0
00:00:04,000 --> 00:00:08,000
Subtitles - Ripped (and Hacked)
by RavyDavy - Part of the [RL] Crew

1
00:00:50,330 --> 00:00:53,595
New York City is a great place
to be engaged.

2
00:00:57,671 --> 00:00:58,660
Miss?

3
00:00:59,840 --> 00:01:02,240
I'm sorry. Did you want this cab?

4
00:01:02,676 --> 00:01:04,837
- Why, thank you.
- Sure.

5
00:01:08,715 --> 00:01:11,741
And it's an even better place to be enraged.

6
00:01:13,120 --> 00:01:14,747
You're so busy!

7
00:01:31,004 --> 00:01:33,370
- Boy, do I have news.
- So do I.

8
00:01:33,573 --> 00:01:36,542
I didn't want to say anything
until we were all together...

9
00:01:36,610 --> 00:01:39,773
but Harry and I made up
and he asked me to marry him.

10
00:01:39,846 --> 00:01:43,475
- Oh, my God. Congratulations!
- That's great.

11
00:01:43,550 --> 00:01:44,915
Look at that ring.

12
00:01:44,985 --> 00:01:49,251
I know. He had it made based on the one
that Richard Burton gave Elizabeth Taylor.

13
00:01:49,322 --> 00:01:51,984
Well, it is fabulous.

14
00:01:52,058 --> 00:01:54,754
Even more fabulous than your first one.

15
00:01:57,364 --> 00:01:59,662
So, Carrie, what was your news?

16
00:02:00,333 --> 00:02:02,631
Berger broke up with me on a Post-it.

17
00:02:02,702 --> 00:02:04,033
On a Post-it?

18
00:02:05,439 --> 00:02:09,068
Yep. Read it and weep, my friends.

19
00:02:09,409 --> 00:02:12,310
"I'm sorry. I can't. Don't hate me."

20
00:02:13,013 --> 00:02:14,480
The motherfucker's concise.

21
00:02:14,548 --> 00:02:16,675
I thought you were going to break up
with him.

22
00:02:16,750 --> 00:02:18,411
Yeah, I was, and I should have...

23
00:02:18,485 --> 00:02:21,977
but he said
that he wanted to try to work things out:

24
00:02:22,122 --> 00:02:25,455
A.k.a. Leave in the middle of the night.

25
00:02:25,659 --> 00:02:27,650
A Post-it. That's infuriating.

26
00:02:27,727 --> 00:02:30,992
I remember when breaking up
over the phone was considered bad form.

27
00:02:31,064 --> 00:02:33,897
I once was broken up with
by a guy's doorman.

28
00:02:34,167 --> 00:02:38,695
"I'm sorry, Miss Hobbes.
Jonathan won't be coming down, ever."

29
00:02:39,306 --> 00:02:41,297
I miss having a doorman.

30
00:02:41,641 --> 00:02:44,007
- Are you gonna call him?
- No.

31
00:02:44,077 --> 00:02:46,773
I am not going to dignify his behavior
with a response.

32
00:02:46,847 --> 00:02:48,678
I am not even going to leave him...

33
00:02:48,748 --> 00:02:51,615
one of those
angry answering machine messages.

34
00:02:51,685 --> 00:02:53,880
"Hi, it's me. You're a dick!"

35
00:02:54,221 --> 00:02:57,156
But it sure felt good saying it right now,
even to you.

36
00:02:57,557 --> 00:02:59,024
That's what we're here for.

37
00:02:59,092 --> 00:03:01,390
- I'm sorry.
- Yeah, I'm sorry, too.

38
00:03:01,661 --> 00:03:04,653
That relationship
was a complete waste of time.

39
00:03:05,131 --> 00:03:07,395
It's never a complete waste of time.

40
00:03:07,467 --> 00:03:10,300
Even in the worst relationship,
you always learn something.

41
00:03:10,370 --> 00:03:13,533
You might not wanna say that to a woman
carrying a loaded Post-it.

42
00:03:13,607 --> 00:03:17,338
But everything happens for a reason,
even if you don't know what it is yet.

43
00:03:17,410 --> 00:03:18,843
That's such bullshit.

44
00:03:18,912 --> 00:03:20,971
It's not. Look at me.

45
00:03:21,815 --> 00:03:25,774
If I had never married Trey,
then I never would have gotten divorced...

46
00:03:25,852 --> 00:03:29,049
and I would have never met
my divorce lawyer, Harry...

47
00:03:29,489 --> 00:03:31,480
and I wouldn't be engaged now.

48
00:03:34,194 --> 00:03:35,855
Paper covers rock.

49
00:03:37,130 --> 00:03:39,496
Maybe everything does happen for a reason.

50
00:03:39,566 --> 00:03:41,033
If Berger hadn't left me...

51
00:03:41,101 --> 00:03:43,831
in the most horrible way
anyone could ever imagine...

52
00:03:43,904 --> 00:03:46,873
I wouldn't be free
to walk you to your hair appointment.

53
00:03:46,940 --> 00:03:49,534
We're all being protected by the universe.

54
00:03:49,609 --> 00:03:52,373
When it comes to men,
you may have had it right all along.

