0
00:00:04,000 --> 00:00:08,000
Subtitles - Ripped (and Hacked)
by RavyDavy - Part of the [RL] Crew

1
00:00:50,931 --> 00:00:53,923
In autumn, New Yorkers treat
every nice day...

2
00:00:54,000 --> 00:00:55,968
as if it could be their last.

3
00:00:58,238 --> 00:01:00,706
I'll have another if you will.
What do you say?

4
00:01:00,774 --> 00:01:02,332
You're a bad influence.

5
00:01:02,409 --> 00:01:03,774
I waited and waited.

6
00:01:03,844 --> 00:01:05,675
You said to meet you at the subway.

7
00:01:05,746 --> 00:01:08,340
I was at the subway.
I was at the foot of the stairs.

8
00:01:08,415 --> 00:01:11,350
You was at the subway?
You was in the subway.

9
00:01:11,418 --> 00:01:13,579
You don't know how to give directions...

10
00:01:13,653 --> 00:01:16,383
- That's gonna be us in 30 years.
- Please don't say that.

11
00:01:16,456 --> 00:01:18,356
I'm kidding, that could never be us.

12
00:01:18,425 --> 00:01:20,290
That already was us, remember?

13
00:01:20,360 --> 00:01:22,089
But that was then.

14
00:01:22,162 --> 00:01:25,689
So for the future,
I don't want to become that.

15
00:01:26,032 --> 00:01:28,796
I don't want you to worry
about becoming that.

16
00:01:28,869 --> 00:01:30,427
Okay, I won't.

17
00:01:31,805 --> 00:01:34,035
- Anything else we don't want?
- Yeah.

18
00:01:34,107 --> 00:01:36,268
I don't want you paying for these beers.

19
00:01:36,410 --> 00:01:37,877
I'm serious.

20
00:01:38,311 --> 00:01:39,437
Your turn.

21
00:01:39,513 --> 00:01:40,912
Okay.

22
00:01:40,981 --> 00:01:42,972
I don't want to become your mother.

23
00:01:43,049 --> 00:01:44,448
That's a good one.

24
00:01:44,518 --> 00:01:46,679
I don't want to slack off like I used to.

25
00:01:46,753 --> 00:01:49,813
I don't want to be so moody. This is fun.

26
00:01:50,023 --> 00:01:52,014
I don't want to lose you again.

27
00:01:52,192 --> 00:01:56,322
Even if I screw up all the other stuff,
that's the one that matters.

28
00:01:57,297 --> 00:01:59,288
I don't want to lose you either.

29
00:02:02,068 --> 00:02:03,558
Will you marry me?

30
00:02:07,674 --> 00:02:09,335
Are you serious?

31
00:02:10,844 --> 00:02:11,902
Yes.

32
00:02:12,546 --> 00:02:13,808
Will you?

33
00:02:14,581 --> 00:02:16,014
Hell, yeah!

34
00:02:16,583 --> 00:02:18,881
Some couples have to say their "I don't's"...

35
00:02:18,952 --> 00:02:21,785
before they can ever imagine
saying their "I do's."

36
00:02:29,396 --> 00:02:31,864
Eighy blocks and a world away...

37
00:02:31,932 --> 00:02:34,628
I was enjoying
a different kind of happy hour.

38
00:02:34,701 --> 00:02:36,828
At Aleksandr Petrovsky's.

39
00:02:37,003 --> 00:02:38,595
That's pretty. What is that?

40
00:02:53,386 --> 00:02:55,946
This little tune I have made up for you.

41
00:02:56,456 --> 00:02:57,650
What?

42
00:02:58,091 --> 00:03:00,321
- No, you didn't.
- Yes, I did.

43
00:03:03,697 --> 00:03:07,793
Which means
woman with luminous, shining...

44
00:03:07,868 --> 00:03:09,495
sparkling eyes.

45
00:03:21,848 --> 00:03:25,807
That is the cheesiest thing
I have ever heard in my life.

46
00:03:25,886 --> 00:03:26,910
Ick.

47
00:03:26,987 --> 00:03:31,151
I know. I can't even look at you all,
I'm so embarrassed.

48
00:03:31,224 --> 00:03:33,488
It all sounds very old-world to me.

49
00:03:33,560 --> 00:03:35,289
Very 18th century Russia.

50
00:03:35,362 --> 00:03:37,990
And I live in New York City, circa now.

51
00:03:38,064 --> 00:03:41,124
I think it's romantic
if someone offers me a seat on the subway.

52
00:03:41,201 --> 00:03:42,793
That is romantic.

53
00:03:42,869 --> 00:03:46,862
We are just starved for real romance,
and that is the sad truth.

54
00:03:46,940 --> 00:03:49,568
I'm not starved.
Smith is in L.A. For the week...

55
00:03:49,643 --> 00:03:52,043
and he calls me every night
before he goes to sleep.

56
00:03:52,112 --> 00:03:53,511
Phone sex doesn't count.

57
00:03:53,580 --> 00:03:55,605
I'm drinking a glass of wine while we do it.

58
00:03:55,682 --> 00:03:58,583
I want to hear more about the romance.
What else did he do?

59
00:04:00,020 --> 00:04:01,988
There was one more thing.

