0
00:00:04,000 --> 00:00:08,000
Subtitles - Ripped (and Hacked)
by RavyDavy - Part of the [RL] Crew

1
00:00:49,429 --> 00:00:53,456
My career had reached new heights, literally.

2
00:00:53,533 --> 00:00:56,934
An editor at New York magazine
thought I would be the perfect person...

3
00:00:57,003 --> 00:00:59,471
to write about the ultimate challenge
for swingers.

4
00:00:59,606 --> 00:01:00,868
The flying trapeze.

5
00:01:01,575 --> 00:01:05,238
Wouldn't you rather be at Geoffrey?
They're having a sale on stripes!

6
00:01:05,579 --> 00:01:07,774
That's not supportive!

7
00:01:08,348 --> 00:01:11,681
Step on up. Good. That's good.

8
00:01:12,586 --> 00:01:14,281
Come around to my side.

9
00:01:15,389 --> 00:01:19,257
We'll take off your climbing lines
and strap on your safety harness.

10
00:01:19,326 --> 00:01:22,659
Please strap on anything that'll keep me
from plummeting to my death.

11
00:01:22,729 --> 00:01:24,162
Toes over the edge.

12
00:01:24,231 --> 00:01:26,825
Feet shoulder-width apart,
just a little bit more.

13
00:01:27,567 --> 00:01:31,594
That's good. Head up.
Now put your right hand out in front of you.

14
00:01:32,038 --> 00:01:35,098
I've got you. Good.
Are you ready to grab the bar?

15
00:01:35,442 --> 00:01:38,002
I'm ready to go to the bar.
Does everyone say that?

16
00:01:38,078 --> 00:01:41,070
Pretty much.
Okay, hold the bar in one hand.

17
00:01:41,148 --> 00:01:44,777
- You're queen of the world.
- You're queen of the world.

18
00:01:45,252 --> 00:01:48,483
All right. That's good. Keep your head up.

19
00:01:48,555 --> 00:01:49,886
Don't look down.

20
00:01:50,223 --> 00:01:52,885
Are you ready? And...

21
00:01:59,966 --> 00:02:01,263
Swing out, sister.

22
00:02:02,302 --> 00:02:04,634
Two hours later, I was hooked.

23
00:02:06,640 --> 00:02:09,268
Are you watching? I'm about to try a catch.

24
00:02:09,342 --> 00:02:12,436
Maybe you should quit while you're alive.

25
00:02:12,512 --> 00:02:13,945
You can totally do this.

26
00:02:14,114 --> 00:02:16,776
Just listen to me and trust me.

27
00:02:19,419 --> 00:02:20,909
All right. Legs up.

28
00:02:22,489 --> 00:02:24,457
Take your hands off and reach for me.

29
00:02:25,559 --> 00:02:28,153
This time you got it. Let go.

30
00:02:28,962 --> 00:02:30,259
Let go.

31
00:02:31,398 --> 00:02:32,558
No.

32
00:02:34,000 --> 00:02:36,332
That day I didn't get caught...

33
00:02:38,138 --> 00:02:40,072
but Samantha's zipper did.

34
00:02:58,658 --> 00:03:01,684
This is one of the frustrating things
about living alone.

35
00:03:01,761 --> 00:03:05,253
There's not always somebody around
to rip your clothes off.

36
00:03:15,375 --> 00:03:18,538
Hey, Smith, wanna come over and do me?

37
00:03:19,946 --> 00:03:24,747
What she meant was "undo me."
But two birds with one stone.

38
00:03:26,019 --> 00:03:27,452
And in Central Park...

39
00:03:27,521 --> 00:03:32,049
a photographer attempted to catch
two lovebirds sitting on a stone.

40
00:03:33,493 --> 00:03:36,462
Honey, a little less teeth.
Just relax your lips.

41
00:03:36,830 --> 00:03:38,821
No, now you're squinting.

42
00:03:38,932 --> 00:03:42,265
A lesser man might have told Charlotte
to take a flying leap...

43
00:03:42,636 --> 00:03:44,331
but Harry loved her too much.

44
00:03:44,871 --> 00:03:48,864
- I thought the point was to look natural.
- That's what I'm trying to get you to do.

45
00:03:49,142 --> 00:03:53,738
One might ask, how natural is it
to be sitting in Central Park in a suit?

46
00:03:53,813 --> 00:03:57,146
I read the wedding section religiously...

47
00:03:57,217 --> 00:04:00,482
and I know what they're looking for.
Not all pictures are selected.

48
00:04:00,554 --> 00:04:02,112
And I really want there to be...

49
00:04:02,188 --> 00:04:05,385
a York-Goldenblatt announcement
of our wedding in the Sunday Times.