55
00:03:52,445 --> 00:03:55,778
Keep it light. Don't get too involved.
Don't get too hurt.

56
00:03:55,849 --> 00:04:00,309
Exactly. If you're never someone's girlfriend,
you can never be someone's ex-girlfriend.

57
00:04:00,387 --> 00:04:01,615
You know what?

58
00:04:01,688 --> 00:04:04,555
I'm gonna spend as much time
mourning this relationship...

59
00:04:04,624 --> 00:04:06,489
as he spent ending it.

60
00:04:08,762 --> 00:04:10,059
Okay, I'm over it.

61
00:04:10,130 --> 00:04:13,361
Let's go somewhere fantastic tonight
and have a fantastic time.

62
00:04:13,433 --> 00:04:15,458
What can we do that would be fantastic?

63
00:04:15,535 --> 00:04:18,527
I know. I'm taking you to Bed.

64
00:04:19,072 --> 00:04:20,300
I'm not that off men.

65
00:04:20,373 --> 00:04:22,739
No, Bed. It's a new club opening tonight.

66
00:04:22,809 --> 00:04:25,835
We'll all go. I think I have the invitation.

67
00:04:27,447 --> 00:04:28,812
Listen to me being all hurt.

68
00:04:28,882 --> 00:04:32,215
Look how many men
have broken up with you, and you're fine.

69
00:04:37,891 --> 00:04:40,758
People say everything happens for a reason.

70
00:04:40,860 --> 00:04:43,158
These people are usually women.

71
00:04:43,363 --> 00:04:46,628
And these women
are usually sorting through a break-up.

72
00:04:47,334 --> 00:04:50,826
It seems that men can get out
of a relationship without even a goodbye.

73
00:04:50,904 --> 00:04:53,839
But apparently,
women have to either get married...

74
00:04:53,907 --> 00:04:55,636
or learn something.

75
00:04:55,709 --> 00:05:00,237
Why are we in such a rush
to move from confused to Confucius?

76
00:05:01,181 --> 00:05:04,844
Do we search for lessons
to lessen the pain?

77
00:05:05,852 --> 00:05:09,618
Meanwhile, Samantha was at home
dressing a man, for a change.

78
00:05:09,990 --> 00:05:13,187
I called some designers
and I told them that the Absolut Hunk...

79
00:05:13,259 --> 00:05:17,286
was going to do TRL on MTV,
and they jumped ASAP.

80
00:05:17,597 --> 00:05:21,158
Gucci, YSL, D&G. Take your pick.

81
00:05:22,068 --> 00:05:25,265
You know, I'm not really comfortable
wearing labels.

82
00:05:25,672 --> 00:05:28,869
If it's okay with you,
I thought I'd just wear some jeans and this.

83
00:05:29,576 --> 00:05:31,043
That'll work, too.

84
00:05:31,778 --> 00:05:34,975
You are going to be the fantasy
of every adolescent girl...

85
00:05:35,048 --> 00:05:37,573
and sexually confused boy in America.

86
00:05:40,420 --> 00:05:43,048
How'd I get hooked up
with such an amazing girlfriend?

87
00:05:43,123 --> 00:05:46,422
And that was a label
Samantha wasn't comfortable wearing.

88
00:05:47,227 --> 00:05:50,219
You should get ready.
The car will be here any minute.

89
00:05:50,764 --> 00:05:54,200
- You sure you can't come?
- I can't. I promised Carrie and the girls.

90
00:05:54,267 --> 00:05:56,735
But I will catch the replay tonight.

91
00:05:58,438 --> 00:06:00,099
- Should I hook up with you later?
- No.

92
00:06:00,173 --> 00:06:02,607
Go out with the MTV crowd and have fun.

93
00:06:02,676 --> 00:06:05,076
You're the Absolut Hunk. Work it.

94
00:06:05,812 --> 00:06:09,475
And as your publicist, let me just say...

95
00:06:10,183 --> 00:06:14,017
calling someone your girlfriend
isn't a good idea right now.

96
00:06:14,788 --> 00:06:17,188
- Someone, or you?
- Either way.

97
00:06:17,590 --> 00:06:20,991
So when anyone asks
if you have a girlfriend...

98
00:06:21,161 --> 00:06:26,098
you should say you are still looking
and haven't found anyone special yet.

99
00:06:26,766 --> 00:06:29,826
- That's what you want?
- That's what I want.

100
00:06:33,707 --> 00:06:37,609
But I do insist you top up that tank
with some Dior sunglasses.

101
00:06:37,711 --> 00:06:41,078
It's MTV. If you're not wearing something
the kids can't afford...

102
00:06:41,147 --> 00:06:43,638
how will they know to look up to you?

103
00:06:45,351 --> 00:06:47,717
There. Much better.

104
00:06:48,855 --> 00:06:52,018
That night, as Charlotte was deciding
what to wear...

105
00:06:52,092 --> 00:06:55,528
she noticed that everything
went with her new engagement ring...

106
00:06:55,595 --> 00:06:57,825
except her old wedding dress.

107
00:07:01,701 --> 00:07:03,965
Meanwhile, in another closet...

108
00:07:04,037 --> 00:07:07,006
I don't think I can go. I'm not feeling so hot.