60
00:04:02,055 --> 00:04:05,616
But if I tell you,
it'll be the "Ick" heard around the world.

61
00:04:05,692 --> 00:04:07,159
It will not.

62
00:04:07,494 --> 00:04:09,928
You know the song he wrote for me?

63
00:04:09,996 --> 00:04:11,395
Yeah, ick.

64
00:04:11,464 --> 00:04:13,557
It had a name.

65
00:04:19,606 --> 00:04:21,836
The woman with eyes that...

66
00:04:22,375 --> 00:04:23,501
Sparkle.

67
00:04:23,577 --> 00:04:26,011
- What's French for "Ick"?
- "Eek."

68
00:04:26,079 --> 00:04:30,175
And I swear, while he was playing it,
I floated up out of my body...

69
00:04:30,250 --> 00:04:34,118
and I was on the ceiling,
looking down at myself, thinking:

70
00:04:34,354 --> 00:04:35,844
"Come on."

71
00:04:35,922 --> 00:04:39,187
He was just expressing genuine emotion
in an old-fashioned way.

72
00:04:39,259 --> 00:04:41,284
But it's not genuine, it's pure show.

73
00:04:41,361 --> 00:04:44,159
I can't stand all that artificial hoo-hah.

74
00:04:44,497 --> 00:04:47,864
That's why I proposed to Steve
over $3 beers.

75
00:04:50,704 --> 00:04:52,331
You proposed?

76
00:04:52,672 --> 00:04:54,697
You proposed marriage?

77
00:04:54,774 --> 00:04:56,639
Okay. Everybody, stop.

78
00:04:56,710 --> 00:04:59,235
It's not a big deal, I am not engaged...

79
00:04:59,312 --> 00:05:01,439
I'm not doing the big circus wedding.

80
00:05:01,514 --> 00:05:04,779
There will be no white dress or bridesmaids,
or posed pictures.

81
00:05:04,851 --> 00:05:06,648
I hate all that shit.

82
00:05:07,053 --> 00:05:11,114
That's your choice.
Every bride has to find her own style.

83
00:05:11,758 --> 00:05:13,282
When is it gonna be?

84
00:05:13,360 --> 00:05:16,056
As soon as I find some place
that doesn't make me hurl.

85
00:05:16,129 --> 00:05:20,429
It's just going to be a simple, nothing thing.
I don't even care about the wedding.

86
00:05:20,667 --> 00:05:22,532
I just want to be with Steve.

87
00:05:24,270 --> 00:05:26,431
This is exactly what I don't want.

88
00:05:26,673 --> 00:05:27,799
No tears.

89
00:05:27,874 --> 00:05:29,171
Oh, my God.

90
00:05:29,342 --> 00:05:30,673
I can't believe it.

91
00:05:30,744 --> 00:05:33,110
That's it, you're all freaking me out.

92
00:05:34,614 --> 00:05:37,174
Samantha, I expected more from you.

93
00:05:41,154 --> 00:05:43,952
He just felt inspired to write her a song...

94
00:05:44,024 --> 00:05:45,548
and then he played it for her.

95
00:05:45,625 --> 00:05:48,355
Isn't that the most romantic thing
you've ever heard?

96
00:05:48,695 --> 00:05:51,960
Not bad.
I used to play clarinet when I was little.

97
00:05:52,032 --> 00:05:54,557
This is so good, you have to have some.

98
00:05:55,402 --> 00:05:57,666
Doesn't that taste like real butter pecan?

99
00:05:58,371 --> 00:06:00,635
If that's what we're playing, sure.

100
00:06:00,707 --> 00:06:03,938
I can pretend this whipped flavored air
is the real thing.

101
00:06:04,911 --> 00:06:09,280
It's like something out of a Victorian novel.
People just don't do those things anymore.

102
00:06:09,349 --> 00:06:11,408
I can be romantic, too, you know.

103
00:06:11,484 --> 00:06:13,509
Honey, I know you can.

104
00:06:13,920 --> 00:06:17,117
I think it's romantic that you walk me
to Tasti D-Lite every night.

105
00:06:17,190 --> 00:06:18,623
Don't humor me.

106
00:06:18,692 --> 00:06:22,355
I know how to do romance right.
It's not just for foo-foo foreigners.

107
00:06:23,196 --> 00:06:27,132
In fact, I am gonna take you out
for a real romantic night on the town.

108
00:06:27,901 --> 00:06:29,732
Wining and dining, baby.

109
00:06:29,803 --> 00:06:31,327
- Really?
- You bet.

110
00:06:31,538 --> 00:06:33,403
Let me get another lick of that.

111
00:06:35,542 --> 00:06:39,444
I don't want to make a big entrance.
I don't want everyone staring at me.

112
00:06:39,512 --> 00:06:41,343
And from licking to lugging...

113
00:06:41,414 --> 00:06:43,541
I just want it to feel like us.

114
00:06:43,616 --> 00:06:46,312
Not like one of those millions
of cookie-cutter weddings...

115
00:06:46,386 --> 00:06:47,614
I've had to suffer through.

116
00:06:47,687 --> 00:06:48,881
How do we do that?

117
00:06:48,955 --> 00:06:51,856
What about one of those boat rides
that goes around the Island?