50
00:04:05,458 --> 00:04:08,291
So, please, just a little less teeth.

51
00:04:08,562 --> 00:04:12,498
Charlotte York, I cannot wait to marry you.

52
00:04:13,133 --> 00:04:16,159
- That's perfect. That's it.
- I was having a moment.

53
00:04:18,238 --> 00:04:20,001
Lipstick!

54
00:04:20,907 --> 00:04:24,536
Wait! No, sorry, no kissing pictures.
It's tacky.

55
00:04:24,611 --> 00:04:26,238
And speaking of tacky...

56
00:04:26,313 --> 00:04:30,340
Cute, huh? Debbie bought it for him
over at the Sixth Avenue flea market.

57
00:04:32,018 --> 00:04:33,576
Did you wash it first?

58
00:04:35,221 --> 00:04:37,189
She also got something for you.

59
00:04:39,659 --> 00:04:41,286
It's aromatherapy.

60
00:04:45,565 --> 00:04:49,023
You know, I was thinking,
maybe we should figure out a time...

61
00:04:49,169 --> 00:04:50,500
for the two of you to meet.

62
00:04:50,670 --> 00:04:52,331
What? Why?

63
00:04:53,506 --> 00:04:56,270
She's around Brady.
I know you're not comfortable with that.

64
00:04:56,343 --> 00:04:59,835
I'm completely comfortable.
I don't need to meet her. I trust you.

65
00:05:01,548 --> 00:05:04,108
She bought me a fucking candle.

66
00:05:04,651 --> 00:05:09,111
And it was an aromatherapy candle,
for serenity and calm.

67
00:05:09,189 --> 00:05:12,750
I was much more serene and calm
before the fucking candle.

68
00:05:12,826 --> 00:05:16,694
Women with candles replace
women with cats as the new sad thing.

69
00:05:17,097 --> 00:05:19,657
And get this: He thinks I should meet her.

70
00:05:20,033 --> 00:05:22,433
I sense that he wants us to become friends.

71
00:05:22,502 --> 00:05:27,030
Forget it. You do not need
to become friends with the new girlfriend.

72
00:05:27,107 --> 00:05:30,076
It's unnatural, uncomfortable, insincere...

73
00:05:30,143 --> 00:05:32,475
and rife with ulterior motive.

74
00:05:32,545 --> 00:05:35,742
- Has this happened to you?
- No, I'm just being supportive.

75
00:05:35,815 --> 00:05:38,443
- But there is a baby involved.
- Exactly.

76
00:05:38,518 --> 00:05:42,579
She's using Brady to get to me,
and I am not falling for it.

77
00:05:43,356 --> 00:05:47,952
Speaking of falling, I tried the trapeze
yesterday for that piece that I'm writing.

78
00:05:48,028 --> 00:05:50,997
I could never!
I have the most terrible fear of heights.

79
00:05:51,064 --> 00:05:52,725
I do not. You've seen my shoes.

80
00:05:52,799 --> 00:05:55,461
So did you fly through the air
with the greatest of ease?

81
00:05:55,535 --> 00:05:57,935
At first, but then I couldn't do a catch.

82
00:05:58,004 --> 00:06:02,304
I had to let go and reach for the guy,
who was very cute, and I still couldn't do it.

83
00:06:02,375 --> 00:06:07,005
You are insane for getting into a harness
without even a hope of an orgasm.

84
00:06:07,080 --> 00:06:09,480
- Hello, ladies.
- Hi, honey.

85
00:06:10,417 --> 00:06:12,146
- Hey, Harry.
- Hi, Howie.

86
00:06:12,385 --> 00:06:16,378
Everyone, this is Harry's best friend
Howie Halberstein, in from Portland.

87
00:06:16,623 --> 00:06:19,649
We're not crashing.
I'm just here to drop off the photo proofs...

88
00:06:19,726 --> 00:06:20,920
and the seating chart.

89
00:06:20,994 --> 00:06:24,395
We're gonna have a quick bite to eat,
then I'm taking the place cards...

90
00:06:24,464 --> 00:06:25,988
to the calligrapher.

91
00:06:26,066 --> 00:06:29,832
After that, we're gonna go around the corner
and try to find our balls.

92
00:06:31,071 --> 00:06:33,835
Yes, Harry knows how
to show a guy a good time.

93
00:06:33,907 --> 00:06:38,401
Howie, this is Samantha and Miranda
and Carrie.

94
00:06:38,478 --> 00:06:39,672
- Hi.
- Hi, how are you?

95
00:06:39,746 --> 00:06:41,213
- Good.
- Good.