109
00:07:07,073 --> 00:07:09,633
- Are you sick?
- No, I mean, literally.

110
00:07:09,876 --> 00:07:13,073
Openings of hot new clubs
are for hot, childless people.

111
00:07:13,346 --> 00:07:16,008
I'm not even one of the hot mommies
at Mommy & Me.

112
00:07:16,082 --> 00:07:18,209
I don't want to have to resort to this.

113
00:07:18,284 --> 00:07:21,310
But if I have to, I will play the Post-it card.

114
00:07:21,387 --> 00:07:25,289
Just explain to me
why I have to leave my house to go to Bed.

115
00:07:25,391 --> 00:07:28,827
Because this can't be the day
that I was broken up with by a Post-it.

116
00:07:28,895 --> 00:07:32,160
This has to be the day
that something else happened.

117
00:07:32,232 --> 00:07:34,166
How about the day your friend discovered...

118
00:07:34,234 --> 00:07:36,429
all her clothes are covered in spit-up?

119
00:07:36,503 --> 00:07:38,903
You are going. No excuses.

120
00:07:39,038 --> 00:07:41,336
Okay.

121
00:07:43,176 --> 00:07:47,738
And speaking of no excuses,
there they were.' her skinny jeans.

122
00:07:47,947 --> 00:07:50,575
The jeans every woman keeps
in the vain hope...

123
00:07:50,650 --> 00:07:53,050
that someday she'll fit into them again.

124
00:08:12,872 --> 00:08:16,171
- My God, what are you doing here?
- No, you did not come to this club!

125
00:08:16,242 --> 00:08:19,075
Ladies, this is a miracle.

126
00:08:19,546 --> 00:08:21,707
I am in my skinny jeans.

127
00:08:21,781 --> 00:08:24,909
I haven't fit into these since 1985...

128
00:08:24,984 --> 00:08:27,509
and that is only because I had mono.

129
00:08:28,788 --> 00:08:32,815
Miranda, I've never noticed before,
but you've got one hot ass.

130
00:08:32,926 --> 00:08:34,120
- Really?
- Yeah!

131
00:08:34,194 --> 00:08:36,526
- And you look good.
- How'd you do it?

132
00:08:36,596 --> 00:08:40,532
I got pregnant, became a single mother,
and stopped having any time to eat.

133
00:08:40,600 --> 00:08:42,431
That's a diet I won't be trying.

134
00:08:42,502 --> 00:08:46,529
I can't believe I am in my skinny jeans.
I am never taking them off.

135
00:08:46,606 --> 00:08:49,131
Charlotte, can I wear these
to your wedding?

136
00:08:49,209 --> 00:08:51,905
- I'm kidding.
- No, it's just...

137
00:08:52,445 --> 00:08:56,506
I just feel kind of silly that I made
such a big fuss about my ring earlier.

138
00:08:56,749 --> 00:08:59,547
Honey, a diamond that big
deserves a parade.

139
00:08:59,619 --> 00:09:01,450
But this is the second time around.

140
00:09:01,521 --> 00:09:05,184
I already did the showing of the ring
and the big wedding. You were there.

141
00:09:05,258 --> 00:09:06,691
It was lovely.

142
00:09:06,759 --> 00:09:07,919
So this time...

143
00:09:07,994 --> 00:09:11,623
I've decided that it should just be
really small and tasteful.

144
00:09:11,698 --> 00:09:13,723
- So no denim?
- Right.

145
00:09:14,334 --> 00:09:16,359
And I don't want to disappoint you:

146
00:09:16,436 --> 00:09:18,961
I've decided not to have bridesmaids.

147
00:09:22,375 --> 00:09:23,467
Hallelujah!

148
00:09:23,543 --> 00:09:25,170
Okay, let's go to Bed.

149
00:09:25,645 --> 00:09:27,374
What do you want, dear?

150
00:09:29,315 --> 00:09:32,443
Since people often go to bars
to try to get someone into bed...

151
00:09:32,518 --> 00:09:36,181
it was only a matter of time
till someone cut out the middleman...

152
00:09:36,256 --> 00:09:37,723
and put the beds in bars.

153
00:09:37,790 --> 00:09:40,350
Now this is my kind of place.

154
00:09:40,426 --> 00:09:42,417
And I thought they were being ironic.

155
00:09:42,495 --> 00:09:46,431
If I had known it was gonna be like this,
I would have brought my bite guard.

156
00:09:49,702 --> 00:09:52,535
- Bed for four, please.
- All the beds are booked right now.

157
00:09:52,605 --> 00:09:54,505
Damn, that always happens to me.

158
00:09:54,574 --> 00:09:57,270
We're on the VIP list. Samantha Jones.

159
00:09:57,644 --> 00:09:59,703
Perfect. I'll be right back.

160
00:10:00,079 --> 00:10:02,877
I have to find a bathroom. I need to pee.

161
00:10:03,516 --> 00:10:07,748
Really? Or do you just wanna
stare at your ass in the mirror?

162
00:10:07,820 --> 00:10:09,344
Well, that, too.

163
00:10:09,689 --> 00:10:11,316
Shake it, sister.

