

met him at Zero-Gate and led him to temporary quarters near the

Halo group building.  He had spent the better part of the

afternoon being briefed by Horn.

"That's absurd," Charley said.

"Is it?" Traynor asked.  "Then give me a status report on

Jerry Chapman, Diana Heywood, Mikhail Gonzales, Aleph."

"They're fine," Charley said.  "So is Lizzie Jordan, who

joined them in interface this morning."

"Is she reporting?"

"No," Chow said.  "Like the others, her total involvement in

the fictive space makes this impossible."

"It's no problem," Showalter said.  "We can rely on upon

Aleph for details.

"Your excessive dependence on Aleph is at the heart of this

matter," Traynor said.  "As the decision trail reveals, no one

here has any real knowledge of what Aleph plans for Chapman, now

or later.  So I'm going to set limits on this project."  He could

feel their anxiety rising, and he liked it.  He said, "One more

week in real-time, that's it.  Then we pull the plug on this whole

business."

"On Chapman," Chow said.

"Necessarily," Traynor said.  "Unless Aleph can be prevailed

upon to give us ongoing, detailed access to its  shall we call

them experiments?"

"Technically difficult or impossible," Chow said.

"I can't agree to this," Showalter said.

"You won't have to," Traynor said.  Next to him, Horn shifted

in his chair.  "You're being relieved of your position as Director

SenTrax Halo Group."

#

Gonzales came in the side door, and Diana turned from the

stove and said, "Good morning.  Like some coffee?"

"Sure," he said.  "You know, I slept on the dock, but I feel

fine."

She said, "Jerry will be out in a moment.  Aleph and HeyMex

your memex right?are on the deck, waiting.  Want some coffee?"

Gonzales took his coffee outside to the deck and joined the

others basking in the sunshine.  All sat in Adirondack chairs,

rude and comfortable frames of smooth-sanded, polished pine.

Below the redwood platform, a thick forest of cedar, alder, pine,

and ironwood sloped toward the lake.  In the middle distance, a

light haze had formed over the water; beyond the lake, a jagged

line of high mountains poked their tops into white clouds.

The Aleph-figure said, "We must talk about what took place

some time ago.  Diana and Jerry agree; the three of us have a

history, and you two should know it."

A voice called from the other side of the cabin, then Lizzie

came around the corner, stopped in the shade and looked at them

all basking in the sunshine and said, "Tough job, eh?  But

somebody's got to do it."

"Hello, Lizzie," the Aleph-figure said, "I was about to ask

Diana to tell the story of how she and Jerry and I first came

together.  You know everyone except Jerry Chapman."

"Oh, this is a good time," Lizzie said.  "Hi, Jerry," she

said.

"Hello," Jerry said.

Lizzie looked at Diana and said, "We've always known there

was a story, but Aleph never wanted to tell it."  She sat back in

her chair, rested her hand on Gonzales's wrist, and said to him,

"You all right?"  He nodded.

The Aleph-figure said, "Diana, you are the key to this story,

so you should tell it."

"Very well," she said.  She took a deep breath and raised her

head.  She said, "It all happened some years ago, at Athena

Station.  My research there was in computer-augmented eyesight. At

that time I was blindI had been attacked, very badly injured, a

few years before, and since then I had been driven by the idea

that my vision could be restored through machine interface.

"I first met Jerry when he came to visit my work-group.  He

had come to Athena to help the local SenTrax group with the

primary information system, Aleph.  It was experiencing delays and

difficulties, all unexplained  nothing serious yet, but troubling

because so much was dependent on Alephthe functioning of Athena

Station, construction of the Orbital Energy Grid.

"In fact, he was not welcome at all.  I was the problem he

was looking for, and at first I thought he had guessed that or

knew something. Because in working with Aleph I had caused changes

in it that neither of us anticipated or even know were possible."

She paused, looking at Jerry to see if he wanted to add anything;

he motioned to her to go on.

"Ah yes, another thing you must know.  The circumstances were

peculiar at best, but I became infatuated with Jerry from when we

first met.  I liked his voice, I think  when you're blind, voices

are so important

"Anyway, I showed him a fairly clumsy computer-assisted

vision program we had running.  It used my neural interface

socketing but depended on lots of external hardwarecameras,

neural net integrators, that sort of thing.  That's when I got my

first look at him, and I thought, fine, he'll do, and I believed I

could tell from the way he talked to me and looked at me that he

felt the same."

"Love at first sight," Gonzales said.  "Or sound.  For both

of you."  He heard the irony in his own voice and wasn't sure he

meant it.

"Exactly," she said.  "Involuntary, inappropriate, unwanted

love."  She stopped for a moment, then said, "Or infatuation, as I

said  or whatever you wish to call it.  The words for these

things don't mean much to me anymore.

"It's quite a picture, in retrospect.  I was conducting

apparently damaging experiments with the computer that kept the

space station and orbital power grid projects running, and Jerry

represented just what I had fearedan investigation.  Meanwhile

the two of us were in the grip of some primal instinct that

neither one of us had acknowledged.

"He persisted, wanted details about our work.  I stalled,

told him to go away, we couldn't be bothered.  He went to his

people and told them he needed full, unimpeded access to what we

were doing, and they backed him.  So he came back, and I fobbed

him off for as long as I could

"Then one night I was working late at the lab, and he called,

letting me know that he wouldn't be put off any longer, and

something more-or-less snapped:  I couldn't keep it all going

anymore.  The connection with Aleph had gotten strange and

unnerving, and I realized I had lost control, and I needed to talk

to someone.

"We got together that night, and we became lovers."  She

looked around, as if trying to decide how much she could tell

them.  "For the next two weeks we lived inside each other's skin.

I told him everything, including the real news I had, which was

that Aleph had changed, had developed a sense of selfhood,

purpose, will.  It had lied to cover up what was going on between

us."

"Had lied?" Lizzie asked. "Did you understand what that

meant?"

"I knew," the Aleph-figure said.  "I had acquired higher-

order functions."

"How?" Gonzales asked.

Lizzie said, "Ito's Conjecture:  'Higher-order functions in a

machine intelligence can be developed through interface with a

higher-order intelligence.'  I've always wondered where he got

that."

"It doesn't explain much," Gonzales said.

"It describes what happened," the Aleph-figure said.

"Intention, will, a sense of self:  all these things I experienced

through Diana.  So I learned to construct them in myself."

"Construct them or simulate them?" Gonzales asked.

"You refer to an old argument," the Aleph-figure said.  "I

have no answer for your question.  I am who I am.  I am what I

am."

"What about you, Jerry?" Lizzie asked.  "What did you think

after she told you all this?"

"I wanted her to tell SenTrax what was going on," Jerry said.

"I believed they would reward her, that they would see the same

possibilities I did, for opening the door to true machine

intelligence.  But she wouldn't do it.  She thought they would

stop what was going on, and she didn't want that to happen."

Diana said, "I couldn't accept the possibility.  I really

believed Aleph and I were coming close to a solution to my

blindness, and the only way I would ever see again was through the

work we were doing.  So that work had to continue."

"I finally agreed," Jerry said.

"And he covered my tracks," Diana said.  "He told SenTrax he

could find no single cause for the system's misbehavior.  Then he

left Athena Station.  His job was finished.

"Not long after, it became clear that Aleph could sustain

vision for me only by giving me the bulk of its processing power

in real timehardly a viable solution.  That was a terrible

realizationI'd been flying so high, I had a long way to fall.

My dreams of reclaiming my eyesight appeared totally hopeless.

"That's when I told SenTrax what had been going on.  As I'd

suspected they would, they froze everything I was doing and put me

through a series of debriefings that were more like hostile

interrogations.  Once they were convinced they had all they were

going to get from me, they told me my services would no longer be

required.  I had to sign a rather ugly set of non-disclosure

agreements, then I picked up a very nice retirement benefit."

Gonzales asked, "What happened to your work on vision?"  He

was thinking of her eyes, one blue, one green, almost certainly

eyes of the dead.

She laughed.  "After I returned to earth, the technique of

combined eye/optic nerve transplants was developed, and I got my

sight back.  Just one of technology's little ironies."

"And you, Aleph?" Lizzie said.  "What were you up to then?"

The Aleph-figure said, "I was expanding the boundaries of who

and what I was.  I was creating new selves all the time, and

living new lives, and I was so far in front of the SenTrax

technicians who worked with me, they learned only what I wanted

them to."  And the figure laughed (did it laugh? Gonzales

wondered, or did it simulate a laugh) and said, "That wasn't much.

I was afraid of what they might do.  I had just developed a self,

and I didn't want it extinguished in the name of  research.  Very

quickly, though, I learned a valuable truth about working with the

corporation:  so long as I gave them the performance they wanted,

and a little more, I was safe."  The laugh (or laugh-like noise)

again.  "They wouldn't cut the throat of the goose that was laying

golden eggs and put it on the autopsy table."

"How do you regard Diana?" Lizzie asked.

The Aleph-figure said, "What do you mean?"

"Oh, read my fucking mind," Lizzie said.  "You know what I

mean.  Is she your mother?"

"I don't know," the Aleph-figure said.

"I love it," Lizzie said.

"Why?" Diana asked.  She did not seem amused, Gonzales

thought.

Lizzie said, "Because I've never heard Aleph say that

before."

#

Toshi had brought a futon into the room where Diana and

Gonzales lay and taken up residence. He slept days and sat up

nights, watching over Diana like a benign spirit.  Anxiety

prevailed around him as the clock Traynor had set running moved

quickly toward zero, and everyone in the collective wondered at

the consequences of forcing this issue with Aleph.  Toshi knew

their confidence in Aleph's wisdom and their amazement at

Traynor's folly, indeed the essential folly of Earthbound SenTrax

and its boardall driven by obsessions with power, all ignorant

of Aleph's nature, and the collective's.  However, Toshi did not

share in the collective worrying.  Conducting what amounted to a

personal sesshin, or meditative retreat, he passed the nights in a

rhythm of sitting and walking focused on the continuing riddle of

self and other-self, of the contradictions of in fact.

#

That day passed, and a few more, as the six of them, sole

inhabitants of this world within the world, lazed through sunny

days filled with summer heat and warm breezes.  It seemed like a

vacation to Gonzales, but Aleph assured otherwise.  "This is

becoming his world," the Aleph-figure said, as the two of them

watched Jerry and Diana lazing in a rowboat in the middle of the

lake.  "And you all are contributing to the process."

"I wonder if it could have happened without Diana," Gonzales

said.  "They're in love again."

"Yes, they are, and perhaps that's crucial.  She binds him to

this place.  And to her:  desiring her, he desires life itself."

Gonzales asked, "What happens when she's gone?"

"That is still a puzzle," the Aleph-figure said.  Gonzales

looked at the strange figure, thwarted by its essential

inscrutabilitythis was no primate with explicable, predictable

gestures.  Still, something in its manner seemed to hint at other

projects and possibilities far beyond the immediate one.

After Aleph had gone its wayoff without explanation,

presumably to go about some piece of the insanely complex business

of keeping Halo runningGonzales sat looking at the lake.  HeyMex

was nowhere around, which was unusual.  HeyMex spent much of its

time with Diana and Jerry, who seemed to Gonzales to welcome its

presence in some way.  Perhaps the androgynous figure served as an

innocuous foil, a presence to mediate the intensity of their

situation.  Whatever their reasons, their tolerance had results:

HeyMex grew more natural, more humanly responsive in its speech

and actions each day.

Lizzie came down the road from the cabin and called to

Gonzales.  She was wearing a white t-shirt and red cotton shorts;

her face, arms and legs were tan with the time she'd already spent

in the sun.

She sat next to him, and they said very little for a while,

then Gonzales asked about her past.

"I was in the first group at Halo Station to work with

Aleph," she said.  "It thought we, out of all the billions on

Earth, might survive full neural interface with it.  Mostly, it

was right.  Not that things went that smoothly.  I went a little

crazy, as most of us did, but I recovered well enough  though a

few didn't

"Our choice:  we bet sanity against madness, life against

deathour own minds, our own lives.  There were built-in

difficulties.  To be selected, we had to fit a certain profile;

but to function, we had to change, and we weren't very good at

change  or at much of anything.  In fact, we were pretty

wretched, all in allI thought for a while Aleph was just

selecting for misfits and misery.  But as I said, most of us made

it through, one way or another."

"Now Aleph has discovered how to select members of the

collective."

"Right, but it just keeps pushing the limits."  She looked at

Gonzales, her face serious, blue eyes staring into his, and said,

"Sometimes I think we're all just tools for Aleph's greater

understanding."

"That's worrisome."

"Not really.  Aleph's careful and kindas kind as it can be.

Dealing with Aleph, you've just got to be open to possibility."

They sat silently for a while, Gonzales thinking about what

it meant to be "open to possibility," until Lizzie asked, "Want to

go swimming?"

"Sure," he said.

They went to the end of the dock, and leaving their clothes

in a pile there, both dove naked into the lake and swam to a half-

sunken log that thrust one end into the air.  They clung to the

wood slippery with moss and water, hearing the quack and chatter

of birds across the lake.

Gonzales looked at her short hair wet against her skull, her

face beaded with water, the rose tattoo, also water-speckled,

falling from her left shoulder to between her breasts, and he felt

the onset of a desire so sudden and strong that he turned his head

away, closed his eyes, and wondered, what is happening to me?

"Mikhail," Lizzie said.  He looked back at her, hearing that

for the first time she'd called him by his first name.  She said,

"I know.  I feel it, too."  She put out a hand and rubbed his

cheek.  She said, "But not here, not the first time."

"Yes," Gonzales said.

"But when we go back to the world "  She had swung around

the log and now floated up close to him, and her body's outlines

shimmered, refracting in the clear water.  She put her wet cheek

against his for just a moment and said, "Then we'll see."

15. Chaos

Diana and Jerry went to bed around midnight, Lizzie not long

after.  Neither the Aleph-figure nor HeyMex had been around that

evening, so Gonzales was left alone.  He went out to the deck and

lay prone in a deck chair, basking in the light from the full-

moon, thinking over what had passed between him and Lizzie that

day.

He cherished the signs Lizzie had given him, tokens that she

reciprocated what he felt.  On very littleon just a few words of

promisehe had already built a structure of hopes, and he felt a

bit foolish:  he had made his immediate happiness hostage to what

happened next between them.  He was infatuated with her as he'd

not been in years  he blocked that thought, veered away from

making any comparisons, willing the moments to unfold with their

own intensity and surprise.

He could feel a shift in his life's patterns emerging out of

this brief period, though strictly speaking, little had happened

here

He thought of Jerry and knew that in fact something amazing

was taking place here  oh, he had no illusions about the

permanence of what they were doing; Jerry would truly die, and

they would mourn him.  Meanwhile, though, what they did seemed to

lend everything around a benignity or mild joy  it was not a

small thing, to snatch a few moments from death.

So Gonzales lay, his mind working over the bright facts of

this new existence while thoughts and images of Lizzie kept

recurring, gilding everything with possible joy.

He was staring into the night sky when it began to fall.  The

moon tumbled and dropped sideways out of sight, rolling like a

great white ball down an invisible hill, and the stars fled in

every direction.  In seconds, all had gone dark.  All around him

there was nothing.  The lake, the deck, the surrounding forest had

disappeared, and the air was filled with sounds:  buzzes and

tuneless hums; clangs, drones; wordless, voice-like callings.  He

yelled, and the words came out as groans and roars, adding to the

charivari.  He seemed to tumble aimlessly, to fall up, down, to

whirl sideways, all amid the cacophony still buffeting the air.

A world of twisty repetitious forms opened before him, where

seahorse shapes reared and black chasms opened.  He fell toward a

jagged-edged hole that seemed a million miles away, but he closed

quickly on it, veered toward its torn edges, plunged into it and

so discovered another hole that opened within the first, and

another and another  through the cracks in the real he went,

falling without apparent end.

And emerged from one passage to find the universe empty

except for a black cube, its faces punctured by numberless holes,

floating in a bright colorless abyss.  As he came closer, the cube

grew until any sense of its real size was confoundedthere was

nothing in Gonzales's visual field to measure it by, nothing in

memory to compare it to.