96
00:06:41,347 --> 00:06:44,646
Good guy. You two, I see it happening.

97
00:06:48,221 --> 00:06:52,920
So, Carrie, I was thinking maybe you might
show Howie around a little later.

98
00:06:53,059 --> 00:06:55,653
Unless Harry needs me
to ice a cake or something.

99
00:06:59,766 --> 00:07:04,669
I'm kind of busy
because I have to do a flying trapeze thing.

100
00:07:04,804 --> 00:07:08,900
That is so weird. I have a lion-taming thing
tomorrow, so that's out for me.

101
00:07:09,943 --> 00:07:14,346
But, you know, if you change your mind,
I'll give you my business card.

102
00:07:15,915 --> 00:07:17,815
- There you go.
- Thank you.

103
00:07:17,884 --> 00:07:21,843
All my lines are on there.
Call me, I'll be waiting by the phone.

104
00:07:23,757 --> 00:07:28,194
- What's wrong with you?
- He was funny and cute.

105
00:07:28,261 --> 00:07:31,628
Yeah, and in town for a week.
What's the point?

106
00:07:31,698 --> 00:07:32,995
That is the point.

107
00:07:33,066 --> 00:07:36,763
It's the best possible scenario,
because you know he's leaving.

108
00:07:36,836 --> 00:07:41,569
But it's like whatever happens,
there's an expiration date.

109
00:07:41,808 --> 00:07:45,437
- It's expiration dating.
- It isn't dating. It's sex.

110
00:07:45,578 --> 00:07:47,944
It's fun. It's a fling.

111
00:07:48,014 --> 00:07:52,348
Please, I'm too old for a fling.
I can barely do a swing.

112
00:07:52,519 --> 00:07:54,885
If you'll excuse me, I have to go home...

113
00:07:54,954 --> 00:07:57,684
so I can write about the fact
that I couldn't do a catch.

114
00:07:57,757 --> 00:08:00,726
- He is a catch.
- You should do him.

115
00:08:02,829 --> 00:08:06,162
When you're young,
your whole life is about the pursuit of fun.

116
00:08:07,233 --> 00:08:09,861
Then you grow up and learn to be cautious.

117
00:08:11,271 --> 00:08:13,865
You could break a bone or a heart.

118
00:08:13,940 --> 00:08:17,034
You look before you leap,
and sometimes you don't leap at all...

119
00:08:17,110 --> 00:08:20,136
because there's not always
someone there to catch you.

120
00:08:20,313 --> 00:08:22,873
And in life there's no safety net.

121
00:08:24,717 --> 00:08:28,380
When did it stop being fun
and start being scary?

122
00:08:29,055 --> 00:08:33,719
I decided it was time to leave fear behind
and have some fun.

123
00:08:39,999 --> 00:08:41,398
Okay, legs up.

124
00:08:42,669 --> 00:08:46,469
- That's good. Let go and reach for me.
- I can't.

125
00:08:46,539 --> 00:08:50,066
All right, this time. Let go.

126
00:08:50,844 --> 00:08:52,141
I can't.

127
00:08:54,647 --> 00:08:58,083
Don't tell me you can't.
I want nothing but lilies on the chuppah.

128
00:08:58,151 --> 00:08:59,550
The theme is Yentl Chic.

129
00:08:59,619 --> 00:09:01,052
Don't forget the candles.

130
00:09:01,120 --> 00:09:04,351
This isn't the first wedding I've planned.
You're worse than me!

131
00:09:04,424 --> 00:09:06,119
We want candles, candles, candles.

132
00:09:06,192 --> 00:09:08,922
And I don't want short, stubby,
broken-up dick candles.

133
00:09:08,995 --> 00:09:11,054
I want long tapers.

134
00:09:11,831 --> 00:09:14,527
- All right, call me right back.
- Ta-da!

135
00:09:15,935 --> 00:09:19,769
- It's okay?
- Okay? You're Audrey Hepburnowitz!

136
00:09:19,939 --> 00:09:22,169
I'm so excited about this wedding.

137
00:09:22,242 --> 00:09:24,403
We're doing everything
according to tradition.

138
00:09:24,477 --> 00:09:28,436
We're going to smash the glass,
and the signing of the ketubah.

139
00:09:28,548 --> 00:09:29,537
The hora.

140
00:09:29,916 --> 00:09:32,282
Be careful. God forbid you fall off the chair.

141
00:09:32,352 --> 00:09:34,252
Oh, the horror! The horror!

142
00:09:34,420 --> 00:09:37,821
- Maybe we won't do the chair thing.
- You have to. That's the big finish.

143
00:09:37,891 --> 00:09:41,054
Remember, when you're up there,
pretend you're having a good time...

