0
00:00:04,000 --> 00:00:08,000
Subtitles - Ripped (and Hacked)
by RavyDavy - Part of the [RL] Crew

1
00:00:47,894 --> 00:00:52,092
In New York City, where no good event
gets going before 9:00 pm...

2
00:00:52,332 --> 00:00:56,769
it's a very bad sign when you get invited
to something that starts at 9:00 am.

3
00:00:59,172 --> 00:01:00,639
What are you gonna say?

4
00:01:00,707 --> 00:01:03,301
I'm just gonna tell them
that before 10:00 am...

5
00:01:03,377 --> 00:01:06,175
as far as I'm concerned, everybody's guilty.

6
00:01:06,246 --> 00:01:08,180
I figure I'll be out in no time.

7
00:01:08,248 --> 00:01:10,239
Since I'm down here, I'm gonna head over...

8
00:01:10,317 --> 00:01:12,012
to J & R to look at some computer shit.

9
00:01:12,085 --> 00:01:14,713
When you get off, call me.
We'll meet up, do something.

10
00:01:14,788 --> 00:01:16,983
Well, aren't you going to write today?

11
00:01:17,057 --> 00:01:18,285
What does that mean?

12
00:01:18,358 --> 00:01:20,918
It doesn't mean anything.
It was just a question.

13
00:01:20,994 --> 00:01:24,725
What did you think I was gonna do?
Sit on my ass all day and slack off?

14
00:01:24,798 --> 00:01:27,130
No, I didn't mean it like that.

15
00:01:28,835 --> 00:01:30,166
Look, it's early.

16
00:01:31,438 --> 00:01:33,133
Right. It's early.

17
00:01:33,507 --> 00:01:37,910
And it's also a very bad sign
when a couple is fighting before 9:00 am.

18
00:01:38,612 --> 00:01:41,911
You know what we need right now?
A Hollywood kiss.

19
00:01:42,249 --> 00:01:44,547
Here? But we have coffee.

20
00:01:48,054 --> 00:01:50,045
Come on. Hollywood kiss.

21
00:01:56,163 --> 00:01:57,391
Better?

22
00:01:57,964 --> 00:01:59,192
Better.

23
00:02:01,601 --> 00:02:05,367
- I'll see you later. I love you.
- I love you, too. Wish me luck.

24
00:02:06,706 --> 00:02:08,230
Hang them high.

25
00:02:13,113 --> 00:02:15,741
Hi, I hope you can help me with this.

26
00:02:15,816 --> 00:02:19,912
I feel terrible, but I don't think
that I can serve jury duty today.

27
00:02:19,986 --> 00:02:22,921
You see, I work for myself
as a freelance writer...

28
00:02:22,989 --> 00:02:25,150
and no one can cover for me.

29
00:02:28,094 --> 00:02:29,789
Welcome to jury duty.

30
00:02:33,867 --> 00:02:37,860
Meanwhile, another woman
was having trouble juggling her duties.

31
00:02:38,305 --> 00:02:41,433
- Is it 8:30 already?
- Good morning.

32
00:02:41,508 --> 00:02:42,600
Fuck!

33
00:02:43,677 --> 00:02:45,110
Don't say "F."

34
00:02:47,180 --> 00:02:49,444
I'm gonna be a little late tonight.

35
00:02:49,516 --> 00:02:51,882
- Come here, baby. Yes, darling.
- Work stuff.

36
00:02:52,452 --> 00:02:53,680
Around we go.

37
00:02:54,387 --> 00:02:56,321
It's okay, Brady...

38
00:02:56,690 --> 00:02:59,022
Mommy's just got to go to work.

39
00:02:59,226 --> 00:03:02,855
Boy is fine. He just misses Mama.

40
00:03:06,333 --> 00:03:07,994
Look at that.

41
00:03:08,268 --> 00:03:10,133
Yes. Say bye-bye.

42
00:03:10,303 --> 00:03:11,634
Bye-bye, Mommy.

43
00:03:11,771 --> 00:03:14,365
- No, it's no big deal.
- Bye-bye, Brady.

44
00:03:14,441 --> 00:03:15,430
It's all right.

45
00:03:15,509 --> 00:03:16,737
Along with her coffee...

46
00:03:16,810 --> 00:03:20,075
feeling guilty had become
a part of Miranda's daily routine.

47
00:03:21,581 --> 00:03:24,516
- Let me help you, darling.
- Thanks, Lenore.

48
00:03:24,718 --> 00:03:27,812
You have done such a wonderful job
with this event.

49
00:03:27,888 --> 00:03:29,719
Macaroons on the outside, dear.

50
00:03:29,789 --> 00:03:31,484
I just hope people enjoy it.

51
00:03:31,558 --> 00:03:33,321
I'm sure they will.

52
00:03:33,827 --> 00:03:37,695
Charlotte had been guilted into joining
the synagogue's Sisterhood Society.

53
00:03:37,764 --> 00:03:40,232
Now, I know since Harry...

54
00:03:41,701 --> 00:03:43,464
you've been coming to temple alone.

55
00:03:43,537 --> 00:03:47,871
The break-up was bad news for you,
but good news for me.

56
00:03:48,108 --> 00:03:50,235
Hence, good news for you.

57
00:03:50,443 --> 00:03:53,003
Lenore, what are you saying over there?

58
00:03:53,079 --> 00:03:55,206
I have someone for you.

