0
00:00:04,000 --> 00:00:08,000
Subtitles - Ripped (and Hacked)
by RavyDavy - Part of the [RL] Crew

1
00:00:52,299 --> 00:00:55,268
The single New Yorker's weekend
is all about buying.

2
00:00:55,335 --> 00:00:57,735
The latest Vogue, fresh flowers...

3
00:00:57,804 --> 00:01:00,568
and gifts for previously-single New Yorkers.

4
00:01:01,975 --> 00:01:04,705
Hi. I'm here for the Welker wedding registry.

5
00:01:04,778 --> 00:01:08,179
I'll take the Newport soup ladle
and three Bimini steak knives.

6
00:01:08,248 --> 00:01:10,011
The baby Peck list?

7
00:01:10,283 --> 00:01:11,477
The burpy blanket.

8
00:01:11,551 --> 00:01:13,348
Okay, what is left?

9
00:01:13,420 --> 00:01:17,254
Fine, I'll take four espresso cups
and a pepper grinder.

10
00:01:17,457 --> 00:01:21,223
Yeah, okay, the Little Me activity chair.

11
00:01:23,163 --> 00:01:27,862
That night, Stanford and I were invited to
celebrate the arrival of baby boy Bronson...

12
00:01:27,934 --> 00:01:30,061
latest son of Kyra and Chuck.

13
00:01:30,137 --> 00:01:31,695
- Easy, baby girl.
- Sorry.

14
00:01:31,772 --> 00:01:33,569
Hey, what you got in there, Stanny?

15
00:01:33,640 --> 00:01:36,404
The Peter Rabbit dish set with matching bib.

16
00:01:36,643 --> 00:01:38,543
Dang, you snagged that!

17
00:01:39,212 --> 00:01:41,976
Thanks to you,
I was left with the Little Me chair.

18
00:01:42,048 --> 00:01:45,916
And get this. I also got him
a CD of Free to Be... You and Me

19
00:01:45,986 --> 00:01:50,082
I loved Marlo Thomas! I played that album
all through the fifth grade.

20
00:01:50,157 --> 00:01:53,456
I wanted to run as fast as the wind.

21
00:01:53,560 --> 00:01:56,222
I played William Wants A Doll
so many times...

22
00:01:56,296 --> 00:01:59,390
I almost turned my little sister
into a gay man.

23
00:02:08,508 --> 00:02:11,568
Welcome to the party.
I'm Margo, Kyra's sister.

24
00:02:11,645 --> 00:02:14,637
The gifts go over on the table,
and the shoes go there.

25
00:02:19,986 --> 00:02:22,477
Kyra and Chuck
don't like outside dirt coming in.

26
00:02:22,556 --> 00:02:25,116
The twins are always picking things up
off the floor.

27
00:02:25,258 --> 00:02:28,694
But this is an outfit.

28
00:02:29,796 --> 00:02:31,787
They'd really appreciate it.

29
00:02:38,605 --> 00:02:40,903
Good thing I wore my party socks.

30
00:02:40,974 --> 00:02:43,807
Jeez, if I'd known I was gonna be shoeless...

31
00:02:43,877 --> 00:02:47,404
I would have compensated
with a big hat or something.

32
00:02:47,747 --> 00:02:48,873
Okay.

33
00:02:50,183 --> 00:02:54,586
Well, now I'm so teeny
I might bump my head on the coffee table.

34
00:02:54,855 --> 00:02:56,618
Watch out, Little Me.

35
00:02:58,191 --> 00:03:02,685
Our hostess, Kyra Bronson, had made
a name for herself in the early '90s...

36
00:03:02,762 --> 00:03:06,994
taking pictures of anorexic actresses
on beds at the Chelsea Hotel.

37
00:03:07,067 --> 00:03:08,466
Hey, you two.

38
00:03:09,169 --> 00:03:11,797
Now she took pictures of fat babies
in buckets.

39
00:03:11,872 --> 00:03:16,673
We come from the East 70s, bearing gifts.
Where is the blessed child?

40
00:03:16,743 --> 00:03:20,144
The baby's in his room. You can't miss him.
He looks just like Chuck...

41
00:03:20,213 --> 00:03:24,240
except without that sad, closed-up hole
in his ear when he pierced it in the '80s.

42
00:03:24,551 --> 00:03:26,212
- Anyway, here.
- Thank you.

43
00:03:26,286 --> 00:03:29,949
I've gotta go. Other people need drinks,
and by "others," I mean me.

44
00:03:30,090 --> 00:03:31,682
Hey, Milo, Allegra!

45
00:03:33,593 --> 00:03:36,118
Waiter, there's a baby in my drink.

46
00:03:37,130 --> 00:03:41,226
Uptown, Miranda was putting her foot down
in her co-op board meeting.

47
00:03:41,301 --> 00:03:44,361
Look, we all want to find the perfect tenant
for $10,000.