164
00:10:15,161 --> 00:10:18,062
- We're ready. Follow me.
- That was fast.

165
00:10:18,131 --> 00:10:21,066
What can I say,
I know how to work it in Bed.

166
00:10:29,042 --> 00:10:32,773
- And I didn't even have to buy you dinner.
- I'm sorry, someone pushed me.

167
00:10:32,845 --> 00:10:34,312
You want me to have them killed?

168
00:10:34,380 --> 00:10:36,245
- Would you?
- Just say when.

169
00:10:36,316 --> 00:10:38,648
- When.
- Okay, I'm bluffing.

170
00:10:38,718 --> 00:10:40,447
Yeah, I knew you were all talk.

171
00:10:40,520 --> 00:10:43,887
- Yeah. I'm Peter.
- Miranda.

172
00:10:44,958 --> 00:10:47,188
And thank you for letting me crash.

173
00:10:47,260 --> 00:10:48,784
Why don't you hang out?

174
00:10:48,861 --> 00:10:52,820
It's not that often I have
such a beautiful woman in bed with me.

175
00:10:54,834 --> 00:10:58,326
Okay, but move over. That's my side.

176
00:11:04,243 --> 00:11:06,541
All the men in here seem kind of old.

177
00:11:06,612 --> 00:11:09,843
- That's because you're dating Smith.
- Who's basically a zygote.

178
00:11:09,916 --> 00:11:12,282
I'm not dating him, I'm fucking him.

179
00:11:12,518 --> 00:11:15,112
Now I'm looking for someone else to fuck.

180
00:11:15,221 --> 00:11:18,418
Well, I think you may have come
to the right place.

181
00:11:18,558 --> 00:11:20,526
This place is awesome.

182
00:11:21,828 --> 00:11:24,023
Oh, no. It's Berger's friend.

183
00:11:24,597 --> 00:11:26,690
- Where?
- In the next bed.

184
00:11:26,766 --> 00:11:30,463
God, I hate New York.
Is there no other club opening tonight?

185
00:11:31,838 --> 00:11:34,363
- What should I do?
- Ignore them.

186
00:11:34,440 --> 00:11:37,932
No, I can't. It'll get back to Berger
that I acted childish.

187
00:11:38,011 --> 00:11:40,070
Just go over there and say hi.

188
00:11:40,146 --> 00:11:42,614
Act like Berger is the last thing
on your mind.

189
00:11:42,682 --> 00:11:44,912
Right. I'll take the high road.

190
00:11:45,184 --> 00:11:48,278
I'll be calm, classy, and just say hello.

191
00:11:51,157 --> 00:11:53,455
- Billy, hi.
- Hey, Carrie.

192
00:11:59,065 --> 00:12:01,329
- Hi, how are you?
- Fucking great.

193
00:12:01,401 --> 00:12:04,495
Chris, Andrew,
this is Berger's girlfriend, Carrie.

194
00:12:04,570 --> 00:12:06,094
Is Berger with you?

195
00:12:09,609 --> 00:12:11,804
This is kind of uncomfortable...

196
00:12:12,045 --> 00:12:16,209
but we broke up this morning.

197
00:12:17,884 --> 00:12:19,545
I'm sorry to hear that.

198
00:12:19,986 --> 00:12:23,046
Yeah, I knew you guys
had all kinds of problems.

199
00:12:25,358 --> 00:12:26,450
Yeah.

200
00:12:28,861 --> 00:12:30,692
And he was bad in bed.

201
00:12:32,031 --> 00:12:33,896
You look great, Billy.

202
00:12:37,170 --> 00:12:39,001
Did she just say he was bad in bed?

203
00:12:39,772 --> 00:12:43,037
You know that angry message
I didn't wanna leave on Berger's machine?

204
00:12:43,109 --> 00:12:44,667
I just left it on his friend.

205
00:12:44,744 --> 00:12:48,612
- What happened?
- I took the lowest possible road.

206
00:12:48,781 --> 00:12:52,308
I told him Berger was bad in bed,
which isn't even true.

207
00:12:52,518 --> 00:12:54,986
Two times! Don't you forget anything?

208
00:12:55,054 --> 00:12:56,612
Why did you say that?

209
00:12:57,123 --> 00:12:58,954
It just came out.

210
00:12:59,058 --> 00:13:03,188
It's understandable. You're suffering
from Post-it traumatic stress syndrome.

211
00:13:03,262 --> 00:13:05,526
I need to find a way to erase that message.

212
00:13:05,598 --> 00:13:07,691
Go back over there and explain.

213
00:13:08,101 --> 00:13:11,036
Just tell them you're hurt
and that you didn't mean it.

214
00:13:11,104 --> 00:13:13,629
Great, now I have to admit that I'm hurt?

215
00:13:13,706 --> 00:13:17,005
First, a little nerve Clicquot.

216
00:13:31,124 --> 00:13:35,288
That thing I said before...
terrible and not true.

217
00:13:35,661 --> 00:13:38,892
He was fine in bed. Great, in fact.

218
00:13:40,433 --> 00:13:42,901
Fireworks, rockets.

219
00:13:43,569 --> 00:13:46,003
I don't even know why I said that.