59
00:03:55,549 --> 00:03:59,849
Now, I know, I don't look old enough
to have a son your age, but I do.

60
00:04:00,186 --> 00:04:01,847
Charlotte, darling...

61
00:04:01,922 --> 00:04:05,414
I have two single sons, both perfect for you.

62
00:04:06,259 --> 00:04:10,389
Barbara, I told you
I wanted to fix her up with my David.

63
00:04:11,464 --> 00:04:13,989
Charlotte may have been there
to arrange the cookies...

64
00:04:14,067 --> 00:04:18,094
but Barbara, Elaine and Lenore
were there to arrange her next marriage.

65
00:04:18,505 --> 00:04:21,201
Meanwhile, Samantha
had used her pushiness...

66
00:04:21,274 --> 00:04:24,334
to parlay
her new man's hit off-Broadway show...

67
00:04:24,411 --> 00:04:26,743
into a hot, on-Broadway poster.

68
00:04:26,880 --> 00:04:28,142
Fuck me.

69
00:04:28,315 --> 00:04:32,046
That's the first thing every woman in town
will be saying after she sees it.

70
00:04:32,118 --> 00:04:33,346
It's huge.

71
00:04:33,420 --> 00:04:35,115
And that's the second.

72
00:04:36,323 --> 00:04:38,951
And, honey, I'm not even sure
the poster does you justice.

73
00:04:39,025 --> 00:04:41,585
Come on, my dick's three stories long.

74
00:04:41,661 --> 00:04:44,391
The way God and Madison Avenue intended.

75
00:04:47,434 --> 00:04:49,595
Sometimes, when you're sitting on a jury...

76
00:04:49,669 --> 00:04:53,503
it may seem as if all you're doing
is a lot of waiting around.

77
00:04:53,573 --> 00:04:57,566
But to the contrary, the catalyst
for the resolution of the lawsuit...

78
00:04:57,677 --> 00:05:02,114
is the fact that you were there, ready to hear
the evidence and render a verdict.

79
00:05:02,182 --> 00:05:04,047
You are not just sitting around...

80
00:05:04,117 --> 00:05:08,019
but rather playing an indispensable role
in our justice system.

81
00:05:08,822 --> 00:05:12,349
But now, let's take a look at
the flow of a typical trial.

82
00:05:12,425 --> 00:05:15,155
Whether you're serving on
a civil or criminal trial...

83
00:05:15,261 --> 00:05:17,695
there's a general procedure that is followed.

84
00:05:17,764 --> 00:05:20,961
You may hear opening statements
by the opposing attorneys...

85
00:05:21,034 --> 00:05:23,696
each presenting their sides of the dispute.

86
00:05:23,770 --> 00:05:25,032
This is not evidence.

87
00:05:25,939 --> 00:05:27,531
It's just so weird.

88
00:05:27,607 --> 00:05:30,474
I mean, a mango isn't even a fruit
you can bite into.

89
00:05:30,543 --> 00:05:34,741
I do believe it is the oddest thing
you can pull out of a briefcase.

90
00:05:34,881 --> 00:05:36,246
Except for a pineapple.

91
00:05:36,983 --> 00:05:40,214
The moment he pulls out a pineapple,
I want you to call me.

92
00:05:40,754 --> 00:05:42,119
Thank you.

93
00:05:45,191 --> 00:05:47,682
Charlotte, what are you doing here?

94
00:05:49,195 --> 00:05:50,287
Why are we hiding?

95
00:05:50,363 --> 00:05:52,763
I'm on the worst date of my life.

96
00:05:53,967 --> 00:05:55,264
Honey, I'm so sorry.

97
00:05:55,335 --> 00:05:58,702
This woman from the temple set me up
with her son, and he's awful.

98
00:05:58,772 --> 00:06:00,706
- You have to help me.
- Okay.

99
00:06:00,774 --> 00:06:03,572
Call me on your cell phone,
tell me something bad happened...

100
00:06:03,643 --> 00:06:04,632
then I'll rush out.

101
00:06:04,711 --> 00:06:06,975
After he leaves, you'll come back,
eat with us.

102
00:06:07,047 --> 00:06:08,446
- Yes.
- Okay.

103
00:06:11,184 --> 00:06:14,119
We've been dating a long time.
We have contingency plans.

104
00:06:19,993 --> 00:06:23,554
I asked for more bread,
but they haven't brought it yet.

105
00:06:25,331 --> 00:06:26,423
Okay.

106
00:06:30,270 --> 00:06:31,430
I'm sorry.

107
00:06:31,504 --> 00:06:35,406
I wouldn't normally get that,
but maybe something bad happened.

108
00:06:37,043 --> 00:06:38,032
Hello?

109
00:06:38,111 --> 00:06:39,840
Hey, it's me. Something bad happened.

110
00:06:39,913 --> 00:06:41,380
Something bad happened?

111
00:06:43,249 --> 00:06:46,582
I knew it was going to be terrible.
The man brought me carnations.

112
00:06:46,653 --> 00:06:49,781
- I see.
- Hold up, the man brought you flowers?

113
00:06:49,856 --> 00:06:51,551
What an asshole.

114
00:06:51,658 --> 00:06:54,889
- Not flowers, carnations.
- What's wrong with carnations?

115
00:06:55,128 --> 00:06:56,254
They're filler flowers.