48
00:03:44,437 --> 00:03:47,304
All I'm asking
is that we not prolong the interview.

49
00:03:47,374 --> 00:03:51,902
Whatever decision we make about
Dr. Robert Leeds, let's make it quick.

50
00:03:52,012 --> 00:03:54,640
I've got a baby downstairs
getting over the chicken pox.

51
00:03:54,714 --> 00:03:56,375
I have a cataract.

52
00:03:58,418 --> 00:04:00,750
- Hello. Come in, won't you?
- Hi.

53
00:04:00,820 --> 00:04:01,809
Yes, hi.

54
00:04:02,122 --> 00:04:05,922
And suddenly, Miranda wasn't so bored
at her board meeting.

55
00:04:05,992 --> 00:04:08,517
- Hi, I'm Miranda Hobbes.
- Hi.

56
00:04:09,296 --> 00:04:11,856
And this is everybody else.

57
00:04:12,032 --> 00:04:15,763
And I'm Robert Leeds,
but you probably know that already...

58
00:04:15,835 --> 00:04:19,134
along with my social security number
and my jacket size.

59
00:04:21,174 --> 00:04:25,440
So, Robert, you're a doctor for the Knicks?

60
00:04:25,512 --> 00:04:26,945
Yeah, guilty as charged.

61
00:04:27,013 --> 00:04:30,073
- How long have you had...
- Hey, you've had a great season.

62
00:04:30,684 --> 00:04:32,845
I take it you're not a basketball fan.

63
00:04:32,919 --> 00:04:35,945
Well, you've got me there.
I'm a baseball person.

64
00:04:36,389 --> 00:04:39,085
- Yankees or Mets?
- Please, Yankees.

65
00:04:40,093 --> 00:04:43,062
- Should have known.
- And what is that supposed to mean?

66
00:04:43,129 --> 00:04:46,121
- On Page 4 of your tax return...
- Lynn, please.

67
00:04:46,900 --> 00:04:48,492
We'll get to it.

68
00:04:50,070 --> 00:04:52,834
While Miranda was playing
a game of pick-up...

69
00:04:53,840 --> 00:04:57,901
You tell him I'll do depositions Friday,
but only if my client is ready.

70
00:04:59,279 --> 00:05:01,679
...Charlotte was picking up as well.

71
00:05:01,748 --> 00:05:05,479
Exactly. What, you gonna push me on this?
Don't push me!

72
00:05:05,719 --> 00:05:10,213
Because if you push me, then I push back.
I don't have to produce my client for this...

73
00:05:10,290 --> 00:05:13,726
Charlotte knew when Harry moved in,
he would unpack his bags.

74
00:05:14,661 --> 00:05:17,061
She wasn't expecting the teabags.

75
00:05:17,330 --> 00:05:18,957
And everything else?

76
00:05:19,899 --> 00:05:23,562
Why are you hocking me on this?
Can you not hear what I'm saying to you?

77
00:05:23,637 --> 00:05:27,164
I'll repeat this slowly.
Open your ears, Reg, here it comes.

78
00:05:27,574 --> 00:05:30,236
I don't think so! Clear?

79
00:05:30,377 --> 00:05:33,778
One tax return
and a half hour of eyelash-batting later...

80
00:05:33,847 --> 00:05:36,680
- It was really nice to meet you.
- You, too.

81
00:05:37,984 --> 00:05:41,613
And I won't hold that Mets thing
against you.

82
00:05:42,522 --> 00:05:44,114
I appreciate that.

83
00:05:48,294 --> 00:05:50,728
Well, he's perfect!

84
00:05:51,164 --> 00:05:54,930
Frankly, I am concerned
about his financials.

85
00:05:55,001 --> 00:05:57,265
His alimony payments are awfully high.

86
00:05:57,337 --> 00:05:59,305
And he's never owned before.

87
00:05:59,372 --> 00:06:01,169
You people are crazy.

88
00:06:01,341 --> 00:06:05,869
It's the single ones who always throw
the wild parties with all the girls.

89
00:06:07,313 --> 00:06:10,840
Okay, I think we all know
what's not being said here.

90
00:06:13,153 --> 00:06:18,056
The unspoken thing was that
Robert was cute and Miranda was horny.

91
00:06:21,127 --> 00:06:23,595
And then we saw the most amazing house...

92
00:06:23,663 --> 00:06:26,530
I swear, I had no idea
who we were bidding against.

93
00:06:26,599 --> 00:06:29,796
You liar. You two know everything.

94
00:06:29,869 --> 00:06:32,599
That's true. We got the house...

95
00:06:32,672 --> 00:06:36,403
but we could not get a table at
Nick & Tony's for the rest of the summer.

96
00:06:39,212 --> 00:06:41,180
Well, it's getting late.

97
00:06:41,381 --> 00:06:43,713
Oh, my! We have held you guys captive.

98
00:06:43,783 --> 00:06:46,445
No, we've had a swell time. It's just...