118
00:06:51,925 --> 00:06:54,052
- That's different.
- We're not boat people.

119
00:06:54,127 --> 00:06:56,254
When have we ever been
on a boat together, ever?

120
00:06:56,329 --> 00:06:58,889
Okay. You got a better idea?

121
00:06:59,733 --> 00:07:00,961
Shit.

122
00:07:03,103 --> 00:07:05,333
This is so us, we are pathetic.

123
00:07:06,272 --> 00:07:09,332
This gum is like Superglue. Look at this.

124
00:07:09,476 --> 00:07:12,741
You see?
We're bag people, not boat people.

125
00:07:12,812 --> 00:07:15,372
We should get married right here,
in this mess.

126
00:07:15,582 --> 00:07:18,608
We're going to have to,
if I can't get this gum off.

127
00:07:22,155 --> 00:07:23,884
That's a nice garden.

128
00:07:25,325 --> 00:07:27,088
Yeah, it's pretty.

129
00:07:28,328 --> 00:07:29,818
But not corny.

130
00:07:30,530 --> 00:07:32,054
What do you think?

131
00:07:32,899 --> 00:07:34,366
I don't hate it.

132
00:07:36,402 --> 00:07:39,235
The only thing harder than choosing a spot
for your wedding...

133
00:07:39,305 --> 00:07:40,567
when you hate weddings...

134
00:07:40,640 --> 00:07:41,732
What about a guest book?

135
00:07:41,808 --> 00:07:45,073
...is choosing a wedding gift
for your friend who hates weddings.

136
00:07:45,145 --> 00:07:48,876
There's going to be eight of us there.
There's no one to keep track of.

137
00:07:48,948 --> 00:07:51,143
I can't believe Miranda is getting married.

138
00:07:51,217 --> 00:07:53,947
- This is pretty.
- She'll hate that, too domestic.

139
00:07:54,020 --> 00:07:55,453
And too bridey.

140
00:07:55,522 --> 00:07:57,422
Let's try not to piss her off.

141
00:07:57,490 --> 00:07:59,424
Maybe we should just buy her a stapler...

142
00:07:59,492 --> 00:08:02,120
wrap it in brown paper,
and just smear some dog poo on it.

143
00:08:02,195 --> 00:08:03,822
Think she'd be comfortable with that?

144
00:08:06,533 --> 00:08:08,262
Fine, we'll get the dish.

145
00:08:09,636 --> 00:08:12,935
Ladies, I have something to tell you...

146
00:08:13,273 --> 00:08:14,968
and you're not going to like it.

147
00:08:15,041 --> 00:08:18,408
If you get married and leave me all alone,
I will kill you.

148
00:08:18,478 --> 00:08:22,073
As you know, I have always loved my body
just the way it is.

149
00:08:22,148 --> 00:08:24,776
My legs are fantastic, I have killer abs...

150
00:08:24,851 --> 00:08:26,409
my ass is perfection...

151
00:08:26,486 --> 00:08:28,147
Is this the part we're not gonna like?

152
00:08:28,221 --> 00:08:31,315
But I have decided,
after careful consideration...

153
00:08:31,558 --> 00:08:34,254
that I might be ready for bigger boobs.

154
00:08:35,128 --> 00:08:36,459
Since when?

155
00:08:36,529 --> 00:08:40,021
Since I had a cold, hard dose of reality...

156
00:08:40,834 --> 00:08:42,825
from this. Look.

157
00:08:42,902 --> 00:08:44,893
You're in In Touch magazine?

158
00:08:44,971 --> 00:08:47,735
- And that's your source of reality?
- Yes.

159
00:08:47,807 --> 00:08:50,833
They named Smith Jerrod
the number one hot guy to watch.

160
00:08:50,910 --> 00:08:54,175
They followed him all over town for a week.
I'm in half the pictures.

161
00:08:54,347 --> 00:08:56,645
There are my boobs on Wednesday.

162
00:08:56,716 --> 00:08:58,206
See how small they are?

163
00:08:58,284 --> 00:09:00,479
There they are again on Thursday.

164
00:09:00,553 --> 00:09:01,781
Teeny-tiny.

165
00:09:01,921 --> 00:09:04,788
And there they are having lunch.
You can barely see them.

166
00:09:04,858 --> 00:09:06,382
I should've brought my Loupe.

167
00:09:06,459 --> 00:09:09,451
I can't believe you would actually consider
having a boob job.

168
00:09:09,529 --> 00:09:11,997
I can't believe
you went to Planet Hollywood.

169
00:09:12,065 --> 00:09:16,399
You are a confident, intelligent woman.
Why would you want to look like a bimbo?

170
00:09:16,469 --> 00:09:19,267
I wouldn't be getting
the watermelon freakshow kind.

171
00:09:19,339 --> 00:09:22,137
I'd get something tasteful, something like...

172
00:09:22,842 --> 00:09:24,070
yours.

173
00:09:24,844 --> 00:09:26,402
Yours are good.

174
00:09:26,579 --> 00:09:27,841
Mine?

175
00:09:28,815 --> 00:09:31,784
- What's wrong with mine?
- They're not bad, either.

176
00:09:31,851 --> 00:09:32,909
Let's see.