116
00:06:56,329 --> 00:06:58,524
Would you dump a guy
if he brought you carnations?

117
00:06:58,598 --> 00:07:01,726
Me? No. But I happen to like carnations,
especially the pink ones.

118
00:07:01,868 --> 00:07:04,132
In fact, I think they're making a comeback.

119
00:07:04,204 --> 00:07:07,640
I would, however, throw away a guy
for wearing Docksiders or Topsiders...

120
00:07:07,707 --> 00:07:10,141
- or any of the above.
- No, those are cute.

121
00:07:10,210 --> 00:07:12,303
So basically, guys are just fucked.

122
00:07:12,378 --> 00:07:15,506
No, that's not true.
None of that matters with the right guy.

123
00:07:15,582 --> 00:07:18,745
Harry was bald
and he talked with his mouth full.

124
00:07:19,519 --> 00:07:20,781
But I loved him anyway.

125
00:07:20,854 --> 00:07:25,291
- Because he didn't bring you filler flowers.
- No, because I loved him.

126
00:07:25,358 --> 00:07:28,191
Of course you did, sweetie.
Don't say that to her.

127
00:07:28,495 --> 00:07:30,622
I'm sorry, I was just trying to be funny.

128
00:07:30,697 --> 00:07:32,597
Well, it wasn't funny.

129
00:07:32,999 --> 00:07:35,160
Yeah, it wasn't funny. I'm a slacker.

130
00:07:35,235 --> 00:07:38,329
I guess if I were wearing Topsiders,
I wouldn't be here.

131
00:07:40,140 --> 00:07:42,165
Good evening. You folks ready to order?

132
00:07:42,542 --> 00:07:43,634
Yes.

133
00:07:44,110 --> 00:07:47,204
Let's see. I'm going to start
with the goat cheese salad...

134
00:07:47,280 --> 00:07:50,613
and then I'll have the tuna.
But, sir, can you make sure...

135
00:07:50,683 --> 00:07:53,948
there's no parsley on anything?
I'm just really allergic.

136
00:07:54,020 --> 00:07:57,251
- Not even a sprinkling of it on the plate.
- He got it. No parsley.

137
00:07:58,625 --> 00:08:02,857
Can you ask the chef if the marinade
for the tuna has parsley in it?

138
00:08:02,929 --> 00:08:05,397
Because if it does,
I should probably change my order.

139
00:08:05,465 --> 00:08:07,262
- I'll go check.
- Thank you.

140
00:08:07,333 --> 00:08:09,130
You're not allergic.

141
00:08:09,369 --> 00:08:10,859
- What?
- You're not allergic.

142
00:08:10,937 --> 00:08:11,961
I don't like it.

143
00:08:12,038 --> 00:08:14,973
- Why don't you just say that?
- Because when I say that...

144
00:08:15,041 --> 00:08:17,669
parsley somehow magically appears
on the plate...

145
00:08:17,744 --> 00:08:20,269
and I feel bad
because I have to send it back.

146
00:08:20,346 --> 00:08:22,940
You didn't even order something
that comes with parsley.

147
00:08:23,016 --> 00:08:24,483
It comes with everything.

148
00:08:24,551 --> 00:08:26,951
You know what, guys, I actually have to...

149
00:08:27,020 --> 00:08:28,385
I totally forgot...

150
00:08:28,454 --> 00:08:30,354
I have to go.

151
00:08:31,324 --> 00:08:32,416
Bye.

152
00:08:33,359 --> 00:08:37,125
Charlotte decided to leave
her second bad date of the night.

153
00:08:43,303 --> 00:08:47,433
You can just drop us at the corner
of 73rd and Madison. Thanks.

154
00:08:48,675 --> 00:08:53,271
Actually, can you go around? It's 73rd
between Park and Madison. Thank you.

155
00:08:54,647 --> 00:08:56,114
I'm in heels.

156
00:09:00,954 --> 00:09:04,321
I can't believe you put me down
in front of your friend.

157
00:09:04,390 --> 00:09:05,914
I didn't put you down.

158
00:09:05,992 --> 00:09:07,425
Okay, great.

159
00:09:07,961 --> 00:09:10,156
Now you're going to tell me what I feel?

160
00:09:10,230 --> 00:09:12,494
I'm not telling you what you feel.

161
00:09:12,565 --> 00:09:14,192
Here we go again.

162
00:09:16,536 --> 00:09:18,527
What's going on with us?

163
00:09:19,572 --> 00:09:22,006
When did you stop being on my side?

164
00:09:22,075 --> 00:09:24,566
When did you stop being on my side?

165
00:09:31,885 --> 00:09:33,409
This isn't working.

166
00:09:33,486 --> 00:09:36,353
You're right. I think we should take a break.

167
00:09:36,422 --> 00:09:37,684
Are you serious?

168
00:09:37,757 --> 00:09:39,952
I think we need some time apart.

169
00:09:40,026 --> 00:09:42,859
I know things haven't been great, but...

170
00:09:45,565 --> 00:09:47,726
How long have you been
thinking about this?

171
00:09:47,800 --> 00:09:51,031
Right up here is fine.
The third brownstone on the right.

172
00:09:58,878 --> 00:10:01,711
No, actually wait.
There's gonna be two stops.

173
00:10:01,781 --> 00:10:04,545
Wait, you want to take the break
starting now?