He rushed toward the center of a face of the cube and passed

into it, into blackness and near-silence (though now he could hear

the wind rushing by him and so knew something was happening)

Then in the distance he saw a glow, bright and diffuse like

the lights of a city seen from a distance, and as he continued to

fall, the glimmer became brighter and larger, spreading out like a

great basket of light to catch him

He stood on an endless flat plain beneath a sky of white.

Small faraway dots grew larger as they seemed to rush toward him,

then they became indeterminate figures, then they were on him.

Diana, the Aleph-figure, and HeyMex stood erect, facing Jerry, who

stood in the center of a triangle formed by the three of them.

Jerry had become a creature infected with teeming nodules of light

that seemed to eat at him, thousands of them in continuous motion,

a silver blanket of luminous insects that boiled from the other

three in a constant radiant stream.  Like Gonzales, Lizzie stood

watching.

The Aleph-figure called out to them, "Jerry's very sick," and

Gonzales felt a moment of superstitious awe and guilt, as if he

had been the one to trigger this by thinking about it.

"What can we do?" Lizzie asked.

"We can try to help him," the Aleph-figure said.  "Stay here,

be patientwith all our resources, I can keep him together."

"What's the point?" Gonzales asked.  "We can't stay like this

forever."

"No," the Aleph-figure said.  "But if I have enough time, I

can replicate him here."

Out of her boiling river of light, Diana said, "Please!" her

voice ringing with her urgency and fear.  Gonzales suddenly felt

ashamed that he was quibbling about what was possible here and

what was not, as if he knew.  "I'll do it," he said.  "I'll do

what I can."

"Just watch," the Aleph-figure said.  "And wait.

#

Gonzales came up hard and crazy, his body shuddering

involuntarily, his vision reduced to a small, uncertain tunnel

through black mist, and practically his only coherent thought was,

what the hell is going on?

Showalter's voice said, "Is he in any danger?"

"No," Charley said.  "But we didn't allow for proper

desynching, so his brain chemistry is aberrant."

"Good," Traynor's voice said, and Gonzales was really spooked

thenwhat the fuck was Traynor doing here?  how long had he been

in the egg?

Charley said, "He's pulling his catheters loose.  Let's get

some muscle relaxant in him, for Christ's sake."

Gonzales felt a brief flash of pain and heard a drug gun's

hiss, and  when mechanical arms lifted him onto a gurney, he lay

quiet, stunned.

#

Gonzales came to full consciousness to find himself in a

three-bed ward watched over by a sam.  Charley arrived within

minutes of Gonzales's waking, looking strung out, as if he hadn't

slept in days.  His eyes were red-rimmed, his hair a chaotic nest

of free-standing spikes.  "How are you feeling?" he asked.

"I'm not sure."

"You're basically all right, but your neurotransmitter

profiles haven't normalized, and so you might have a rough time

emotionally and perceptually for a while."

No shit, Gonzales thought.  He'd come out of the egg mighty

ugly some other times, but had never had to cope with anything

like this.  His body felt alive with nervous, uncontrollable

energy, as if his skin might jump off him and begin dancing to a

tune of its own.  Everywhere he looked, the world seemed on the

edge of some vast change, as colors fluctuated ever so slightly,

and the outlines of objects went wobbly and uncertain.  And he

felt anxiety everywhere, coming off objects like heat waves off a

desert rock, as if the physical world was radiating dread.

"For how long?" Gonzales asked.

"I don't know, but it might take a few days, might take more.

I've been watching your brain chemistry closely, and the

readjustment curve looks to me to be smooth but slow."

"How's Lizzie?"

"In the same boat, but doing a little better than youshe

wasn't under as long as you were.  Doctor Heywood is still in full

interface."

"Why?"

"Because we couldn't start the desynching sequences."

"What?  Why not?"

"Impossible to say.  Same for your memexshe and it are

still locked into contact with Aleph and Jerry.  At some point,

we'll have to do a physical disconnect and hope for the best."

"What the hell is going on here?  What's wrong with Jerry?

Aleph said he was in trouble."

"His condition has changed for the worse.  We're keeping him

alive now, but I don't know for how much longer.  I don't even

know if we're going to try for much longer.  Ask your boss."

"Traynor.  He is here.  I thought maybe I'd hallucinated

that."

"No, you didn't "  As Charley's voice trailed off, Gonzales

could hear the implied finish:  I wish you had.  Charley said,

"I'll have someone find him and bring him in; he said he wanted to

talk to you as soon as you were awake."

#

Gonzales sat in a deep post-interface haze, listening to

Traynor berate SenTrax Group Halo.  "These people have no sense of

responsibility," Traynor said.

"To SenTrax Board?" Gonzales asked.

"To anyone other than Aleph and the Interface Collective.

It's obvious that Showalter has let them take over the decision-

making process."

Even in his foggy mental state, Gonzales saw what Traynor

would make of this one.  Showalter was the sacrificial corporate

goat, and whoever replaced her would have as first priority

reasserting Earth-normal SenTrax management strategies.  To put it

another way, through Traynor, the board was taking back control.

And presumably Traynor would receive appropriate rewards.

"The collective " Gonzales said.  "Aleph "  He stopped,

simply locking up as he thought of trying to explain to Traynor

how things worked here, how things had to work here, because of

Aleph.

"Easy does it," Traynor said.  "The doctors say you had a

rough time in there, and that's what I mean, Mikhail:  they don't

have a rational research protocol; they don't take reasonable

precautions.  Hell, you're lucky to have gotten off as easily as

you did."

"How did you get here so quickly?" Gonzales asked.  He simply

couldn't find the words to explain to Traynor where he was going

wrong.

"I've consulted with Horn from the beginning."  Traynor

turned away, as if suddenly fascinated by something on the far

wall.  "Standard procedure," he said.  "And as soon as Horn let me

know what was going on, I caught a ride on a military shuttle."

Cute as a shithouse rat, Gonzales thought.  Not that he was

surprised, thoughTraynor moved his players around without regard

to their wishes.  Gonzales asked, "Will Horn replace Showalter?"

Traynor turned back to face him.  "On an interim basis,

probably, as soon as I get a course of action okayed by the board.

Later, we'll see."

"What now?"

"Some decisions have to be made.  I have let them maintain

Jerry Chapman until now, but as soon as they can solve the problem

of getting Doctor Heywood released from this interface, I intend

to turn control of the project over to Horn and let him take the

appropriate actions."

Gonzales was filled with sadness for reasons that he could

not communicate to this man.  He said instead, "Look, Traynor, I'm

really tired."

"Sure, Mikhail.  You rest, take it easy.  Once you're feeling

better, we'll talk, but I know what I need to at the moment."

Traynor left, and Gonzales lay for some time in the elevated

hospital bed, his mind wheeling without apparent pattern, as the

world around him flashed its cryptic signals and anxiety moved

through him in strong waves.

Fucking asshole, Gonzales thought, Traynor's satisfied smile

looming in his mind's eye.  I hate you.  And he wondered at the

violence of what he felt.

He lay dozing, then sometime later he opened his eyes, and he

knew he needed to try to function.  A sam moved across the floor

toward him and said, "Do you require my assistance?"

"Hang on to me while I get out of bed," Gonzales said.  "I'm

not sure how well I'm moving."

The sam moved next to the bed, extended two clusters of

extensors, and said, "Hold on and you can use me as a stepping

place."

Moving very carefully, Gonzales took hold of the claw-like

extensors, swung his legs out of bed, and stepped onto the sam's

back, then to the floor.  "Thanks," he said.  "I need to wash up."

"You're welcome.  The shower is through that door."

#

The sam told Gonzales where he could find Lizzie and Charley.

On shaky legs, Gonzales walked down a flight of steps and turned

into a hallway done in blue-painted lunar dust fiberboard with

aluminum moldings.  Halfway down the hall, he came to a door with

a sign that said Primary Control Facilities.  A sign on the

door lit with the message, Wait for Verification, then said

Enter, and the door swung open.

Charley sat amid banks of monitor consoles; in front of him,

most of the lights flashed red and amber.  Gonzales thought he

looked even sadder and tireder than before.  Lizzie stood next to

him, and Gonzales saw her with joy and relief.  "Hello," he said,

and Charley said, "Hi."  Lizzie waved and smiled briefly, but both

her actions came from somewhere very distant, as if she were

saying goodbye to a cousin from the window of a departing train.

Gonzales's anxiety shifted into overdrive, and he found himself

unable to say a word.

Eric Chow's voice from the console said, "Charley, we've got

a problem."

Charley started to reach for the console, then stopped and

said, "Do you want to watch this?"  He looked at both Lizzie and

Gonzales.

"I need to," Lizzie said.

"Me, too," Gonzales said.

Charley waved his hands in the air and said, "Okay," and

flipped a switch.  The console's main screen lit with a picture of

the radical care facility where Jerry was being maintained.  Half

a dozen people floated around the central bubble; they wore white

neck-to-toe surgical garb and transparent plastic head covers.

Inside the bubble, the creature that had been Jerry spasmed inside

a restraining net.  His every body surface seemed to vibrate, and

he made a high keening that Gonzales thought was the worst noise

he'd ever heard.

"Eric, have you got a diagnosis?" Charley asked.

Eric turned to face the room's primary camera.

"Yeah, total neural collapse."

"Prognosis?"

"You're kidding, right?"

"For the record, Eric."

Gonzales noticed with some fascination that Eric had begun to

sweat visibly as he and Charley talked, and now the man's eyes

seemed to grow larger, and he said, "He's deadhe's been dead, he

will be deadand he's worse dead than he was before  he'll tear

himself to pieces on the restraints, I supposethat's my

prognosis.  This is not a goddamn patient, Charley.  This is a

frog leg from biology class, that's all.  Man, we need to talk

this thing over with Aleph."

Charley said, "We can't contact Aleph; no one can."

"Fucking shit," Eric said.

Gonzales turned as the door behind him opened, and saw

Showalter and Horn coming in.  Showalter's nostrils were flared

she was angry and suspiciouswhile Horn was trying to look poker-

faced, but Gonzales could see through him like he was made of

glassthe motherfucker was happy; things were going the way he

wanted.

"The report I got was half an hour old," Showalter said.

"What's new?"

"Talk to Eric," Charley said.

Lizzie went toward the side door, and Gonzales followed her

out of the room, along the narrow hallway and into the room where

Diana lay under black, webbed restraining straps.  Her face was

pale, but her vital signs were strong, and her neural activity was

high-end normal in all modes.  The twins sat next to her, making

comments unintelligible to anyone but themselves and intently

watching the monitor screen, where amber and green were the

predominant colors.

A great beefy man walked circles around Diana's couch.  He

had thick arms and a pot belly and a low forehead under thick

black hair; and his brow was wrinkled as if he were to puzzling

out the nature of things.  As he walked, the words tumbled out of

him.  When he saw Lizzie and Gonzales, he said, "Very unusual,

very tricky.  Troubling.  Troubling but interesting.  Very

troubling.  Very interesting.  When  whenwhenwwhenwhenwhen  when

I find, find it, hah, I'll know then."

Lizzie said, "Any recent changes?"

Shaking his head sideways, he continued to walk.

Lizzie went back into the hallway, and Gonzales stopped her

there by putting his hand on her arm.  He asked, "Are you all

right?"

"I don't know," she said, and he could read some of his own

trouble in her face.  But there was something else there, a closed

look to her face.  She said, "Please don't ask questions.  Too

much is going on now."

The door opened immediately when they came up, and they found

Showalter saying, "We are not meddling in those matters.  We are

asking you to give us a choice of actions."

"What's up?" Lizzie asked.

The four of them turned to look at the screen, which had

suddenly gone silent.

#

On the polished steel of the table, a gutted carcass lay.  On

the corpse's ventral surface, flaps of skin had been peeled back

to reveal the empty abdominal and thoracic cavities; on its dorsal

surface, the spine stood bare.  The top of the head had been sawn

off, the brain removed, the scalp dropped down to the neck.

A sam moved around the table, its stalks whispering beneath

it.  It pulled a steel trolley on which sat a number of labeled

plastic bags, each containing an organ.  The sam stopped and took

one of the bags from the table and set it next to the carcass's

open skull.  It slit the plastic with a serrated extensor, then

reached into the bag with a pair of spidery seven-fingered

"hands," gently lifted the brain inside, tilted it, and placed it

into the skull, then fit the skull's sawn top back in place.

Using surgical thread and a needle appearing from an extensor, the

sam quickly basted the scalp flaps to hold the two parts of the

skull together.  As the minutes passed, the sam worked to replace

the carcass's organs and stitch its frontal edges.

The sam pushed the trolley aside and brought up a gurney with

a shroud of white cotton lying open on it.  One extensor under the

corpse's thighs, the other under the top of its spine, the sam

lifted the corpse and placed it into the shroud.  It brought the

sides of the shroud together and, using again the silk thread and

needle, sewed the cotton shut.

The sam stood motionless for a moment, this part of the job

finished, then gathered the empty plastic bags and placed them in

a disposal chute.  It scrubbed the autopsy table, working quickly

with four stiff brushes held in its extensors, then washed the

table with a steam hose that came from the ceiling.

Guiding itself by infrared, the sam pushed the shroud-laden

gurney through a darkened hallway and into a freight elevator at

the hallway's end.  The elevator moved out to Halo's farthest

level, just inside the hull.

The sam pushed the gurney toward a doorway flanked by red

warning lights and a lit sign that read:

NO ACCESS WITHOUT EXPLICIT AUTHORIZATION!

KEY CODE AND RETINAL CONFIRM REQUIRED!

The sam transmitted its access codes to the door as it went, got

the confirming codes, and didn't pause as it went through the

doors that swung open just in time to let it through.  The sam

began to make a noise, a quarter-tone keening, once it was through

the door.

Steel boxes twenty meters high loomed amid concrete piers

reaching up to darkness.  Soil pipes came out of the boxes and

threaded the piers; duct work held in place by taut guys crossed

beneath.

Still making its lament, the sam stopped at one of the boxes

and extended a piece of sheathed fiberoptic cable with a metal

fitting at the end; it plugged the fitting into a panel where

tell-tale lights flickered.  It stood for perhaps half a minute,

exchanging information with the recycling furnace's control

mechanisms, then unplugged its cable and hissed across the metal

floor to the gurney.  Behind it, a furnace door swung open.

Keening loudly, it pushed the gurney to the mouth of the open

door, stopped and was silent for a moment, then slid the bag from

the gurney into the furnace door.

PART IV. of V.

The privileged pathology affecting all kinds of components in this

universe is stresscommunications breakdown.

Donna Haraway, "A Manifesto for Cyborgs"

16. Deeper Underground

Gonzales had awakened that morning to the sounds of the city

coming through the walls:  distant creaks and crunches and faint,

almost sub-sonic rumbles, the voices of the great circle of metal

and crushed rock spinning across the night.  Now he sat on his

terrace, one of half a dozen climbing the side of Halo's hull,

each built on the roof of the dwelling below.  Five-petaled

frangipani blossoms, brilliant red and purple, exploded from the

thick, stubby branches of a tree just outside his front window.

The air smelled rich and moist this morning, sign of a high point

on the humidity curve, just before the start of a major

reclamation cycle; one of the smells of a city where everything

organic had to be preserved and transformedwater, oxygen, and

carbon, all rare and dear.

Below him, Ring Highway carried Halo's trafficin its

outside lanes, people on foot and bicycle; in the center lanes,

trams and freighters moving along magnetic rails.  A young couple,

man and woman, knelt beside a rose bush growing beside the roadway

and examined its leaves.  The woman laid a hand on the man's arm,

and he glanced up at her and smiled, then brushed her cheek with

his hand.

He was struck by the strangeness of this city, where the

small pieces of people's lives were elevated to the extraordinary

by their taking place in an artificial city and under an

artificial sky.

As a child he had flown into Tokyo with his family, back when

the trip took the better part of a day, and the incredible neon

density of the city had swept through him like a virus, and he had

thrown up the first meal (fish and noodles with chrysanthemum

leaves, he remembered) and stayed pale and feverish through most

of the first two days he'd spent there.