144
00:09:41,127 --> 00:09:44,426
hang on for dear life,
and for fuck's sake keep your legs together.

145
00:09:44,497 --> 00:09:46,590
Nobody wants to see the bride's beaver.

146
00:09:47,400 --> 00:09:49,664
Don't say that in front of my dress.

147
00:09:51,704 --> 00:09:53,262
Hello. York residence.

148
00:09:53,573 --> 00:09:56,599
Yes, we have a minute.
It's The New York Times fact checker.

149
00:09:56,676 --> 00:10:00,339
Yes, Goldenblatt has two "T"s. Sure.

150
00:10:01,314 --> 00:10:02,747
Fax it over!

151
00:10:03,883 --> 00:10:05,145
We're in, we're in!

152
00:10:05,518 --> 00:10:07,486
This calls for a hora!

153
00:10:11,491 --> 00:10:12,822
Hey!

154
00:10:13,026 --> 00:10:15,961
Oh, my God! What're you doing here?
Don't look at me!

155
00:10:16,763 --> 00:10:18,628
Jesus Christ, Char, my ear.

156
00:10:18,698 --> 00:10:22,862
You're not supposed to see me in my dress.
This is bad luck, very bad luck!

157
00:10:22,936 --> 00:10:25,734
Close your eyes. Keep them closed!

158
00:10:25,805 --> 00:10:28,740
Oh, no, this is so bad.

159
00:10:30,543 --> 00:10:32,101
Are all brides like that?

160
00:10:32,178 --> 00:10:36,239
That's nothing. I once had a girl
in Long Island give herself a stroke.

161
00:10:36,749 --> 00:10:39,115
She pulled it together
for the big day, though.

162
00:10:44,490 --> 00:10:47,186
Hopefully I'll get cell reception
down in Mexico.

163
00:10:48,294 --> 00:10:50,956
Samantha, a fan of expiration dating...

164
00:10:51,030 --> 00:10:54,295
was about to enjoy one of the benefits
of dating an actor.

165
00:10:54,534 --> 00:10:56,434
Location, location, location.

166
00:10:56,502 --> 00:10:58,732
It's gonna be cool
working with Gus Van Sant.

167
00:11:01,040 --> 00:11:02,735
Here. Let me.

168
00:11:05,745 --> 00:11:08,805
I can't believe we don't get to spend
my last night together.

169
00:11:08,881 --> 00:11:11,111
- Are you dying?
- No.

170
00:11:11,417 --> 00:11:13,476
Then it's not your last night.

171
00:11:15,388 --> 00:11:16,377
There.

172
00:11:18,491 --> 00:11:20,288
I'm gonna miss you, Samantha.

173
00:11:20,360 --> 00:11:24,956
Save that performance for Mr. Van Sant.
It's just two weeks.

174
00:11:25,331 --> 00:11:26,696
It's a long time.

175
00:11:26,766 --> 00:11:29,792
Would you get out of here already?
I'm late as it is.

176
00:11:30,303 --> 00:11:31,634
Yeah, yeah.

177
00:11:32,238 --> 00:11:36,174
And listen, when you're on location
don't do anything I wouldn't do.

178
00:11:36,242 --> 00:11:39,006
- What does that rule out?
- There are things.

179
00:11:41,481 --> 00:11:44,211
Karaoke. I don't do that.

180
00:11:58,097 --> 00:12:01,123
- This is it.
- It's a very nice building.

181
00:12:01,467 --> 00:12:02,525
Miranda!

182
00:12:03,069 --> 00:12:04,593
I can't find my keys.

183
00:12:04,670 --> 00:12:06,570
- Magda!
- You still have keys?

184
00:12:06,639 --> 00:12:08,197
- I'm not home.
- Because of Brady.

185
00:12:08,274 --> 00:12:09,866
Do you understand?

186
00:12:09,942 --> 00:12:12,502
I'm already at Charlotte's.

187
00:12:12,578 --> 00:12:15,138
I am not home.

188
00:12:20,720 --> 00:12:23,985
- Is Miranda here?
- She is not home.

189
00:12:25,391 --> 00:12:28,622
That's too bad. I was really looking forward
to meeting her.

190
00:12:28,694 --> 00:12:30,628
She is not home.

191
00:12:31,097 --> 00:12:34,157
- Magda, this is Debbie.
- Nice to meet you.

192
00:12:35,201 --> 00:12:38,364
All right, we just need to grab some things
out of Brady's crib.

193
00:12:38,438 --> 00:12:42,306
The last time I forgot Mr. Elephant,
Brady acted like a big baby.