174
00:10:04,617 --> 00:10:07,085
I thought you would at least come up.
We need to talk.

175
00:10:07,153 --> 00:10:09,144
No, I don't need to talk.

176
00:10:09,722 --> 00:10:12,088
Okay? I need some time to think.

177
00:10:12,392 --> 00:10:13,916
How much time?

178
00:10:14,861 --> 00:10:16,089
About a week.

179
00:10:16,496 --> 00:10:20,557
I'm gonna go out to my Hamptons house.
I just need some distance...

180
00:10:20,900 --> 00:10:23,460
to sort through stuff. Is that okay?

181
00:10:23,670 --> 00:10:27,265
What, I'm supposed to decide
what I feel about this...

182
00:10:27,340 --> 00:10:29,274
with the meter running?

183
00:10:31,678 --> 00:10:33,236
Yeah, okay, go.

184
00:10:34,013 --> 00:10:35,913
I'll call you when I get back.

185
00:10:40,987 --> 00:10:42,682
Thanks for dinner.

186
00:10:52,432 --> 00:10:55,162
I knew we were having problems,
but a break?

187
00:10:55,234 --> 00:10:58,169
What am I? Some horrible job
he needs to get away from?

188
00:10:58,237 --> 00:10:59,898
A break isn't always a bad thing.

189
00:10:59,973 --> 00:11:02,771
Come on. It's a hop, skip, and a week
from a break up.

190
00:11:02,842 --> 00:11:05,470
Or it's the thing that saves you
from saying the things...

191
00:11:05,545 --> 00:11:07,979
that you wish you could take back,
but you can't.

192
00:11:08,047 --> 00:11:09,605
If Harry and I had taken a break...

193
00:11:09,682 --> 00:11:11,946
then maybe I wouldn't be out
on blind dates again.

194
00:11:12,018 --> 00:11:16,182
Remember when a break was a good thing?
Spring break, coffee break.

195
00:11:16,322 --> 00:11:18,654
Now it's break up, break down.

196
00:11:19,258 --> 00:11:21,590
They keep getting worse. What's next?

197
00:11:21,661 --> 00:11:22,685
Hip break?

198
00:11:22,762 --> 00:11:24,127
You know what I think?

199
00:11:24,197 --> 00:11:26,222
I think don't do that.

200
00:11:27,633 --> 00:11:28,895
Do what?

201
00:11:30,770 --> 00:11:32,328
I'm sorry. I'm upset.

202
00:11:32,405 --> 00:11:36,466
Well, don't be. You'll be even more upset
when your face is all lined.

203
00:11:36,542 --> 00:11:40,444
As far as I'm concerned,
the test of a good relationship is:

204
00:11:40,613 --> 00:11:42,547
Are you like this...

205
00:11:42,815 --> 00:11:44,305
or like this?

206
00:11:45,852 --> 00:11:48,013
That is the test of a good relationship?

207
00:11:48,388 --> 00:11:49,912
Or a good dermatologist.

208
00:11:49,989 --> 00:11:52,924
Make fun, but a bump in the road
is never good.

209
00:11:52,992 --> 00:11:56,120
And you shouldn't bother staying around
to find out how not good.

210
00:11:56,195 --> 00:11:59,255
It's not all frowns.
Berger and I have a lot of good stuff, too.

211
00:11:59,332 --> 00:12:00,560
It's complicated.

212
00:12:00,633 --> 00:12:02,828
Complicated by the fact
that the man had to go...

213
00:12:02,902 --> 00:12:05,268
all the way to Long Island
to think this through.

214
00:12:05,338 --> 00:12:07,772
Maybe you can send him a postcard.

215
00:12:08,941 --> 00:12:12,707
That is the most blatant agenda-pushing
I have ever seen.

216
00:12:12,779 --> 00:12:14,337
And the most effective.

217
00:12:15,314 --> 00:12:17,305
I just wish I knew what he was thinking.

218
00:12:17,383 --> 00:12:20,147
Who cares? Look at his pecs.

219
00:12:20,987 --> 00:12:22,545
I meant Berger.

220
00:12:22,655 --> 00:12:24,782
It's so frustrating.
What am I supposed to do?

221
00:12:24,857 --> 00:12:27,519
Just sit around waiting to find out
whether he chooses me?

222
00:12:27,593 --> 00:12:30,756
I'm doing that all day at jury duty
and it sucks.

223
00:12:30,830 --> 00:12:32,058
Here's an idea.

224
00:12:32,131 --> 00:12:35,123
Why don't you use this time
to think about what you want?

225
00:12:35,201 --> 00:12:37,499
Remember you? What do you want?

226
00:12:43,643 --> 00:12:48,046
The next day, I got to thinking about
trials and trial separations.

227
00:12:48,147 --> 00:12:51,173
In a courtroom, a jury decides the outcome.

228
00:12:51,384 --> 00:12:55,218
In a relationship,
the victims have to decide their own fate.

229
00:12:55,688 --> 00:12:59,818
How can two people mired in the mess
ever figure it out?

230
00:13:00,460 --> 00:13:03,088
Do we need distance to get close?

231
00:13:05,631 --> 00:13:08,156
Sorry. Cab gridlock situation.

232
00:13:08,301 --> 00:13:11,395
They should rename the Westside Highway
the No Way Highway.

233
00:13:11,838 --> 00:13:14,466
Let me just pull out my files
on the McKenzie case.