99
00:06:46,753 --> 00:06:49,654
It's midnight, he's gay.
He has to start his night.

100
00:06:50,490 --> 00:06:52,754
- Anyway, congrats on the baby.
- Thanks.

101
00:06:52,826 --> 00:06:55,124
Yeah, he's just precious.

102
00:06:55,361 --> 00:06:56,919
- Okay, bye.
- Bye.

103
00:06:56,996 --> 00:06:58,122
Nice to meet you.

104
00:06:58,198 --> 00:07:01,634
Then, of course, our landscaper takes off
with half of our trees.

105
00:07:01,901 --> 00:07:06,838
We might have been one foot out the door,
but my shoes appeared to have already left.

106
00:07:09,976 --> 00:07:14,174
Then they told us, "That's what you get
for stealing Billy Joel's firewood."

107
00:07:16,349 --> 00:07:19,182
- Was there another room for the shoes?
- No.

108
00:07:20,954 --> 00:07:24,856
- Mine seem to have gone missing.
- That's crazy.

109
00:07:27,761 --> 00:07:31,697
God, Carrie, I'm sorry.
I just can't imagine where your shoes went.

110
00:07:32,499 --> 00:07:36,162
You know, Jennifer was wearing sandals.
Perhaps she took yours by mistake.

111
00:07:36,402 --> 00:07:39,599
Actually, they weren't sandals.
They were Manolos.

112
00:07:40,507 --> 00:07:44,273
I'm sure they'll turn up.
I can loan you some shoes to go home in.

113
00:07:53,553 --> 00:07:58,388
They say you shouldn't judge until you've
walked a mile in someone else's shoes.

114
00:07:59,225 --> 00:08:01,022
I made it six blocks.

115
00:08:03,630 --> 00:08:05,427
The next day, over dessert...

116
00:08:05,498 --> 00:08:09,161
I was still not over the fact
that my shoes had deserted me.

117
00:08:09,235 --> 00:08:13,137
These were new Manolos. I hadn't
even done a full lap around the party.

118
00:08:13,206 --> 00:08:15,868
I don't play favorites with my shoes...

119
00:08:16,376 --> 00:08:18,435
but these were very special.

120
00:08:18,511 --> 00:08:20,672
Who would steal shoes from a party?

121
00:08:20,747 --> 00:08:23,545
Someone size 7 with excellent taste.

122
00:08:23,616 --> 00:08:26,084
Why in hell did you take your shoes off
to begin with?

123
00:08:26,152 --> 00:08:28,780
We had to for their kids.

124
00:08:28,855 --> 00:08:32,188
Apparently we drag things in on our heels
that make children sick.

125
00:08:32,258 --> 00:08:34,920
Please, it's children
who drag the germs around.

126
00:08:34,994 --> 00:08:38,953
Brady got the chicken pox courtesy of
some kid who licked him at the playground.

127
00:08:39,032 --> 00:08:40,363
Oh, my God!

128
00:08:40,433 --> 00:08:42,526
Kyra must have been mortified.

129
00:08:42,602 --> 00:08:45,730
Actually, I kept waiting for the mortification
that never came.

130
00:08:45,805 --> 00:08:47,966
She said they might turn up
and sent me home.

131
00:08:48,041 --> 00:08:51,238
Those shoes are not turning up anywhere
but a pawn shop in Brooklyn.

132
00:08:51,744 --> 00:08:54,645
Stop. I'm gonna cry in my flan.

133
00:08:55,315 --> 00:08:57,943
So that's it? They're just gone?

134
00:08:58,685 --> 00:08:59,913
Boo-hoo?

135
00:08:59,986 --> 00:09:03,979
- Legally, she owes you for them.
- I can't ask her to pay for my shoes.

136
00:09:04,057 --> 00:09:05,285
Why not?

137
00:09:05,358 --> 00:09:09,055
If you gave a party and told her
to leave her baby outside in the hall...

138
00:09:09,128 --> 00:09:13,030
and her baby was missing at the end
of the night, believe me, there'd be payback.

139
00:09:13,099 --> 00:09:17,126
That is the craziest thing I've ever heard!
Children are not shoes.

140
00:09:17,203 --> 00:09:19,296
I know. I'm not saying it.

141
00:09:19,372 --> 00:09:22,000
You have every right
to be upset about your shoes.

142
00:09:22,075 --> 00:09:24,566
I am so sick of these people
with their children.

143
00:09:24,644 --> 00:09:26,236
I'm telling you, they're everywhere.

144
00:09:26,312 --> 00:09:30,248
Sitting next to me in first class,
eating at the next table at John...

145
00:09:31,251 --> 00:09:32,445
Look at that.

146
00:09:32,518 --> 00:09:36,818
This place is for double cappuccinos,
not double strollers.

147
00:09:38,424 --> 00:09:39,516
I'm sorry.

148
00:09:39,592 --> 00:09:42,720
Hey, no need to apologize.
I wouldn't bring Brady here.

