0 00:00:04,000 --> 00:00:08,000 Subtitles - Ripped (and Hacked) by RavyDavy - Part of the [RL] Crew 1 00:00:47,561 --> 00:00:50,530 The only thing as delicious as those first few bites... 2 00:00:50,597 --> 00:00:52,394 of a truly great burger... 3 00:00:52,466 --> 00:00:55,663 are those first few dates with someone truly great... 4 00:00:55,736 --> 00:00:56,930 like Berger. 5 00:00:57,003 --> 00:01:00,769 So I thought, "That's cool, I'll do a book reading in my hometown." 6 00:01:01,074 --> 00:01:05,010 Right about after the fifth question I realized that my mother is heckling me. 7 00:01:05,078 --> 00:01:06,602 - She was not. - No, she was. 8 00:01:06,680 --> 00:01:10,878 Ask anybody at the Downers Grove Barnes & Noble. They still talk about it. 9 00:01:11,618 --> 00:01:12,949 Come here. 10 00:01:15,288 --> 00:01:17,848 Everything is fresh. Everything is a first. 11 00:01:17,924 --> 00:01:19,084 You like your beef. 12 00:01:19,159 --> 00:01:20,956 Everything is foreplay. 13 00:01:23,663 --> 00:01:27,429 Even a trip to Bed Bath & Beyond can become an ecstatic errand. 14 00:01:27,501 --> 00:01:29,366 I don't see you as a fish person. 15 00:01:29,436 --> 00:01:32,428 The problem with the fish is you're into the whole fish theme. 16 00:01:32,506 --> 00:01:34,906 You have the fish soap, fish bathmat. 17 00:01:34,975 --> 00:01:37,876 It's a pyramid scheme, this shower curtain. 18 00:01:38,145 --> 00:01:40,670 Now, this is the one I have at home. 19 00:01:41,314 --> 00:01:43,339 Except on mine, China's covered in mold. 20 00:01:43,417 --> 00:01:46,318 And here they thought communism was a problem. 21 00:01:46,386 --> 00:01:50,152 You know, it's a very intimate thing, shopping for shower curtains. 22 00:01:50,223 --> 00:01:52,919 Yeah? Wait till I get you into bedding. 23 00:01:55,328 --> 00:01:57,922 And, of course, those first kisses... 24 00:01:57,998 --> 00:02:00,592 are the greatest kisses in the world. 25 00:02:05,405 --> 00:02:06,633 Good night. 26 00:02:10,811 --> 00:02:14,269 We should get out of here before they turn the lights off. 27 00:02:14,681 --> 00:02:18,048 The wait staff couldn't wait any longer and neither could I. 28 00:02:18,118 --> 00:02:22,111 I wanted Berger in my bed, bath, and beyond immediately. 29 00:02:22,189 --> 00:02:25,920 I'm either leaving a very big tip or a dry cleaning receipt. 30 00:02:36,136 --> 00:02:38,104 - My hair. - Sorry. 31 00:02:38,171 --> 00:02:40,002 - Was that... - No, I just... 32 00:03:01,461 --> 00:03:04,521 The next night, Samantha convinced us to go to Raw... 33 00:03:04,598 --> 00:03:07,692 where the scene was hot and the food was not. 34 00:03:07,868 --> 00:03:11,099 You'd think a place that eliminated cooking could eliminate waiting. 35 00:03:11,171 --> 00:03:12,900 You mean they don't cook the food? 36 00:03:12,973 --> 00:03:16,739 That's why they call it Raw. The raw food movement? People love it. 37 00:03:16,810 --> 00:03:19,870 Sting, Demi, Soon-Yi, soon me. 38 00:03:19,946 --> 00:03:21,709 Now, what is raw food exactly? 39 00:03:21,781 --> 00:03:25,774 Vegan non-dairy, and nothing is cooked over 118 degrees. 40 00:03:25,952 --> 00:03:28,284 So, in other words, raw vegetables. 41 00:03:28,355 --> 00:03:31,119 - And sometimes flowers. - And you knew about this? 42 00:03:31,191 --> 00:03:34,160 - I read a review in The Times. - Where, in the gardening section? 43 00:03:34,227 --> 00:03:37,754 - I heard it's delicious. - People, the emperor has no oven. 44 00:03:39,533 --> 00:03:42,900 Sorry. I didn't get enough sleep last night. 45 00:03:42,969 --> 00:03:47,372 - Really? Did you finally bugger Berger? - How long did you wait to say that? 46 00:03:47,440 --> 00:03:50,534 - It just occurred to me. - Yes, we finally buggered. 