220
00:13:46,339 --> 00:13:50,332
I'm hurt, okay?

221
00:13:50,409 --> 00:13:52,502
Sure. Break-ups are tough.

222
00:13:52,578 --> 00:13:55,945
Yes, under normal circumstances
they are tough.

223
00:13:56,015 --> 00:13:58,506
And in this case, tougher.

224
00:13:59,018 --> 00:14:01,851
Look, I don't wanna drag you into this...

225
00:14:03,923 --> 00:14:06,721
but Berger broke up with me on a Post-it.

226
00:14:11,364 --> 00:14:14,959
I know as Berger's friend
you can't have a normal reaction...

227
00:14:15,034 --> 00:14:18,492
but just so you know,
the normal reaction has been...

228
00:14:20,873 --> 00:14:24,775
Not that I'm going around telling everyone,
just some girlfriends.

229
00:14:24,844 --> 00:14:29,543
You know, I'm trying to understand
why someone would do that.

230
00:14:30,116 --> 00:14:33,449
- Well, maybe he was afraid.
- Interesting. How so?

231
00:14:33,853 --> 00:14:35,821
Women can get really angry.

232
00:14:36,455 --> 00:14:39,720
I assure you,
I would have been very understanding.

233
00:14:39,892 --> 00:14:42,486
- Right.
- Excuse me?

234
00:14:43,896 --> 00:14:48,026
You all say that, but then you just freak
and get all psycho-bitch.

235
00:14:48,301 --> 00:14:49,461
Really?

236
00:14:50,269 --> 00:14:51,930
So now it's our fault?

237
00:14:52,004 --> 00:14:54,529
All we're saying is
there really is no good way...

238
00:14:54,607 --> 00:14:56,438
to break up with someone, is there?

239
00:14:57,109 --> 00:15:01,170
It's funny you should mention that, Billy,
because actually, there is.

240
00:15:01,514 --> 00:15:06,383
You can have the guts and the courtesy
to tell a woman to her face...

241
00:15:06,452 --> 00:15:08,386
that you no longer wanna see her.

242
00:15:08,454 --> 00:15:09,546
Call me crazy...

243
00:15:09,622 --> 00:15:13,524
but I think that you can make a point
of ending your relationship...

244
00:15:13,593 --> 00:15:15,458
in a manner that does not include...

245
00:15:15,528 --> 00:15:18,224
an e-mail, a doorman,
or a missing persons report.

246
00:15:18,297 --> 00:15:22,631
I think you could all get over your fear
of looking like the bad guy...

247
00:15:22,702 --> 00:15:27,264
and actually have
the uncomfortable break-up conversation...

248
00:15:27,340 --> 00:15:28,864
because here's what:

249
00:15:28,941 --> 00:15:31,808
Avoiding that
is what makes you the bad guy.

250
00:15:31,911 --> 00:15:34,607
- And just so you know, Alan...
- Andrew.

251
00:15:35,248 --> 00:15:37,808
Most women aren't angry,
irrational psychos.

252
00:15:37,883 --> 00:15:40,579
We just want an ending to a relationship...

253
00:15:40,653 --> 00:15:44,851
that is thoughtful and decent...

254
00:15:44,924 --> 00:15:47,119
and honors what we had together.

255
00:15:47,193 --> 00:15:49,957
So my point, Billy, is this:

256
00:15:50,096 --> 00:15:52,428
There is a good way
to break up with someone...

257
00:15:52,498 --> 00:15:55,934
and it doesn't include a Post-it!

258
00:15:58,838 --> 00:15:59,930
Okay.

259
00:16:08,114 --> 00:16:09,445
Much better.

260
00:16:09,515 --> 00:16:12,643
You think?
We have to get out of here immediately.

261
00:16:15,921 --> 00:16:18,890
So, what, you have a boyfriend?

262
00:16:19,058 --> 00:16:22,425
- Me, no.
- Right.

263
00:16:22,495 --> 00:16:26,397
- I don't.
- Come on, how's that possible?

264
00:16:30,770 --> 00:16:32,237
I have no idea.

265
00:16:32,305 --> 00:16:35,604
Well, neither do I. You're hot.

266
00:16:36,375 --> 00:16:38,104
Hi, sorry. We're leaving.

267
00:16:38,177 --> 00:16:41,305
I just learned
you should never go to Bed angry.

268
00:16:43,316 --> 00:16:44,578
Well...

269
00:16:48,220 --> 00:16:52,680
- It was really great meeting you.
- It was good to meet you. I'll see you.

270
00:16:54,126 --> 00:16:56,287
- And thanks.
- For what?

271
00:17:02,868 --> 00:17:05,996
Okay, so I'm angry.
So those guys will tell Berger that I'm angry.

272
00:17:06,072 --> 00:17:07,334
I can live with that.

273
00:17:07,406 --> 00:17:09,533
Come on, bro, give me a hit.

274
00:17:09,608 --> 00:17:11,576
You wanna pass that back?

275
00:17:11,644 --> 00:17:12,975
Be good, ladies.

276
00:17:14,046 --> 00:17:16,139
- Do you smell that?
- Pot.

277
00:17:18,351 --> 00:17:21,252
- Let's get high.
- I'd get high.