149
00:09:42,795 --> 00:09:45,787
Mommy needs two hands to eat her $8 cake.

150
00:09:45,865 --> 00:09:50,529
- You're not gonna defend children?
- No, I don't like any children but my own.

151
00:09:50,603 --> 00:09:53,037
Look at that dirty little rugrat.

152
00:09:53,106 --> 00:09:54,539
That's just chocolate.

153
00:09:54,607 --> 00:09:58,236
All children are beautiful,
but not as beautiful as Brady.

154
00:09:58,945 --> 00:10:00,378
That's true.

155
00:10:00,446 --> 00:10:02,914
Hey, so how goes
the big matrimonial move-in?

156
00:10:02,982 --> 00:10:07,419
Good. Harry's moved most of his stuff in.
It's going well.

157
00:10:08,087 --> 00:10:12,820
And I'm just trying to learn to compromise,
because sometimes I can be a little rigid.

158
00:10:13,726 --> 00:10:15,216
That's not true.

159
00:10:15,295 --> 00:10:19,459
There's just one thing and it's small,
but it really grosses me out.

160
00:10:19,799 --> 00:10:21,733
We have a teabag situation.

161
00:10:21,801 --> 00:10:25,362
I understand.
Just breathe through your nose.

162
00:10:29,342 --> 00:10:32,106
- When you're sucking his balls.
- What? No!

163
00:10:32,178 --> 00:10:36,512
I was talking about... Harry leaves
his old teabags around the house.

164
00:10:36,950 --> 00:10:41,546
I thought you meant "tea bagging,"
when you hold a guy's balls in your mouth.

165
00:10:41,721 --> 00:10:45,122
Why is it called... Oh, I get it!

166
00:10:45,425 --> 00:10:48,360
Because they hang, and the dipping.

167
00:10:48,461 --> 00:10:52,488
Oh, great. Now I've lost my shoes
and my appetite.

168
00:10:52,865 --> 00:10:54,230
This is very good.

169
00:10:55,368 --> 00:10:59,828
You now what I love about living with you,
besides those nutty soaps in the bathroom?

170
00:10:59,906 --> 00:11:01,806
- What?
- Living with you.

171
00:11:06,546 --> 00:11:07,706
Honey...

172
00:11:08,915 --> 00:11:11,850
- I need to talk to you.
- What's up, baby?

173
00:11:11,951 --> 00:11:15,580
I really don't mean to be a nag,
but it's just, well...

174
00:11:16,789 --> 00:11:18,120
It's this.

175
00:11:19,025 --> 00:11:21,357
- Tea?
- No, teabags.

176
00:11:21,961 --> 00:11:24,759
You leave them all over the house,
and they stain.

177
00:11:24,831 --> 00:11:27,459
Maybe you could just try to be
a little more careful.

178
00:11:27,533 --> 00:11:30,263
- Damn! I though I was doing so well, too.
- What do you mean?

179
00:11:30,336 --> 00:11:33,897
I've been really trying to watch my ass,
now that I'm living in your house.

180
00:11:33,973 --> 00:11:36,032
It's our house now.
I want you to be yourself.

181
00:11:36,109 --> 00:11:39,977
Yeah, well, myself is pretty much
a bull in a china shop.

182
00:11:40,113 --> 00:11:42,707
Then you're a bull in our china shop.

183
00:11:46,319 --> 00:11:47,718
It's a bull.

184
00:11:48,721 --> 00:11:50,518
- I get it.
- Just making sure.

185
00:11:57,530 --> 00:11:58,724
Hold it.

186
00:12:01,067 --> 00:12:02,466
Hey, Yankee.

187
00:12:05,104 --> 00:12:06,537
Welcome to the building.

188
00:12:06,606 --> 00:12:09,541
I have a feeling
you had a little something to do with that.

189
00:12:09,609 --> 00:12:12,043
Let's just say you owe me bigtime.

190
00:12:18,885 --> 00:12:20,477
You have a pock.

191
00:12:21,220 --> 00:12:22,312
What?

192
00:12:22,822 --> 00:12:25,586
- On your face, right there.
- Oh, my God!

193
00:12:26,426 --> 00:12:28,360
I must have gotten it from my kid.

194
00:12:28,428 --> 00:12:30,692
- Oh, I thought you were single.
- I am.

195
00:12:32,231 --> 00:12:34,893
It was the perfect first conversation.

196
00:12:35,601 --> 00:12:37,125
Minus the pock.

197
00:12:39,972 --> 00:12:43,373
All right, give me the lotion
and cotton balls. Stat.

198
00:12:43,643 --> 00:12:47,306
- You don't really say "stat"?
- No, but it sounds good, doesn't it?

199
00:12:48,514 --> 00:12:50,641
So this is the little germ-disseminator.

200
00:12:50,716 --> 00:12:54,208
Also known as Brady.
Run while you're still breathing.