47 00:03:51,378 --> 00:03:53,505 You realize you're now applauding intercourse? 48 00:03:53,580 --> 00:03:55,844 It was her first time, and she really likes him. 49 00:03:55,916 --> 00:03:57,850 Jones, your table is ready. 50 00:04:03,823 --> 00:04:06,587 - So, details? - It was good. 51 00:04:07,027 --> 00:04:08,722 - It was fine. - Fine? 52 00:04:08,795 --> 00:04:11,389 - I don't want to talk about it. - He couldn't get it up? 53 00:04:11,464 --> 00:04:15,230 He could get it up. That wasn't the... You know what, there was no problem. 54 00:04:15,302 --> 00:04:16,633 Moving on. 55 00:04:19,172 --> 00:04:20,764 Enjoy your meal. 56 00:04:27,480 --> 00:04:31,678 What? I don't want to make a big deal about it. It was just the first time. 57 00:04:33,386 --> 00:04:35,479 We're so good everywhere else. 58 00:04:35,555 --> 00:04:38,149 We're great in restaurants, it's like poppity pop-pop. 59 00:04:38,224 --> 00:04:41,751 And the kisses are great, and then in bed... 60 00:04:42,796 --> 00:04:45,026 there was no sexual chemistry. 61 00:04:45,765 --> 00:04:47,926 I don't know what happened. He just... 62 00:04:48,001 --> 00:04:51,198 - Couldn't find your clit? - He knows what he's doing. 63 00:04:51,471 --> 00:04:53,462 Then what are we talking about? 64 00:04:55,976 --> 00:04:59,036 - It was just quiet. - I wouldn't worry about it, Carrie. 65 00:04:59,112 --> 00:05:01,808 If the kisses were good, the sex will eventually be good. 66 00:05:01,881 --> 00:05:03,872 - I'm not worried. - How quiet was it? 67 00:05:03,950 --> 00:05:07,181 It was so quiet that at one point I heard the M11 bus. 68 00:05:07,253 --> 00:05:09,744 I heard the doors open, I heard people getting off. 69 00:05:09,823 --> 00:05:13,452 At least someone was getting off. And speaking of... 70 00:05:14,728 --> 00:05:16,889 - Welcome to Raw. - Hello. 71 00:05:21,167 --> 00:05:24,295 We'd like to get you started with a little amuse-bouche. 72 00:05:24,371 --> 00:05:26,305 I'd like him to amuse my bush. 73 00:05:26,373 --> 00:05:29,900 - This just looks delicious. - It's our summer vegetable soup. 74 00:05:29,976 --> 00:05:33,537 I see you guys are set for drinks, I'll give you a minute with the menus. 75 00:05:33,613 --> 00:05:37,709 - Our specials tonight if you're interested... - I'm extremely interested. 76 00:05:37,984 --> 00:05:40,885 Leek papaya patties and zucchini enchiladas. 77 00:05:41,688 --> 00:05:43,417 I'm gonna need a pizza after this. 78 00:05:43,490 --> 00:05:47,449 I'm gonna need a napkin to dry off my seat. That waiter was hot. 79 00:05:48,161 --> 00:05:49,458 And the soup is not. 80 00:05:49,529 --> 00:05:51,861 - What is this? - Bad, this is bad. 81 00:05:51,931 --> 00:05:53,558 It is like lawn in a bowl. 82 00:05:53,633 --> 00:05:56,295 Maybe some things should be over 118 degrees. 83 00:05:56,369 --> 00:05:57,700 Like sex, for example. 84 00:05:57,771 --> 00:06:00,569 Can we please forget I said anything? Seriously. 85 00:06:01,374 --> 00:06:02,807 Who else has news? 86 00:06:03,410 --> 00:06:07,471 I do, but you have to put down your menus, because I need your undivided attention. 87 00:06:07,547 --> 00:06:11,074 You'll have to shoot our waiter. Will you look at that ass? 88 00:06:13,420 --> 00:06:14,819 Do you mind? 89 00:06:15,522 --> 00:06:18,218 I have something a bit shocking to say. 90 00:06:19,025 --> 00:06:23,724 After I say it, I don't want anyone to react because I'm very happy with my decision. 91 00:06:26,199 --> 00:06:27,928 I'm becoming a Jew. 92 00:06:31,738 --> 00:06:34,172 - What? - I can feel you reacting. 