234
00:13:14,540 --> 00:13:16,701
We're not here
to discuss the McKenzie case.

235
00:13:17,677 --> 00:13:20,908
- I'm sorry. Then what is this meeting about?
- You.

236
00:13:21,280 --> 00:13:22,941
We're concerned.

237
00:13:23,449 --> 00:13:25,542
It's been noted recently...

238
00:13:25,818 --> 00:13:30,346
that you've been late to important meetings
and are struggling to handle your case load.

239
00:13:30,423 --> 00:13:34,359
I'm sorry, Maurice. I don't know
what you mean. I was late today, but...

240
00:13:34,427 --> 00:13:36,827
Actually, you've been late rather frequently.

241
00:13:36,896 --> 00:13:41,526
There was the deposition last Tuesday,
and the motion hearing last Friday...

242
00:13:41,601 --> 00:13:43,501
and you left early on Monday.

243
00:13:43,569 --> 00:13:45,332
Way to watch my back, Fern.

244
00:13:45,404 --> 00:13:48,373
- I understand it's been difficult.
- With the new baby and all.

245
00:13:48,441 --> 00:13:49,635
Got it.

246
00:13:50,309 --> 00:13:52,368
No problem. Won't happen again.

247
00:13:53,212 --> 00:13:57,842
But let me say, as far as the McKenzie brief,
Miranda Hobbes is kicking ass.

248
00:13:57,950 --> 00:14:00,418
Where I'm doing a bad job is at home.

249
00:14:00,486 --> 00:14:03,512
So, if you'll excuse me, I have work to do.

250
00:14:07,560 --> 00:14:09,892
And may I remind you
that when my mother died...

251
00:14:09,962 --> 00:14:12,453
I was back in the office on Monday.

252
00:14:23,943 --> 00:14:27,606
Guess what I'm drinking. An Absolut Hunk.
You're a drink.

253
00:14:29,615 --> 00:14:31,378
And you are delish.

254
00:14:32,018 --> 00:14:33,451
Take off that ski cap.

255
00:14:33,519 --> 00:14:35,350
Let people see you.

256
00:14:35,421 --> 00:14:37,252
I don't want people to see me.

257
00:14:37,323 --> 00:14:39,314
Everybody's giving me shit
about the poster.

258
00:14:39,392 --> 00:14:41,622
You're insane. People love it.

259
00:14:41,861 --> 00:14:42,850
Not my people.

260
00:14:42,929 --> 00:14:46,057
My sober buddies are pissed
that I'm shilling for a liquor company.

261
00:14:46,132 --> 00:14:47,690
My acting class thinks I'm a sellout.

262
00:14:47,767 --> 00:14:50,531
My ma's hiding magazines
in every supermarket in Seattle...

263
00:14:50,603 --> 00:14:52,935
so my 96-year-old grandmother
doesn't see my dick.

264
00:14:53,005 --> 00:14:55,872
Drunks, nobodies, prudes.

265
00:14:57,076 --> 00:14:59,169
I just don't see where this is going.

266
00:14:59,245 --> 00:15:02,510
It'd be one thing if I was getting auditions.
But nothing's happening.

267
00:15:02,582 --> 00:15:05,676
I'm sorry to bother you,
but are you the Absolut Hunk?

268
00:15:05,751 --> 00:15:07,378
Yes, he is.

269
00:15:08,621 --> 00:15:12,216
I just wanted to say that my friends and I
are huge fans.

270
00:15:12,458 --> 00:15:14,926
- Oh, my God.
- Hi.

271
00:15:16,996 --> 00:15:19,464
It's working. What did I tell you?

272
00:15:19,632 --> 00:15:22,829
How does those guys toasting me
mean my acting career's happening?

273
00:15:22,902 --> 00:15:27,134
First come the gays, then the girls,
then the industry.

274
00:15:28,608 --> 00:15:30,235
- Cheers.
- Cheers.

275
00:15:32,378 --> 00:15:34,312
And speaking of absolute gay...

276
00:15:34,380 --> 00:15:37,144
Charlotte was on a lunch date
with yenta number two's son.

277
00:15:37,216 --> 00:15:40,708
So, I mean, I guess I just knew
it wasn't gonna work out.

278
00:15:40,786 --> 00:15:42,720
I like practicing Pilates...

279
00:15:42,788 --> 00:15:46,053
but I don't want to talk about it all day
with my significant other.

280
00:15:46,993 --> 00:15:51,123
What are you looking for exactly
in a significant other?

281
00:15:51,664 --> 00:15:54,030
Look, we don't need to do this.

282
00:15:54,600 --> 00:15:56,932
You know I'm gay. I know I'm gay.

283
00:15:57,003 --> 00:15:59,699
The only person who doesn't know I'm gay
is my mother.

284
00:16:00,439 --> 00:16:03,431
So do you really wanna know
what my type is?

285
00:16:03,509 --> 00:16:04,908
That's it.

286
00:16:05,344 --> 00:16:06,743
I know him.

287
00:16:07,213 --> 00:16:10,512
Get out! Could you introduce me?

288
00:16:11,484 --> 00:16:13,247
Actually, he's straight.

289
00:16:14,820 --> 00:16:18,586
My brother will be so disappointed.
We're obsessed with him.

290
00:16:22,028 --> 00:16:24,462
- Charlotte, honey.
- Hi, Elaine.