278
00:17:21,320 --> 00:17:23,220
Wait, are you serious?

279
00:17:23,289 --> 00:17:27,385
Yes, that's exactly what my mind needs:
Cloudiness.

280
00:17:27,593 --> 00:17:30,426
I'm still too lucid
on the facts of the day and night.

281
00:17:30,496 --> 00:17:32,521
When was the last time you smoked pot?

282
00:17:32,598 --> 00:17:34,429
I think I was wearing these jeans.

283
00:17:34,500 --> 00:17:37,162
- I'm not smoking pot.
- Post-it.

284
00:17:37,903 --> 00:17:39,871
How do we even get any?

285
00:17:40,039 --> 00:17:42,872
I'd call my dealer, but he's at the Cape.

286
00:17:42,942 --> 00:17:45,467
Damn those dealers
and their summer houses.

287
00:17:45,544 --> 00:17:47,205
I'll ask those guys.

288
00:17:48,981 --> 00:17:51,108
Excuse me, fellas.

289
00:17:57,857 --> 00:18:01,156
My friends and I were wondering...

290
00:18:01,227 --> 00:18:03,252
I like her in those jeans.

291
00:18:03,329 --> 00:18:05,524
Is it safe to buy pot from strangers?

292
00:18:05,598 --> 00:18:08,192
They're not strangers.
They're our new friends with pot.

293
00:18:08,267 --> 00:18:10,667
- Okay.
- You're such an idiot, dude.

294
00:18:14,473 --> 00:18:17,636
They're going around the corner
to Drown the Hound.

295
00:18:17,710 --> 00:18:19,507
There's a guy there who deals.

296
00:18:19,578 --> 00:18:22,069
And I get the one with the glasses.

297
00:18:22,314 --> 00:18:26,273
My, when she scores, she scores. All right.

298
00:18:26,786 --> 00:18:29,311
- There you go.
- Thanks a lot, Tommy.

299
00:18:33,692 --> 00:18:37,128
"Drown the Hound."
And I thought they were being ironic.

300
00:18:40,065 --> 00:18:42,590
- I see our guys.
- Yeah! Go get 'em.

301
00:18:45,404 --> 00:18:49,431
If that last place was called "Bed,"
then this should be called "Smell."

302
00:18:49,508 --> 00:18:53,274
Hold your nose.
I promised Smith I'd watch him on TRL...

303
00:18:53,746 --> 00:18:55,646
and this dump has a TV.

304
00:18:57,950 --> 00:19:01,647
- What have they got all over the floor?
- Peanut shells.

305
00:19:01,954 --> 00:19:04,388
- Why?
- I don't know.

306
00:19:04,690 --> 00:19:07,454
Do peanut shells have to happen
for a reason?

307
00:19:07,960 --> 00:19:09,325
What can I get you?

308
00:19:09,395 --> 00:19:13,126
Here's $20. I assume, in a place like this,
that covers three drinks...

309
00:19:13,199 --> 00:19:14,826
and a channel change.

310
00:19:14,900 --> 00:19:17,528
Does the bride need another Jell-O shot?

311
00:19:17,603 --> 00:19:19,867
- No, I can't!
- Yes!

312
00:19:22,174 --> 00:19:24,472
- Great!
- One more.

313
00:19:24,543 --> 00:19:27,444
Look at them, so happy.

314
00:19:30,850 --> 00:19:32,977
Hey, sweetie, what's wrong?

315
00:19:34,286 --> 00:19:37,187
I just...
I wish I'd never been married before.

316
00:19:37,256 --> 00:19:40,089
But if you hadn't married Trey,
you wouldn't have met Harry.

317
00:19:40,159 --> 00:19:44,186
I know. It's just...
I hate that this is my second ring.

318
00:19:44,497 --> 00:19:46,761
And that this is my second marriage.

319
00:19:46,832 --> 00:19:49,323
I hate that I finally found
the love of my life...

320
00:19:49,401 --> 00:19:52,268
and I can't celebrate it in a big, big way.

321
00:19:52,505 --> 00:19:55,406
You can do whatever you want.

322
00:19:56,308 --> 00:19:59,709
No, I can't. It's inappropriate.

323
00:20:00,646 --> 00:20:04,548
Excuse me, hi. Would you take a picture
of me and my girlfriends?

324
00:20:04,617 --> 00:20:05,811
She's getting married.

325
00:20:05,885 --> 00:20:07,876
- Sure.
- Thank you.

326
00:20:11,690 --> 00:20:14,352
You know, she got engaged last night.

327
00:20:14,793 --> 00:20:17,887
- Congratulations.
- No, it's my second.

328
00:20:17,963 --> 00:20:22,491
She's getting married to a wonderful man.
And look at this rock.

329
00:20:22,568 --> 00:20:24,502
Oh, wow!

330
00:20:24,570 --> 00:20:26,367
- It's beautiful.
- Thank you.

331
00:20:26,438 --> 00:20:29,066
- You have to be in the picture.
- That's okay.

332
00:20:29,375 --> 00:20:31,070
Come on.

333
00:20:32,511 --> 00:20:34,035
Got the camera.

334
00:20:36,282 --> 00:20:40,446
- All right, everyone say "bride."
- Bride!