93 00:06:35,008 --> 00:06:38,307 I love Harry very much, and he loves me. 94 00:06:38,378 --> 00:06:42,405 So, tomorrow, I'm meeting with a rabbi to discuss converting. 95 00:06:42,482 --> 00:06:44,780 Isn't that a lot of hoop-jumping for a man? 96 00:06:44,851 --> 00:06:48,912 Look, Harry is not who I expected to fall in love with, but I did. 97 00:06:49,589 --> 00:06:52,854 And he makes me laugh, and he says what he means... 98 00:06:52,926 --> 00:06:55,451 and I feel like I can be myself around him. 99 00:06:55,528 --> 00:06:57,189 But yourself is Episcopalian. 100 00:06:57,263 --> 00:07:01,324 And it is still the most exciting sex I've ever had. 101 00:07:01,968 --> 00:07:03,299 Mazel tov. 102 00:07:04,104 --> 00:07:05,765 Now, this is food. 103 00:07:05,839 --> 00:07:09,036 You know what's even better? While I'm eating this slice of pizza... 104 00:07:09,109 --> 00:07:11,475 my boyfriend is home taping my favorite TV show. 105 00:07:11,544 --> 00:07:15,378 - And to which boyfriend are we referring? - My boyfriend TiVo. 106 00:07:16,015 --> 00:07:19,974 - You've traded Steve-o for TiVo. - We don't talk of Steve-o anymore. 107 00:07:20,053 --> 00:07:22,283 - I thought if I changed his name... - Who needs him? 108 00:07:22,355 --> 00:07:25,882 With TiVo, when there's something I don't enjoy, I speed right through it. 109 00:07:25,959 --> 00:07:27,893 - Lf only we could do that in life. - Exactly. 110 00:07:27,961 --> 00:07:31,988 He surprises me with things I might like, which is how I got hooked on Jules & Mimi. 111 00:07:32,065 --> 00:07:33,396 I stopped watching TV... 112 00:07:33,466 --> 00:07:35,900 when people started putting leeches down their pants. 113 00:07:35,969 --> 00:07:37,698 No, this is BBC America. 114 00:07:37,771 --> 00:07:41,901 It's about a beautiful black man from Brixton and a white woman from Hampstead Heath. 115 00:07:41,975 --> 00:07:45,433 I don't know what that means, but apparently there's a great divide... 116 00:07:45,512 --> 00:07:48,310 and he rents the flat above her hat shop... 117 00:07:48,381 --> 00:07:50,872 and tonight, they're finally having sex. 118 00:07:51,818 --> 00:07:53,479 Good luck to them. 119 00:07:53,720 --> 00:07:55,745 - Carrie, it was the first time. - I know. 120 00:07:55,822 --> 00:07:59,053 - And sometimes you have to work at it. - Have you had to work at it? 121 00:07:59,125 --> 00:08:01,093 I'm dating a digital recording device. 122 00:08:01,161 --> 00:08:04,028 I have never had to work at it with someone I really like. 123 00:08:04,097 --> 00:08:07,863 - You should probably keep that to yourself. - Okay, but, Miranda... 124 00:08:08,802 --> 00:08:11,669 I got to tell you, it was not good. 125 00:08:11,738 --> 00:08:13,137 There was... 126 00:08:14,774 --> 00:08:18,801 no throw down. It was more like a slow down. 127 00:08:19,546 --> 00:08:23,107 It caught me completely off guard because I thought it would be amazing. 128 00:08:23,183 --> 00:08:24,912 - Maybe that's the problem. - What? 129 00:08:24,984 --> 00:08:27,953 Your expectations were too high. Of course you were disappointed. 130 00:08:28,021 --> 00:08:31,582 From now on, people should tell it like it is. First-time sex: Tricky. 131 00:08:31,658 --> 00:08:34,650 Non-dairy vegan ravioli: Kindergarten paste. 132 00:08:43,236 --> 00:08:46,728 As I tried to scrub the smell of uncooked okra off me... 133 00:08:46,806 --> 00:08:50,207 I started thinking about "sexpectations." 134 00:08:52,345 --> 00:08:56,406 We're aware as smart, single women that we can't expect perfection... 135 00:08:56,482 --> 00:08:59,542 but life still manages to throw us curve balls. 136 00:09:00,153 --> 00:09:04,522 Maybe once you're into your mid-30s, it shouldn't be called dating. 