291
00:16:24,530 --> 00:16:28,364
You went out with a faigelah and a mieskeit,
and you can't go out with my David?

292
00:16:28,434 --> 00:16:31,892
- It's just those blind dates are so...
- Wait! Not so blind.

293
00:16:31,971 --> 00:16:34,565
I showed David your picture
from the last newsletter...

294
00:16:34,640 --> 00:16:36,267
and he thought you were a knockout.

295
00:16:36,342 --> 00:16:37,434
That's nice.

296
00:16:37,510 --> 00:16:40,809
I told him you'd be at the next
Single and Mingle Night at the temple.

297
00:16:40,880 --> 00:16:43,906
You could meet there.
He's a looker, my David.

298
00:16:44,050 --> 00:16:48,077
Now, I know most people say that
about their children. But he is.

299
00:16:49,488 --> 00:16:51,820
And he's even better looking in person.

300
00:16:51,891 --> 00:16:53,654
So you'll meet him?

301
00:16:54,660 --> 00:16:57,128
Never had braces. Can you imagine?

302
00:16:57,530 --> 00:16:59,828
Some people are bullied into blind dating.

303
00:16:59,899 --> 00:17:01,799
Charlotte was bubbied.

304
00:17:02,935 --> 00:17:04,232
I'm here!

305
00:17:05,938 --> 00:17:07,337
Is he still awake?

306
00:17:07,773 --> 00:17:10,708
No. Boy go to sleep an hour ago.

307
00:17:12,745 --> 00:17:13,939
Great.

308
00:17:19,652 --> 00:17:22,450
I guess I can just get back to my work then.

309
00:17:29,195 --> 00:17:33,723
That night, the only thing Miranda
put to bed was the McKenzie brief.

310
00:17:35,901 --> 00:17:38,301
The next day, the verdict was in.

311
00:17:38,371 --> 00:17:43,274
Century 21, the downtown discount store,
was the best part of jury duty.

312
00:17:45,811 --> 00:17:46,903
Hello.

313
00:17:46,979 --> 00:17:50,437
I'm with two men in plaid pants
and I'm carrying a nine iron.

314
00:17:50,683 --> 00:17:52,446
Greetings from California.

315
00:17:52,551 --> 00:17:54,610
You think that's bad?
I'm discount shopping.

316
00:17:54,687 --> 00:17:56,177
What are you doing golfing?

317
00:17:57,022 --> 00:18:00,617
I'm just in it for the scotch afterwards.
How are things?

318
00:18:00,693 --> 00:18:01,717
Pretty good.

319
00:18:01,794 --> 00:18:04,820
So far I found the most unbelievable
Anna Molinari dress...

320
00:18:04,897 --> 00:18:06,660
and a Dolce kimono.

321
00:18:07,133 --> 00:18:08,964
I meant in your life.

322
00:18:09,502 --> 00:18:10,662
How's tricks?

323
00:18:10,736 --> 00:18:12,169
Tricks are for kids.

324
00:18:12,238 --> 00:18:13,603
Okay, kid.

325
00:18:13,806 --> 00:18:16,536
So how's it going with that guy, Hotdog?

326
00:18:16,642 --> 00:18:18,667
Berger. Why do you ask?

327
00:18:18,744 --> 00:18:21,235
Because we're friends,
and friends ask other friends...

328
00:18:21,313 --> 00:18:23,338
how things are in their lives.

329
00:18:23,416 --> 00:18:25,577
Besides, I don't tee off
for another 10 minutes.

330
00:18:25,951 --> 00:18:27,475
We're great.

331
00:18:28,120 --> 00:18:29,815
Moved in together yet?

332
00:18:30,723 --> 00:18:33,055
Actually, we're taking it slow.

333
00:18:33,826 --> 00:18:35,088
What does that mean?

334
00:18:35,161 --> 00:18:36,890
We're kind of taking a break.

335
00:18:36,962 --> 00:18:37,951
You're taking a break?

336
00:18:38,030 --> 00:18:39,224
A little break.

337
00:18:39,298 --> 00:18:42,392
I don't know why I told him.
I think I crumbled under questioning.

338
00:18:42,468 --> 00:18:44,834
Why? You haven't been together that long.

339
00:18:44,904 --> 00:18:47,031
Sometimes a person needs a little space.

340
00:18:47,106 --> 00:18:49,597
From you? This guy must be crazy.

341
00:18:49,875 --> 00:18:52,810
Spoken by the man
who moved 3,000 miles away.

342
00:18:54,747 --> 00:18:56,715
You know, a break can be a very good thing.

343
00:18:56,782 --> 00:18:58,374
As long as you're all right with it.

344
00:18:58,451 --> 00:19:00,316
I am very okay with it. In fact...

345
00:19:00,386 --> 00:19:01,546
You're breaking up.

346
00:19:01,620 --> 00:19:04,088
- No, we're not. Berger and l...
- No, your cell phone...

347
00:19:04,156 --> 00:19:06,420
is breaking up. I can hardly hear you. Hello?

348
00:19:08,694 --> 00:19:10,855
With an armful of discount clothing...

349
00:19:10,930 --> 00:19:14,161
I realized I could no longer
discount my feelings.

350
00:19:14,300 --> 00:19:16,234
I decided to rent a car...