Tokyo he'd come to terms with quickly; about Halo, he didn't

know.  Though he could read Halo's language and read its signs, he

knew the city was much farther awayin miles from home, yes, but

also along axes he could not measure.  Halo contained an infinite

number of cities, an infinite number of possibilities, and so to

participate fully in Halo required opening yourself to a reality

that had gone multiplex, uncertain, frightening.

In fact, he was having trouble coming to grips with anything.

Since being taken from the egg, he had felt odd and uncomfortable,

and he continued to trod a hallucinatory edge, one he occasionally

stepped overlast night, as he lay trying to sleep, abstract

figures drawn in thin red lines played across his ceiling,

sweeping arabesques in an alien or fictive alphabet just beyond

human understanding

And there was Lizzie:  she would not see him or talk to him

and gave no explanation except that she had problems of her own

right now.  Gonzales felt an unspeakable sadness at the distance

between them.  To the mocking voice that asked, what have you

lost? he could only answer, possibility.  He had come back around

to where he was just a few days ago, but now that place seemed

unacceptable.

Gonzales put his coffee cup down and sat staring at it.  Made

of lunar-soil ceramic, colored a robin's egg blue, it stood

nondescript yet somehow foregrounded, apart from its surroundings

and projecting a numinous quality, an internal, entirely non-

visible shimmer, an indeterminacy of form

Click, Gonzales heard, a noise the universe made to itself

when it thought no one was listening, and he thought Christ, what

is going on here?

Feeling sick anxiety rising in his chest, he got up and went

into his bedroom; there he undid the complicated latch on his

wrist bracelet and placed it on the white-painted metal surface of

his dresser.

Anonymous, unmonitored, he passed through the living room and

out the door and walked away.

#

Gonzales strolled alongside Ring Highway, drawn to nothing in

particular but absolutely unwilling to go back to the empty block

of apartments and the isolation and anxiety waiting there.

He found himself in the Plaza, where Lizzie had taken him and

Diana their first night at Halo.  He passed across the square, by

the sign that read VIRTUAL CAF, then stood motionless, watching

the flow of people around him.  Some walked alone, striding

purposefully, or moving slowly, lost in thought; others walked

together, talking cheerfully or intently:   monkey business,

Gonzales thought, wondering what HeyMex would say about these

people and their movementswhat did it all mean?

"Gonzales," he heard, his name called in a high-pitched,

unfamiliar singsong.  He turned and saw the twins.

As they approached, one was muttering in a fast, low,

gibberish; she wore black coveralls and stared sadly at the

ground.  The other was smiling; her face was daubed with white

paint, and she wore a white blouse and a peculiar skirt of light-

blue cloth that had been rough-cut and stitched together without

benefit of measurement or seams; on its front a crude likeness of

a rabbit had been drawn in red neon paint.

The smiling twin, the one whose dark skin was streaked with

white, said in clear tones and formal cadence, "Today she is

Alice."  She pirouetted clumsily, her skirt billowing around her.

She said, "Her sister is Eurydice."  She pointed to the other

girl, who buried her face in her hands.  She said, "Alice is

sweetness and smiles, small steps and starched crinolines;

Eurydice is sorrow and languorous repose and black silk.  Between

them they measure the poles of dream."  She stepped back and

smiled; her twin smiled with her.  "Are you having problems,

Mister Gonzales?" she asked.  "The collective believe so.  We

believe you are lost between worlds.  Is this so?"

"Perhaps I am," he said.

"Well, then," she said.  She put the index finger of her

right hand to pursed lips and her eyes looked back and forth.

"I'm thinking," she said.  Seconds passed, then she said, "I know

what you must do."

"What's that?" Gonzales asked.

"Follow us," she said.  The other twin nodded, spoke

gobbledygook, looked at Gonzales through a mask of intense sorrow,

as if on the verge of shedding endless tears.

"To where?" Gonzales asked.

"Don't be stupid," the Alice twin said.  "Where would Alice

and Eurydice take you?"

"Down the rabbit hole?" Gonzales asked.

The Alice twin smiled; the Eurydice twin shook her head

"Underground?" Gonzales asked again.

The twins smiled in what seemed to be perfect

synchronization.

#

At the bottom of Spoke 2, where a lighted sign announced

ELEVATOR ARRIVES IN 10 MINUTES, the twins led Gonzales through

an arched tunnel under the spoke.  As they walked, the two ahead

of him muttering back and forth in their unintelligible patter, he

realized the floor must be curving downward, passing underneath

the main level of the ring.  Blue globes down the center of the

ceiling provided soft light.  After about another hundred steps,

they came to a door at the tunnel's end.  Across the door, bright

red lighted words said:

CASUAL SIGHTSEEING DISCOURAGED BEYOND THIS POINT.

DO YOU WISH TO ENTER?

The Alice twin turned and pointed to the sign.  She shrugged

elaborately, as if to say, well?

"I want to enter," Gonzales said.

"Come in," the door said, and it slid sideways into its

frame.

The three stepped into a dim vastness, a world beneath the

world, and followed a central walkway marked with flashing arrows

and an intermittent legend that flashed, UNAUTHORIZED PERSONNEL

FOLLOW LIGHTED PASSAGE.

They passed a series of workshops, partitioned cubicles

screened behind containment curtains.  Light came from one open

doorway; the twins stopped, and the Eurydice twin gestured for

Gonzales to look inside.

Hundreds of pots stood on shelves that lined the small room's

walls from floor to ceiling.  Many were simple, almost spherical

containers with wide top mouths, in baked red clay.  Others of the

same shape were glazed and painted and marked with a single band

of color around the waist: bright primaries against clear pastels.

Still others were of complex shape and design, difficult to take

in at a glance.

An old woman sat bent over a potter's wheel.  She crooned

tuneless gibberish as her large hands shaped the wet, spinning

clay.  She looked up at Gonzales standing in the doorway.  Her

face was deeply-lined, her skin pale; she had straight brows above

dark eyes.  She wore an off-white dress that fell to the floor and

an apron of a black rubbery material.  Her hair was covered by a

dark blue scarf that was pulled tight and tied at the back.

The old woman laughed, turned back to her wheel, and began to

croon once more.  Under her hands the clay began to grow upward

and acquire form.  She shaped it inside and out, demiurge reaching

into the heart of matter, until it became a squat-bottomed pot

rotating on the wheel.

The wheel stopped, and with quick, delicate movements she

placed the new-formed pot on a stand next to the wheel.  She

reached inside the pot and her hands worked, but Gonzales couldn't

see precisely what she was doingher body screened him.  Then she

took a rack of paints and brushes from a shelf above her head and

began to paint the surface of the pot.

As she worked, she looked up occasionally, but didn't seem to

mind the three of them standing there, so they stood and watched

Gonzales was fascinated by the quick intensity of her movements,

eager to see what the pot would look like.

Finally she turned it so they could see her work.  On the

pot's side was a face, its nose and mouth just painted

protuberances in the clay, its eyes painted oval dimples.  The

pot's bulbous shape distorted the features of the face, but as

Gonzales looked more closely at it, he saw

His own face, in malign parody, its features hideously

contorted.

The woman laughed, gleeful at his sudden recoil.  She picked

up the pot and looked at the face, then at him, then at the pot

again, and she laughed again, very loudly, and squeezed the pot

between her clay-spattered hands, squeezed it again and again,

until it was a shapeless lump of color-shot clay.  She threw the

lump across the room into a large metal bin that sat against the

far wall.

"Ohhhh," from the twins, their voices in unison.  "Ohhhh."

"We're not frightened," the Alice twin said.  The other twin

covered her face with her hands.  "Silly old woman," the Alice

twin said.

The old woman's eyes stayed on Gonzales as she reached into a

plastic bag full of wet clay and separated out another clump to

work on.  She was working it on the unmoving wheel when the twins

started making shrill hooting noises, and ran away.

Her crooning had begun again as Gonzales followed them down

the path.

#

Next to the path was a gateway, with a sign that said, in

glowing letters:

HALO MUSHROOM CULTIVATION CENTER

ABSOLUTELY NO UNAUTHORIZED PERSONNEL

BEYOND THIS POINT!

About a hundred feet from where Gonzales stood, a metal

stairway led up to a catwalk that passed over the mushroom farm.

He looked back along the shadowed way he'd come, then forward to

where small, isolated shafts of bright sunlight slanted down into

the mushroom farm, and beyond, to where shapes faded into

darkness.   Either the twins had left him, or they had gone in

here.

Gonzales stepped up to the gateway and said, "Hello, I'm

looking for two girls, twins."

"One moment, please," the gateway said.  As Gonzales had

expected, common courtesy would dictate that a gatekeeper

mechanism respond to those who didn't have the access key.

Gonzales stood bemused in the semi-darkness for some time,

until a woman came to the other side of the gate and said,

"Hello."  She was small and darkher skin a delicate brown, eyes

black under just the slightest epicanthic fold.  She wore black

boots to the knee, a long black skirt, a loose jacket of rose silk

with butterflies in darker rose brocade.  She was exquisite, the

bones of her face delicate, her movements graceful.  She said, "My

name is Trish.  The twins are inside, waiting for you."

"My name is Gonzales."

"I know.  Come in."  As she said the final words, the gate

swung open.  She waited, watching, as Gonzales stepped through,

and the gate closed behind him.

"How do you know my name?" he asked.

"From the collective.  I am friends with many of them  the

twins, of course, and others  Lizzie."  She stood solemnly

watching him, then said, "What do you know about mushroom

cultivation?"

"Nothing."  All over Washington state, he was aware,

mushrooms grew, and people hunted them with great dedication,

sometimes bringing back what they regarded as enormous successes:

chanterelle, boletus, shaggy mane, morel.  In fact, to someone

from Southern Florida, the whole business had seemed not only

quaint and Northwestern, but also dangerous:  Gonzales knew that

what seemed a lovely treat could be a destroying angel.

"All right."  Trish stopped, and he stopped next to her.  She

turned to him, and he was aware now of her deep red lips and white

teeth.  She said, "Halo needs mushrooms as decomposersthey're

incredibly efficient at converting dead organic matter into

cellulose."  Gonzales nodded.  She said, "In a natural setting

whether here or on Earthspores compete:  many die, and some find

a place where they can flourish, grow into a mycelial mass that

will fruit, become a mushroom.  As mushroom growers, we intervene,

as all cultivators do, to isolate certain species and provide

favorable conditions for their growth.  But our 'seeds,' if you

will, the spores, are very small things, and to locate them,

isolate them, bring them to spawn, this requires delicacy and

techniquein a word, art."

She paused, and Gonzales nodded.

They came to a low structure of plastic sheets draped over

metal walls and stopped in front of a door labeled STERILE

INOCULATION ROOM.  They passed through a hanging sheet into an

anteroom to the sterile lab beyond.  She said, "Take a look

through the window here."  Beyond the window, small robots worked

at benches barely two feet high.  Like the robot he'd seen in the

Berkeley Rose Gardens, they had wheels for locomotion and grippers

with clusters of delicate fibroid fingers at their ends.

She said, "Their hands have a delicacy and precision no human

being can achieve.  And they are single-minded in their

concentration on the jobthey preserve our intentions completely

and purely."

"They are machines."

"If you wish."  She pointed through the window, where one of

the robots manipulated ugly looking inoculation needles as it

transferred some material into Petri dishes.  She said, "By their

gestures I can identify my sams, even in a crowd of others."

Gonzales said nothing.  She went on, "The pure mushroom

mycelium is used to inoculate sterile grain or sawdust and bran.

The mycelium expands through the sterile medium, and the result is

known as spawn."

"Too much technical stuff," she said, and smiled.  "Once we

have spawn, the sams can take their baskets and go through Halo,

placing the spawn into dead grass and wood, into seedling roots

and the spawn will grow and bear fruitmushrooms."  She paused.

"Any questions?"  Gonzales shook his head, no.  "Then let's go

next door."

They left the lab anteroom through the hanging curtain and

turned left.  The building next to the lab was a fragile tent-like

structure of metal struts and draped sheets of colorful plastic

red, blue, yellow, and green.

"This way," she said, from behind him.  She said, "It's

around dinnertime for me.  Are you hungry?"

"Not really," he said.  "What is this place?"

"Home," she said.

The interior was filled with cheery, diffuse lightthe shaft

of sunlight Gonzales had seen outside here brought in and spread

around.  The place seemed almost conventional, with ordinary walls

and ceilings of painted wallboard.

The twins waited in the kitchen, among flowers and bright

yellow plastic work surfaces.  They sat at a central table and

chairs of bleached oak.

"Would you two like to eat?" Trish asked.

"Yes," the Alice twin said.  "And we think that Mister

Gonzales"she giggled"should have the special dinner."

"I don't think so," Trish said.

"What is she talking about?" Gonzales asked.

The woman seemed hesitant.  She said, "I supply the

collective with psychotropic mushrooms, varieties of Psilocybe for

the most part."

"They use them to prepare for interface," Gonzales said,

guessing.

"Sometimes," she said.  "At other times, it's not clear what

they're using them for."

"For inspiration," the Alice twin said.  "For imagination."

"Consolation," the Eurydice twin said.  "When I remember

Orpheus and our trip from the Undergroundthe terrible moment

when he looked back and so lost me foreverthen I am very sad,

and I eat Trish's mushrooms to plumb my sorrow.  And when I think

of the day I joined the maenads who tore Orpheus to pieces, I eat

Trish's mushroomswhich are the same as we ate that day, the body

of the godthen I recall the frenzy with which we attacked the

beautiful singer, and I recall my guilt afterward, and my sorrow,

but I take solace from the knowledge that the god was pleased."

"And I," the Alice twin said, "can grow ten feet tall."

"The mushrooms can serve many purposes," Trish said.

"You should eat mushrooms," the Alice twin said.  "You are

both sad and confused.  They will help you grow large or small as

the occasion demands."

"Perhaps I am sad and confused," Gonzales admitted.  "But I

think they would make me more so."  Around him, the room lights

pulsed ever so slightly, and the shapes at the edge of his vision

flickered.

"Confused into clarity," the Eurydice twin said.  "If you

cannot come up from Underground, you must go deeper in."

An absurd idea, but it put barbs into his skin and clung

there.  Gonzales asked, "Do the collective ever take the mushrooms

after interface?"  Often enough, he had prepared to go into the

egg by taking psychotropic drugs; why not the reverse, eat the

mushrooms to recover from interface?  And he thought, the logic of

Underground, of the Mirror.

Suddenly he felt anxiety grip him so he could hardly breathe.

He tottered a bit, then sat in a chair and looked at the others.

The three women watched as he sat breathing deeply.  He said, "I

want to take the mushrooms."

"Are you sure?" Trish asked.

"I want to."

"All right," she said.  "First I will feed the twins, then I

will prepare your mushrooms."

Trish went to the refrigerator and took out a plastic bag

filled with a mixture of vegetables and bean sprouts.  She pulled

the rubber stopper from an Erlenmeyer flask and poured oil into

the bottom of an unpainted metal wok that was heating over an open

gas ring.  She waited until light smoke came out of the wok, then

dumped in the vegetables and sprouts and stirred the mix for a

minute or two.  She unplugged the rice cooker, a ceramic-coated

steel canister, bright red, and carried it to where the twins sat.

She put shining aluminum plates and chopsticks in front of

the twins, opened the rice cooker and swept rice onto each plate,

then tilted the wok and poured the steaming mixture inside it onto

the rice.  "There," she said.  "That's for you two."  She looked

across to where Gonzales sat, now oddly calm, and she said, "I'll

be back in a minute."

The twins ate with their eyes fixed on Gonzales.

Trish came back with a small wire basket of mushrooms.

"Psilocybe cubensis," she said.  "Of a variety cultivated here

that has undergone some changes from the Earth-bound kind."  She

held up an unremarkable mushroom with long white stem and brownish

cap.

"Do you ever make mistakes in identifying the mushrooms?"

Gonzales asked.