137 00:09:04,791 --> 00:09:06,122 It should be called... 138 00:09:06,192 --> 00:09:08,683 "Waiting for the other shoe to drop." 139 00:09:09,195 --> 00:09:11,755 If it's not the sex between me and you... 140 00:09:11,831 --> 00:09:13,924 then someone has to become a Jew. 141 00:09:14,367 --> 00:09:16,733 Why is it always something? 142 00:09:17,670 --> 00:09:21,197 Unless you're in a problem-free relationship with TiVo. 143 00:09:24,677 --> 00:09:25,701 No. 144 00:09:26,980 --> 00:09:28,379 Maybe later. 145 00:09:29,716 --> 00:09:30,876 Hello. 146 00:09:33,286 --> 00:09:34,514 Shut up. 147 00:09:36,222 --> 00:09:37,587 Thank you. 148 00:09:44,464 --> 00:09:46,455 Jules, are you there? 149 00:09:48,134 --> 00:09:49,533 Hello, Mimi. 150 00:09:50,270 --> 00:09:53,171 Do you always answer the door without your shirt on? 151 00:09:53,439 --> 00:09:56,602 The heat isn't working. That's why I rang you up. 152 00:09:57,777 --> 00:09:59,677 It seems to be working. 153 00:10:00,280 --> 00:10:02,680 It's definitely balmy in here. 154 00:10:02,749 --> 00:10:04,580 The problem is in the bedroom. 155 00:10:04,651 --> 00:10:08,052 Right, of course. The bedroom. 156 00:10:08,655 --> 00:10:11,385 The next day, Charlotte boldly went... 157 00:10:11,457 --> 00:10:13,448 where no York had gone before.' 158 00:10:14,093 --> 00:10:15,583 The synagogue. 159 00:10:19,465 --> 00:10:22,298 Shalom. Where would I find the rabbi? 160 00:10:23,303 --> 00:10:24,964 His study. Inside. 161 00:10:25,571 --> 00:10:26,902 Thank you. 162 00:10:32,245 --> 00:10:34,372 - Are you the rabbi? - Yes. 163 00:10:34,514 --> 00:10:36,209 Hi, my name is Charlotte York... 164 00:10:36,282 --> 00:10:40,184 and I'm here today because I would like to consider joining the Jewish faith. 165 00:10:40,253 --> 00:10:42,050 We're not interested. 166 00:10:50,730 --> 00:10:53,426 Hello. I need to report a very rude man. 167 00:10:53,499 --> 00:10:55,660 I was saying my name is Charlotte York... 168 00:10:55,735 --> 00:10:58,898 and I would like to consider joining the Jewish... 169 00:11:02,809 --> 00:11:05,403 I don't know what is with these people. I never! 170 00:11:05,478 --> 00:11:08,003 Do you know how much I love you for doing this? 171 00:11:08,081 --> 00:11:12,108 Do you know how sexy you look? That's it, I have to have you immediately. 172 00:11:12,185 --> 00:11:14,312 Harry definitely had throw down... 173 00:11:14,387 --> 00:11:17,185 but Charlotte was too thrown and down to care. 174 00:11:17,256 --> 00:11:20,692 Stop, Harry. I'm feeling very rejected by your people. 175 00:11:21,661 --> 00:11:25,188 That's the game, baby. They try to make it hard for you. 176 00:11:25,665 --> 00:11:27,496 - What? - It's part of the process. 177 00:11:27,567 --> 00:11:31,230 Traditionally, they turn you down three times to make sure you're serious. 178 00:11:31,304 --> 00:11:35,365 Suddenly Charlotte understood. They were playing hard to get. 179 00:11:36,042 --> 00:11:38,033 They were rules rabbis. 180 00:11:38,778 --> 00:11:40,575 I can play that game. 181 00:11:41,848 --> 00:11:43,645 I invented that game. 182 00:11:44,784 --> 00:11:46,979 No man rejects Charlotte York. 183 00:11:47,053 --> 00:11:51,251 I don't care what any rabbi says. You are my chosen person. 184 00:11:54,460 --> 00:11:57,258 Miranda was looking forward to another perfect night... 185 00:11:57,330 --> 00:11:58,922 with her perfect boyfriend. 186 00:11:58,998 --> 00:12:01,728 But unfortunately, there was another woman. 187 00:12:01,801 --> 00:12:04,736 - I think I did something bad. - What do you mean? Brady? 