351
00:19:16,302 --> 00:19:19,362
and drive the distance
to get closer to Berger.

352
00:19:26,545 --> 00:19:29,981
I paid $187 to drive 40 feet.

353
00:19:30,182 --> 00:19:34,141
What did I think I was going to do?
Badger my boyfriend into being with me?

354
00:19:34,220 --> 00:19:35,380
That's one option.

355
00:19:35,454 --> 00:19:38,617
I just keep thinking if I stick with it...

356
00:19:39,525 --> 00:19:42,517
- just tried a little harder...
- Carrie...

357
00:19:43,062 --> 00:19:45,997
you know how much I like Berger,
but come on.

358
00:19:46,131 --> 00:19:49,066
No one can accuse you of not having tried.
You did good.

359
00:19:49,134 --> 00:19:52,831
I mean, Berger can be threatened...

360
00:19:53,973 --> 00:19:56,908
and insecure,
and sometimes he shuts down...

361
00:19:57,443 --> 00:19:59,536
but he's also smart and funny.

362
00:19:59,612 --> 00:20:03,309
Like, he made up this thing,
this Hollywood kiss thing.

363
00:20:04,216 --> 00:20:09,119
Whenever we're being pissy with each other,
we'd do this fake Hollywood kiss bit.

364
00:20:09,221 --> 00:20:11,121
And it makes us laugh.

365
00:20:11,223 --> 00:20:13,020
You guys need a bit?

366
00:20:13,092 --> 00:20:15,026
I know. It isn't working.

367
00:20:15,094 --> 00:20:17,426
Why is it so hard to admit that?

368
00:20:18,531 --> 00:20:20,658
I gotta break up with him.

369
00:20:21,901 --> 00:20:23,061
If he ever comes back.

370
00:20:23,135 --> 00:20:24,568
All clean.

371
00:20:24,870 --> 00:20:26,497
Look, here's the mommy.

372
00:20:26,572 --> 00:20:27,971
Hey, guy!

373
00:20:28,040 --> 00:20:29,940
- How was your bath?
- Here we go.

374
00:20:30,476 --> 00:20:33,639
Magda, I'll see you at 8:00 tomorrow.
Thank you for everything.

375
00:20:33,712 --> 00:20:36,545
- It's okay.
- Don't cry. Magda be back tomorrow.

376
00:20:37,883 --> 00:20:40,374
I missed you today. How are you?

377
00:20:40,452 --> 00:20:42,852
Bye-bye, Brady. No more crying.

378
00:20:42,922 --> 00:20:45,220
Oh, you darling. Bye-bye.

379
00:20:47,860 --> 00:20:49,760
What's wrong with him?

380
00:20:49,995 --> 00:20:52,828
He'll be fine. He just misses his mommy.

381
00:20:53,732 --> 00:20:54,926
Magda.

382
00:20:55,568 --> 00:20:56,762
It's okay.

383
00:20:56,902 --> 00:21:00,633
The next day, Miranda decided
to do something about that.

384
00:21:01,106 --> 00:21:03,404
We both know that this isn't working.

385
00:21:03,475 --> 00:21:07,206
And as much as I would like it to,
it's not just going to magically change.

386
00:21:07,279 --> 00:21:08,439
What are you saying?

387
00:21:08,514 --> 00:21:12,712
I can't keep working like this.
I'm going to have to cut way back...

388
00:21:13,319 --> 00:21:15,082
to 50 hours a week.

389
00:21:19,491 --> 00:21:20,788
55 tops.

390
00:21:26,999 --> 00:21:29,126
Here. Okay.

391
00:21:34,273 --> 00:21:37,538
That night, Miranda was there
to put Brady to bed.

392
00:21:37,876 --> 00:21:40,936
But there would still be times
when she wouldn't be around.

393
00:21:41,013 --> 00:21:44,574
So Miranda found a way to be around.

394
00:21:47,319 --> 00:21:49,617
And at bus stops all around town...

395
00:21:49,688 --> 00:21:51,212
Fucking A.

396
00:21:51,657 --> 00:21:54,182
Everybody in New York
thinks I'm an asshole.

397
00:21:54,259 --> 00:21:56,921
Listen, blondie, if you're gonna be
in this business...

398
00:21:56,996 --> 00:22:00,022
you're gonna have to be
a lot more thick-skinned than this.

399
00:22:00,099 --> 00:22:02,033
What business?
The naked hustler business?

400
00:22:02,101 --> 00:22:05,127
I understand you're upset,
but you have to take a step backward...

401
00:22:05,204 --> 00:22:06,671
and see the big picture.

402
00:22:07,172 --> 00:22:09,003
I need some time to think. See you later.

403
00:22:09,074 --> 00:22:10,735
Stop right there.

404
00:22:12,111 --> 00:22:14,341
So there's a bump in the road.

405
00:22:14,647 --> 00:22:17,343
You can't bail the minute things get rough.

406
00:22:17,416 --> 00:22:20,249
Now trust me, this will all work out.

407
00:22:21,754 --> 00:22:23,585
What if you're wrong?

408
00:22:23,689 --> 00:22:25,589
There it was. A frown.

409
00:22:25,658 --> 00:22:29,856
Or as close to a frown as Samantha
and her dermatologist would allow.

410
00:22:29,928 --> 00:22:33,420
Oh, my God, look! There he is!
The Absolut Hunk!