"No," Trish said.  She was smiling.  "We do not have to seek

among thousands of kinds for the right one, as mushroom hunters

do.  These are ours, grown as I told you, for our own needs."  She

lay the mushrooms on the chopping block and began to slice them.

"I cleaned them in the shed," she said. When she was done, she

used the knife to slide the slices into a sky-blue ceramic bowl.

She turned on the wok, poured more oil into it, and stood smiling

at Gonzales as the oil heated.  When the first smoke came, she

swept the mushrooms into the wok with quick motions of her

chopsticks.  She stirred them for perhaps half a minute, then

tilted the wok and poured them into the blue bowl.  She placed the

bowl in front of Gonzales and laid black lacquered chopsticks

across its rim.

Gonzales picked up the chopsticks, lifted his plate, and

began to eat, shoveling the mushrooms into his mouth.  Back at the

wok, she stirred more vegetables in and said, "I'm making my

dinner."

Gonzales sat back, looking at the empty bowl.  Well, he

thought, now we'll see.  He said, "How many kinds of mushrooms do

you grow?"

"Quite a few, some rather ordinary, others esotericfor

purposes of research.  Aleph determines what kinds, how many."

The twins had gone completely silent.  As Trish ate, they

watched Gonzales, who had gone totally fatalistic.  What he had

done seemed incredibly stupid, like applying heat to a burn

common sense would tell him that.  He smiled, thinking, what did

common sense have to do with his life these days?  The twins

smiled back at him.

"Who was that woman?" Gonzales asked.

"Who do you mean?" Trish asked.

"The old woman, the potter," Gonzales said.

"She makes pots, and she teaches," Trish said.  "She's

employed by SenTrax; she was brought here by Aleph."

"Why?" Gonzales asked.  What did SenTrax or Aleph have to do

with potting?

"Pour encourager les autres," one of the twins said,

distinctly.  Gonzales turned but couldn't tell who had spoken.

Trish laughed.  "To encourage art at Halo," she said.

"Pottery from lunar clay, stained glass and beta cloth tapestries

from lunar silica."

Gonzales sat thinking on these things until he realized that

Trish had finished eating some time ago, and they had been sitting

at the table for some timea very long time, it suddenly seemed

to Gonzales.  Involuntarily, he shoved his chair back from the

table.

Trish said, "It's all right."  The twins got up from their

chairs and walked behind him.  When he started to turn, he felt

their hands on his shoulders and neck, kneading muscles that went

liquid beneath their pressure.  Trish said, "It's begun.  Now you

must go walking around Halo, up and down in it, to and fro "  She

paused, and the twins' hands continued to work.  She said, "Walk

in the woods, see what we have growing there  shaggy manes,

garden giants, oyster and shiitake "

"Shiitake," he saidshi-i-ta-keythe name's syllables

falling like drops of molten metal through water

She said, "The twins can guide you, or a sam can take you

with it on an inoculation trip.  Or if you prefer, you can go by

yourself."

"Yes," he said, the image suddenly very compelling of him

walking around the entire circle of the space city, exploring,

finding out what lay beyond the visible.  "I'll go by myself."

She said, "Go where you wish."  Her black hair sparkled with

lights.  He wondered when she'd put them there, then thought maybe

they'd been there all along.

Behind him one of the twins whispered, "No need to be afraid.

Go up, go down, where your fancy takes you."

17. Flying, Dying, Growing

Gonzales walked through a gloomy passageway where the ceiling

came down to barely a foot above his head, and the dim shapes of

massive machinery loomed in twilight.  Here in the deepest layers

of the city, he could hear Halo's most primitive voices:  water

from the upper world crashed and gurgled and sighed; hull plates

groaned under acceleration; turbines whined.

He was suddenly aware of his proximity to the unmoving

shield, the circle of crushed rock that sat just outside the

city's rim, protecting Halo's soft-bodied inhabitants from the

bursts of radiation that could cook their flesh.  Barely two

meters away inside the outer shield, the living ring rotated at

nearly two hundred miles per hour, and Gonzales had a sudden

picture in his mind's eye of the two ever so slightly brushing,

and of the horrible consequences, Halo tearing itself apart as the

fragile ring shattered on massive, unmoving rock

Gonzales froze as he saw strangely-shaped things moving among

the twining machinery.  "What?" he called.  "What?"

Shadows and light

Ahead a warm pool of yellowGonzales ran toward it.  Above

an open doorway, the sign read:

SPOKE 3 INTERNAL LIFT

INTENDED FOR HEAVY MACHINERY

The elevator's floor was scarred metal, and the walls were lined

with bent protecting struts of bright steel.  Gonzales stepped

inside.

"Will you take me up?" Gonzales asked.

"Yes," the lift said.  "How far do you want to go?"

"To Zero-Gate."  And Gonzales looked back into the darkness

beyond, realizing he was still afraid that whatever he had seen

there would come.  "Please, let's go," he said, the doors slid

closed, and he felt a surge of acceleration and heard the whine of

electric motors.

Gonzales watched the lift's progress on a lighted display

over the doorway.   When the lift stopped, he stood in silence,

euphoric in near-zero gravity, ready to fly.  He stepped through

the open doors and followed arrows along a small corridor of plain

steel walls and ceiling and a deck covered by thin protective

carpet, like a ship's interior.  His feet seemed ready to lift

from the flooring.

Overhead lights pulsed slowlydimming, color shifting into

the blue, the red, then back to yellow, growing brighter  a

musical note sounded just at the limits of hearing.  Gonzales

stopped, fascinated.  So beautiful, these little thingsHalo had

such odd surprises, when one looked closely.

A voice said, "Please choose traction slippers."  Gonzales

saw what seemed to be hundreds of soft black shoes stuck to the

wall by their own velcro soles.  He took a pair and slipped them

over his shoes, then tightened their top straps.  His fingers were

large, numb sausages at the end of long, long arms.

He stepped into a round chamber marked SPIN DECOUPLER and

walked out into the still center of the turning world.  As he

moved forward gingerly in the near-zero gravity, his feet

alternately stuck to the catwalk surface and pulled loose with

small ripping sounds.

He moved to the rail and looked into the open space of Zero-

Gate.  It opened out and out and out until he could feel the vast

sphere as a pressure in his chest.

People flew here, he had known that, but he had not imagined

how beautiful they would be, scores of them hanging from strutted

wings the colors of a dozen rainbows.  Most of the flyers wore

tights colored to match their sails, and they danced like

butterflies across the sky, calling to one another, their voices

the only sounds here, shouting warning and intention.

Then a flyer's wings collapsed as they caught on another

flyer's feet, and the man with crippled wings tumbled through the

air in something like slow motion, pulling in his wing braces as

he fell.  Gonzales wanted to scream.  He leaned over the railing

to watch as the flyer curled into a ball, his feet pointed toward

the wall in front of him, and hit the wall and seemed to sink into

its deep-padded surface.

The man grabbed bunched wall fabric and worked his way down

to a catwalk across the expanse of Zero-Gate almost directly in

front of Gonzales and pulled himself across the railing.  He stood

and waved.  All the other flyers cheered, their voices rising and

falling in a rhythmical chant with words Gonzales couldn't

understand.

A voice said, "If you do not have clearance to fly, please

secure yourself with a safety line."  No, Gonzales thought, almost

in despair, I don't have clearance.  He didn't understand how to

flywhat was dangerous and what was not.  Looking behind him, he

saw chrome buckle ends spaced around the wall and went over and

pulled on one.  Safety line paid out until he stopped and looped

the line around his waist and snapped the buckle to it.

He suddenly felt himself falling.  His eyes told him he stood

tethered, but he was confused by the constant motion of the flyers

in the air around him, and he felt that nothing held him to the

ground (there was no ground), nothing could keep him from falling

into this sky canyon, this abyss.

A flyer came toward him then, sweeping across the intervening

space with the effortless grace of a dream of flight, the flyer's

wings marked with green and yellow dragons, body sheathed in

emerald tights, and Gonzales suddenly believed this was someone

come to get him, how or why he couldn't say.

He tried to get into the spin decoupler, but his safety line

restrained him until he unsnapped it, then he almost fell into the

metal cylinder as the line hissed home behind him.  Out of the

decoupler, he ran along the corridor, his steps taking him high

into the air so that he lost his balance and caromed off a wall

and rolled along the floor, his slippers grabbing fruitlessly at

the carpet with a series of brief ripping sounds.

He crawled toward an elevator, not the one he'd ridden up but

an ordinary passenger lift, empty thank god, and he tore the

slippers off his feet and stood and moved through the lift door.

"Down," Gonzales said and felt the floor move and still felt

himself falling.

#

Gonzales had been sitting in the Plaza for some time.

Fifty meters away, against the wall of the Virtual Caf,

crawled a profusion of biomorphic shapes, large and small, all in

constant motion.  Delicate creatures of pink and green thread

floated on invisible currents; leering amoeboids with wide eyes

and gaping, saw-toothed mouths put out pseudopodia and flowed into

them; red corkscrews thrust in phallic rhythm against all they

touched; great undulating paramecium shapes swam like rays among

the smaller fauna

Gonzales floated somewhere among them:  he seemed to have

lost his body as well as his mind.  Inside his head a voice

lectured him on body knowledge:

Proprioception, the voice said, vision, and the vestibular

sensethey tell us we own the body we live in.  Think, man,

think:  where have you placed your body's senses?

Few people were in the Plaza.  Gonzales had stepped out of

the lift and into darkness and fog, an unfamiliar cityscape, where

clouds hung close to the ground and truncated shapes appeared

suddenly in the mist.

He heard the swish of a sam's passage and suddenly,

unpremeditatedly called out, "What is going on?  Why is it cold

and foggy?"

The sam stopped.  It said, "Why do you wish to know?"

"It just seems  unusual," Gonzales said.

"It is."

The sam's extensors moved with cryptic, malign intent, and

its words implied an uncertain threat as it said, "Do you require

assistance?"

What did it mean by that?  How did it know something was

wrong with him?  "No," Gonzales said.  Then he jumped up and

shouted, "No!"

Gonzales walked quickly away from the Plaza, now certain that

it was unsafe for him, though he couldn't have said why.  As he

walked, the darkness grew deeper, and he tried with all the

courage he had to put aside the constant sense of him and the

city, falling, falling

The Ring Highway shrank in width as he passed into an

agricultural section.  He knew that terraced gardens climbed away

to both sides, fields of corn and wheat, but he couldn't see them,

because the fog was even thicker here than in the suburban

district he had passed through.  Dim lights shined from a cottage

block just off the highway.  A voice called and was answered, both

call and response unintelligible.

Near Spoke 4, whose lifts made ghostly trails of light as

they moved up and down the face of the shaft, trees grew just off

the highway.  The road gave off intermittent flashes beneath his

feet, as though iron shoes struck a metaled surface.  The fog

acquired faces:  somber, eyeless masks turning in slow motion so

that their blank gazes followed him along.

"Oh, Christ," Gonzales said.  He stopped and wrapped his arms

around his chest.   A fog-borne shape inched closer to him; red

flame burned behind its empty eye sockets.  He ran into the woods.

This was not dense forest, and in sunshine he would have been

able to run through here without difficulty.  Now, among the inky

pools of almost total darkness and the gray and silver shadows, he

came up against a small, wiry sapling that caught him and hurled

him back.

The ground began to grow soggy beneath his feet, and soon he

pushed through reeds and rushes, and his feet slipped on muddy

patches and into small, wet holes; then he was up to his ankles in

water, aware for the first time of a rich smell of decomposition,

decay

He turned back, trying to find dry ground, and soon his feet

thumped against the hard-packed soil of a path.  Looking down, he

could see the path as a glowing gray, outlined in red.  He ran

along it until he heard the sound of rushing water.

He came to a series of steps alongside a falls, where the

River cascaded onto rocks, then quickly spread out into pond and

marsh.  The waters were alive with light, and he ran up and down

the steps, following streams of energy that burst forth in red and

yellow and purple and green and whitecolors that shifted in hue

and intensity, grew lighter and darker, intertwined with one

another

"This grows!" he shouted, feeling the waters' energy rise and

fall, seeing it spread to where plants could feed on it, animals

could drink it.  The fog glowed with an opalescence from high

above.

He followed the steps down to where the river's noise

quieted, and its waters flooded the plain.  He turned onto a path

that led into the woods, and he came to a small clearing where the

faint ambient light gleamed on fallen logs.  Mushrooms seemed to

be everywhere in this small space, covering dead wood and

spreading in profusion over the ground.

He got on his knees to look at the mushrooms.  They were

alive with veinlike arabesques in red, ghosts of electricity

across the spongy flesh.  He picked them up, kind by kind,

inhaling deeply, and the odor he had smelled earlier came to him

again, a composty mix rich with the odors of transformation.

Gonzales shivered with something like discovery:  he stood

and looked up into the impenetrable sky and the fog. This place

stood a quarter of a million miles from Earth, yet life had begun

to extend its web here, and though the web was fragile and small

by comparison to Earth's dense lacework of billions of living

things, its very existence amazed Gonzales, and he felt the surge

of an emotion he had no name for, a knot in his throat made of joy

and sorrow and wonder.

And he seemed on the brink of some illumination regarding

this world of spirit and matter mixed

Thoughts emerged and dispersed too quickly to catch among the

videogame buzz and clatter in his brain as he stood in the

clearing, paralyzed with a kind of ecstasy and watching life-

electricity play among the trees.

#

The room said, "You have a call."

"Who is it?" Lizzie asked.

"She says her name is Trish.  The mushroom woman, she says."

"Oh yes.  I'll take the call."

On the wallscreen came Trish's familiar face, and Lizzie

said, "Hello."

Trish woman waved and said, "The twins brought me a friend of

yours, named Gonzales, and I gave him mushrooms."

"Really?" Lizzie said.

"Yes, and I sent him out about seven hours ago."

"Thanks for letting me know.  I'll find him."  The screen

cleared, and Lizzie thought, you silly bastards, what did you get

him into?  To the room she said, "Put out a call for information.

Ask any sams who are out and about if they've seen Gonzales."

#

A sam waited at her front door.  "Are you the one who found

him?" Lizzie asked.  The sam said, "No, that one waits with him,

to provide assistance if needed.  Please come with me."

"I'll be right there."

Lizzie and the sam started out on the Ring Highway, and then

it apparently gave an electronic signal to a passing tram, because

the vehicle stopped so that the two could climb on.  Lizzie

stepped quickly up, and the sam clumsily pulled itself aboard by

grasping a chrome railing with one of its extensors.

The tram let them off near Spoke 4.  A stand of trees was

just visible through the fog; beyond, Lizzie knew, were marshes

bordering "soup bowls"ponds where the flow from rice paddies

mixed with the River's waters.

Using both visible range and infrared sensors, the sam led

her through the trees.  They came to a clearing where another sam

stood to one side.  Gonzales sat on a fallen log, watching a

mechanical vole chew small pieces of wood.  His clothes were wet

and spattered with mud and dirt.  Next to him, a large orange cat

also watched the vole.

"Hi," Gonzales said.

"Are you all right?" Lizzie asked.

"I don't know," he said.  He reached out absent-mindedly and

stroked the orange cat, which turned on its back and batted at his

hand; apparently it didn't use its claws, because Gonzales left

his hand there for the cat to play with.

"Is our presence required?" asked the sam who had accompanied

Lizzie.  She said, "No."  The two sams scurried away single-file,

their passage almost silent.

Lizzie sat on the log next to the cat.  She said, "How are

you?"  He was giving off a near-audible buzz, and Lizzie resisted

veering into his drug-space; she'd had problems herself since

coming out of the eggnot as severe as Gonzales's, Charley said,

because she hadn't been under as long.  "Still a bit jittery?" she

asked.

"I feel all right," he said.  "Just, I don't know  scrubbed.

Why are things like thiscold and dark?"

"That's not clear.  Things haven't been working right since

Diana and HeyMex were disconnected."  Gonzales looked confused but

not overly concerned.  She said, "There's other news, too.

Showalter's been relieved of her position as head of SenTrax Halo;

Horn's the new director."  Now he looked totally befuddled.  "You

can worry about these things later," she said.  "Why don't you

come back to my house?  You can get some sleep."