335
00:20:43,822 --> 00:20:46,256
- When are you getting married?
- What's the dress like?

336
00:20:46,325 --> 00:20:47,724
Where's the reception?

337
00:20:47,793 --> 00:20:52,526
Finally, Charlotte's inner judge was silenced
by some very loud bachelorettes.

338
00:20:53,766 --> 00:20:56,200
Sorry, I guess he's not here tonight.

339
00:20:57,570 --> 00:20:59,970
Well, you can't cry over spilt pot.

340
00:21:00,906 --> 00:21:04,842
- I can buy you a drink.
- I said I was buying her a drink, dude.

341
00:21:05,277 --> 00:21:07,905
- You have a girlfriend.
- Gentlemen, please.

342
00:21:07,980 --> 00:21:10,039
That's the secret of the skinny jeans.

343
00:21:10,115 --> 00:21:13,573
It's not so much a state of behind
as a state of mind.

344
00:21:13,886 --> 00:21:16,480
What do I gotta do
to get a beer around here?

345
00:21:16,555 --> 00:21:18,420
Hey, what's up! I'm La La, and now...

346
00:21:18,490 --> 00:21:21,584
you've seen him naked on a billboard
right here in Times Square.

347
00:21:21,660 --> 00:21:24,925
And now he's on TRL wearing clothes.
Damn, but it's still all good.

348
00:21:24,997 --> 00:21:28,125
He is the absolute hottest,
the absolute awesome...

349
00:21:28,200 --> 00:21:31,465
the Absolut Hunk!
Give it up for Smith Jerrod!

350
00:21:34,206 --> 00:21:38,700
Man, we have a lot of fans in the house.
Let's get right to some questions.

351
00:21:39,011 --> 00:21:42,208
- Hi, I'm Amber.
- Hey, what's up, Amber?

352
00:21:42,982 --> 00:21:45,678
Nice, relaxed, sexy, and modest.

353
00:21:46,418 --> 00:21:50,115
One.' What is it like to be the Absolut Hunk?

354
00:21:50,322 --> 00:21:54,952
I have to say it's been a real trip.
I've met some really awesome people.

355
00:21:55,027 --> 00:21:58,554
- You're hot enough to be on TV.
- Take that to the dartboard.

356
00:21:58,631 --> 00:22:01,065
And two.' Do you have a girlfriend?

357
00:22:02,001 --> 00:22:03,866
No, I'm still looking.

358
00:22:04,403 --> 00:22:06,894
For real? You're not dating anyone?

359
00:22:07,106 --> 00:22:10,439
I am dating,
but I'm not seeing anyone special.

360
00:22:12,211 --> 00:22:15,009
And even though Samantha
had designed it herself...

361
00:22:15,080 --> 00:22:19,642
she realized "no one special"
was another label she didn't care for.

362
00:22:20,019 --> 00:22:21,611
I changed my mind.

363
00:22:23,022 --> 00:22:24,284
Kiss me.

364
00:22:25,758 --> 00:22:28,488
And to prove that Smith
was no one special to her...

365
00:22:28,560 --> 00:22:30,824
she kissed someone even less special.

366
00:22:30,896 --> 00:22:34,730
Unfortunately, he was someone special
to a somewhat drunk person.

367
00:22:34,800 --> 00:22:36,961
What the fuck do you think you're doing?

368
00:22:37,036 --> 00:22:39,197
- What happened?
- She kissed Frankie.

369
00:22:39,705 --> 00:22:41,605
Who the fuck do you think you are?

370
00:22:41,674 --> 00:22:44,074
Fucking city girls,
you think you're such hot shit...

371
00:22:44,143 --> 00:22:46,805
that you can go around
kissing other girls' boyfriends?

372
00:22:46,879 --> 00:22:50,246
- I'm gonna kick your ass.
- I'm gonna slap the shit out of you.

373
00:22:51,183 --> 00:22:53,447
- Oh, my God!
- Relax.

374
00:22:53,886 --> 00:22:55,547
You fucking relax.

375
00:23:00,059 --> 00:23:01,822
If I ever fucking see you again...

376
00:23:01,894 --> 00:23:06,160
I'm gonna put my shoes so far up your ass,
you're gonna taste leather!

377
00:23:09,401 --> 00:23:12,859
Okay, I get it. Angry women can be scary.

378
00:23:12,938 --> 00:23:16,237
Very few women can pull off anger
in a tube top.

379
00:23:17,943 --> 00:23:20,673
This night is turning into a total bust.

380
00:23:21,380 --> 00:23:22,847
Not total...

381
00:23:23,849 --> 00:23:28,411
Oh, my God, I love you!
Where did you get that?

382
00:23:30,322 --> 00:23:33,758
Apparently, $20 will buy you three drinks...

383
00:23:34,393 --> 00:23:37,419
- a channel change and a joint.
- All right.

384
00:23:44,503 --> 00:23:46,334
Fucking men.

385
00:23:51,376 --> 00:23:52,968
Men are bullshit.

386
00:23:54,379 --> 00:23:56,472
That's what I'm talking about.

387
00:23:56,548 --> 00:23:58,743
Being someone's girlfriend...