201
00:12:54,287 --> 00:12:58,724
No, it's okay. I had the chicken pox
when I was four. Hey, where are you going?

202
00:13:01,761 --> 00:13:04,958
He's a winner.
I really want one of these some day.

203
00:13:07,300 --> 00:13:08,631
He looks just like you.

204
00:13:08,701 --> 00:13:10,430
- You think?
- Oh, yeah.

205
00:13:12,839 --> 00:13:14,204
Okay, Mama.

206
00:13:17,310 --> 00:13:21,246
- You know, I could do this myself.
- Yeah, but I'm a professional.

207
00:13:24,317 --> 00:13:28,447
Magda, this is Dr. Robert Leeds.
He's moving in upstairs.

208
00:13:28,521 --> 00:13:30,489
- Hi.
- Nice to meet you.

209
00:13:31,324 --> 00:13:33,656
- I'll take baby from there.
- Okay.

210
00:13:36,562 --> 00:13:38,120
You got another one.

211
00:13:41,534 --> 00:13:45,698
Okay, Miss Hobbes, I think you'll live.
But no scratching. Doctor's orders.

212
00:13:45,771 --> 00:13:46,829
Okey-doke.

213
00:13:46,906 --> 00:13:50,603
For Miranda,
Robert was just what the doctor ordered.

214
00:13:52,311 --> 00:13:54,040
Hey, Carrie, what a surprise.

215
00:13:54,113 --> 00:13:57,514
I was in the neighborhood.
I thought you might want these back.

216
00:13:57,583 --> 00:14:01,178
You didn't have to return these.
I had forgotten all about them.

217
00:14:02,388 --> 00:14:06,017
- Any news on my shoes?
- No. It's weird.

218
00:14:08,928 --> 00:14:12,625
So, this Jennifer...
Did you ever find her sandals?

219
00:14:12,798 --> 00:14:13,822
What?

220
00:14:13,900 --> 00:14:17,529
Well, if she took my shoes,
she would have left her sandals.

221
00:14:17,637 --> 00:14:20,538
Just being a bit of a shoe detective here.

222
00:14:21,707 --> 00:14:23,698
I haven't heard from her.

223
00:14:26,979 --> 00:14:31,040
Oh, my gosh, Carrie, I am such a shit!
I should have offered to pay you for them.

224
00:14:31,117 --> 00:14:32,914
No, you don't have to do that.

225
00:14:32,985 --> 00:14:36,944
You know, you have kids
and you lose all sense of social decency.

226
00:14:37,023 --> 00:14:38,456
- Come in.
- Okay.

227
00:14:49,268 --> 00:14:52,203
Milo, honey,
put your trucks back for Mommy.

228
00:14:54,540 --> 00:14:56,872
So how much were they?

229
00:14:57,310 --> 00:14:58,572
$485.

230
00:15:00,046 --> 00:15:02,344
Come on, Carrie. That's insane.

231
00:15:02,782 --> 00:15:05,683
Well, that's what they cost.

232
00:15:07,119 --> 00:15:08,848
I'll give you $200.

233
00:15:09,555 --> 00:15:12,581
Okay, this is an awkward conversation.

234
00:15:12,658 --> 00:15:16,059
I'm sorry. I just think that's crazy
to spend that much on shoes.

235
00:15:16,128 --> 00:15:18,824
You know how much Manolos are.
You used to wear Manolos.

236
00:15:18,898 --> 00:15:21,366
Sure, before I had a real life.

237
00:15:21,801 --> 00:15:25,498
But Chuck and I have responsibilities now:
Kids, houses...

238
00:15:25,972 --> 00:15:27,963
$485, wow!

239
00:15:32,178 --> 00:15:33,839
I have a real life.

240
00:15:33,913 --> 00:15:38,316
No offense, but I don't think we should
have to pay for your extravagant lifestyle.

241
00:15:38,384 --> 00:15:41,842
I mean, it was your choice
to buy shoes that expensive.

242
00:15:41,921 --> 00:15:44,913
Yes, but it wasn't my choice
to take them off.

243
00:15:45,391 --> 00:15:47,120
They're just shoes.

244
00:15:48,160 --> 00:15:49,320
Shoes.

245
00:15:51,797 --> 00:15:55,358
She shoe-shamed me.
I left there covered in shame.

246
00:15:55,434 --> 00:15:57,026
She's a fucking bitch!

247
00:15:57,103 --> 00:16:00,937
But she isn't, that's the thing.
She's become this whole other person.

248
00:16:01,007 --> 00:16:04,807
It's like she's had two caesarians
and a lobotomy.

249
00:16:04,877 --> 00:16:06,742
She owes you for those shoes.

250
00:16:06,812 --> 00:16:09,280
No, it's not about the money.
I don't care about that.

251
00:16:09,348 --> 00:16:12,977
I'm talking about a woman's right to shoes.

252
00:16:13,252 --> 00:16:15,186
Why did she have to shame me?