194
00:12:42,375 --> 00:12:44,400
Didn't you, B-Boy?

195
00:12:44,911 --> 00:12:46,845
He is a big baby.

196
00:12:50,750 --> 00:12:53,981
But I have not cleaned in room yet.

197
00:12:54,053 --> 00:12:55,452
That's okay.

198
00:12:59,892 --> 00:13:02,622
This is a nice room. She has nice taste.

199
00:13:02,695 --> 00:13:05,459
- Yeah. I helped build the crib.
- Really?

200
00:13:10,103 --> 00:13:14,597
What's wrong, Brady?
Did you drop your Binky?

201
00:13:15,074 --> 00:13:16,735
Where's your Binky?

202
00:13:17,844 --> 00:13:19,277
It's right there.

203
00:13:21,147 --> 00:13:23,240
Here you go, Bradylicious.

204
00:13:24,550 --> 00:13:27,348
Hey, wanna go to Blockbuster
and rent a tape or something?

205
00:13:27,420 --> 00:13:30,082
Okay, but this time I get to pick.

206
00:13:32,658 --> 00:13:33,989
- Bye.
- Bye, Magda.

207
00:13:42,235 --> 00:13:44,567
There's a lot of dust down there.

208
00:13:45,071 --> 00:13:48,268
You really should vacuum under...

209
00:13:54,213 --> 00:13:57,808
That night we all gathered
at Charlotte's casual rehearsal dinner.

210
00:13:57,884 --> 00:14:01,183
You're like a lint tray.
What's happening back here?

211
00:14:01,254 --> 00:14:03,814
That Debbie is crazy.

212
00:14:04,323 --> 00:14:07,292
She came to my apartment with Steve
and totally ambushed me.

213
00:14:07,360 --> 00:14:09,885
I had to hide under the bed to avoid them.

214
00:14:09,962 --> 00:14:12,396
- Seriously?
- Maybe.

215
00:14:12,932 --> 00:14:16,265
- Did you see her?
- Just her shoes and her nails.

216
00:14:16,335 --> 00:14:18,166
- And?
- Both acrylic.

217
00:14:18,738 --> 00:14:21,229
Maybe you should just meet her
and get it over with.

218
00:14:21,307 --> 00:14:22,831
I don't want to meet her.

219
00:14:22,909 --> 00:14:26,675
If I meet her, she's real, and that means
Steve has an actual girlfriend.

220
00:14:26,746 --> 00:14:30,113
Apparently I wasn't the only one
who had trouble letting go.

221
00:14:30,183 --> 00:14:32,447
Hey. What's happening there?

222
00:14:32,518 --> 00:14:35,954
Oh, you know.
Bride, bride, bride. Blah, blah, blah.

223
00:14:36,289 --> 00:14:40,555
I just saw your fling go into the bathroom.
It's like shooting fish in a barrel.

224
00:14:40,626 --> 00:14:41,718
Still no.

225
00:14:42,528 --> 00:14:44,223
It's just casual sex.

226
00:14:44,297 --> 00:14:48,324
Nothing's casual anymore.
Not even when it says so on the invitation.

227
00:14:48,901 --> 00:14:51,529
Just go in there and see what happens.

228
00:14:51,604 --> 00:14:54,835
Worst comes to worst,
you could always hide under the bed.

229
00:14:57,910 --> 00:14:59,468
I decided they were right.

230
00:14:59,545 --> 00:15:01,911
It was time
to get back in the swing of things.

231
00:15:08,187 --> 00:15:09,711
- Good to see you.
- See you later.

232
00:15:09,789 --> 00:15:12,417
Hey, how are you?

233
00:15:13,426 --> 00:15:16,589
Wow, this is kind of uncomfortable.

234
00:15:16,829 --> 00:15:20,492
Look, would you please stop calling me?
I don't have time to chat.

235
00:15:20,600 --> 00:15:22,659
I've got boutonnieres on my mind.

236
00:15:22,735 --> 00:15:24,202
I'm sorry I never called.

237
00:15:24,270 --> 00:15:26,500
No, I understand, you're busy.
That time of year.

238
00:15:26,572 --> 00:15:30,099
Final exams for Clown College
or something.

239
00:15:30,209 --> 00:15:32,074
What would that entail, you think?

240
00:15:32,144 --> 00:15:36,171
The seating arrangements in the little car,
walking in the floppy shoes...

241
00:15:36,249 --> 00:15:38,308
Squirting flower and nose application.

242
00:15:38,384 --> 00:15:40,978
...continual pieing, the cloud-kissing...

243
00:15:41,053 --> 00:15:45,251
Maybe I would have a fling.
After all, how bad could it be?