188 00:12:04,804 --> 00:12:08,501 - I just checked on him. - No, boy is beautiful, is fine. 189 00:12:12,612 --> 00:12:13,704 TiVo? 190 00:12:15,481 --> 00:12:18,279 What did you do? Exactly what did you do? 191 00:12:20,620 --> 00:12:21,985 I sit on... 192 00:12:23,456 --> 00:12:24,684 and then nothing. 193 00:12:24,757 --> 00:12:27,988 You sat on TiVo? Is it okay? 194 00:12:30,163 --> 00:12:32,825 Nothing is recorded. How could you do this? 195 00:12:32,899 --> 00:12:36,027 This is Jules & Mimi, the morning after. No! 196 00:12:38,671 --> 00:12:39,729 Yes. 197 00:12:41,741 --> 00:12:45,677 And across town, I lay in bed willing Berger to call me... 198 00:12:45,945 --> 00:12:47,572 which never works. 199 00:12:52,318 --> 00:12:54,252 - Hello? - Hey, it's me. 200 00:12:54,954 --> 00:12:56,512 Sorry for not calling earlier. 201 00:12:56,589 --> 00:13:00,150 This is the same excuse every guy gives, but in my case it's true. 202 00:13:00,226 --> 00:13:02,626 A 60-foot raccoon was attacking the village... 203 00:13:02,695 --> 00:13:05,755 and I had to trap it and kill it and stuff it... 204 00:13:05,832 --> 00:13:07,265 and everybody's safe now... 205 00:13:07,333 --> 00:13:11,497 even the little Flanders girl who was stuck in a tree. 206 00:13:12,839 --> 00:13:16,036 But I might have rabies. What have you been up to? 207 00:13:16,742 --> 00:13:21,145 Same old. Did The Times crossword puzzle, found a cure for cancer. 208 00:13:21,214 --> 00:13:23,045 You did The Times crossword puzzle? 209 00:13:23,116 --> 00:13:24,708 Monday's, not Sunday's. 210 00:13:25,585 --> 00:13:29,612 Okay. I need three people to do Sunday's, one has to have the answers. 211 00:13:29,689 --> 00:13:32,351 I was thinking that if two people can be good in bed... 212 00:13:32,425 --> 00:13:36,452 when they're not in the same bed, how hard a conversion could it be? 213 00:13:36,529 --> 00:13:39,930 - I have some answers if you have cab fare. - Yeah? 214 00:13:59,152 --> 00:14:00,380 Dump him. 215 00:14:00,453 --> 00:14:04,480 Fuck me badly once, shame on you. Fuck me badly twice, shame on me. 216 00:14:05,057 --> 00:14:06,786 Is that the saying? 217 00:14:07,093 --> 00:14:08,355 That's my saying. 218 00:14:08,427 --> 00:14:10,793 I don't want to dump him. I think he's fantastic. 219 00:14:10,863 --> 00:14:13,297 Aren't we getting a little old to jump to the dump? 220 00:14:13,366 --> 00:14:17,632 What about working on things? Look at Charlotte, she's becoming a Jew. 221 00:14:17,803 --> 00:14:21,796 I need something that will make a guy come in his pants as soon as he sees me. 222 00:14:21,874 --> 00:14:23,034 Got it. 223 00:14:24,010 --> 00:14:27,673 - You talk to sales people like that? - I'm here all the time. They love me. 224 00:14:27,747 --> 00:14:31,615 Is this for a specific gentleman or do you just look for that generally? 225 00:14:31,684 --> 00:14:33,481 It's for that hot waiter from Raw. 226 00:14:33,553 --> 00:14:37,182 I'm sleeping with him tonight, but he doesn't know it yet. 227 00:14:37,323 --> 00:14:39,291 I think I have to talk to him. 228 00:14:39,358 --> 00:14:42,020 - No! - We talk about everything else. 229 00:14:42,094 --> 00:14:45,086 Honey, when it comes to sex, spray it, don't say it. 230 00:14:45,164 --> 00:14:49,032 - Okay, that was unnecessary. - I'm trying to salvage your love life. 231 00:14:49,101 --> 00:14:52,195 The only words you should be saying in bed are dirty ones. 232 00:14:52,271 --> 00:14:55,206 I can't do that without alcohol. 233 00:14:55,274 --> 00:14:58,368 Then start drinking, because if you want a hotter sex life... 234 00:14:58,444 --> 00:15:00,571 you're going to have to turn up the heat. 235 00:15:00,646 --> 00:15:02,307 Starting with... 236 00:15:03,149 --> 00:15:04,741 I don't wear furry shoes. 