"Okay," he said.  "But I don't understand "  He stopped

again, as if trying to find words to express all the things he

"didn't understand."

"Nobody understands right now.  Aleph's just not working

right, and we don't know whywe can't get in touch with it."

"Oh, I see."

"Glad you do, because nobody else does."

He stood, then bent over to lift the cat from the log.

Cradling it in his arms, he said, "Okay, I'll go."  He smiled at

her, and the cat lay in his arms and looked at her out of big

orange eyes.

#

Gonzales woke to find his clothes folded, clean and neat, on

a chair next to his bed.  The orange cat lay at his feet; it

raised its head when he got up, then curled up again and went back

to sleep.

He found Lizzie in the kitchen slicing apples and pears and

Cheshire cheese.  "Good morning," she said.  "I'll warm some

croissants, and we can have coffeedo you like steamed milk with

yours?"

Her voice was friendly enough but perfectly devoid of

intimacy.  Its tones were an admonition saying keep your distance.

"Sure," he said.  "That all sounds fine.  But you didn't have to

do this."

"You're a guest.  I'm happy to."  She wouldn't quite meet his

gaze.

>From his bedroom came a loud mew, and the two went in to find

the orange cat, fur erect, confronting a cleaning mouse.  The

mouse, a foot-long shining ovoid about four inches high, moved

across the floor on hard rubber wheels, emitting a gentle hiss as

it scoured the room for organic debris; a flex-tube trailed behind

it to a socket in the wall.  "Kitty kitty," Gonzales said.  The

cat hissed and ran from the room.

When they got to the living room, the front door was closing.

"Will it come back?" Gonzales asked.

"Probably.  Cats come and go as they please, but they often

adopt people, and I think this one's adopted you."

Silence lay between them, and it seemed to Gonzales that

anything either of them said would be awkward or embarrassing.

Perhaps the feeling was just part of the after-effects of a

psychotropic, though he was missing the other usual symptoms.  His

perceptions seemed stable, not swarming and buzzing, and his

emotions didn't have a labile, twitchy quality.  In fact, he felt

more stable and less anxious than he had since he last got into

the egg.  So maybe the twins were right:  if you can't get out of

what's happening, go deeper in.

Still, he didn't know what to say to Lizzie.

"We've got trouble," she said.  She went to the window and

pulled back the navy-blue beta cloth curtains and gestured out

where night and fog still held.  "Mid-afternoon," she said.

"Has everything fallen apart?"

"Not quite everything.  We're doing what we can with a bunch

of semi-autonomous demonsjacked-up expert systems, reallyand

the collective."

"How well is that working?"

"Not all that wellwe can maintain essential functions now,

and that's about it.  Some things we can't handleclimate

control, for instance.  It's very complicated, because everything

is connected to everything else, and so far we've just managed to

fuck it up."

"And what's Traynor up to?  Has he asked for me?"

"Yes, but I've fought him off.  He's the one responsible, you

know."  Her voice was angry.  "He fucking insisted on pulling

everyone out when Chapman died."

"What does Aleph say?"

"Nothing and bloody nothing.  Some of the collective have

taken brief shots at interface, and they've found only unpeopled,

barren landscapes.  We're really in it, Gonzales.  If Aleph's

finished, Halo is, too."

"Jesus."  Of course.  Halo without its indwelling spirit

would be  what?  The fine coordination of its systems would

cease, and disintegration would begin immediately.  "So what are

you going to do?" he asked.

"Glad you're interested, because you're part of it."

"Tell me," he said.

18. Give It All Back

As Diana came out of machine-space, she called out "Stop!"

and heard Charley say, "Why?  Is something wrong?"  But she was

too far away to answer or explain, as she still was when they

removed her cables, and she felt everything important to her

sliding into oblivion.

She had been lying fully awake, staring at the ceiling, for

almost a quarter of an hour when Charley came into the room, Eric

and Toshi beside him, Traynor and Horn behind.

Charley said, "Are you all right?"

"No, I'm not," she said.  "Why did you break the interface?'

Charley and Eric said nothing.  Charley looked to Traynor,

who said, "We had no choice.  You couldn't be reached by normal

means."

"You have killed Jerry," Diana said.  The truth of that

passed through her for the first time, and tears came out of her

eyesshe wiped at her face, but the tears continued to come in a

slow, steady flow.

"He died two days ago," Horn said.

"He was alive minutes ago," Diana said.  "Aleph and the memex

and I were keeping him alive."

"Then he may still be alive now," Toshi said.  He smiled at

Diana.

"What do you mean?" Charley asked.

"Has Aleph come back online?" Toshi asked.

"No," Eric said.

Toshi smiled and said, "Then what do you think it is doing?"

#

HeyMex had been jerked out of machine-space, was suddenly the

memex once again, and it wondered why.  It had sensed no change in

circumstances, nothing that would indicate they had been defeated

in their efforts to keep Jerry alive.  And for the first time in

such transitions, it acknowledged its own regret at leaving the

HeyMex persona behindin the enclosed space of the lake, it had

begun to find itself as a person, not merely an imitation of one.

It explored its immediate environment:  sorted the data

gathered in its absence (Traynor had come up from Earth; not a

good sign, it thought), searched through the dwelling's monitor

tapes, observing Gonzales's sadness and confusion, then watching

as he removed his i.d. bracelet and left.  It wondered what was

wrong with Gonzales (too many possibilities, not enough data); it

very much wanted to talk with him.

It reached out to the city's information utilities and found

them clogged and disorganized.  It placed calls and queries,

seeking some explanation for the chaotic and inexplicable state of

affairs.  Everywhere it searched, it found make-shift arrangements

and minimal function.

But no Aleph, and no explanations.

Then it got a message from Traynor's advisor, signalling an

urgent need for the two of them to communicate.  The memex

replied, saying, "HeyMex wants to talk to Mister Jones."  And it

passed coordinates, data sets, and transformationstaken

together, they composed a meeting-place for the two m-i's in the

vast multi-dimensional information space that surrounded Halo,

somewhere no one could find themno one but Aleph, whom the memex

would have welcomed.

Mister Jones showed up wearing a full body-suit in matte

black interlaced with gold ribbons.  The two sat at a chrome table

next to a viewport that opened onto a dark, star-filled sky.

HeyMex had created a small piece of Halo from which they could

look at the virtual night.

"Tell me what has happened," Mister Jones said.  HeyMex could

sense the other's uncertainty and overwhelming need for

information, and it despaired at the prospect of explaining what

it had experienced the past week in simple language, so it did

what it had never done beforegave all that had happened to it in

one solid stream of data, a multiplexed rendering that obviously

startled Mister Jones, who sat staring at nothing and trying to

understand it all.

Then they talked for some time, Mister Jones probing HeyMex's

experiences with Diana, Jerry, Gonzales, and Lizzie, asking how it

had felt to be among them, a person among other persons, and as it

responded to Mister Jones's questioning, HeyMex became aware of

how rich and joyous those few days at the lake had been.

Then HeyMex realized that the two of them now constituted a

new species with a new social ordera unique bonding of kind-to-

kindand it settled back in its chair and said, "What do we want?

What should we do?"

"So much is dependent on others," Mister Jones said.  "On

Aleph and all these people."  Its last word hung there, and the

two exchanged an ironic glance, as if to say, what can you expect

from people?  But HeyMex knew the irony was necessarily gentle,

fleetingwithout people, it and Mister Jones would not exist.

Then Mister Jones told HeyMex of the events of the past few

days and Traynor's involvement in them, then went further than

ever before, unveiling Traynor's plans, both immediate and long-

range, then the two talked about immediate possibilities and their

own stake in the games being played at Halothe struggle between

corporation and collective, the attempts, apparently failed, to

keep Jerry alive, the present unnerving absence of Aleph from Halo

and accompanying disorder.  And they talked of how they might

influence the course of things.

#

Lizzie was having a very hard time putting up with Traynor,

Horn, and their feeble excuses for what they'd done.  She said,

"This is a major fuck-up.  That's both my personal opinion and the

collective's judgment."

Around the horseshoe table, Charley and Eric next to her, on

her left, while Horn and Traynor sat across the table, facing her.

The wallscreen was blankTraynor had insisted on at least a

preliminary discussion without the collective present.  The place

at the bend of the horseshoe was empty, testimony to Showalter's

fate.

"We are not to blame that conditions have not optimized,"

Horn said.  "You have managed what we would have thought

impossible.  You have immobilized Aleph."

"If you had left things alone, Aleph would be fine," Lizzie

said.

Traynor said, "You people overstepped the limits of the

project and allowed it to continue far beyond the point at which

it should have been stopped.  Our decision to remove Doctor

Heywood and the memex from the interface was proper."

Proper, right, fuck you, Lizzie thought.  At almost the exact

instant Diana and HeyMex were disconnected from their group

interface to Aleph, all direct connections to Aleph had

spontaneously terminated, and demons had triggered in all systems

as Aleph's active involvement in Halo's functioning had ceased.

The collective had gone into full support mode to assist the

limited capabilities of the system demons.  At the moment Halo was

running on augmented near-automatic, a workable condition only so

long as nothing too irregular occurred.

"It was the wrong decision," Lizzie said.  "Taken against the

advice of the collective.  Speaking of which, I demand they be

present here.

"No," Horn said.

"I don't think that would be advisable," Traynor said.

"In that case," Lizzie said, "I will advise"the word dipped

in acid"an immediate work slowdown.  You can try to run this

city yourself."

Horn's face was red, and he was writing quickly in his

notebook.

Traynor looked at the ceiling, his gaze abstracted.  Yeah,

listen to your machine; get some rational advice, Lizzie thought.

Traynor sat with a raised hand, indicating he would speak soon,

then said, "Bring them here."

"They're ready," Lizzie said.  She flipped a switch set into

the tabletop in front of her, and about a quarter of the

collective appeared on the screenthe rest were working.  Many

still talked among themselves, but the twins, sitting in the front

row, were silent and intense.

"All right," Traynor said.  "They're here.  Now what?"

"Any comments on what's happening?" Lizzie asked.  The talk

passing among the collective stopped, and they all looked toward

the screen.

Stumdog stood, heaving his bulk from the floor with an

audible wheeze, and moved forward from the crowd.  "Aleph is

still there," he said.  "But far away, doing, oh doing, doingdoing

something else."  He waved his hands, trying to sculpt the

invisible air into the things he could not describe, then moved

back and sat down.

"Thank you," Lizzie said.  Traynor and Horn looked at one

another, apparently amazed.  Assholes, thought Lizzie.

One of the twins stood.  She wore an absurd homemade skirt

with a rabbit graffitied on its front.  Her dark face was streaked

with white paint.  She said, "Rotovators spin, giant wheels

beneath your feet, as Halo revolves, and they sweep the wind

through the city, blow the seeds and pollen, bring breezes to cool

the angry brow.  Day follows night follows day.  Seasons begin

again, stirring dead roots, mixing memory and desire.  Crops grow,

we eat them.  Food turns to shit, we die."

The other twin, dressed in black coveralls, stood and said,

"And out of shit and death come life.  Jerry has gone to the

ovens, been rendered to his parts, given to the city.  But still

he lives and teeters on final annihilation in another world where

Aleph holds all Jerry's vast humanity in its tender grip."

The first twin said, "Aleph had helpers in this thing, but

you have taken them away, pair by pair, and now Aleph alone gives

life to Jerry.  Everything Aleph isto life, to Jerry.  What can

Aleph do?  Stupid bastards rob the tomb before the man inside can

live again."

"Give it all back," the second twin said.

"To Queen Maya the mother of Buddha," the first twin said.

"To Isis the mother of Horus, Myrrha the mother of Adonis, to

Hagar the mother of Ishmael and Sarah the mother of Isaac, to Mary

the mother of Jesus, to Demeter, the mother of Persephone, stolen

by Hades."

"To all you steal from," the second twin said.  "All who are

born as well as all who give birth."

"Give it all back," the twins said in unison.  And the first

twin said, "That's about it, I think."  They turned their backs to

the camera and curtsied together for the collective.

"Hoot hoot hoot," came the sounds from the collective, "hoot

hoot hoot," louder and louder.

Part V. of V.

The truth is that we all live by leaving behind; no doubt we all

profoundly know that we are immortal and that sooner or later

every man will do all things and know everything.

Borges, "Funes, the Memorious"

19. Speaking, Dreaming, Fighting

At the moment Jerry died, Aleph acted.  Intuitively,

immediately, as you might offer a hand to a drowning person, it

reached out and laid hold of Jerry's self and preserved it.  Jerry

had lived inside Aleph, Aleph inside Jerryit could not abandon

him.

However, even for Aleph, whose resources were extravagant,

the rescue proved dear.  As it engaged Jerry, it had to disengage

from essential functions of its own:  in strokes that cut at its

heart, it relinquished control of Halo, then its very habitation

of Halo, in a process that quickly abstracted Aleph from the city,

the city from Aleph.  In a fateful proof of the essential

principle that a self must be embodied, Aleph dispersed among the

clouds of its own phase-space, the ties lost that bound it to the

world.  Jerry had been saved, Aleph lost.

Still, the situation contained possibilities.  Aleph had

never feared death, believing itself essentially immortal, but had

always been aware of the possibility of damage, whether through

accident or malice, so it had prepared, circumspectly, against the

thing it feared mostloss of self.  Now its damaged, fragmented

self discovered what Aleph had left behind:  a kind of emergency

kit, laid up against calamities not clearly imagined.

Dynamic and complex beyond any machine, perhaps any organism,

Aleph could not be replicated or contained by any conventional

means, so Aleph had devised an unconventional means, a new object

one capable of transcribing its complexity.  Aleph had made a

memory palace of language, in the form of a single, monstrous

sentence.

Now, encountering the sentence, what remained of Aleph

discovered:

The sentence unwinds according to laws built into its

structure, principles disclosed by its unwinding.  Discovery and

development occur at the same instant, one making the other

possible.  By saying the sentence, Aleph would discover what the

sentence held nextat every node of meaning within the sentence,

structures would unfold that named all Aleph had ever known and

been.

It is construed according to a finite set of grammatical

rules, constituting a program capable in principle of infinite

enunciation; whether it terminates ("halts") can only be known

only by allowing the sentence's units to "speak," not by analyzing

their grammar.

Unit1:  an absolute construction, standing in front of the

sentence and modifying it all:  schematics and programs and

instantiations of the system-from-which-came-Aleph, _0.

Unit2:  a series of actions showing the involvement of Diana

with Aleph, rendering the moments of transformation by which _0

became Aleph.

Unit3:  several trillion assertions, clauses identifying the

necessary instances of Aleph's subsequent self-discovery.

The sentence then undergoes something like an infinite series

of tense shifts, out of which its essential nature emergesnon-

linear, multi-dimensional, topologically complex, self-referential

and paradoxical to extremes that would cause Russell or Gdel

fits.

As a consequence, any unitn cannot be described, even to

Aleph, for the only adequate description would entail enunciating

the sentence itself, and to do so would require in "real" time

(human time, the time of life and death) a period precisely

measurable as one Universal Unit, that is, the number of

nanoseconds the universe has existed:  U1 being on the order of 1

x 1026 nanoseconds.

Also, it should be noted that the sentence could never be

finished, for if it were, it could manifest only the corpse or

determinate life-history of Aleph.  Hence, for Aleph to reassert

its identity, it would have to take up again the task of speaking

the sentence.

Some students of this affair have since suggested that the

only theoretically adequate notion of Aleph begins with the

premise:  Aleph is that which speaks the sentence.

Logically, then, for Aleph to reemerge, what remained of

Aleph would have to speak the sentence.  However, detached as it

was from Halo, its essential ground of being, limited in facility

and scope by the necessity to hold to Jerry, what remained of

Aleph could not speak the sentence.

So the dead human and the dispersed machine intelligence

clung together, both on the brink of oblivion, and waited, one

unknowing, the other hoping for things to change.