253
00:16:15,354 --> 00:16:18,585
Because she's trapped
in a hell of her own making.

254
00:16:19,158 --> 00:16:21,126
No, wait, that's me.

255
00:16:23,829 --> 00:16:27,993
I am dying to scratch these!
But if I do, it'll be worse.

256
00:16:28,067 --> 00:16:29,728
How are they today?

257
00:16:29,802 --> 00:16:33,738
Biblical. There's literally a pox on my house.

258
00:16:34,073 --> 00:16:37,770
If there wasn't a Jules & Mimi marathon
on BBC America this weekend...

259
00:16:37,843 --> 00:16:39,640
I'd have jumped out the window.

260
00:16:39,812 --> 00:16:44,681
Hey, speaking of handsome black men,
have you spotted any more of Dr. Knicks?

261
00:16:44,750 --> 00:16:46,274
Don't say "spot."

262
00:16:46,719 --> 00:16:49,153
No. As a leper, I'm laying low.

263
00:16:49,221 --> 00:16:52,315
But according to my sources,
he's officially in the building.

264
00:16:52,391 --> 00:16:55,827
Is it bad that my life is filled with shoes
and not children?

265
00:16:55,895 --> 00:16:56,919
Stop it!

266
00:16:56,996 --> 00:17:00,523
And she is a fucking bitch
for making you feel this way.

267
00:17:01,067 --> 00:17:02,295
Oh, God!

268
00:17:02,668 --> 00:17:03,999
When we were young...

269
00:17:04,070 --> 00:17:08,404
Marlo Thomas sang to us about
accepting each other and our differences.

270
00:17:08,941 --> 00:17:12,399
But then we got older
and started singing a different tune.

271
00:17:12,478 --> 00:17:16,881
We stopped celebrating each other's
life choices and started qualifying them.

272
00:17:17,049 --> 00:17:20,212
Is acceptance really
such a childish concept?

273
00:17:20,386 --> 00:17:22,854
Or did we have it right all along?

274
00:17:24,190 --> 00:17:27,125
When did we stop being free
to be you and me?

275
00:17:30,196 --> 00:17:34,189
The next morning, Charlotte learned
just how free the real Harry could be.

276
00:17:34,266 --> 00:17:38,498
Oh the shark has pretty teeth, dear

277
00:17:38,704 --> 00:17:43,073
And he shows them pearly white

278
00:17:45,111 --> 00:17:47,102
- Morning.
- Hi.

279
00:17:50,716 --> 00:17:53,514
- Are you gonna take a shower?
- In a little while.

280
00:18:16,142 --> 00:18:19,908
Apparently, it took next to nothing
to make Harry feel comfortable.

281
00:18:25,151 --> 00:18:27,619
Charlotte felt completely trapped.

282
00:18:27,686 --> 00:18:30,450
She wanted to see Harry
be himself in her home.

283
00:18:31,824 --> 00:18:34,759
She just didn't need
to see that much of him.

284
00:18:37,663 --> 00:18:40,427
Meanwhile, I decided to bare all to Kyra.

285
00:18:44,537 --> 00:18:47,563
- Hello.
- Hey, Kyra, it's Carrie.

286
00:18:47,873 --> 00:18:48,862
Listen...

287
00:18:50,009 --> 00:18:52,136
I feel weird
about what happened the other day.

288
00:18:52,211 --> 00:18:54,907
We've been friends a really long time...

289
00:18:55,047 --> 00:18:57,174
and I just want to clear the air.

290
00:18:57,249 --> 00:19:00,013
Oh, my God, Carrie,
I'd forgotten about that days ago.

291
00:19:00,953 --> 00:19:04,184
Well, I didn't. I've been thinking
a lot about it, and...

292
00:19:04,256 --> 00:19:07,714
Man, you must have
a lot of time on your hands. Milo!

293
00:19:07,793 --> 00:19:11,388
Pants stay on. I'm serious!
Penises stay in the bathroom.

294
00:19:11,464 --> 00:19:15,230
Carrie, can you hold on for one second?
I'll be right back. Thanks.

295
00:19:18,771 --> 00:19:20,068
Hello.

296
00:19:20,840 --> 00:19:22,933
Hello, Santa.

297
00:19:27,112 --> 00:19:31,708
You know what, I am Santa.
I did a little mental addition...

298
00:19:31,784 --> 00:19:35,584
and over the years, I have bought Kyra
an engagement gift, a wedding gift.

299
00:19:35,654 --> 00:19:38,851
Then there was the trip to Maine
for the wedding, three baby gifts.

300
00:19:38,924 --> 00:19:43,623
In toto, I have spent over $2,300...

301
00:19:43,896 --> 00:19:45,727
celebrating her choices.

302
00:19:45,798 --> 00:19:47,265
And she is shaming me...

303
00:19:47,333 --> 00:19:51,326
for spending a lousy $485 on myself?