244
00:15:51,931 --> 00:15:55,765
That night Howie and I had sex
like we were teenagers again.

245
00:15:56,202 --> 00:16:01,105
Meaning he had no idea what he was doing,
and I didn't say anything.

246
00:16:07,280 --> 00:16:10,113
Meanwhile, Samantha was banging around
as well.

247
00:16:14,120 --> 00:16:16,884
You have one new message.

248
00:16:18,724 --> 00:16:22,626
Hey, I'm here. It's pretty cool.
You miss me yet?

249
00:16:25,197 --> 00:16:27,427
That's the thing
about getting used to a man.

250
00:16:27,500 --> 00:16:29,229
There's always a catch.

251
00:16:33,506 --> 00:16:35,633
It's here!

252
00:16:35,708 --> 00:16:38,871
Not just her wedding day,
but The New York Times.

253
00:16:44,517 --> 00:16:45,779
Oh, my God!

254
00:16:46,719 --> 00:16:48,311
I have a moustache.

255
00:16:49,855 --> 00:16:54,622
It's an ink stain. But look at me.
Now, that is a terrific smile.

256
00:16:54,694 --> 00:16:56,423
This is a nightmare!

257
00:16:56,829 --> 00:16:59,059
It's probably just our paper.

258
00:16:59,365 --> 00:17:01,629
Anyway, who cares?
We're getting married today!

259
00:17:01,701 --> 00:17:03,498
I look like Hitler!

260
00:17:03,569 --> 00:17:06,231
I'm having a Jewish wedding
and I look like Hitler!

261
00:17:06,305 --> 00:17:07,294
Hello?

262
00:17:07,773 --> 00:17:10,003
In your paper do I have a moustache?

263
00:17:10,343 --> 00:17:11,367
What?

264
00:17:11,444 --> 00:17:14,607
In your wedding section,
does it look like I have a moustache?

265
00:17:15,715 --> 00:17:17,148
Hang on a minute.

266
00:17:18,250 --> 00:17:21,811
As I feared,
my fling had become a pain in the neck.

267
00:17:22,154 --> 00:17:24,213
You do not look like Hitler.

268
00:17:25,191 --> 00:17:26,954
Frito Bandito, maybe.

269
00:17:27,426 --> 00:17:29,519
The bad luck is starting already.

270
00:17:33,999 --> 00:17:35,057
Yeah.

271
00:17:35,601 --> 00:17:37,466
There's a little something...

272
00:17:37,770 --> 00:17:39,761
but maybe it's just my paper.

273
00:17:40,373 --> 00:17:41,840
And your paper.

274
00:17:41,907 --> 00:17:43,204
I have to go.

275
00:17:43,275 --> 00:17:46,972
Clearly, Charlotte was bent out of shape,
and so was I.

276
00:17:47,546 --> 00:17:50,743
Come on, granny.
I'll take you to the Early Bird Special.

277
00:17:51,016 --> 00:17:53,610
Oh, God, don't make me laugh.

278
00:17:54,153 --> 00:17:55,142
It hurts.

279
00:17:55,221 --> 00:17:57,815
Is this still from your days
as a Flying Wallenda?

280
00:17:57,890 --> 00:18:01,291
That's my official story,
and it's partially true.

281
00:18:01,560 --> 00:18:04,723
But this is a sex-sprain.

282
00:18:05,131 --> 00:18:08,464
- Good for you.
- No, it was not good for me.

283
00:18:08,534 --> 00:18:12,061
It was jackrabbit sex.
You know, pound, pound...

284
00:18:12,138 --> 00:18:16,507
- Are straight men still allowed to do that?
- No, they aren't. It's bad.

285
00:18:16,642 --> 00:18:20,078
It's basically masturbating with a woman
instead of your hand.

286
00:18:20,146 --> 00:18:21,773
I don't enjoy it.

287
00:18:22,214 --> 00:18:23,772
Carrie, you made it!

288
00:18:25,184 --> 00:18:26,173
Hi.

289
00:18:27,987 --> 00:18:29,579
The jackrabbit?

290
00:18:30,256 --> 00:18:32,315
- I better...
- Hop to it.

291
00:18:40,699 --> 00:18:42,667
You look hot!

292
00:18:44,303 --> 00:18:45,292
Thanks.

293
00:18:47,373 --> 00:18:48,931
- Guess what?
- What?

294
00:18:49,141 --> 00:18:54,101
I got a suite at The Mercer for later.
King-size bed. Huge tub.

295
00:18:54,213 --> 00:18:56,204
We can have breakfast before I leave...

296
00:18:56,282 --> 00:18:59,217
unless, of course,
we're busy doing something else.