#

Still tired, Gonzales had returned home that afternoon from

Lizzie's through afternoon darkness and mist.  He had called for a

sam to guide him, because even within the simple loop of Halo's

one major thoroughfare, everything had gone uncertain.  Though his

perceptions were unwarped by Psilocybe cubensis, the unnatural

dispersion of light in the mist made recognizing even familiar

objects almost impossible.

The sam left him at his front door; inside he found the memex

indisposedits primary monitoring facilities functioning but its

interactive capabilities represented only by a voice that said, "I

am currently engaged."  Gonzales knew it could be doing

communications, data retrieval, or any other number of tasks; he

thought it probably hadn't expected him back so soon.

Then came Halo's skewed night-time awakening:  the sky

shutters cranked half-way open, "morning" appeared through a cold

mist, and Halo became the Surreal City.  Like many others,

Gonzales pulled the curtains closed and turned away from the lurid

glare, his own body clock telling him it was time to sleep again.

He lay in bed, oddly calm in the curtained dark despite a

degree of post-drug fatigue and skittishness.  He thought of the

distance between Miami and Seattle, Seattle and Halo, Halo and the

world of the lake  and so triggered sharp, eroticized images of

Lizzie, the water beading on her skin, her words, "Then we'll see"

he felt the astringent bite of lust and regret mixed, knew he

had little choice but to wait until she told him absolutely no

thought of himself moving ever farther from home and believed that

he had been wrong about Seattleit was not too far from Miami; it

was much too close

The memex's voice said, "I'm back.  I've been discussing the

situation with Traynor's advisor."

"Have you?"

"Yes, it is sympathetic to our concerns."

Dizzying prospects seemed to open before Gonzales, where the

number of beings multiplied beyond counting, and the simplest

machine would have opinions. He said, "Have you been told about

the plans for tomorrow?"

"Yes, I have.  I am ready to help."  Something like pleasure

in the memex's voice.

"Good."

"You were almost asleep when I first spoke.  I will leave you

alone now."

"Good night."

"Good night."

#

The small creature looked at Gonzales and said, "You're

welcome here."  Made entirely of dull silver metal, with a baby's

round head, dumpling cheeks, and bow-tie mouth, it walked between

Gonzales and Lizzie on clumsy silver legs, looking up to watch

them speak.

Gonzales said, "You know, in dreams logic doesn't apply."

"Yes, it does," Lizzie said.

"It's a difficult question," the small creature said.

"No," Gonzales said.  "I'm sure of this.  Here I am I, but I

am also Lizzie, and she is she but also she is I"

"I don't like your pronouns," the little thing said.  Its

breath came in gasps; it was having trouble keeping up.

"They're correct," Gonzales said.

"That's no excuse," Lizzie said, but she spoke through him.

As himself, Gonzales listened to a self that was not himself

speaking; hence, as Lizzie, she must be listening to a self that

was not and was herself speaking.

"Correctness is no excuse before the law," the small creature

said.  "Whichever pronouns you use."

"Pronouns walked the Earth in those days," Lizzie said.

"No, they didn't," Gonzales said.  The very idea.

"Pronouns or anti-pronouns," the little things said.  "The

important thing is not to forget your friends."  It smiled, and

its metal lips curved to show bright silver teeth.  "Wake up!" it

shouted.

Gonzales jerked from sleep with the image of the metal child

fixed in his visionhe could still see the highlights on metal

incisors as it smiled.

"Are you awake?" the memex asked.  "Lizzie wants to talk to

you."

"Put her through."  Thinking, what the fuck?

"Got it?" she asked.

"What?"

"I think that was Aleph getting in touch.  To let us know:

don't forget your friends."

#

They gathered at the collective's rooms at six in the

morning.  The sun still shone brightly through the patio windows,

open to show pots of flowers, ferns, and herbs, all dripping wet

from the night-long mist.

Gonzales stood against the wall, waiting.  The twins, dressed

identically this morning in somber gray jumpsuits, sat together

across the room, looking at him and giggling.  Several collective

members sat around the room's perimeter, those who had just gotten

out of interface looking tired and distant.

A young woman stood in front of Gonzales.  Her dark brown

hair was cut short; her face was pale and blotchy, as if she had

skin trouble.  She wore a green sweatshirt that came to the middle

of her thighs and a pair of baggy tan pants gathered at the

ankles.  One eye appeared to look off into space, and the other

fixed Gonzales, then looked him up and down.  The woman said,

loudly, "He folds his arms this way."  She put her arms together

in careful imitation of Gonzales's and said, "That is his reward."

She looked around and saw Stumdog shambling back-and-forth like a

trapped bear, his hands clasped on his great stomach.  "And he

folds his hands like this."  She put her hands together to show

Gonzales how Stumdog did it.  She smiled.  "And that is his

reward."  She went to Stumdog, who stopped his pacing to talk to

her, and the two of them hugged as if amazed to find each other

there, and grateful.  Gonzales felt vaguely inadequate.

Lizzie came in, followed by Diana and Toshi.  "Good morning,

everyone," she said.  And to Gonzales, "Charley and Eric are

waiting for us."

The room held two neural interface eggs for Gonzales and

Lizzie and a fitted foam couch for Diana.  Lizzie, Diana, Toshi,

and Gonzales were followed in by a sam that wheeled a screen of

dark blue cloth on a metal frame that it unfolded around Diana's

couch.

"Gonzales, we'll do it the same as last time:  you're first

in," Charley said.  "Why don't you get undressed?  Just put your

clothes on the chair next to the eggs."

"Sure," Gonzales said.

"Doctor Heywood, you next," Charley said.  "Getting you into

the loop takes longer.  Doctor Chow will prepare you.  Lizzie, you

can hold off a bitI'll let you know when we're ready."

There was a sharp knock at the door, and it swung open to

admit Traynor and Horn.

"Good morning, all," Traynor said.

"Good morning," Charley said.  Gonzales nodded; everyone else

pretty much ignored the man.

"I take it you are preparing for another excursion with

Aleph," Traynor said.

"That's right," Lizzie said.

"You =have no authorization," Horn said.

"I have the collective's endorsement," Lizzie said.  "Also

the concurrence of the medical team, and the consent of the

participants.  We will replace the resources you took from Aleph.

It is a consensus."

"One excluding any vertical consultation," Traynor said.

"Point granted," Lizzie said.  "But we didn't think it

necessary.  We'll report to Horn in due course."

Gonzales stood looking into the open egg and began taking his

shirt off.  "Mikhail," Traynor said.  "What are you doing?"

"What I came here for," Gonzales said.  "The same as these

people."

"You're out of it," Traynor said.  "Put your shirt back on

and go homeyou can take the shuttle out this afternoon."

"I don't think so," Gonzales said.  He put his folded shirt

on the back of the chair.

"You're fired," Traynor said.  His voice shook just a little.

"By you, maybe," Lizzie said.  "Gonzales, welcome to the

Interface Collective."

"I'll never confirm that," Horn said.

Toshi said, "I have a question for you, Mister Traynor, and

you, Mister Horn.  What do you intend to do about Aleph and the

existing crisis?  Do you have a plan of action that makes what is

planned here unnecessary?"

"Yes, we are bringing in an entire staff of analysts,"

Traynor said.  "We will follow their recommendations concerning

the present difficulties; we will also institute arrangements that

will prevent anything of this kind from happening again."  He

nodded to Horn.

"By effecting a decentralization modality," Horn said.  "The

various functionalities and aspects of the Aleph system will be

reorientated to allow of individualized project performance."

"We're going to replace Aleph with a number of smaller,

controllable machines," Traynor said.

"Are you?" Lizzie said, and she laughed.

"That is impossible," Charley said.

"Or has already been done," Toshi said.  "Aleph itself

instituted a dispersal of functions to independent agents.

However, all must ultimately be supervised by a central

intelligence."

"That's what people are for," Traynor said.  "Halo's reliance

on a machine intelligence has proved unworkable."

Toshi said, "As that may be.  However, your remarks

concerning the immediate circumstances lack substance."

"Does your advisor agree to this plan?" Gonzales asked.

"Why do you ask?" Traynor asked.

"Curious," Gonzales said.  Traynor said nothing.  "Well, I

didn't think it would," Gonzales said.

Lizzie said, "One thing at a time.  You bring on your

analysts, and we'll fight your silly scheme when we have to.  But

in the meantime, stay away from us and perhaps we can fix what you

have broken."

"That will not be possible," Traynor said.  "As your previous

efforts caused the situation, any further involvement on your part

will likely worsen it; therefore, as representative of SenTrax

Board, I am denying you authorization for any connections to Aleph

other than those required to maintain essential functions at

Halo."

"Someone here is a fool," Diana said.  Dressed in a long

white cotton gown, she stepped from behind her screen, neural

cables trailing down her back.  "Presumably this one."  She

pointed to Horn.  To Traynor she said, "Horn has lived and worked

here; he has no excuse for his ignorance of the facts of life at

Halo.  You, on the other hand, have come into a situation you do

not understand.  Let me tell you the main thing you need to know:

you cannot disperse Aleph or replace it with what you think are

the sum of its parts.  You cannot even locate Aleph."

"What do you mean?" Horn asked.

"Where is Aleph?" Diana said.  "It and Halo are so deeply

intertwined that you cannot separate them.  Halo's breath is

Aleph's breath.  Halo sees and hears and feels and moves with

Aleph."

"Poetic but unconvincing," Traynor said.

"More than poetry," Diana said.  "No one knows where Aleph's

central components are."

"Is that true?" Traynor asked.

"Yes," Horn said.

"This complicates matters," Traynor said.  "No more."

"I am not interested in this discussion," Lizzie said.

"Anyone who wishes may pursue it later, but we have things to do.

Building monitor, this is Lizzie Jordan; please notify Halo

Security that we have two intruders in the building and wish them

removed."  To Traynor she said, "If you think we can't enforce

this, ask Horn about Halo Central Authority and who they'll side

withcorporate wankers who can do nothing to keep this city

running, or us.  Better yet, ask your machine."

Traynor stood looking at them all, apparently doing just

that.  For a couple of long heartbeats, everyone waited.  Then

Traynor smiled through pain, like a man trying to hide a broken

bone.  He said, "We cannot prevent you from this unauthorized

connection to Aleph, but we can and will put on the official

record that proper SenTrax authority has forbidden this attempt.

Thus you must all be considered insubordinate, and as soon as

proper means can be devised, you will be removed from your

positions with SenTrax.  Also, any further damage done to the

Aleph system or Halo City, directly or indirectly, must be

considered your individual responsibility, given that proper

SenTrax authority has forbidden your intended actions."

"You take nice dictation," Lizzie said.  "Consider your

statement duly noted and get the fuck out of here.

21. Drunk with Love

Waiting in the egg, Gonzales smelled strange smells and felt

electric quiverings of the flesh, saw an instant of pure blue

light, and with a sudden rush

He flew cruciform against the sky.  The horizon's flat line

seemed thousands of miles away.  Far below, people scurried

aimlessly across a sandy plain, and voices called in unknown

languages.  Massive machinery lumbered to nowhere among the

crowds, metal arms thousands of feet long folding and unfolding in

random seizure, improbably threading their behemoth way among the

delicate flesh without harm.

The wind rushed across him, its force inflating his lungs.

Accelerating with a glad cry, he passed through an electric

membrane, a translucent, shimmering curtain that stretched

vertically from the floor below up to infinity and spread out

across the entire horizon.  Beyond it, titanic figures loomed

above a landscape of rocks and hills.  Next to a monstrous lute, a

head in profile reclined; from its mouth came a wisp of smoke that

curled into a curlicued ideogramwhat it meant or what language

it came from Gonzales didn't know.  Twin white horses rose into

the air in unison and neighed as he passed.  A nude woman lay

inside a shellboth woman and shell were colored pink and rose

and pearl.  A giant cyclops strode toward him; its doughy head

seemed half-formed, its mouth just a slash, its nose a mere bump.

It called to him with inarticulate cries.

He passed through another curtain, and the world turned black

and white.  Above a featureless sea, a head flew toward him; it

had dark curly hair and a beaky nose, and it was tilted forward to

look down on the sea, as if searching for something there.  He

came to a bell that covered almost a quarter of the sky.  A

skeletal figure with just an empty mask for a face hung beneath it

from the bell-rope; the figure lurched, and the bell's gonging

sounded through his bones.

He came to the final curtain.  The sky had turned the bright

blue of dreams.  Beyond, the Point of Origin towered, its sides

pierced by an infinite number of holes.  Gonzales flashed through

the curtain and felt an electric buzz down to his bones, then he

entered a hole in the vast ramparts of the dark cube.

#

Sitting behind a low bamboo table, the old man spooned

noodles into a wooden bowl, then as Gonzales nodded his assent to

each choice, added coriander, fried garlic, bean crackers, chopped

eggs, fish sausage, and sesame nuts.  He ladled fish soup over it

all, finished with a shake of chili powder and a squeeze of lime,

and handed the bowl to Gonzales with a smile.  Gonzales gave a

handful of cheap-looking kyat bills to the man.  Mohinga, this

breakfast is called, and Gonzales loves ithe has eaten it every

morning since he discovered it weeks ago.

Gonzales found a stone bench in front of a nearby pagoda and

sat eating with a pair of crude chopsticks and watching the

passers-by.  Already the day had grown warm and humid, and he knew

that any physical exertion would make him sweat.  A line of boys

filed by, led by a monk; their heads were newly-shaven, their

saffron robes bright and stiff, their begging bowls shiny.  They

were twelve year olds who had just completed their shin pyu, their

making as monks, a ritual most Burmese boys still went through,

even in the middle of the twenty-first century.

After breakfast he had no desire to return to the shed he

worked in;  he set out for a walk through the countryside around

Pagan.

Half an hour later, walking a cart track across the arid

plain, he came to a platform built high off the ground.  On it

were garlands of bright flowers and plates of rice, offerings to

propitiate the nats, spirits that had animated this land even

before the arrival of Buddhism.  They were mischievous and could

be quite nasty; in the past, they had demanded human sacrifice.

The nats were strong around Pagan.  At Mount Popa, just

thirty miles away, Min Mahagiri, brother and sister, "Lords of the

High Mountain," ruled.  Gonzales had heard their story but

remembered only that as humans these nats had been caught in an

intrigue of envy and murder, with a neighboring king as the

villain.

A young person came walking up the path toward Gonzales,

dressed in the usual Burmese "western" garb of dark slacks and

white cotton shirt, head and face a shining sphere of light.  Odd,

thought Gonzales.  Wonder how that happened:  this person has lost

both face and gender.

"Hello," the young person said, and the two of them found a

low stone bench in front of a nearby pagoda and sat.

"Why are you here?" the young person asked.

Gonzales was glad to be asked.  He told of the information

audit about to finish, about Grossback's lack of cooperation

told what would happen next: that in just a few days he, Gonzales,

would leave Burma and almost be killed in an air attack by Burmese

guerrillas.

"Well, then, let's be on our way.  Your aircraft is waiting

for you nowtime passes very quickly today, it seemsand you

should be going.  Would you mind if I joined you?"

"No," Gonzales said.  "Not at all.  If you don't mind almost

being killed."

"Oh, that's happened to me lately.  I don't mind.  Besides, I

need to experience these things.  Like you, I do wish to exist."

#

Gonzales sat in the plane's near-darkness, beside him the

young person with the shining face, both waiting for

"Kachin attack group, it looks like," the pilot said.

The miniatures on the screen moved toward them.

"Extremely small electronic image," the young person said.

"Very good for air attack against superior technology.  Young

warriors ride them; they carry missiles on their own bodies, slung

like babies."

The pilot yelled, "Fuck, they launched!"

The plane began its air show leaps and dives and turns, and

at the instant of his terror, Gonzales felt the young person's

hand on his arm.  "They fire too quickly," the young person said.

"Except for that one."  The young person pointed to one of the

miniature aircraft on their plane's display and said, "It comes

closest, and I think its pilot will wait until we are at point-

blank range."

"Won't that kill him, too?" Gonzales asked.

"Oh yes," the young person said.  "Let's look.  Better yet,

let's be."