304
00:19:52,538 --> 00:19:53,732
Yes, I did the math.

305
00:19:53,806 --> 00:19:55,569
But those were gifts.

306
00:19:55,641 --> 00:19:59,543
I mean, if you got married or had a child,
she'd spend the same on you.

307
00:20:00,246 --> 00:20:03,613
And if I don't ever get married
or have a baby, what?

308
00:20:03,949 --> 00:20:05,439
I get bupkis?

309
00:20:05,584 --> 00:20:08,382
Think about it.
If you are single, after graduation...

310
00:20:08,454 --> 00:20:11,753
there isn't one occasion
where people celebrate you.

311
00:20:11,991 --> 00:20:15,791
- We have birthdays.
- No, we all have birthdays.

312
00:20:15,861 --> 00:20:19,627
That's a wash.
I am talking about the single gal.

313
00:20:19,965 --> 00:20:21,830
Hallmark doesn't make...

314
00:20:21,901 --> 00:20:25,337
a congratulations-you-didn't-marry-
the-wrong-guy card.

315
00:20:26,572 --> 00:20:29,939
And where's the flatware
for going on vacation alone?

316
00:20:30,309 --> 00:20:31,776
You're right!

317
00:20:32,011 --> 00:20:35,003
Why should I get wedding gifts?
Finding Harry was gift enough.

318
00:20:35,080 --> 00:20:36,308
No, no.

319
00:20:36,582 --> 00:20:39,710
I'm thrilled to give you gifts
to celebrate your life.

320
00:20:39,785 --> 00:20:43,084
I just think it stinks
that single people are left out of it.

321
00:20:43,188 --> 00:20:45,452
So the moral of the story appears to be:

322
00:20:45,524 --> 00:20:49,016
Until I get married,
I won't be seeing nothing from Kyra.

323
00:20:49,628 --> 00:20:52,529
- How's the pistachio?
- It's so good. You want some?

324
00:20:53,098 --> 00:20:56,659
Meanwhile, Samantha was trying
to have a working lunch.

325
00:20:58,203 --> 00:20:59,465
Another bite?

326
00:20:59,572 --> 00:21:04,100
We got cut off.
Look, I need to get him three VIP seats and...

327
00:21:04,176 --> 00:21:07,907
Look at you! Look at you eating your pesto.

328
00:21:11,317 --> 00:21:14,718
No, I don't want any shitty house seats.
Listen to me.

329
00:21:15,821 --> 00:21:20,019
- No, I can't have any...
- Excuse me. We don't allow cell phones.

330
00:21:20,092 --> 00:21:21,923
- Are you kidding me?
- No.

331
00:21:21,994 --> 00:21:23,689
I'll call you back.

332
00:21:24,430 --> 00:21:27,331
I understand that my cell phone
may be annoying to some...

333
00:21:27,399 --> 00:21:30,061
but what are you doing about that noise?

334
00:21:33,939 --> 00:21:37,102
There's nothing we can do about that.
That's a child.

335
00:21:38,310 --> 00:21:41,746
And that was all Samantha had to hear.

336
00:21:43,549 --> 00:21:44,846
You're a big boy.

337
00:21:44,917 --> 00:21:45,906
Hello.

338
00:21:46,452 --> 00:21:49,944
I understand that your child and I
have to coexist in this city.

339
00:21:50,022 --> 00:21:53,753
But perhaps you could take him somewhere
more appropriate for a Happy Meal...

340
00:21:53,826 --> 00:21:55,953
so I could have a happier one.

341
00:21:57,096 --> 00:22:00,964
Seamus, that wasn't very nice.

342
00:22:03,969 --> 00:22:07,063
I've made my point and he's made his.

343
00:22:17,583 --> 00:22:19,050
Honey!

344
00:22:22,554 --> 00:22:25,546
- Hello, beautiful.
- Hi.

345
00:22:26,525 --> 00:22:29,517
Do you know what we need
to bring back in this house?

346
00:22:29,895 --> 00:22:31,419
Cocktail hour.

347
00:22:33,666 --> 00:22:38,035
Charlotte realized there was something
grosser than teabags all over her house.

348
00:22:39,872 --> 00:22:42,841
Her husband's teabags
all over her new white couch.

349
00:22:42,908 --> 00:22:44,899
- Harry!
- What?

350
00:22:45,878 --> 00:22:49,405
- No, I feel bad.
- About what?

351
00:22:51,116 --> 00:22:55,314
I'm trying to be less rigid, and I really
do want you to be yourself in our house.

352
00:22:55,387 --> 00:22:57,548
I know you do and I appreciate it.

353
00:22:58,023 --> 00:22:59,012
And...

354
00:23:00,325 --> 00:23:03,351
I'm almost used to the whole naked thing.

355
00:23:04,697 --> 00:23:08,531
I knew it was too much. It's just me.
But I can put on clothes.

356
00:23:08,701 --> 00:23:11,898
No. I want you to be yourself.