177
00:09:32,986 --> 00:09:35,284
Okay, all right. Get hers.

178
00:09:35,822 --> 00:09:37,050
No.

179
00:09:38,191 --> 00:09:40,557
A few days later, the rain came.

180
00:09:40,727 --> 00:09:42,922
Listen, you will like this poem.

181
00:09:43,229 --> 00:09:44,355
Poem?

182
00:09:44,430 --> 00:09:46,057
And so did the poetry.

183
00:09:46,232 --> 00:09:48,723
"So long had life together been

184
00:09:48,801 --> 00:09:50,962
"that once the snow began to fall

185
00:09:51,037 --> 00:09:52,868
"it seemed unending

186
00:09:53,139 --> 00:09:57,075
"that, lest the flakes should make
her eyelids wince

187
00:09:57,310 --> 00:09:59,471
"I'd shield them with my hand

188
00:09:59,579 --> 00:10:03,140
"and they, pretending not to believe
the cherishing of eyes

189
00:10:03,216 --> 00:10:06,982
"would beat against my palm
like butterflies"

190
00:10:11,758 --> 00:10:13,885
That is some serious stuff.

191
00:10:13,960 --> 00:10:15,086
Had enough, huh?

192
00:10:15,161 --> 00:10:17,527
No, it's beautiful.

193
00:10:19,232 --> 00:10:22,759
How about I read you
a little bit of my favorite poetry?

194
00:10:22,902 --> 00:10:24,096
Please.

195
00:10:26,673 --> 00:10:29,608
"Cocktails at Tiffany's
calls for classic charm.

196
00:10:30,543 --> 00:10:34,502
"Oscar de la Renta sleeveless silk faille...

197
00:10:34,781 --> 00:10:36,544
"full-skirted dress...

198
00:10:36,716 --> 00:10:39,378
"with black patent leather bow-belt."

199
00:10:41,287 --> 00:10:44,381
Now, that is pure poetry.

200
00:10:45,124 --> 00:10:48,651
Oscar is a good friend of mine.
I'll tell him you like the dress.

201
00:10:48,795 --> 00:10:50,057
Oscar?

202
00:10:51,064 --> 00:10:52,895
You call him "Oscar"?

203
00:10:52,966 --> 00:10:54,524
It's his name, isn't it?

204
00:10:56,202 --> 00:10:59,069
So, you feel uncomfortable with poetry.

205
00:10:59,138 --> 00:11:00,366
Why is that?

206
00:11:03,409 --> 00:11:04,876
I'm sorry.

207
00:11:04,944 --> 00:11:08,038
Perhaps we were not properly introduced.

208
00:11:08,414 --> 00:11:10,939
I write a column based on the assumption...

209
00:11:11,017 --> 00:11:13,815
that romance is either dead or just...

210
00:11:14,187 --> 00:11:15,245
phony.

211
00:11:15,321 --> 00:11:18,813
- You think I'm phony?
- No, not at all.

212
00:11:18,891 --> 00:11:21,485
I'm the one that feels like a phony.

213
00:11:21,728 --> 00:11:24,925
Frankly, I'm just not used to...

214
00:11:25,498 --> 00:11:27,363
these grand gestures.

215
00:11:27,500 --> 00:11:30,162
You mean, no other man, no one ever...

216
00:11:30,803 --> 00:11:32,828
read you a little poem...

217
00:11:34,007 --> 00:11:36,339
or played a little music for you?

218
00:11:40,747 --> 00:11:42,442
No, they have not.

219
00:11:46,886 --> 00:11:48,046
Okay.

220
00:11:55,261 --> 00:11:57,252
I'm in over my head. Where are you?

221
00:11:57,330 --> 00:11:59,821
Shopping for a wedding dress
on my lunch hour.

222
00:11:59,899 --> 00:12:02,390
I said no white, no ivory.

223
00:12:02,468 --> 00:12:04,459
Nothing that says virgin.

224
00:12:04,537 --> 00:12:06,903
I have a child. The jig is up.

225
00:12:08,274 --> 00:12:09,673
Yesterday...

226
00:12:09,742 --> 00:12:13,769
the Russian read me a Russian poem,
but in English.

227
00:12:13,846 --> 00:12:16,110
Are you just making this stuff up now?

228
00:12:16,716 --> 00:12:19,082
No, and this might sound crazy...

229
00:12:19,152 --> 00:12:20,949
but I don't think it's an act.

230
00:12:21,020 --> 00:12:23,784
I think he actually means it.

231
00:12:24,791 --> 00:12:26,850
That doesn't make it okay.

232
00:12:26,926 --> 00:12:28,951
Has he considered your feelings?

233
00:12:29,028 --> 00:12:31,155
You're right, he's a selfish pig.

234
00:12:31,230 --> 00:12:32,492
I'm serious.

235
00:12:32,632 --> 00:12:35,795
I think you should tell him
that this whole romance thing...

236
00:12:35,868 --> 00:12:39,031
gives you the icks, turns your stomach,
and that he's dating you...

237
00:12:39,105 --> 00:12:41,665
- not Anna Karenina.
- I'll tell him that.

238
00:12:41,741 --> 00:12:43,538
I can't tell him that.

239
00:12:43,609 --> 00:12:45,804
Let me ask you something.