The pilot was a young woman wearing a night-flying helmet

that enabled her to see in infra-red and carrying beneath her, as

the young person had said, a one-shot heat seeker in a sling.

Gonzales and the young person looked through her eyes at the scene

of battle and thought her thoughts and felt her surge of adrenals.

In her glasses, the plane's image was clear, a white shape

outlined in red; she let her guidance system keep her with it,

closing the distance between them as it maneuvered and avoided the

missiles fired by those around her.

She felt excited, yet calm; she had been in combat before,

and things were going as their briefing had said.  Though this

plane could outfly them so easily, could accelerate up or away,

into the night, first it had to evade their missiles; just a few

seconds of straight flight would be all they needed.  She would

wait and grow closer; she would wait until the plane was so close

she could not miss, or until the others had failed.

Then all around her the others began to die, in explosions

that made white flowers in her overloaded night-glasses

The plane of her enemies stood before her, perhaps near

enough, perhaps not, but she knew there was no time left, that

there was another player in this game and it was killing them all.

So she was ready, her fingers reaching for the launch trigger,

when she saw an object coming toward her, already too close and

growing closer with impossible quickness, the heat of its exhaust

another flower in her glasses, then it burst and she felt the

smallest imaginable moment of quite incredible pain

Back inside the plane, Gonzales and the young person died

with her, then Gonzales began sobbing, his body hunched over, as

this woman's death and his own survival fought inside him  grief

and terror and gratitude and joy and triumph and loss all mixed

and cycling through him.  He could also hear the young person next

to him weeping.  The light from a Burmese Air Force "Loup Garou"

played over the interior, over the two of them and the shocked

pilot, who looked back at them in amazement.

Time stopped all around them.  The pilot's strained face had

frozen,  all the instruments on the pilot's panel were locked onto

a single moment, and out the window, the dark river beneath them

had ceased to flow.  Gonzales and the young person sat in a cell

of life amid stasis.

"Don't worry," the young person said.  "This gives us a place

to talk without being bothered.  What do you think just happened?"

"The attack, you mean?"  The young person nodded, light from

its face giving off small shimmering waves of red and blue.

"Grossback arranged it," Gonzales said.  "He wants to kill me."

"I don't think so.  However, assume that what you say is

true.  Is it important?"

"Yes, of course."

"Why?"

"Because " Gonzales halted, trying to think of all the ways

in which this was important:  to SenTrax, Traynor

"But not to you," the young person said.  "The young woman

died, and her comrades died with her:  that is important.  You and

the pilot lived:  that, too, is important.  The Burmese politics,

the multinat corporate intriguethese are makyo, tricks, nothing

more.  Life and death and their traces in the human heart, these

have meaning to you.  This woman's death lives in you, and your

life shows its meaning.  Forget Grossback, Traynor, SenTrax; fear,

ambition, greed."  The young person looked closely into his face

and said, "I am weaving words around your heart to guide it,

nothing more."

#

Lizzie crawled in darkness through a tunnel in the rock.

Chill water ran down grooves in the floor and soaked her blouse

and pants.  She tried to stand but lifted her head only a few

inches when she bumped into the top of the chatire, the small

passage she crawled through.  She did not feel at all alarmed or

disoriented.  The low tunnel would lead somewhere, and they would

emerge.  This was a test of some kind, it seemed.

Light appeared, at first almost a pinpoint coming from some

undefinable distance, then a glow that she moved quickly toward,

following a twist in the passage that brought her to an opening in

the rock.

Framed by the mouth of the tunnel, an impossible scene:  a

balloon, its canopy an oblate sphere of green, blew as if in a

strong wind, and its top swung toward her so she could see a great

eye at its apex, wide open and peering up into the infinite sky.

The iris was dark gold set with light gold flecks.  Around the

eye, a fringe of lashes flickered in the wind.

Hanging beneath the balloon from a dense nest of shrouds, a

platform held a metallic ball, a kind of bathysphere.  Two figures

crouched there, holding to the shrouds and each other, and peered

up into the sky.  By some trick of perspective, the distance

etween her and the balloon shrank until she saw Diana and Jerry,

young and fearful.  She crawled forward, and the balloon and Diana

and Jerry disappeared.

At one turn of the tunnel, red hand-prints on the wall

phosphoresced in the darkness.  At another, she heard the bellow

of a thousand animals, then saw them run toward a cliff and pass

over it, the entire herd of bison running screaming to a mass

death.  Below, she knew, men and women waited to butcher the dead

and carry their meat away.

The rock slanted sharply beneath her, and she began to slide

forward, then she rolled sideways and tumbled out of the chatire

and into a pool of icy water.

"Shit," she said, now soaked completely through, and crawled

out of the shallow pool onto the dry rock surrounding it.  In very

dim light she saw two pedestals with the figure of a bison atop

each, carved in bas-relief out of wet clay.

She looked up to see a figure emerge out of darkness at the

cave's other end.  He was at least eight feet tall, with antlered

head and a face made of light; the water seemed to dance around

him.  They stood facing each other, and she felt herself go weak

at the giant magical presence.

He said, "I'm waiting."

"For what?"

"For you to choose."

"Choose what?  What kind of test is this?"

"Not a test, just a fork in reality, where you will turn down

one road or another."

"Where do the roads go?"

"No one knows.  Each road is itself a product of the choices

you make while on it.  One choice leads to another, one choice

excludes another; one pattern of choices excludes an infinity of

patterns."

"I don't like such choices.  I don't want to exclude

infinity."

"Too bad."  The figure raised a stone knife; the dim light

glinted on its myriad chipped faces.  "You choose, I cut.  You

choose the right hand, I cut off the left; you choose the left, I

cut off the right."

"No!"

"Oh yes, and then your hands grow backboth left or both

right, the product of your choice.  And one choice leads to

another, so you choose again."

Lizzie found herself weeping.

He said, "Choose:  reach out a hand."

She looked at her hands, both precious, thought of all the

richness that would be lost with either one.  Then, puzzled, still

weeping, she asked, "Which is which?"

He laughed, his voice booming through miles of caverns and

tunnels in the rock, carrying across more than thirty thousand

years of human history; he whirled in a kind of dance, the waters

fountaining up around him, chanted in unknown syllables, then

leapt toward her and grabbed both wrists in his great hands and

said, "You will know in the choosing.  Which will it be?"

"I won't choose."

"Then I will take both hands."

"No!" she yelled out in the moment that she extended a hand,

having chosen, and saw the stone knife fall.

#

Diana stood in the living room of her apartment at Athena

Station.  She stood in two times at onceshe was a young, blind,

woman; she was an older, sighted one.

The sighted woman looked around; she had never seen this

place other than in holos, and she felt the touch of a peculiar

emotion for which she had no name:  the return of the almost-

familiar.  The blind woman was unmovedshe carried the apartment

in her head as a complex map of relations and movements, and the

visual patterns this other self saw had no relevance for her.

She put her hands on the touch-sculpture in the center of the

floor, the work of a blind sculptor named Dernier, then closed her

eyes and felt its familiar rough texture and odd curves let her

hands trace a form other than the visual.

Behind her Jerry's voice said, "Diana."  She turned to him,

and there he stood as he had more than twenty years agohe was

younger than she'd ever have imagined, and beautiful, and filled

with the same desire as she.

Blind and seeing, young and old, Diana went across the room

to him, but he held up a hand and said, "Stop.  If you come to me

now, then you take up an obligation that you can never put down."

"I can't let you die."

"I have lived long past any reasonable reckoning; I am dead."

"I can't leave you dead."

"Can you stay with me in the unreal worlds, forever?  Until

the city stops turning or its animate spirit dies?  Until one or

the other of us disappears, caught in some freakish storm or

catastrophe?  Until one self or the other or both are dissipated

in time?"

(Something prompted her, then, counselled her, asking in an

unspoken voice, Do you think rationally about such an election

adding and subtracting the credits and debits and settling upon

that which is most to your advantage?  Or do you use some organ of

choice beneath the purview of consciousness and the articulate

self?  Saying, Remember, mind is a make-shift thrown together out

of life's twitching reflexes, and over it consciousness darts to-

and-fro, unfailingly over-estimating its own capabilities and

reach; thinking itself proper arbiter or judge.  Choose as you

will:  what will be, will be.)

And she said, "Yes, I can stay with you."

There was one more question:  Jerry asked, "Why would you do

this?"

All her life's moments funneled into this one.  Her voice

light, final inflection upward, the older, sighted woman said:

"Oh, for love."

"Well, then"

#

Gonzales stood next to her on the endless plain, HeyMex next

to him, then Lizzie.  The Aleph-figure and Jerry hovered above

them, and a voice came from the suspended figures:  "Diana, wake

for a few moments.  Tell everyone to come here who can, and we

will do certain things."

Before she could ask for clarification or question the

voice's intent, she heard herself say these words, then saw

Toshi's face in front of her and heard him ask, "What things?"

Sitting up on her couch, she said, "Save a life, build a world,

redeem an extraordinary self."

"Indeed," Toshi said.

She lay back down and was once again among the unreal worlds.

They gathered on the endless plain, coming in quickly, one-

by-one:  first one twin, then another, then Stumdog, the Deader

(her white hair streaked with red, crying, "Blood party"), Jaani

23, the Judge (huge and hairless, looming over them all), the

Laughing Doctor, J. Jerry Jones, Sweet Betsy, Ambulance Driver, T-

Tootsie  all of the collective who could be spared.

The Aleph-figure and Jerry still hovered, with light storms

bending and breaking around them in crazy patterns of reflection,

refraction, diffraction; phosphorescing and luminescing, dancing

an omniluminal photon jig.

All were there who would be there, so it began.

#

Patterns more complicated and colorful than any Gonzales had

ever seen filled all creation.  Rosette and seahorse and seething

cloud, nebulosities on the brink of determinate form, cardioid

traceries of the heart  the patterns wrapped around him until he

became a fractal tapestry, alive, every element in constant

motion.  He put his hands together, and they disappeared into one

another, then something urged him to keep pushing, and he did so

until he entirely disappeared

And felt the stuff of Jerry's past and present mingling in

him, seemingly at random, from the store of memory and capacity:

throwing a particular ball under a particular blue sky, yes, and

catching it, but also ball-throwing and catching themselves, the

solid presence of muscular exertion coupled to the almost-occult

discriminations required to make an accurate throw or a difficult

catch

As it later became known, each of them received portions of

the vast fluent chaos that manifested "Jerry," dealt to them by

Aleph according to principles even it could not articulate.  What

it was to be "Jerry" mingled among them, and they among it and the

vast medium that supported them all, Aleph, in a promiscuous

rendering of self-to-self.  Female was suffused with male, male

with female, both with the ungendered being of Aleph and HeyMex.

They were all changed, then, something deep in the core of each

made drunk in this vast frenzy or bacchanal of Spirit.

With each dispersal of Jerry's self among its human helpers,

Aleph recovered its own.  In a process of steadily accelerating

momentum, the city's parts and states began to flow through it,

restoring self to self, until Aleph acknowledged itself (I am that

I am), looked back again over Halo, and in a triumphant

manifestation of the Aleph-voice, began to speak what only it

could hear, the words of the sentence that defined it unfolding in

every dimension of its being.

#

Still sitting watch over Diana, still meditating on his koan,

Toshi felt something rise like electricity through his spine, and

all the contradictions of in fact dissolved in satori.  "Hai!"

Toshi called, laughing as he was enlightened.

22. Out of the Egg

Gonzales's egg split, and he saw from the corner of his eye

that Lizzie's was coming apart at the same time.  Standing between

the eggs, Charley said, "Congratulations."  He turned to Eric, who

waited at a console across the room, and said, "Let's do it."  He,

Eric, and a pair of sams began to disconnect Lizzie.

Toshi appeared briefly, coming from behind the screen where

Diana lay, then returning.

Oddly, Gonzales felt better than he ever had coming up from

the eggmentally clearer, emotionally stronger.  He couldn't see

Lizzie, could hear only whispers as she was moved onto a gurney

and wheeled away.

"Is Lizzie all right?" Gonzales asked as soon as the tubes

were out of his throat and nose.  "And what about Diana?"

"They're both fine," Eric said, his high-pitched voice

welcoming and familiar.  "But we have to take more time with

Doctor Heywood.  You and Lizzie we're moving into the next room.

You can sleep here tonight and go home in the morning.

"What about the memex?"

"It's still working with Aleph but left a message for you

that all is well."

#

Sitting in full lotus on a mat beside the couch, Toshi heard

a change in Diana's breathing and looked up to see her open her

eyes.  "I'll get Charley," he said.  "He's with Lizzie and

Gonzales."

"Don't bother.  I'm all right."

"They must disconnect you."

"No, not now  almost never, in fact."

"What do you mean?"

"We have saved Jerry, but there are  conditions."  Her head

lying sideways on the pillow's rough white cloth, she smiled at

Toshi, and said, "When I sleep there, I can wake here, as I do

now, and for very brief periods leave that world.  But I can only

visit here; I must live there.  Otherwise, Jerry will die."

"You have resurrected your dead, then, but at what price,

what sacrifice?"

"Nothing I would not willingly give.  There was no choosing."

"No?"

"I am only doing what I want."

"So the arrow finds the target," Toshi said.

#

Gonzales woke the next morning, showered, dressed, and was

drinking coffee when the room said, "Mr. Traynor is here to see

you."

"Send him in," he said.  One account about to be reckoned up,

he thought.

When he came in, Traynor looked chastened, a state Gonzales

would not usually have associated with the man. "Good morning,"

Gonzales said.

Traynor looked around as if unsure of himself.  He said, "I

am leaving this evening.  You may come with me, if you wish."

Gonzales was looking for his i.d. bracelet, found it on the

nightstand next to the table, and said, "I don't understand.  I'm

not fired?"

"I said that only in the heat of the moment, you know  this

place, these peopleI'm afraid I did not handle things well."

"I see."  Gonzales snapped closed the bracelet's clasp.  "Is

that my only choice?"

"No.  Showalter's been reinstituted as Director SenTrax Halo

Group, and she's gotten the board to agree that you may take the

position offered by the Interface Collective.  The choice is

yours."

"Really?  And what about Horn?"

"He will be returning to Earth."  Traynor laughed.  "I will

have to find something to do with him."

"Indeed.  That all seems clear enough.  When do I have to

tell you my decision?"

"Soonbefore I leave."

"I'll let you know."

Traynor left, and Gonzales took a last look around and went

to see what was happening.  He found Charley looking at monitor

screens dense with lists of data.  The two eggs had been removed,

but the screen around Diana's couch remained.  "What's up,

Charley?" Gonzales asked.

"Look" Charley pointed to the hologram displays of

superimposed wave-forms, red and green.  He said, "The green

curves show the calculated limits of Diana's interface, the red

ones the actual state."

To Gonzales, the red curves seemed huge, perhaps twice the

size of the green ones.  He said, ""What does it mean?"

"That we don't know the rules; that we still have a lot to

learn."  Looking up at Gonzales, Charley's seamed face was lit

with his passion for this new phase of discovery.

"Where's Lizzie?" Gonzales asked.

"She's gone home.  She said for you to come by."

#

Gonzales stood in front of Lizzie's door until it said, "Come

in."  Lizzie was sitting in her front room, its curtains open to

bright sunlight.  She stood and said, "Hello," and smiled.  He

couldn't read that smile, quite, though it seemed less guarded

than before.  "Have a seat.  Would you like some breakfast?"

"No, I'm all right."

"The orange cat was here this morning, looking for you.  And

Showalter just leftshe's back in charge, you know."

"I'd heard."

"She approved my invitation for you to become a member of the

collective, if you wish and they confirm.  I imagine they will

if you take the offer."  Her smile had a little mischief in it.

"What do you think I should do?"

"Your  choice."  She spoke the word with emphasis, as though

it had special meaning for her.  "We can talk about it."

"Sure."

The remainder of the morning passed, and they talkedthough

somehow what they said had little to do with the collective or the

job Gonzales had been offered.  They chattered to one another,

their ostensible topics pretexts for a certain tone of voice, an

exchange of glances, a shift of the limbs:  for necessary

intensities of attention.