411
00:22:35,734 --> 00:22:39,465
What did I tell you?
First the gays, now the girls.

412
00:22:43,375 --> 00:22:46,742
A hop, skip, and a week later,
the industry followed.

413
00:22:46,812 --> 00:22:51,249
Gus Van Sant offered Smith
the part of a model/hustler/junkie...

414
00:22:51,316 --> 00:22:54,513
in his latest movie,
which he happily accepted.

415
00:22:56,055 --> 00:22:58,387
You grew up in Connecticut.
I went to school there.

416
00:22:58,457 --> 00:23:00,687
- Really? Where'd you go?
- Yale.

417
00:23:02,761 --> 00:23:04,626
Something wrong with Yale?

418
00:23:04,697 --> 00:23:06,289
No, it's just...

419
00:23:07,633 --> 00:23:08,895
Yale.

420
00:23:08,967 --> 00:23:11,401
Charlotte knew how silly she sounded.

421
00:23:11,470 --> 00:23:13,529
The problem wasn't that David went to Yale.

422
00:23:13,605 --> 00:23:15,971
The problem was he wasn't Harry.

423
00:23:17,342 --> 00:23:19,401
David, you're really nice.

424
00:23:19,478 --> 00:23:21,446
In fact, you're perfect.

425
00:23:23,382 --> 00:23:27,682
But for where I am right now, you
might as well be a gay man with carnations.

426
00:23:27,753 --> 00:23:28,947
Sorry?

427
00:23:29,521 --> 00:23:31,648
I'm just not ready to date.

428
00:23:32,157 --> 00:23:33,283
Okay.

429
00:23:34,493 --> 00:23:36,688
You want to go back to my apartment
and have sex?

430
00:23:36,762 --> 00:23:37,888
No.

431
00:23:38,197 --> 00:23:40,665
Well, figured it was worth asking.

432
00:23:44,336 --> 00:23:46,031
I think I'm gonna head out. Bye.

433
00:23:54,513 --> 00:23:57,949
This blows. The only cute guy just left.

434
00:23:58,117 --> 00:24:00,608
All that's left is the fatties and the baldies.

435
00:24:00,686 --> 00:24:04,679
Charlotte could only hope
that one of the baldies was her baldy.

436
00:24:25,811 --> 00:24:30,180
Out of all the synagogues in all the cities,
you had to walk into mine.

437
00:24:33,685 --> 00:24:35,414
How have you been?

438
00:24:36,288 --> 00:24:37,585
Not good.

439
00:24:39,625 --> 00:24:41,024
I miss you.

440
00:24:43,028 --> 00:24:47,658
And being away from you only made it
all the more clear how much I love you.

441
00:24:47,800 --> 00:24:50,564
- Charlotte...
- Wait. Let me finish.

442
00:24:51,970 --> 00:24:54,404
I don't care if you ever marry me.

443
00:24:54,973 --> 00:24:57,066
I just wanna be with you.

444
00:24:58,043 --> 00:25:00,841
I would be lucky to have you.

445
00:25:02,314 --> 00:25:06,114
So if you could find some way
to forgive me, if you could just call me...

446
00:25:06,185 --> 00:25:08,676
or just ask me out again?

447
00:25:11,356 --> 00:25:13,324
That's not good enough.

448
00:25:26,572 --> 00:25:28,267
Will you marry me?

449
00:25:31,510 --> 00:25:32,636
Yes.

450
00:25:33,378 --> 00:25:35,175
Yes, I'll marry you.

451
00:25:39,918 --> 00:25:42,284
I am so coming back next week.

452
00:25:51,563 --> 00:25:54,691
It wasn't a pineapple,
but it was just as weird.

453
00:25:54,800 --> 00:25:58,361
And there was only one other person
who would really appreciate it.

454
00:25:58,437 --> 00:26:01,736
At that moment,
I knew I wasn't ready to let Berger go.

455
00:26:01,807 --> 00:26:04,037
Okay, people, you're released.

456
00:26:10,182 --> 00:26:11,479
Who is it?

457
00:26:11,550 --> 00:26:13,347
It's me. I'm back.

458
00:26:15,721 --> 00:26:17,120
Come on up.

459
00:26:17,189 --> 00:26:20,158
When it comes to a trial,
you have to listen to the evidence.

460
00:26:20,225 --> 00:26:22,625
But when it comes to the trials of love...

461
00:26:22,694 --> 00:26:24,662
you have to listen to your heart.

462
00:26:24,730 --> 00:26:28,564
I didn't know what Berger's verdict
would be, but I knew mine.

463
00:26:36,074 --> 00:26:38,508
I hear they're making a comeback.

464
00:26:45,550 --> 00:26:47,950
I know things have been bad,
but I really think...

465
00:26:48,020 --> 00:26:49,248
I know.

466
00:26:50,322 --> 00:26:52,085
I love you, Carrie.

467
00:26:52,257 --> 00:26:54,623
I wanna try to make this work.

468
00:26:59,998 --> 00:27:02,489
You're never going to believe it.
The mango guy...

469
00:27:02,567 --> 00:27:04,432
- he pulled out...
- A pineapple?

470
00:27:04,503 --> 00:27:05,868
A coconut.

471
00:27:06,805 --> 00:27:09,171
- So close.
- I know.

472
00:28:21,000 --> 00:29:06,000
Ripped by RavyDavy
part of the [RL] Crew