357
00:23:11,970 --> 00:23:16,930
It's just... Maybe you could put something
between yourself and the white couch.

358
00:23:17,943 --> 00:23:21,811
I get it. We've got kind of
an ass-white couch situation here.

359
00:23:22,114 --> 00:23:24,082
I will put on shorts.

360
00:23:24,316 --> 00:23:26,375
- Could you?
- Of course.

361
00:23:32,124 --> 00:23:33,216
Now?

362
00:23:37,963 --> 00:23:39,055
Love you.

363
00:23:57,349 --> 00:23:59,180
Miranda, are you in there?

364
00:24:01,386 --> 00:24:03,616
I can see your feet under the door.

365
00:24:04,256 --> 00:24:06,554
- Damn.
- I just came by to check up on you.

366
00:24:06,625 --> 00:24:10,356
- I'm fine.
- I've seen it all. I'm a doctor, remember?

367
00:24:14,967 --> 00:24:17,868
I'm fine. Come on in.

368
00:24:18,871 --> 00:24:20,600
It's not that bad.

369
00:24:20,806 --> 00:24:24,867
I've seen a 7' tall man's shinbone
poking through his calf, so...

370
00:24:25,544 --> 00:24:28,240
- Where's Brady?
- He's asleep.

371
00:24:28,313 --> 00:24:30,338
Too bad. I wanted to give him this.

372
00:24:31,350 --> 00:24:35,946
I'm pretty sure his hand-eye coordination
is still a little sub-par to make the team.

373
00:24:36,021 --> 00:24:38,819
If he's gonna go pro,
we gotta start him young.

374
00:24:38,957 --> 00:24:40,254
What are you watching?

375
00:24:40,459 --> 00:24:44,987
- It's just Jules & Mimi. It's silly.
- Yeah? What's it about?

376
00:24:46,298 --> 00:24:49,825
Well, that's Mimi. She's the landlord.

377
00:24:49,902 --> 00:24:54,339
Right next to her there is Jules, and
they've slept together a couple of times...

378
00:24:54,406 --> 00:24:58,399
but Jules may be involved with the girl
who works in the sausage shop.

379
00:24:58,510 --> 00:25:01,707
- In a nutshell.
- He seems to be pretty into her now.

380
00:25:02,281 --> 00:25:03,748
I'm intrigued.

381
00:25:05,450 --> 00:25:08,180
- Really?
- That and my cable's not hooked up yet.

382
00:25:14,593 --> 00:25:18,927
Jules, you know, you didn't have to
bring the rent over in person.

383
00:25:19,832 --> 00:25:22,357
What's a few tube stops between friends?

384
00:25:22,434 --> 00:25:24,493
I love a brother with an accent.

385
00:25:24,603 --> 00:25:27,003
Do you think we'll stay friends after this?

386
00:25:27,072 --> 00:25:28,437
I hope not.

387
00:25:45,524 --> 00:25:47,048
You're so soft!

388
00:25:51,129 --> 00:25:54,292
That night,
I decided I couldn't wait for a ring.

389
00:25:54,499 --> 00:25:56,967
And so I gave someone else one.

390
00:26:01,006 --> 00:26:03,600
- This is Milo.
- This is Allegra.

391
00:26:03,675 --> 00:26:08,009
Mommy, and Daddy, and baby Henry,
and us aren't here.

392
00:26:08,080 --> 00:26:09,980
Leave a message.

393
00:26:12,284 --> 00:26:14,616
Hi, it's Carrie Bradshaw.

394
00:26:14,820 --> 00:26:18,654
I wanted to let you know
that I'm getting married.

395
00:26:18,790 --> 00:26:20,121
To myself.

396
00:26:20,492 --> 00:26:23,222
And I'm registered at Manolo Blahnik.

397
00:26:23,428 --> 00:26:25,362
So thanks. Bye.

398
00:26:27,366 --> 00:26:32,030
One giant step for me,
one small step for single womankind.

399
00:26:36,008 --> 00:26:37,498
Here they are.

400
00:26:37,976 --> 00:26:41,343
- That's all she registered for?
- That'll be...

401
00:26:41,613 --> 00:26:43,547
$485.

402
00:26:43,982 --> 00:26:45,347
Plus tax.

403
00:26:45,918 --> 00:26:50,048
And could you please watch your children?
We don't want them touching the shoes.

404
00:26:50,255 --> 00:26:51,654
Thanks.

405
00:27:17,950 --> 00:27:20,783
It was my very first wedding present.

406
00:27:23,422 --> 00:27:27,552
The fact is, sometimes it's hard
to walk in a single woman's shoes.

407
00:27:27,859 --> 00:27:30,760
That's why we need really special ones
now and then.

408
00:27:30,829 --> 00:27:33,093
To make the walk a little more fun.

409
00:27:56,000 --> 00:28:56,000
Ripped by RavyDavy
part of the [RL] Crew