237 00:15:04,817 --> 00:15:08,344 - They're not for you, they're for him. - He mostly wears Loafers. 238 00:15:08,421 --> 00:15:11,390 - Are you sure I can't talk to him about it? - Honey... 239 00:15:12,225 --> 00:15:15,160 if the sex isn't great, it doesn't help to say it's not great. 240 00:15:15,228 --> 00:15:18,197 That's usually a downer, and by that I mean... 241 00:15:20,666 --> 00:15:24,568 Plus, he must know it's not great. He can't think this is good. 242 00:15:25,605 --> 00:15:26,799 Oh, God. 243 00:15:27,340 --> 00:15:29,968 Is it possible he thinks this is good? 244 00:15:30,209 --> 00:15:31,471 Here we are. 245 00:15:31,544 --> 00:15:34,342 As a matter of fact, I'm gonna take this. 246 00:15:34,614 --> 00:15:37,742 We'll take two. And these in a 7. 247 00:15:39,952 --> 00:15:42,921 That evening Miranda had one of those regrettable discussions... 248 00:15:42,989 --> 00:15:45,651 that results from the belief that you and your partner... 249 00:15:45,725 --> 00:15:47,590 should be able to talk through any problem. 250 00:15:47,660 --> 00:15:51,994 We have been over this before. I feel like you are not listening to me. 251 00:15:52,431 --> 00:15:56,128 I turned the system off for 10 minutes and nothing changed. 252 00:15:59,105 --> 00:16:02,233 I'm sorry. I'm upset. 253 00:16:04,176 --> 00:16:08,169 I'm just so disappointed. I got used to coming home to something. 254 00:16:08,247 --> 00:16:10,545 Can't you work with me on this? 255 00:16:13,586 --> 00:16:17,613 You told me to do that already. What is wrong with you? 256 00:16:24,497 --> 00:16:26,158 Friday night with Berger.' 257 00:16:26,232 --> 00:16:29,724 I had my sexy lingerie under my cool couture... 258 00:16:30,169 --> 00:16:32,069 and I was feeling good. 259 00:16:32,772 --> 00:16:35,002 You look so hot in that shirt. 260 00:16:35,374 --> 00:16:36,898 You being serious? 261 00:16:36,976 --> 00:16:39,308 Okay, we're gonna need some drinks. 262 00:16:40,780 --> 00:16:43,442 It's happy hour, so frozen margaritas are two-for-one. 263 00:16:43,516 --> 00:16:46,246 - All right, okay. When in Rome... - Sure. 264 00:16:47,920 --> 00:16:51,822 Since we were 0 for two, I figured two-for-one was a good idea. 265 00:16:58,497 --> 00:17:02,729 And after three unreturned phone calls, Charlotte decided to make a house call. 266 00:17:02,802 --> 00:17:05,737 Hello, rabbi. I brought you some kosher wine. 267 00:17:17,316 --> 00:17:20,376 I'm sorry, but my husband can't see you now. 268 00:17:20,453 --> 00:17:23,752 Excuse me, I don't mean to be rude, but I think he can. 269 00:17:24,490 --> 00:17:26,048 Miss. What... 270 00:17:29,395 --> 00:17:32,523 I am 37 years old, I'm reproductively challenged. 271 00:17:32,598 --> 00:17:35,999 I'm in love with a Jewish person, it took me 20 years to find him. 272 00:17:36,068 --> 00:17:38,400 I don't have time to play these games. 273 00:17:52,852 --> 00:17:55,320 All right, Charlotte, lesson number one: 274 00:17:55,388 --> 00:17:57,219 You have to give it a rest... 275 00:17:57,289 --> 00:18:00,087 because it's about to be Sabbath, the day of rest. 276 00:18:00,159 --> 00:18:01,956 You want to be a Jew? 277 00:18:04,430 --> 00:18:05,488 Sit. 278 00:18:06,999 --> 00:18:09,729 Watch. Learn. 279 00:18:10,970 --> 00:18:12,904 That is so sweet. 280 00:18:12,972 --> 00:18:16,373 But actually, I'm supposed to meet my boyfriend... 281 00:18:19,078 --> 00:18:20,670 I can skip it. 282 00:18:21,247 --> 00:18:23,010 Come, girls, gather. 283 00:18:36,796 --> 00:18:37,956 Sorry. 284 00:18:53,446 --> 00:18:54,936 Amen. 285 00:18:58,217 --> 00:19:02,051 And Samantha was at Raw, ready to get things cooking. 286 00:19:03,722 --> 00:19:06,156 - Welcome to Raw. - Hello. 