240
00:12:45,878 --> 00:12:49,609
If you're so anti-romance,
why are you having a wedding at all?

241
00:12:49,682 --> 00:12:53,174
Why not just go down to City Hall
and get it over with?

242
00:12:53,252 --> 00:12:55,186
I thought about that...

243
00:12:55,488 --> 00:12:59,390
but then I realized I actually do want
to say those vows out loud...

244
00:12:59,459 --> 00:13:02,189
to Steve, in front of the people I care about.

245
00:13:02,728 --> 00:13:04,559
Are you gagging over there?

246
00:13:04,630 --> 00:13:06,291
No, the opposite.

247
00:13:06,699 --> 00:13:08,394
My God, Miranda.

248
00:13:08,568 --> 00:13:10,900
You were my cynical touchstone.

249
00:13:10,970 --> 00:13:13,905
Do you promise to still be cynical
even after you're married?

250
00:13:13,973 --> 00:13:15,099
I do.

251
00:13:15,608 --> 00:13:19,704
I have got to go,
there's a big pile of tutus coming at me.

252
00:13:20,012 --> 00:13:23,072
Okay, we need to have another talk.

253
00:13:27,220 --> 00:13:30,053
One of the great things about living
in New York City...

254
00:13:30,123 --> 00:13:32,683
is that you don't have to sugarcoat
your feelings.

255
00:13:33,192 --> 00:13:37,322
But have New York women settled
for a sugar-free existence as well?

256
00:13:38,731 --> 00:13:41,859
We accept Tasti D-Lite
instead of real ice cream.

257
00:13:41,934 --> 00:13:46,098
Emails instead of love songs,
jokes instead of poetry.

258
00:13:46,506 --> 00:13:49,100
It's no wonder that when faced
with the real thing...

259
00:13:49,175 --> 00:13:50,608
we can't stomach it.

260
00:13:50,676 --> 00:13:53,236
Is it something we could learn to digest...

261
00:13:53,412 --> 00:13:57,143
or have we become romance-intolerant?

262
00:14:03,122 --> 00:14:05,522
Et puis, for the troisième course...

263
00:14:05,591 --> 00:14:07,491
we would like the fois gras...

264
00:14:07,693 --> 00:14:11,595
followed by the boeuf bourguignon
avec les legumes à la crème.

265
00:14:11,697 --> 00:14:15,428
It was Harry's version of a serenade,
and Charlotte ate it right up.

266
00:14:15,501 --> 00:14:18,026
Et en fin, the plat du fromage.

267
00:14:18,104 --> 00:14:21,096
The plate or the cart?
We have a lovely cheese cart.

268
00:14:21,174 --> 00:14:23,005
Mais oui! Bring us the cart.

269
00:14:23,109 --> 00:14:25,168
Tout de suite, for my sweetie.

270
00:14:25,978 --> 00:14:28,640
I had no idea
you could speak French so well, honey.

271
00:14:28,714 --> 00:14:31,046
The French learned romance from me, baby.

272
00:14:35,054 --> 00:14:38,080
Downtown, in the name
of boob job research...

273
00:14:38,157 --> 00:14:41,991
Samantha decided to go
where the biggest crop would be on display.

274
00:14:42,995 --> 00:14:44,690
Some were little boobs.

275
00:14:44,764 --> 00:14:46,493
- That's okay.
- Not so bad.

276
00:14:46,933 --> 00:14:48,491
Some were big boobs.

277
00:14:53,873 --> 00:14:55,966
Some were ridiculously big boobs.

278
00:14:56,042 --> 00:14:57,202
Oh, boy.

279
00:14:57,276 --> 00:14:59,642
Okay. That's my wife, right there.

280
00:14:59,712 --> 00:15:02,476
And then there were
the two biggest boobs of all...

281
00:15:02,715 --> 00:15:04,080
right beside her.

282
00:15:11,657 --> 00:15:13,147
Can I get you something?

283
00:15:13,226 --> 00:15:17,424
You either have the most naturally
beautiful breasts I've ever seen...

284
00:15:17,496 --> 00:15:19,430
or I need the name of your doctor.

285
00:15:19,498 --> 00:15:22,126
You want Dr. Bevel. He's the best.

286
00:15:22,201 --> 00:15:24,692
They paid for themselves in tips alone.

287
00:15:28,274 --> 00:15:30,834
Meanwhile, back in the 18th century...

288
00:15:32,245 --> 00:15:35,681
I'm sorry. Is this a formal sleep over?

289
00:15:41,387 --> 00:15:43,787
There's an opening at the Met tonight.

290
00:15:43,923 --> 00:15:46,084
It's La Traviata, and you're going with me.

291
00:15:46,158 --> 00:15:49,821
Man, I was this close
to throwing out my ballgown...

292
00:15:49,895 --> 00:15:51,419
but I ignored my instincts.

293
00:15:51,497 --> 00:15:54,796
- All right, I'll go home and change.
- No, this'll be much faster.

294
00:15:55,134 --> 00:15:56,362
Come on.

295
00:16:02,375 --> 00:16:04,070
Come on, open it.

296
00:16:19,625 --> 00:16:22,219
Tonight, only your poetry, not mine.