297
00:19:03,489 --> 00:19:05,081
I don't know.

298
00:19:05,391 --> 00:19:07,791
I'm pretty tired from last night.

299
00:19:07,860 --> 00:19:12,160
I'm only gonna be in town for another day,
and I want to get to know you better.

300
00:19:15,534 --> 00:19:17,627
Okay, we'll see.

301
00:19:18,571 --> 00:19:19,902
We'll see?

302
00:19:21,307 --> 00:19:24,105
I know what "we'll see" means.
It means "see you."

303
00:19:24,176 --> 00:19:25,165
No.

304
00:19:26,111 --> 00:19:27,635
No, the thing is...

305
00:19:28,714 --> 00:19:32,275
you're just visiting, so...

306
00:19:37,990 --> 00:19:42,222
I figured it was a one-night kind of thing.

307
00:19:43,395 --> 00:19:44,657
Just fun.

308
00:19:50,603 --> 00:19:54,972
If I'd known you were just using me,
I wouldn't have made love to you like that.

309
00:20:01,313 --> 00:20:06,012
We are here today to celebrate the union
of two very special people:

310
00:20:06,318 --> 00:20:09,116
Harry Goldenblatt and Charlotte York.

311
00:20:09,688 --> 00:20:13,624
It's important for everyone here
to be a witness to this moment...

312
00:20:14,193 --> 00:20:17,526
for the Jewish wedding ceremony
has two parts.

313
00:20:18,464 --> 00:20:21,399
The first designates to the community...

314
00:20:22,401 --> 00:20:24,665
that the kallah, bride...

315
00:20:25,070 --> 00:20:26,970
and the chatan, groom...

316
00:20:27,506 --> 00:20:29,565
are for one another alone.

317
00:20:31,110 --> 00:20:34,944
And the second part
gives them to one another.

318
00:20:35,814 --> 00:20:39,375
It's a gift and a huge responsibility.

319
00:21:00,406 --> 00:21:03,204
As one man slipped a ring on...

320
00:21:03,275 --> 00:21:06,301
one woman was still trying
to slip a bracelet off.

321
00:21:16,121 --> 00:21:19,113
Sorry. It's a back spasm. I'm sorry.

322
00:21:40,746 --> 00:21:45,683
It seemed to Charlotte that the wedding
had gone from Jewish law to Murphy's Law.

323
00:22:03,402 --> 00:22:04,391
Mazel tov.

324
00:22:14,747 --> 00:22:16,612
Charlotte, are you okay?

325
00:22:17,383 --> 00:22:20,147
This is a disaster.
It's the worst wedding in history.

326
00:22:20,219 --> 00:22:21,846
That's not true.

327
00:22:22,588 --> 00:22:25,785
Although I only saw most of it
from here down.

328
00:22:26,458 --> 00:22:29,359
Harry never should've walked in on me
wearing my wedding dress.

329
00:22:29,428 --> 00:22:32,295
- Now we're cursed.
- You're not cursed.

330
00:22:33,165 --> 00:22:36,601
You're married. You just got married.

331
00:22:36,669 --> 00:22:37,966
I know...

332
00:22:38,437 --> 00:22:40,701
but I wanted everything to be perfect.

333
00:22:40,773 --> 00:22:43,298
Okay, you have to stop with the tears.

334
00:22:43,375 --> 00:22:45,104
You already had the perfect wedding...

335
00:22:45,177 --> 00:22:48,408
and the marriage, not so perfect.

336
00:22:49,114 --> 00:22:50,877
I think this is a good sign.

337
00:22:50,949 --> 00:22:54,316
I think the worse the wedding,
the better the marriage.

338
00:22:54,853 --> 00:22:57,686
- I have a stain on my dress.
- That's good!

339
00:22:58,257 --> 00:22:59,918
That's a good sign!

340
00:22:59,992 --> 00:23:02,222
You're just trying to make me feel better.

341
00:23:02,294 --> 00:23:06,628
No, I'm trying to get you to open your eyes,
because you're missing it.

342
00:23:06,832 --> 00:23:08,697
- What?
- Everything!

343
00:23:08,801 --> 00:23:11,031
You're missing your wedding.

344
00:23:11,103 --> 00:23:14,470
You have a wonderful man who loves you...

345
00:23:14,740 --> 00:23:18,437
who'll be there to catch you when you fall.
Do you know how special that is?

346
00:23:18,510 --> 00:23:22,207
I would love to find a man
who's strong enough to catch me.

347
00:23:24,683 --> 00:23:28,779
So let's get to that reception,
so you can fall on a cake or something.

348
00:23:30,255 --> 00:23:31,347
Okay.