287 00:19:06,992 --> 00:19:08,550 I was here the other night. 288 00:19:08,627 --> 00:19:12,461 That's what happens. You come once, and you keep coming over and over. 289 00:19:12,531 --> 00:19:13,793 Here's hoping. 290 00:19:14,467 --> 00:19:16,662 I'll be with you soon. I'm getting slammed. 291 00:19:16,735 --> 00:19:21,069 For some reason the hostess keeps seating everyone in my section. Be right back. 292 00:19:31,450 --> 00:19:34,419 Suddenly Samantha realized why the raw food movement... 293 00:19:34,487 --> 00:19:35,977 was a movement. 294 00:19:36,055 --> 00:19:38,285 Women weren't there for the cold food... 295 00:19:38,357 --> 00:19:40,848 they were there for the hot waiter. 296 00:19:44,763 --> 00:19:45,923 Sorry. 297 00:19:50,836 --> 00:19:52,428 Look who's home. 298 00:19:53,472 --> 00:19:56,270 I got held up at work. Thanks for filling in. 299 00:19:56,342 --> 00:19:58,333 Hi, cutie. 300 00:19:59,245 --> 00:20:00,974 Did the TiVo guy come? 301 00:20:01,046 --> 00:20:04,174 No, they called and said that they'd have to reschedule... 302 00:20:04,250 --> 00:20:06,241 for a week from Thursday. 303 00:20:06,318 --> 00:20:08,115 A week from Thursday? 304 00:20:08,187 --> 00:20:11,679 Yeah, but I played around with a few things, and I think it's okay now. 305 00:20:11,757 --> 00:20:14,123 - What do you mean, it's working? - Yup. 306 00:20:17,763 --> 00:20:20,732 I love you. I mean, you know, for fixing that. 307 00:20:21,033 --> 00:20:23,558 Yeah, Magda said it was kind of important. 308 00:20:25,838 --> 00:20:27,601 Listen, I gotta take off. 309 00:20:28,307 --> 00:20:29,365 Hot date? 310 00:20:29,441 --> 00:20:33,104 Yeah, I got this dinner thing. See you later, champ, all right? 311 00:20:38,884 --> 00:20:42,217 Some things, like a broken TiVo, can be repaired. 312 00:20:42,421 --> 00:20:46,414 And others, like a broken heart, are a little more complicated. 313 00:20:47,259 --> 00:20:50,820 Four hours and four courses of uncooked food later... 314 00:20:50,963 --> 00:20:53,864 Samantha and her competitors waited it out. 315 00:21:01,907 --> 00:21:05,138 Maybe they were less horny, maybe it was all that roughage... 316 00:21:05,210 --> 00:21:07,872 but one by one, women threw in the napkin. 317 00:21:34,473 --> 00:21:36,304 Can I get you anything else? 318 00:21:37,109 --> 00:21:41,273 No, I'm just enjoying my delicious mushroom tea. 319 00:21:42,481 --> 00:21:43,573 Okay. 320 00:21:46,518 --> 00:21:49,419 - Did you want anything else? - You know what? 321 00:21:49,922 --> 00:21:53,016 I would like to have some of that Key lime custard. 322 00:21:53,859 --> 00:21:56,293 It sounds too good to pass up. 323 00:21:56,495 --> 00:21:57,484 Okay. 324 00:22:13,479 --> 00:22:15,276 Honey, you've put up a good fight... 325 00:22:15,347 --> 00:22:17,781 but you have no idea who you're dealing with. 326 00:22:17,850 --> 00:22:21,718 I'm going home with him and you're going home with Key lime custard. 327 00:22:22,121 --> 00:22:25,852 So what do you say I buy your dinner and we call it a night. 328 00:22:29,328 --> 00:22:30,317 Oh, okay. 329 00:22:30,629 --> 00:22:31,789 Check! 330 00:22:33,298 --> 00:22:37,496 Meanwhile, I was finally confident I could heat up my sex life... 331 00:22:37,903 --> 00:22:40,201 because I was a sex columnist. 332 00:22:40,606 --> 00:22:44,406 I was resourceful, and I was drunk. 333 00:22:46,378 --> 00:22:47,709 I'm sorry. 334 00:23:03,662 --> 00:23:06,062 I got a little something for you. 335 00:23:08,300 --> 00:23:10,291 And you're gonna love it. 336 00:23:14,873 --> 00:23:16,340 Look at that. 337 00:23:22,748 --> 00:23:24,511 Get ready, mister... 338 00:23:34,927 --> 00:23:37,760 'cause I got something under here for you. 339 00:23:41,166 --> 00:23:42,929 And there are shoes. 