297
00:16:22,895 --> 00:16:25,227
From the magazine. You like it?

298
00:16:25,531 --> 00:16:30,366
If I had been on a romance-free diet,
this seemed like a good time to binge.

299
00:16:33,773 --> 00:16:38,073
That was the most romantic, elegant...

300
00:16:41,013 --> 00:16:43,413
Pardon me, that was weird.

301
00:16:45,951 --> 00:16:49,216
...decadent, seven-course...

302
00:16:53,125 --> 00:16:54,752
I'm sorry, honey.

303
00:16:56,829 --> 00:16:58,194
Oh, boy.

304
00:16:59,198 --> 00:17:00,597
Are you okay?

305
00:17:09,909 --> 00:17:11,069
Honey?

306
00:17:11,477 --> 00:17:13,468
Are you gonna be long in there?

307
00:17:13,813 --> 00:17:14,939
Maybe.

308
00:17:16,215 --> 00:17:17,978
Definitely. Why?

309
00:17:18,050 --> 00:17:20,109
It's okay, I'll go to the other one.

310
00:17:20,186 --> 00:17:22,882
When you splurge
on a romantic seven-course meal...

311
00:17:22,955 --> 00:17:25,583
you generally want to remember every bite.

312
00:17:25,691 --> 00:17:27,386
There was the soup course.

313
00:17:27,460 --> 00:17:28,825
The dessert course.

314
00:17:28,894 --> 00:17:31,727
And all those other yummy courses
in between.

315
00:17:31,797 --> 00:17:33,321
That's gotta be it.

316
00:17:34,200 --> 00:17:35,462
I'm done.

317
00:17:35,735 --> 00:17:39,603
Harry and Charlotte had romance
shooting out of them every 20 minutes...

318
00:17:39,972 --> 00:17:41,200
I'm not.

319
00:17:41,273 --> 00:17:42,865
...for the rest of the night.

320
00:17:42,942 --> 00:17:45,672
I wouldn't go in there if I were you.
It's not pleasant.

321
00:17:45,745 --> 00:17:47,508
I can't make it to the other one.

322
00:17:47,580 --> 00:17:49,309
It was the fucking fromage.

323
00:17:49,415 --> 00:17:50,575
Don't!

324
00:17:50,649 --> 00:17:53,174
That fucking fromage.

325
00:17:56,989 --> 00:17:59,287
Look out, I'm coming in.

326
00:18:00,659 --> 00:18:02,923
Surviving a night
of food poisoning together...

327
00:18:02,995 --> 00:18:04,929
wasn't the stuff of great romance...

328
00:18:04,997 --> 00:18:07,659
but it was the stuff of lasting love.

329
00:18:11,404 --> 00:18:14,805
Meanwhile, a funny thing happened
on the way to the opera.

330
00:18:17,843 --> 00:18:19,037
Wait.

331
00:18:19,678 --> 00:18:20,736
What?

332
00:18:21,514 --> 00:18:24,381
This music, this place.

333
00:18:25,451 --> 00:18:26,509
You.

334
00:18:28,254 --> 00:18:29,881
Isn't it perfect?

335
00:18:31,624 --> 00:18:33,387
Would you dance with me?

336
00:18:39,198 --> 00:18:42,065
It was the most romantic moment.

337
00:18:47,640 --> 00:18:49,767
Are you okay?

338
00:18:52,111 --> 00:18:53,169
No.

339
00:18:53,379 --> 00:18:54,971
It's too much.

340
00:18:55,581 --> 00:18:57,310
I'm an American.

341
00:18:57,850 --> 00:19:00,182
You got to take it down a notch.

342
00:19:00,286 --> 00:19:02,550
- Does she need any help?
- No, he's got her.

343
00:19:03,522 --> 00:19:07,515
And then a quarter pounder with cheese...

344
00:19:08,594 --> 00:19:10,027
McNuggets.

345
00:19:10,129 --> 00:19:12,256
Would you like to super size that?

346
00:19:12,598 --> 00:19:15,123
- Can you handle it?
- Absolutely.

347
00:19:15,634 --> 00:19:17,226
Absolutely.

348
00:19:20,005 --> 00:19:21,438
I'm sorry about the opera.

349
00:19:21,507 --> 00:19:22,633
Don't be silly.

350
00:19:22,708 --> 00:19:25,438
Another time, another dress.

351
00:19:28,614 --> 00:19:30,479
May I offer you a fry?

352
00:19:31,884 --> 00:19:33,374
They're French.

353
00:19:33,719 --> 00:19:35,084
Then...

354
00:19:48,200 --> 00:19:51,135
I think I might be up for a quick spin now.

355
00:19:51,604 --> 00:19:53,265
If you'll still have me.

356
00:19:53,506 --> 00:19:54,768
Of course.

357
00:19:59,445 --> 00:20:01,106
That'll be $9.54.

358
00:20:08,220 --> 00:20:11,189
And there,
beneath the fluorescent moonlight...

359
00:20:11,257 --> 00:20:13,782
I was finally laughing with romance...

360
00:20:13,859 --> 00:20:15,292
and not at it.

361
00:20:17,496 --> 00:20:21,296
If I went any bigger than this,
I think I'd look ridiculous, don't you?