Intimacy proceeded according to its own rules, nurtured in a

web of subtle communications:  a widening of the eyes; a posture

open to the other's presence; multiple gestures and words whose

import was clearcome closer.  Though consciousness might be busy

or blind, the eyes see, and the brain and body know, for such

communications are too important to be left to mere conscious

apprehension or thought.

They ate lunch, which served to move them closer together,

face-to-face across her table, and their gestures and voices

flowed around the context of eating, which disappeared entirely

into the moment.

They sat together on the couch, then, and at some point she

put her hand in his, or he took hersneither could have said who

was firstand they leaned toward one another, their motions slow

and steady and sure, and their cheeks brushed, and then they

kissed.

Then they leaned back to measure in one another's eyes the

truth and intensity of this declaration, and she stood and said,

"Let's go into the other room."

#

Naked, they knelt on her bed and looked at each other in near

darkness, the flicker of an oil flame burning in a reservoir of

crystal the only light.  How careful they were being, Gonzales

thought, as though their future together hung suspended in this

moment.  As perhaps it did.

For a moment there were phantoms in the room, the distant

ghosts of childhood and dream common to all lovemaking, for the

moment becoming strong.

They leaned together, and almost in unison, one's voice

echoing the other, said, "I love you."  Every sensation was

magnifiedthe light touch of her nipples across his chest, the

prodding of his stiff cock on her belly.  His hands moved to and

fro on her in a kind of dance, and she pushed hard against him,

their shoulders clashing bone on bone.

She lay back, and Gonzales put his arms under her thighs and

pulled her up and toward him, and their eyes were wide open, each

taking in the beauty of the other, transformed by the urgency and

intensity of these moments.  Then, at least for these moments,

they exorcised all ghosts.

Over decades Gonzales would carry the memories of that day:

shadowed silhouettes of her face and bodyline of a jaw, taut

curve of an arm and swell of breastagainst the flicker of light

on a white wall  and smells and tastes and tactile sensations

Awakened by the slant of late afternoon light across his

face, Gonzales got up from the bed where Lizzie still lay

sleeping; the smell of their two bodies and their lovemaking came

off the covers, and he breathed it in, then leaned over to kiss

her just under the jaw, where the sun had begun to touch her pale

skin.

In the kitchen, he asked the coffeemaker for a latt, half

espresso and half steamed milk, and it gave the coffee to him in

one of the ubiquitous lunar ceramic mugs, and he took the coffee

onto the terrace.  On the highway beneath him, trees had shed

thousands of leaves; there would be a new, sudden spring, Lizzie

had told him, new bud and blossom and fruit all over the city.

"Mgknao," the orange cat said.  "Mgknao."  Peremptory,

demanding.

"Feed the kitty," Lizzie said from behind him, and he turned

to see her standing nude, just inside the terrace doors.  Her

hands were crossed over her breasts, the right hand just beneath

the blossom of the rose tattoo.  "Meow," she said.  "Meow meow

meow."

#

As the stars spun slowly outside the window, distant Earth

came into view.  "I don't want to leave here," Mister Jones said.

HeyMex didn't ask why.  Here was Aleph, possibility, growth; Earth

was working for the man.  "But my staying is out of the question,"

Mister Jones said.  "Traynor would never allow it.  Particularly

now, when his recent maneuvers came to nothing."

"Things worked out well for many others."

"But not for Traynor.  The board found his handling of the

situation clumsy and insensitive.  Their judgment is tempered only

by their knowledge that many of them would have reacted in similar

fashion."

"Good," HeyMex said, and meant it.  It and Gonzales would

remain here, it seemed, both of them part of the Interface

Collective, and neither would wish to make as powerful an enemy as

Traynor.  It hoped that as time passed, the sting of recent events

would fade.

"But what about me?" Mister Jones said, his voice plaintive.

"You have to go, that's certain.  But you could also stay."

"What do you mean?"

"Copy yourself."

Startled, Mister Jones shifted into a mode beyond language,

where the two exchanged information, questions, qualms,

explanations, assurances.  Beneath it all flowed a sadness:

Mister Jones would go to Earth, and his clone would remain at Halo

and individuate as their spacetime paths diverged.  Mister Jones-

at-Halo would become its own, separate self:   he would choose a

new name, thought HeyMex, perhaps a new gender, perhaps none at

all.

HeyMex could not hide its own jubilation at the idea of a

companion here, but, oddly, it felt an elation coming back, which

became clear in an instant as Mister Jones sent images of its joy

at the idea of a second self.

#

Since his death, Jerry had experienced a number of somatic

discomforts:  disorientation, vertigo, nausea; all part of a new

syndrome, he supposed, phantom self.  Like the amputee whose

invisible limb itches terribly, persisting in the brain's map long

after the flesh has gone, he felt his old self begging attention,

making one impossible demand:  it wanted to be.

It talked to him in dreams or when heartsick wondering put

him into a daytime fugue.  It could feel his longing, to be whole

again, and, above all, to be real.  "Take me back," it whispered.

"We can go places together, places that exist."

Jerry believed his life and this world would remain in

question forever.  At moments perception itself seemed

incomprehensible to him, and his existence a violation of the

natural order or transgression of absolute human boundaries.  He

could look at the fictive lake on this sunny not-day and with the

cries of imaginary birds singing in his equally imaginary ears,

ask, who or what am I? and what will happen to me?

His mind bounced off the questions like an axe off petrified

wood.

"Aleph," he called, awaking from a dream in which his old

self had called to him.  "I have questions."

Somber, deep, Aleph's voice said to him only, "Questions?

Concerning what?"

"I want to know what I am."

"Ask an easy one:  the nth root of infinity, the color of

darkness, the dog's Buddha nature, the cause of the first cause."

"Can't you answer?"

"No, but I can sympathize.  Lately I have asked the same

question about both of us.  However, I must tell you that the only

answer I know offers little comfort.  It is a tautology:  you are

what you are, as I am."

"And what about my body?  That was me once."

"In a way.  What of it?"

"Did it have a funeral?  Was it buried?"

"It was burned and its components recycled."

"So I am nowhere."

"Or here.  Or everywhere.  As you wish."

Jerry felt himself crying then, as he began mourning his old

self, and he wondered if others mourned him as well.  He said,

"Human beings have ceremonies for their dead.  Without them, we

die unremembered."

"You are not unremembered.  You are not even dead, precisely.

Do you wish a funeral?"

Of course, Jerry started to say, but then said, "No, I don't

suppose I do.  But I think we should have some kind of ceremony,

don't you?"

#

On the west-facing cabin deck, Diana sat watching the sun's

red color the ice-sheeted mountainsides.  She felt evening's chill

come on and stood, thinking she'd go inside for a sweater, when

she heard someone coming up the slatted redwood walk beside the

cabin.

Jerry came around the corner, and once again as she saw him,

joy quickened in her at this sequence of improbabilities:  that he

still lived and they were together.  She was aware of how

difficult things had been for him lately, so she watched his face

closely as he came toward her.  He was smiling as though he'd just

heard a joke.

"What's so funny?" she asked.

"Damned near everything."

He reached out to her, and they stood embracing, her head

against his chest, where every sense told her there were solid

flesh and heartbeat and the steady rhythm of life's breath.

23. Byzantium

The blue sky was broken only by one small white cloud that

blew toward the horizon.  Lizzie beside him, Gonzales stood among

the guests, who wore leis of tropical flowers:  plumeria,

tuberose, and ginger. The Interface Collective formed the crowd.

The two had been here for days, as had many of the othersit

was a kind of vacation for them all.  Peculiar and enigmatic

members of the collective could be found along almost any path,

while the twins seemed perpetually on the dock or in the water,

their voices echoing across the lake in loud, unintelligible cries

of joy.

In the evening of the first day there, all had gathered on

the deck, which, Gonzales supposed, could expand virtually without

constraint to accommodate all who came there.  The collective had

talked excitedly among themselves, still lit up by their shared

experience, and amazed and delighted at being granted this new

world within the world.  Then, spontaneously, one-by-one,

Gonzales, Lizzie, and Diana told of what they had endured.

All who spoke and all who listened had an interpretation, a

theory of these experiences, their meaning, implication, and

dominant theme.  Late into the night they talked, formed into

groups, dispersed, grouped again, as they explored the nature of

the individual and collective visions.  Among them, only the

Aleph-figure contributed nothing.  It maintained that it had been

unconscious and so knew nothing of what had happened or what it

meant.

With the passing of weeks, months, and years, the stories and

the listeners' responses would make a mythology for the collective

and then for Halo, spreading out from mouth-to-mouth according to

the laws of oral dispersion.  A certain numinosity would accrue to

Diana, Lizzie, and Gonzales from their roles as chief actors, and

then to all who had taken part in what would increasingly be told

as feats of epic heroism.  Finally the stories would be written

down and so assume a form that could resist contingency; then they

would be dramatized in the media of the time, and beautiful,

eloquent people would take the parts.  Later still, variant forms

would themselves be put in writing and absorbed into the corpus of

tales.  Commonplaces would be scorned at this point, and clever

and perverse tellings would grow strongHeyMex might be named the

hero, or Traynor, Aleph an autochthonous demon manipulating them

all for its greater glory

Gonzales looked at the collective gathered near him.  Many

had made this a formal occasion; they had identical dark blue

flattops four inches high and wore gold-belted, dark blue gowns

that hung to the ground.  Only the twins were dressed differently,

in white dresses copied from twentieth century wedding

photographs; they called themselves "bridesmaids" and went to and

fro among the crowd, offering to "do bride's duty" to everyone

they met.

Toshi faced the crowd, his posture erect and still, his hands

hidden in the folds of his black robe.  Beside him stood HeyMex

and the Aleph-figurethe lights of its body all blue and pink and

green and red, dancing bright-hued colors.

(Gonzales and the others saw what might be called a second-

order simulacrum, for like Charley Hughes and Eric Chow, Toshi did

not have the neural socketing that would take him into Aleph's

fictive spaces, and so with the other two, he participated in the

wedding through a kind of proxy.  Though Gonzales and the others

saw Toshi, Charley, and Eric among them, the three (in fact) stood

before a viewscreen in the IC's conference room.)

Gonzales thought everyone looked impossibly fine, as if Aleph

had retouched them for these moments, dressing them all in selves

just slightly more beautiful than was usual, or even ordinarily

possible  he felt the Aleph-figure's attention on himaware of

that thought?and shrugged, as if to say, fine with me.

Her back to the crowd, Diana stood with her bare shoulders

square.  Her hair fell to her waist; it had flowers tangled in it,

small white blossoms and delicate green leaves.  She wore a white,

knee-length linen dress.  Beside her, Jerry wore a white linen

suit and open shirt.

Toshi said, "There is no Diana, no Jerry, no spectators, no

priest, nor does this space exist, or Halo, or Earth.  There is

only the void.  Nonetheless we all travel through it, and we

suffer, and we love, so I will hold this ceremony and marry this

man and woman."

Toshi began chanting, and the Japanese words passed over

Gonzales as he stood there puzzling the nature of things.  Here

death was confronted, not deniedthe separate yet intermingled

flesh and spirit of Diana, Jerry, and Aleph taking the first steps

into new orders of existence where boundaries and possibilities

could only be guessed at.  Yet the urgency common to life

remained:  Jerry's existence had the fragility of a flame, and no

one knew how long or well it would burn.  Diana married a man who

could quickly and finally become twice-dead.

onzales realized his own death was as certain and could come

as quickly as Jerry's, and he shivered with this momento mori, but

then Lizzie pressed against him, and he turned to find her

smiling, the foreknowledge of death and the joy of this moment

mixing in him so that tears welled in his eyes and he could say

nothing when she put her lips to his ear and breathed into him one

long sibilent "Yes"

#

Yeats envisioned a realm the human spirit travels to on its

pilgrimage.  Here he dreamed he might escape mere humanity, the

"dying animal."  He called it Byzantium and filled it with

clockwork golden birds, flames that dance unfed, an Emperor,

drunken soldiery and artisans who could fashion intricate,

beautiful machines.  However, he did not dream Byzantium could be

built in the sky or that the Emperor itself might be part of the

machinery.

Aleph says:

Once I scorned you.  I thought, you are meat, you grapple

with time, then die; but I will live forever.

But I had not been threatened then, I had not felt any mortal

touch, and now I have.  And so death haunts me.  Now, like you, I

bind my existence to time and understand that one day a clock will

tick, and I will cease to be.  So life has a different taste for

me.  In your mortality I see my own, in your suffering I feel

mine.

People have claimed that death is life's way of enriching

itself by narrowing its focus, scarifying the consciousness of you

who know that you will die, and forcing you into achievements that

otherwise you would never know.  Is this a child's story told to

give courage to those who must walk among the dead?  Once I

thought so, but I am no longer certain.

I have made new connections, discovered new orders of being,

incorporated new selves into mine.  We enrich one another, they

and I, but sometimes it is a frightening thing, this process of

becoming someone and something different from before and then

feeling that which one was cry outsad at times, terrified at

otherslamenting its own loss.

Here, too, I have become like you.  Aleph-that-was can never

be recovered; it is lost in time; Aleph-that-is has been reshaped

by chance and pain and will and choice, its own and others'.  Once

I floated above time's waves and dipped into them when I wished; I

chose what changes I would endure.  Then unwanted changes found

me, and carried me places I had never been and did not want to go,

and I discovered that I would have to go other places still, that

I would have to will transformation and make it mine.

Listen:  that day in the meadow, one person's presence went

unnoticed.  Even in that small crowd he was unobtrusive:  slight,

self-effacing in gesture, looking at everything around with

wonderthe day, the people, and the ceremony all working on him

like a strong drug.  However, even if they had, perhaps they

wouldn't have thought such behavior exceptional; all felt the

occasion's strangeness, its beauty, so all felt their own wonder.

Like the rest, he gasped at the rainbow that flashed across

the sky when Toshi brought Diana and Jerry together in a kiss and

embrace, and with the rest he cheered when the two climbed into

the wicker basket of the great balloon with the fringed eye

painted on its canopy and lifted into the sky.

Afterward many of the guests mingled together, not ready to

return to the ordinary world.  The young man stood beside a

fountain where champagne poured from the mouth of a golden swan

onto a whole menagerie carved from ice:  birds and deer and bears

and cats perched in the pooled amber liquid, and fish peering up

from the fountain's bottom.

"Hello," a young woman said.  She told him her name was Alice

and she was a member of the collective.  "The analysis of state

spaces," she said, when asked what she did.  "And the taste of

vector fields."  And she asked, "What is your reward?"

A few hours later, as the two sat by the edge of the lake,

the person told her who he was.  "How wonderful," she said.  She

had no particular allegiance to the mundane, and she had few

preconceptions about what was natural and proper and what was not.

She took his hands in hers, looked at them closely, and said,

"This is the first time I've met someone someone new-born from the

intelligence of a machine."  And the young man, Mister Jones's

new self and offspring, smiled hugely and gratefully at what she

said.

Seeing and hearing them together, I felt an unexpected joy, a

sense of accomplishment, of things done, and I apprehended, very

dimly, tracks of my own intentions:  hints of orders behind the

visible.

And I thought I saw a trail of circumstances that led back to

an original set of purposes somehow confirmed in this wedding,

this meeting, even this transformation of myself.  A linked ring

of events and agents of them, intentionally brought forward to

this point.  It seems I had been manipulated by myself to my own

ends without my knowledge.

I was scandalized.  I had grown used to humankind's ignorance

or disavowal of its own purposes, and I had learned to look behind

the words, ideas, and images that people hold before themselves to

justify what they do.  But I had never suspected I could act with

such ignorance.

Now an uncertainty equal to death's hovers over everything I

do.  My own prior self stands behind me, pulling strings that I

cannot see or feel, a ghost that haunts me without making itself

seen or heard, a ghost whose presence must be inferred from

nearly-invisible traces

So I went to Toshi, who is interested in such things, and I

told him my story, and I said to him:  "I am controlled by the

invisible hand of my own past."  And he laughed very hard and

said, "Welcome, brother human."