349
00:23:35,494 --> 00:23:38,122
- Okay?
- Perfect still, of course.

350
00:23:40,199 --> 00:23:41,564
Oh, Christ!

351
00:23:49,074 --> 00:23:50,302
Are you okay?

352
00:23:50,375 --> 00:23:53,242
Yeah. I'm just feeling a little sad.

353
00:23:53,579 --> 00:23:55,547
It was just so beautiful.

354
00:23:55,614 --> 00:23:58,014
- The ceremony?
- My bracelet.

355
00:24:03,789 --> 00:24:06,314
Ladies and gentlemen,
can I have your attention, please?

356
00:24:06,391 --> 00:24:09,724
God, it's time for the toast.
Top me off, I'm next.

357
00:24:09,795 --> 00:24:12,025
I would like to raise a glass...

358
00:24:13,298 --> 00:24:15,459
to Harry and Charlotte...

359
00:24:16,502 --> 00:24:20,734
because they found each other
despite all the bullshit.

360
00:24:24,877 --> 00:24:28,938
It's tough out there.
I mean, people don't care like they used to.

361
00:24:30,282 --> 00:24:32,273
People leave you hanging.

362
00:24:32,851 --> 00:24:34,011
People...

363
00:24:34,853 --> 00:24:36,252
are a bitch.

364
00:24:36,989 --> 00:24:38,786
Is this a toast or a roast?

365
00:24:38,857 --> 00:24:40,449
So here's to love!

366
00:24:41,760 --> 00:24:44,422
And love means never...

367
00:24:45,631 --> 00:24:46,825
ever...

368
00:24:47,866 --> 00:24:49,356
having to say.'

369
00:24:51,436 --> 00:24:53,529
You used me for sex!

370
00:24:55,674 --> 00:24:57,835
Thanks, Howie. That's nice.

371
00:25:01,046 --> 00:25:03,571
It was a Mazel Tov cocktail.

372
00:25:05,818 --> 00:25:09,720
Carrie said, "The worse the wedding,
the better the marriage."

373
00:25:09,822 --> 00:25:12,916
Then I think Howie just got us to our Silver.

374
00:25:16,829 --> 00:25:17,853
Hi.

375
00:25:18,864 --> 00:25:20,331
Hello. Great.

376
00:25:23,535 --> 00:25:25,400
I would like to congratulate...

377
00:25:25,470 --> 00:25:28,837
my very brave friend, Charlotte...

378
00:25:30,042 --> 00:25:32,135
who knows what she wants...

379
00:25:32,344 --> 00:25:34,107
and who goes for it.

380
00:25:35,380 --> 00:25:37,371
Not everyone can do that.

381
00:25:38,951 --> 00:25:41,351
Especially when it comes to love...

382
00:25:42,521 --> 00:25:44,580
some of us can't even...

383
00:25:45,524 --> 00:25:47,014
say the words.

384
00:25:47,659 --> 00:25:48,853
But...

385
00:25:55,734 --> 00:25:58,134
Sorry, hon. Good speech, though.

386
00:25:59,605 --> 00:26:02,005
Maybe Miranda just got us to our Gold.

387
00:26:43,815 --> 00:26:45,806
He's certainly acrobatic.

388
00:26:46,051 --> 00:26:49,646
Oh, yeah. He's the regular Jerk du Soleil.

389
00:26:53,258 --> 00:26:55,590
Do you think everyone knows
I slept with him?

390
00:26:55,661 --> 00:26:58,562
Yes. And they all think
you're a big whore-ah.

391
00:27:06,204 --> 00:27:08,468
- I don't like this. I'm afraid!
- Of what?

392
00:27:08,540 --> 00:27:11,668
What's the worst that can happen?
We'll live happily ever after?

393
00:27:23,422 --> 00:27:26,755
And, of course, this being a wedding,
there was one more catch to go.

394
00:27:26,825 --> 00:27:30,317
Okay! Who's ready to catch the bouquet?

395
00:27:30,963 --> 00:27:33,955
Not me. I've lit myself on fire.

396
00:27:34,599 --> 00:27:37,693
I've showed emotion in public.
I think I'm done.

397
00:27:38,103 --> 00:27:41,539
- Oh, you were fabulous.
- I believe you mean flammable.

398
00:27:46,478 --> 00:27:48,309
Okay, now you're done.

399
00:27:48,447 --> 00:27:50,472
It wasn't a perfect catch...

400
00:27:59,257 --> 00:28:01,282
and neither was mine.

401
00:28:02,427 --> 00:28:06,295
But I survived
because I have a good safety net.

402
00:28:23,000 --> 00:29:08,000
Ripped by RavyDavy
part of the [RL] Crew