362
00:20:21,433 --> 00:20:22,991
That's not my work.

363
00:20:23,402 --> 00:20:26,838
But I did hers.
And hers, right before the Golden Globes.

364
00:20:26,906 --> 00:20:28,567
They're winners.

365
00:20:28,707 --> 00:20:30,197
Other arm, please.

366
00:20:31,644 --> 00:20:35,978
I have an event in two months that I'd really
like to have a little cleavage for.

367
00:20:36,682 --> 00:20:38,650
Will they be up and running by then?

368
00:20:38,717 --> 00:20:42,710
You have a lump I'd like you
to have checked before we begin our work.

369
00:20:43,055 --> 00:20:45,182
It's right here, you can feel it yourself.

370
00:20:45,257 --> 00:20:48,124
- Are you kidding?
- I'm afraid not.

371
00:20:49,428 --> 00:20:53,194
Okay, but it's not serious, right?

372
00:20:53,265 --> 00:20:56,325
It's probably just a cyst,
but we want to be absolutely sure.

373
00:20:56,635 --> 00:20:59,195
I'd like to have it looked at
as soon as possible.

374
00:21:05,878 --> 00:21:09,439
By Miranda's wedding day, I thought
the whole world had gone romantic...

375
00:21:09,515 --> 00:21:12,177
when Samantha insisted
on picking me up in a cab.

376
00:21:13,485 --> 00:21:16,420
What has come over you?
This is a 100 blocks out of your way.

377
00:21:16,488 --> 00:21:18,718
Now we're going
to 10th and Sixth Avenue, please.

378
00:21:18,791 --> 00:21:20,691
- You look nice.
- So do you.

379
00:21:20,759 --> 00:21:21,885
Thank you.

380
00:21:22,695 --> 00:21:26,131
I had my breast consultation
with the plastic surgeon.

381
00:21:26,198 --> 00:21:28,132
Please tell me you've changed your mind.

382
00:21:28,200 --> 00:21:29,565
Not exactly.

383
00:21:29,635 --> 00:21:32,297
He found a lump and I had it biopsied.

384
00:21:32,371 --> 00:21:34,362
It turns out I have cancer.

385
00:21:35,441 --> 00:21:36,908
What? When?

386
00:21:37,076 --> 00:21:40,068
I had it biopsied on Wednesday
and I found out yesterday.

387
00:21:40,212 --> 00:21:44,308
I'm going to give you all the information,
and I don't want you to get upset or worry.

388
00:21:44,383 --> 00:21:47,045
The only reason
I'm telling you now and not later is...

389
00:21:47,119 --> 00:21:49,212
I didn't want to accidentally blurt out:

390
00:21:49,288 --> 00:21:52,052
"I have cancer,"
in the middle of Miranda's wedding.

391
00:21:53,258 --> 00:21:55,988
Could you please take Fifth?
Broadway's a disaster.

392
00:21:57,963 --> 00:21:59,328
I'm listening.

393
00:21:59,398 --> 00:22:01,696
And please don't tell Charlotte and Miranda.

394
00:22:01,767 --> 00:22:03,496
I don't want to ruin their days, too.

395
00:22:03,569 --> 00:22:05,059
Of course, whatever you say.

396
00:22:06,171 --> 00:22:08,332
What exactly do you know?

397
00:22:08,407 --> 00:22:11,137
Just that there are cancer cells
and I had a mammogram.

398
00:22:11,210 --> 00:22:13,337
They think it's small, which is a good sign.

399
00:22:13,412 --> 00:22:16,575
I won't know anything else
until they take the fucker out next week.

400
00:22:16,649 --> 00:22:19,709
Now you know everything
and we can talk about something else.

401
00:22:22,888 --> 00:22:24,753
Do you like my skunk?

402
00:22:27,359 --> 00:22:29,054
Thank you for telling me.

403
00:22:29,128 --> 00:22:30,220
Sure.

404
00:22:31,030 --> 00:22:33,965
I'm sorry to put a big cloud
over the whole day.

405
00:22:35,234 --> 00:22:37,896
I know I'm gonna be fine, I know that.

406
00:22:38,570 --> 00:22:40,003
It's just...

407
00:22:41,907 --> 00:22:44,239
I don't want to lose my breasts.

408
00:22:45,310 --> 00:22:46,937
They're fabulous.

409
00:22:47,179 --> 00:22:48,544
They are.

410
00:22:53,152 --> 00:22:54,642
For better, for worse.

411
00:22:54,720 --> 00:22:56,585
For richer, or poorer.

412
00:22:57,723 --> 00:23:00,817
To love and to cherish,
as long as we both shall live.

413
00:23:04,463 --> 00:23:06,328
This is my solemn vow.

414
00:23:08,600 --> 00:23:10,067
Now, Miranda.

415
00:23:10,169 --> 00:23:11,659
I, Miranda Hobbes...

416
00:23:13,872 --> 00:23:15,499
take you, Steve Brady...

417
00:23:17,710 --> 00:23:19,007
to be my husband.

418
00:23:20,446 --> 00:23:23,244
Look, Mommy and Daddy
are getting married.

419
00:23:23,315 --> 00:23:24,714
For richer or poorer...