388
00:24:02,221 --> 00:24:05,349
- No good can come of it.
- That's what I'm saying.

389
00:24:09,128 --> 00:24:10,254
Wow!

390
00:24:11,730 --> 00:24:13,357
This is strong weed.

391
00:24:20,506 --> 00:24:21,905
It's Smith.

392
00:24:23,208 --> 00:24:24,937
- Hello.
- Hi. Did you see me?

393
00:24:25,010 --> 00:24:27,069
- Yes, we saw it.
- How'd I do?

394
00:24:27,146 --> 00:24:29,205
Perfect, just like we planned.

395
00:24:29,448 --> 00:24:32,042
- We're all going to the...
- Can you hear me?

396
00:24:32,651 --> 00:24:34,846
- Hello?
- I'm not getting any reception here.

397
00:24:34,920 --> 00:24:36,148
Let me...

398
00:24:36,989 --> 00:24:38,013
Are you there?

399
00:24:38,090 --> 00:24:39,614
As I contemplated the fact...

400
00:24:39,691 --> 00:24:42,785
that my relationship
had gone to pot, literally...

401
00:24:43,629 --> 00:24:48,157
I realized no high or low
would make this day...

402
00:24:48,467 --> 00:24:52,631
any day other than the day
I got broken up with by a Post-it.

403
00:24:54,773 --> 00:24:57,207
Police. Stay right where you are.

404
00:24:59,711 --> 00:25:02,771
That's the way it goes.
We have to take her downtown.

405
00:25:02,848 --> 00:25:05,146
Officer, please. I am a lawyer and a mother.

406
00:25:05,217 --> 00:25:08,778
This woman is my friend.
She's an extremely law-abiding citizen.

407
00:25:08,854 --> 00:25:10,719
Who just broke the law.

408
00:25:10,789 --> 00:25:15,351
Yes, but in her defense,
she has had a very bad day.

409
00:25:15,427 --> 00:25:18,294
- Her boyfriend just broke up with her.
- On a Post-it.

410
00:25:18,363 --> 00:25:20,456
Come on, that didn't happen.

411
00:25:24,236 --> 00:25:27,205
"I'm sorry. I can't. Don't hate me."

412
00:25:29,107 --> 00:25:31,132
Wow, brutal.

413
00:25:32,411 --> 00:25:35,812
Tell you what,
I'll write you up for smoking in a bar.

414
00:25:35,881 --> 00:25:38,372
Come on, can't you just let her off?

415
00:25:38,450 --> 00:25:42,250
I'm sorry. I can't. Don't hate me.

416
00:25:45,490 --> 00:25:47,981
Hear that? It's midnight.

417
00:25:48,327 --> 00:25:51,990
The official end
to what will now be known as...

418
00:25:52,297 --> 00:25:55,994
the day I got arrested for smoking a doobie.

419
00:25:57,870 --> 00:26:00,896
I said doobie. This is great!

420
00:26:02,140 --> 00:26:04,131
You didn't get arrested.

421
00:26:04,543 --> 00:26:07,944
See, your Post-it
was your get-out-of-jail-free card.

422
00:26:08,013 --> 00:26:09,878
If you never met Berger, you wouldn't...

423
00:26:09,948 --> 00:26:11,813
Stop, you're killing my buzz.

424
00:26:11,884 --> 00:26:15,820
I have to say, I'm starting to agree
with Charlotte's way of thinking.

425
00:26:15,888 --> 00:26:19,187
If I hadn't accidentally gotten pregnant
by Steve...

426
00:26:19,358 --> 00:26:21,223
I never would have had Brady.

427
00:26:21,793 --> 00:26:24,660
I'm not finished. And had no time to eat.

428
00:26:25,163 --> 00:26:27,688
So I never would have fit
into my skinny jeans...

429
00:26:27,766 --> 00:26:31,065
and realize this city is full of cute men.

430
00:26:31,136 --> 00:26:33,468
Now that's my kind of thinking.

431
00:26:34,339 --> 00:26:36,603
Don't bogart the split.

432
00:26:37,042 --> 00:26:40,534
Okay, I know what I learned
from my Berger relationship.

433
00:26:48,720 --> 00:26:50,585
Wait a minute, I just had it.

434
00:26:53,091 --> 00:26:54,217
What?

435
00:26:54,493 --> 00:26:57,189
You know what, I changed my mind.

436
00:26:57,729 --> 00:26:59,822
You don't think everything happens
for a reason?

437
00:26:59,898 --> 00:27:04,494
No, not about that. About the wedding.
I really want you guys to be my bridesmaids.

438
00:27:07,039 --> 00:27:09,769
You don't have to wear
the matching dresses, I promise.

439
00:27:09,841 --> 00:27:12,969
- I'll eat to that.
- Can I get that in writing?

440
00:27:15,247 --> 00:27:18,273
I think I've had enough.
My jeans just popped.

441
00:27:25,357 --> 00:27:28,656
I might never find a lesson
in why Berger and I split...

442
00:27:28,727 --> 00:27:32,094
but at least, for the moment,
there was a banana split.

443
00:27:59,000 --> 00:28:59,000
Ripped by RavyDavy
part of the [RL] Crew