340 00:23:44,303 --> 00:23:46,294 Wait till you see me in these. 341 00:23:57,916 --> 00:23:59,383 Are you okay? 342 00:24:00,185 --> 00:24:01,709 Yeah, I'm fine. 343 00:24:12,531 --> 00:24:14,761 And after a night of raw food... 344 00:24:14,833 --> 00:24:17,859 Samantha enjoyed an all-nighter of raw sex. 345 00:24:39,191 --> 00:24:41,853 - Can I tell you a secret? - You're 12? 346 00:24:42,728 --> 00:24:45,322 You didn't have to order all that shit. 347 00:24:45,397 --> 00:24:47,592 I was ready to go home with you last Tuesday. 348 00:24:47,666 --> 00:24:50,362 Now you tell me, I ate a fucking cactus. 349 00:24:51,236 --> 00:24:54,535 - Get back down there and make it up to me. - Awesome. 350 00:25:11,223 --> 00:25:13,214 Samantha was still having sex... 351 00:25:13,292 --> 00:25:16,284 when it dawned on me that Berger and I hadn't. 352 00:25:32,311 --> 00:25:34,745 We both knew, it was now or never. 353 00:25:41,820 --> 00:25:44,186 That morning I resigned myself to the idea... 354 00:25:44,256 --> 00:25:47,623 that I would never again have frozen drinks or hot sex. 355 00:25:49,428 --> 00:25:51,988 - I suck, this is awful. - I know. 356 00:25:52,064 --> 00:25:54,055 I've never been this bad. 357 00:25:54,766 --> 00:25:58,759 Look, I don't want to toot my own horn here, but I'm way better than this. 358 00:25:58,837 --> 00:26:01,863 I've been told I'm good at this. I don't know what's happening. 359 00:26:01,940 --> 00:26:05,239 - We're so good everywhere else. - Would you look at us in restaurants? 360 00:26:05,310 --> 00:26:08,336 - We're the best. - We're the couple you want to be. 361 00:26:09,715 --> 00:26:13,151 All right, we gotta make the bed more like a restaurant. 362 00:26:18,891 --> 00:26:20,256 Are you coming back? 363 00:26:20,325 --> 00:26:22,520 Yeah. Grab something that'll help. 364 00:26:27,099 --> 00:26:30,262 Now we're talking. What do you have there, a pet? 365 00:26:31,336 --> 00:26:32,496 Shoes. 366 00:26:39,711 --> 00:26:42,145 Berger, what if we're just not good together in bed? 367 00:26:42,214 --> 00:26:43,772 No, don't say that. 368 00:26:44,316 --> 00:26:46,682 All right, look, I choked. 369 00:26:47,586 --> 00:26:49,417 - We had it all going on. - We did. 370 00:26:49,488 --> 00:26:52,150 I thought it'd be great, and I wanted it to be great... 371 00:26:52,224 --> 00:26:53,714 and I choked. 372 00:26:54,259 --> 00:26:57,228 I came over the next night and thought it would be better and... 373 00:26:57,296 --> 00:26:59,025 - I choked. - What's up? 374 00:26:59,097 --> 00:27:01,531 We should be smoking, not choking. 375 00:27:02,134 --> 00:27:04,261 I think sometimes the rhyme helps. 376 00:27:04,736 --> 00:27:05,998 I agree. 377 00:27:06,104 --> 00:27:09,699 Boy, those are some very sexy shoes. 378 00:27:10,142 --> 00:27:12,975 - Shall I put them on? - Yeah, couldn't hurt. 379 00:27:21,820 --> 00:27:24,152 Here, throw some of that over your left shoulder. 380 00:27:24,222 --> 00:27:26,554 Come on, you want things to get worse? 381 00:27:28,527 --> 00:27:32,122 - I was gonna talk to you about it, but... - I wanted to talk to you, but... 382 00:27:32,197 --> 00:27:35,132 Let's make a deal. I talk to you, you talk to me. 383 00:27:35,200 --> 00:27:37,464 We should be able to talk about these things. 384 00:27:37,536 --> 00:27:39,766 - Let's talk about it. - We'll talk. 385 00:27:50,248 --> 00:27:51,442 That morning... 386 00:27:51,516 --> 00:27:54,679 the other shoe dropped, and it wasn't bad at all. 387 00:27:55,020 --> 00:27:57,147 In fact, it was kind of hot. 388 00:28:06,000 --> 00:29:06,000 Ripped by RavyDavy part of the [RL] Crew