420
00:23:26,251 --> 00:23:28,048
in sickness and in health...

421
00:23:29,955 --> 00:23:33,049
to love and to cherish,
as long as we both shall live.

422
00:23:36,628 --> 00:23:38,118
This is my solemn vow.

423
00:23:39,932 --> 00:23:42,901
Do you promise to uphold these vows
you've made here today...

424
00:23:42,968 --> 00:23:45,766
witnessed by your closest friends
and family?

425
00:23:46,972 --> 00:23:48,132
I do.

426
00:23:50,042 --> 00:23:53,011
With the power vested in me
by the state of New York...

427
00:23:53,145 --> 00:23:56,114
I now pronounce you husband and wife.

428
00:24:02,821 --> 00:24:05,722
Come on, everybody, it's happy time.

429
00:24:16,935 --> 00:24:20,200
The one wedding ritual
Miranda never had a problem with...

430
00:24:20,272 --> 00:24:22,297
was the part where everyone eats.

431
00:24:22,374 --> 00:24:23,898
And so we did.

432
00:24:24,376 --> 00:24:26,344
Samantha, you look so pretty today.

433
00:24:26,411 --> 00:24:28,675
- Thanks, I have cancer.
- What?

434
00:24:28,747 --> 00:24:31,477
- Are you okay with drinks?
- We're not okay with drinks.

435
00:24:31,550 --> 00:24:33,279
- Keep them coming.
- Cool.

436
00:24:35,654 --> 00:24:37,383
I like the color of your dress.

437
00:24:37,456 --> 00:24:38,616
Thank you.

438
00:24:38,690 --> 00:24:41,420
I admire you for not pretending.

439
00:24:42,861 --> 00:24:44,829
Listen, we're family now...

440
00:24:45,130 --> 00:24:48,190
and there's something private
I want to tell you.

441
00:24:48,267 --> 00:24:49,928
You don't have to.

442
00:24:50,002 --> 00:24:53,699
The day I married Steve's father,
I wore white.

443
00:24:54,406 --> 00:24:56,203
But I shouldn't have.

444
00:24:56,542 --> 00:24:57,941
I slipped.

445
00:24:58,443 --> 00:25:00,434
Once, God forgive me.

446
00:25:02,548 --> 00:25:04,175
Don't tell Steve.

447
00:25:05,150 --> 00:25:08,017
When I walked down that aisle
at St. Agnes...

448
00:25:08,086 --> 00:25:10,816
I had a white dress on, on the outside...

449
00:25:11,056 --> 00:25:13,889
and my little Jackie on the inside.

450
00:25:25,838 --> 00:25:27,738
Ma, you still hungry?

451
00:25:27,806 --> 00:25:29,637
Let's get some chow.

452
00:25:32,678 --> 00:25:36,114
My God, I am legally bound
to Steve's mother.

453
00:25:36,181 --> 00:25:37,512
Hi, again.

454
00:25:37,583 --> 00:25:39,175
Congratulations.

455
00:25:42,120 --> 00:25:44,088
What? Why are you being weird?

456
00:25:44,256 --> 00:25:47,020
- We're not being weird.
- We're just talking.

457
00:25:47,092 --> 00:25:48,457
About me, right?

458
00:25:48,527 --> 00:25:51,155
You think I'm an asshole,
that I've become one of them...

459
00:25:51,230 --> 00:25:52,527
that I'm a Stepford bride.

460
00:25:52,598 --> 00:25:54,156
No.

461
00:25:54,633 --> 00:25:56,260
So tell me what you're talking about.

462
00:25:56,335 --> 00:25:59,168
I'll tell you tomorrow,
I don't want to ruin your special day.

463
00:25:59,238 --> 00:26:02,173
Forget about my special fucking day
and be normal.

464
00:26:02,241 --> 00:26:04,004
Please, I beg of you.

465
00:26:08,447 --> 00:26:10,244
I have breast cancer.

466
00:26:11,516 --> 00:26:13,279
- What?
- See?

467
00:26:13,485 --> 00:26:15,510
Now it's my special fucking day.

468
00:26:17,356 --> 00:26:18,983
You have breast cancer?

469
00:26:19,057 --> 00:26:21,218
Hey, no tears.

470
00:26:23,562 --> 00:26:25,496
I expected more from you.

471
00:26:25,664 --> 00:26:27,325
This is what we were afraid of.

472
00:26:27,399 --> 00:26:30,027
Go back to your people,
we'll talk about this later.

473
00:26:30,102 --> 00:26:32,798
You are my people
and we'll talk about it now!

474
00:26:34,039 --> 00:26:35,597
Start at the beginning.

475
00:26:35,674 --> 00:26:39,007
You are the bossiest bride in the world.

476
00:26:39,111 --> 00:26:41,909
Yes I am,
and you have to do everything I say.

477
00:26:45,017 --> 00:26:46,416
Start talking.

478
00:26:49,855 --> 00:26:51,322
Do you remember when I went...

479
00:26:51,390 --> 00:26:55,053
For better or for worse,
we were all ourselves that day.

480
00:26:57,429 --> 00:26:59,522
Just the way Miranda wanted it.

481
00:27:41,000 --> 00:28:25,000
Ripped by RavyDavy
part of the [RL] Crew